Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. There, I said it :((

I wrote this borrowing a pick-up line from OCDdegassi's "Dirty Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines Competition", and it's line no 5.

It's probably the only remaining line in the competition that works for Drapple, because the apple lacks certain…appendages – and it's sort of a romantic line.

Also, if you are interested, please watch my Drapple video as well – you can find it here:


Why Drapple?

Because I watched some videos of Tom Felton commenting on fanfiction, Drarry, Dramione and Drapple – and then I watched some awesome Drapple videos on youtube – I decided to join the insanity. I checked out some Drapple stories on , but sadly, they left me unsatisfied, so I decided to write my own, and give it a good context. Sure, things are going to go very OOC around here, but still, you won't feel many loose ends. Hopefully, you'll also enjoy it!

(For some reason, Drapple became my OTCP - one true crack pairing).

On with the story!

Undisclosed Desires


Zacharias Smith was not your average Hufflepuff.

The year before, while being brave enough to show up at a secret meeting and join Dumbledore's Army, he had questioned Harry until the very end, even to the point of annoying the others. He was could stand up to the Gryffindors, and questioned Ravenclaws without restraint. The lower year Hufflepuffs looked up to him, and he reveled in their respect. Since Cedric Diggory, there hadn't been another boy in that House to attract so much attention.

And yet, Zacharias Smith had a problem. Just your average problem with…Slytherins. One Slytherin in particular. That bloody Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy took pleasure in tormenting Hufflepuffs and challenging Harry Potter. One of Malfoy's favorite victims in the past had been Zacharias himself, and even now, after a few years, and after the DA, he could not forget the humiliation.

One cannot accuse Hufflepuffs of being impatient. Zacharias waited for a long time, promising to himself that he will get his revenge on Malfoy before they graduate, and to his surprise, the 6th year Malfoy that showed up at Hogwarts at the beginning of the term looked thoroughly distracted by something…and as such, an easier target. Not like Zacharias would pass up such a golden opportunity.

Revenge must be cruel, he decided. Draco must suffer complete humiliation. But what kind of prank could he possibly pull successfully enough to avoid retaliation, bask in the victory – and cause Malfoy to lose face for good?

While he sat on an armchair inside the Common Room, his eyes wondered to Hannah Abbott, a cute-looking girl that seemed to have spent a lot of time and money inside Weasley Wizard Wheezes that summer. Surely enough, he could definitely see the contours of a pink bottle, lying innocently inside her bag.

As it turned out, Hannah had bought several bottles, so she agreed to part with one of them when Zacharias pleaded with her, wearing his killer smile, and acting all shy about…the girl he wanted to charm.

And now…who could be disgusting enough to use as Draco's love interest? He considered several fat Hufflepuff lower years, but decided against involving Housemates into this, after some thought. He considered teachers (mainly Snape, McGonagall, and oddly enough – Dumbledore) but they would see through Draco at once and administer the cure. He even considered Filch, and decided to store this idea in case he couldn't find someone better. He considered Harry Potter, and the two youngest Weasleys, even Granger and Lovegood, but turned them down one by one.

His thoughts were disturbed by a dreamy sigh, coming from the girls' direction.

"…and did you see how he bit into it! The memory still gives me goose bumps! Oh, I wish I could have been that green apple!"

"Stop it, girl, that sexy studmuffin Draco Malfoy would never look at us, anyway!"

"Yeah, but a girl can dream, right?"

And then the girls laughed and stood up, moving to the dormitories.

Well, Zacharias thought. This should be good. And it's never been done before.

Apple it is!


Zacharias took a green apple the next day, at breakfast, and slipped it into his bag when no one was looking. Once he made it to the dormitory, he climbed into his four poster bed and drew the curtains. He removed the apple from his bag, ripped its stalk off and dipped it inside the Amortentia, and then he warmed the potion. He frowned and considered the situation. What should he send?


He still had and intact apple.

So he bathed the apple in Amortentia, and after a quick though he added a small compulsion charm too, for good measure.


Draco couldn't believe his luck.

At breakfast, for some reason, he couldn't find one single apple! How could they disappear like that? He needed to eat an apple daily to remain in good health!

And then he found one, lying innocently on the Hufflepuff table. It was nice, round and juicy-looking and he felt like it was…calling to him. Draco snatched it without a second thought, completely missing the smirk on the blonde Hufflepuff's face, and he took a bite.


It started with dreams.

That night, Draco Malfoy went to bed like any other Slytherin, thinking of ways to murder Albus Dumbledore, and all of the sudden, he could see green. No, not Slythering green, but another kind, a lighter green.

He woke up feeling very confused, and the next day, at breakfast, he saw it.

It was a fruit bowl filled with green apples. Hands were reaching toward it. And grabbing apples. As he watched Crabbe sink his teeth into one round big green apple, Draco felt like falling from great heights, and he couldn't explain to himself why.

He fainted.

Supportive as always, Crabbe and Goyle lifted him and took him to the infirmary.

Harry Potter's eyes followed the three Slytherins with a curiosity, while the Ravenclaws started discussing differential diagnoses for syncope and the Hufflepuffs (led by one Zacharias Smith) started to discuss the possibility of male pregnancy in purebloods. The rest of the Slytherins pretended to be deaf and Gryffindors laughed at everything they could hear. Hermione shook her head in exasperation, while Ron, wearing a similar expression, answered with: "Bloody mental, that one!" - pointing at Smith.


Draco woke up some time later in the hospital, feeling like a horde of Abraxan horses had just walked all over him. He swore and tried to get up, but discovered he had virtually no energy left.

"Mister Malfoy, you need to eat more, you're as thin as paper!" madam Pomfrey approached him.

Draco numbly nodded and accepted her nutritional potion without complaint.

An hour later, we was released from the hospital wing, under the promise that he go directly to the Slytherin dormitories and spend at least the morning in bed. Once again, Crabbe and Goyle helped him get there.

Not like Draco could do anything else.


Under Madam Pomfrey's orders, Draco Malfoy slept for four hours, and then went up to get lunch. He was hungry and he could hardly wait to sink his teeth in those juicy, delicious…and Draco's face fell, as he felt his perfectly fit trousers suddenly tighten against his…groin.

His hand trembled and released the spoon, which fell back into the soup.

All the while, a pair of brown eyes followed his movements closely from the Hufflepuff table.

All the while, a pair of green eyes also followed his movements closely from the Gryffindor table.

Draco's eyes locked with Harry's, and seeing the Gryffindor's expression, he felt like crying. If you greatest rival is concerned about you, you're officially screwed.


Draco dreamed again. This time, he was standing in a pool. A pool filled with light green water that reached up to his shoulders, with many green apples floating on its surface. And he was swimming around, naked, laughing contentedly, while the skin of his arms and sides would brush against the apples.

He woke up to sticky sheets, and took a minute to recover.

Something was very wrong with him.


Draco dreaded going to breakfast the next morning, but it had to be done.

And as he reached for the boiled eggs, he saw Blaise Zabini grab an apple and prepare to take a bite.

With the ferocious roar of a wounded beast, Draco ran to Blaise, ripped the apple from his hands, and the hands of other Slytherins, then proceeded to collect all the bowls with green apples, and ran away from the Great Hall, surrounded by laughter from all the other three Houses.

Only when he realized he was running in the direction of Hagrid's hut did he stop.

He took a look at the apples and hung his head. He couldn't believe the cruelty of his kind. Green apples should be protected, touched, left to float on water, admired, kissed…what? Did he just think about kissing an apple?

Draco sank to his knees and cried, while Zacharias silently celebrated Draco's loss of sanity. Who knew an apple could do more damage than Filch?


In his dreams, the apple was dangling from a branch, bathing in the sun, taunting him, just outside the reach of his fingers. He could sometimes touch it, and other times he could not.

In his dreams, he would take a green apple and roll it slowly across his skin, moaning softly at the contact.

In his dreams, the apple was the most beautiful creation of the world. It was his Heaven, and it was his solace. Unlike girls, the apple listened and never interrupted, the apple was warm in his hands, and when the winds of spring ran through the forest, caressing the trees, his apple would also whisper "I love you, Draco…"

But they were only dreams.


Draco failed to kill professor Dumbledore.

The poisoned mead and the cursed necklace had been intercepted by others, and now he had run out of ideas. All he could do was stare at green apples all day, and sigh.

He had managed to get his reactions under control after a while. He would look at his plate and his plate only, while everywhere around him, apples were being mercilessly slaughtered.

And he would wait until he got to his dormitory to cry.


Draco was at his family's mansion, after his refuse to kill professor Dumbledore, after having watched his godfather, Severus Snape, kill the man.

He had just endured Voldemort's cruel punishment for the first time, and somehow, he had managed to crawl back to his room, supported by his loving mother.

Narcissa left him there in the care of a house-elf, and went back o Voldemort, kneeling in front of him, begging for forgiveness, thanking him for "Draco's light punishment", and serving the other Death Eaters, as the perfect pureblood host she was.

Draco reached out under his pillow and removed one last green apple.

"I know now, finally…" he whispered. "Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus curse…and his curse was so painful…"

He kissed the apple and cried.

Severus Snape watched the scene from the doorway, a frown on his face. He hadn't expected this when he climbed the stairs up to Draco's chambers to check on this state.

Slowly, understanding dawned upon him. But who could have been so perverse as to make Draco fall in love with an apple? Snape decided to legilimize his godson. He needed to get to the bottom of this.


Draco gulped down the potion in Snape's hands without questioning its contents.

Immediately, he felt great relief.

Snape handed him a green apple that Draco graciously took and started to eat.

"Draco, you shouldn't stop eating green apples. You don't want to get sick again", he stated loudly, for Voldemort to hear.

Said Dark Lord smirked from the corner, while other Death Eaters snickered among themselves. Apparently, everything Snape had told Narcissa the day before had also been heard by the Dark Lord (there was no such thing as privacy inside the Malfoy Manor anymore) and it was now common knowledge.

Draco was doomed, he just knew that.

"Yes, indeed it is very ironic that your…love…for apples prevented you from completing your mission", the Dark Lord taunted. "Mister Malfoy, next time don't eat apples from Hufflepuffs"

Draco hung his head.


Zacharias Smith spent his next year at Hogwarts scrubbing cauldrons until he could no longer feel his fingers.

And even though girls wouldn't come near him because of that smell that wouldn't completely go away no matter how many times he had washed his hands, he was still the undeniable hero of the Hufflepuff House.

Draco had approached him at the beginning, angry and determined to hurt Smith, but Smith pretended to start making out with an apple, and Draco, ashamed, had run away.

Smith's victory was now complete.

"Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus curse" was line no. 5.

Don't mess with the Hufflepuffs, they're not as fluffy as you may think. Thank you for your revenge, Zacharias Smith. May Hufflepuff girls everywhere know you're the one that delivered poetic justice.

I don't know much about botany, but I'll say the stalk from that green apple serves as hairs – for Amortentia, and so Draco becomes attracted to green apples, all green apples, but not red or yellow apples. Please bear with me.

This story turned more serious than I had intended it to be. Despite all that, I'm still proud of it, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Liked it? Hated it? Please let me know! And thanks for staying with me until the end of the insanity! DRAPPLE FTW!

…would you like to be a green apple?