Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.
Special thanks to Beta Notes from the Classroom. Check out her latest, Changelings, a TOS action/adventure/drama in my faves.
Respect (Just a Little Bit)
As a rule, Tony generally detests debriefings. Personally, after risking his life to save the world, he thinks the world owes him a scotch. Or a some hanky-panky. Or both.
But now as he sits in the Hellacarier conference room, among his fellow Avengers - and guest, in his slightly dented, dirty, greasy armor, he sits primly. If he was a dog his ears would be perked and his tail would be wagging. Raising his face plate, he gives Director Fury a wink. The Director narrows his eye at him. And then rubbing his temples, Fury turns to the guest at the table.
Said guest is Loki. He is wearing a forest green silk bathrobe tied loosely at the waist and slate gray pajama bottoms and slippers. Up until a few minutes ago he was wearing armor. Now he sits slouching in his chair, studying his nails.
Fury huffs and gestures to the seat next to Loki. "Any chance you're going to tell me how long this is going to last?"
All eyes in the room move to the seat next to Loki, and Loki's 'husband,' Steve Rogers, although now, the more applicable term might be 'wife.' A few months ago Steve accidentally married Lady Loki in Alfheim after an encounter with Doom and a pink cloud of love vapors. At the time, no one was pleased; even Loki was a bit put out. Apparently, he got magically shackled to his female form as part of the deal.
But Loki is the god of mischief and mischief is always in the loopholes. In the last 48 hours it seems that Loki and Steve switched places, and now Steve is playing the girl and Loki is back in his male form. Steve isn't precisely a lovely woman in the stereotypical sense. She's still taller than Tony, she's got a very Olympic volleyball-athletesque physique, and no breasts to speak of. But Tony is an open minded kind of guy - Pepper says it's his little mind that's open, but whatever. Tony thinks Amazon Steve is hot.
Steve clears her throat. Thor makes a grumbling noise.
Pursing his lips, Loki looks up at the director. "We. Were. On. Vacation. I had no intention of turning Steve back until the end of next week."
Fury's face goes a shade darker. "Well, couldn't you have least turned her back for the impromptu visit of the aliens from Alphatron 12?"
Loki sits up straighter. "Be glad we interrupted our vacation to help out!"
"Director..." says Steve.
Fury smacks his hand on the table. "You could have gotten Steve killed, he - she - isn't as strong in her female form."
Natasha snorts, and suddenly, two conversations explode at once.
"Hey! I'm still stronger than a normal human male!" Steve says.
"I wouldn't have let her fight at all, but she insisted," Loki snaps.
"Well, next time could you just change her - back to him?" Fury says.
"I still have all my fighting experience! Natasha fights as a woman!" Steve says.
"Thank you," says Natasha.
"No! I cannot simply snap my fingers and change her back!" Loki says, eyes focused on Fury.
There is a moment of quiet at the table, and Tony looks around expectantly. Fury is fuming. Steve is...Steve, even as a girl - composed, sitting at attention, long blonde hair pulled back in a neat pony tail. She is the picture of professionalism. Natasha is inspecting a knife blade. Bruce is cleaning his glasses. Thor is glowering; he never approved of Loki being female, or her, or his, marriage to Steve. Now that Loki is back to being male Tony would have thought he'd have let it go.
It's Clint who speaks first. "But you turned the leader of the Alphatron aliens into a gerbil with the snap of your fingers...and then turned him back with another snap when we got him into custody."
Loki shrugs. "I don't care about the leader of the Alphatron aliens."
"Meaning precisely?" says Fury.
Loki drapes a hand over Steve's shoulder. "I care if Steve loses her mind when changing her back to a man..."
"If I choose to change back," says Steve, glaring at Fury.
"Of course, Darling," says Loki. "If she so chooses, it will be done under the most ideal conditions. And not with the snap of my fingers. The leader of Alphatron 12..." His voice trails off and he shrugs again with a smirk.
Blinking at Loki, Bruce says, "Does this have something to do with why Alphatron 12's leader is cowering in the corner of his cell, chewing on his foreclaws, unresponsive to our questions?"
Loki smiles. "Just supply him with several dozen rolls of ripped toilet paper. I'm sure he'll be much happier."
Before that has a chance to really sink in, Thor slams a fist down on the table and glares at Steve. "Enough! Captain Rogers, I would expect this sort of depravity from Loki, but not from you."
"Don't call my wife depraved," says Steve, picking up her shield, looking like she's about to bean Thor with it.
Thor sits back in his chair. "I don't believe I shall be able to follow you in battle anymore. I've lost all respect for you." It comes out like a toddler's whiny pout.
"What! Because he is now a she?" says Natasha, the blade flipping around in her hand.
Steve does bean Thor with her shield; but it just bounces off the big guy's head. Thor crosses his arms across his chest petulantly.
Loki hisses. "Thick skull."
Thor's face melts into a perfect mask of rage.
Time for Tony to step in and save the day like the magnanimous, philanthropic, billionaire playboy he is. Clearing his throat, he says, "I, on the other hand, have never had more respect for you in my entire life."
Thor scowls at Tony. "What possible reason could he have..." he waves a hand at Steve. "To do this?"
Tony smiles. "Orgasms. Female orgasms."
Steve blushes. "It did seem like the best way to get up to speed quickly."
Thor shakes his head at Tony. "You are..."
Tony smiles. "Open minded? Curious?"
"-kinky as Hell," Clint supplies.
Ignoring Clint, Tony turns to Steve. "And I'm jealous, extremely jealous. I'd do this in a minute, Stevie. May I call you Stevie?"
"No," says Loki.
Tony sighs dramatically. "Women have the potential for the best orgasms and a wider sexual experience." Raising his hand he begins to count on his fingers. "There's clitoral orgasms, and vaginal orgasms - gushing, and then there's combinations thereof. Let's not forget about the amazing refractory period. And some women can orgasm just by stimulation of their nipples..." Leaning back in his chair he puts his feet up. "And then there is the holy grail of orgasms. The sequential orgasm..." He looks around the table. "For those of you who don't know those are orgasms that hit women so fast there is virtually no distinguishing one from another. They're rare, but if a woman can get on that train she can ride it for a good half hour or -"
"They're rare?" says Steve, in the innocent Steve way that only Steve can manage.
Everyone at the table stills. Except Loki. He sits back in his chair, the biggest widest, shit eating grin spreading across his face.
Tony's mouth opens, and really, a witty remark is just on the tip of his tongue, but Natasha says to Steve. "So, are you two up for a threesome?"
Tony's eyes widen. Natasha? And Steve - goody-goody Steve? And Loki - barely reformed psychopath Loki? No, that is so unfair, he saw Natasha first.
Loki looks at Steve. Steve tilts her head, and says in the most sincerely apologetic voice. "Maybe not...just now Natasha. But, we are flattered, really."
Loki shrugs in Natasha's direction as if to say, "what can you do", and Natasha sags, ever so slightly.
Tony sits up in his chair. "Well, you know, Nat..."
"I wasn't talking to you Stark," Natasha says.
"A threesome with Pepper and I..." Tony says.
"Shut up, Tony," says Clint.
"I know what a sequential orgasm is!" Tony says, leaning toward Natasha, his voice absolutely not picking up an edge of desperation.
"You're all talk, Stark," says Natasha, not meeting Tony's eyes.
"What? No!" says Tony.
Thor rolls his eyes.
From the head of the table Fury's voice booms. "This meeting is adjourned!"
Natasha gets up and heads to the door, followed by Clint and Bruce. Thor stands up, too, and Steve - but Steve doesn't go anywhere because Loki is still sitting, sticking his tongue out at Thor. Thor narrows his eyes at him, but then storms to the door followed by Fury.
Loki and Steve start making gooey eyes at one another and whispering something about going back to the beach house.
Crossing his arms, Tony sits back in his chair. But he is absolutely not sulking.
From down the table, Loki says, "It looks like Thor's pout is infectious."
Steve - Stevie - gives Tony a smile.
Tony narrows his eyes at her - him. "Did I say I respect you? Because, I hate you! Hate you!" With that Tony stands up and stomps out of the room.
"As long as you still respect me!" Steve calls. Tony hears Loki laugh.
"I still hate you!" He shouts, firing off a repulsor beam for good measure. He frowns. But sadly, he respects Steve now more than ever.
Hey, fans of my original fiction - Monsters - I Bring the Fire Book 2 is now available for the Nook. Links to Nook, Lulu, iBookstore and Amazon are in my profile!
For those who don't know, I Bring the Fire is my series based on Myth!Loki in the modern world. There is a free excerpt in My Stories.
So I was going to write something serious where Lady!Loki is pregnant after her unplanned marriage and consummation thereof with Steve, and how she works with Fury to take down Odin to protect her baby...but ehhh...this came out instead.
Reviews == Love!