Hi lovely Doccubus lovers. So this is something I've been working on to help me get through this long hiatus. I've actually written quite a lot of it before getting around to posting, so it should be updated pretty fast. It's set just after episode 2.13. I haven't really written a story like this before so I'm not sure if it 'works' as well as I wanted it too, but it's been fun and challenging to write.
Lest people start reading it and get worried this is some kind of a Nadia fic I can promise it's really not. She is part of the story because she's part of the show but you'll see where I'm going with it soon enough. Also warning it gets pretty angsty for a while. It won't be always.
Lauren stared at the road blearily, yawning as she widened her eyes to try to wake herself up. The thermos had long since been emptied and they hadn't passed a gas station for a couple of hours. She was desperately in need of coffee even if it were the muddy road kind. The sun was just beginning to rise and she looked at the sky, pink melting into blue. When she'd been younger she'd loved to watch the sunrise but she couldn't remember the last time she'd done it. She glanced over at Nadia, peaceful in sleep, and looked quickly back at the road.
I've seen enough of her sleeping to last me a lifetime. The thought wasn't bitter – the initial wonder of Nadia's awakening hadn't left her.
Her thoughts drifted back to the night before, replaying it once again. It seemed like a lifetime ago now. She tried to recall what Bo had been wearing and failed, but no doubt it had been something black and potentially made of leather. Lauren could also guess it would have clung to her body and that it would have revealed just enough cleavage to be distracting. Lauren smiled at the thought, then shifted her focus to Bo's dark eyes and the way they'd warmly met her own. There was Bo's smile and the awareness of that undercurrent that always lay between them. Then the touch of Bo's hand, the kind that made her feel like she were coming undone.
Bo had been right. It had been a type of goodbye. She had meant it when she'd said that she'd be back; she had no doubt that they would be a part of one another's lives. The thought of not seeing Bo again was not something she could entertain. But as much as this trip was for Nadia - so that they could spend time together and Nadia could see her mother - Lauren also imagined it as a way for her to pull herself together. She had re-committed herself to The Ash and now she needed to re-commit herself to Nadia.
It would be better now with Nadia by her side. She had kept her promise to Nadia and she had never given up. The Ash was strict and had shown a tendency towards cruelty but she knew that she just had to endure whatever happened now. It was the life that she had ended up with and there was no point trying to wish it away. Nadia had some knowledge of the fae world before she had been cursed – she'd been privy to Lauren's research and the way in which she'd found the cure for the diseased fae. In light of that fact and because Nadia had agreed to it and everything that might come with it, The Ash had consented to Nadia living with her in her quarters.
Everything had happened fast enough to make her head spin. She had never really imagined that she'd be in the same room with both Bo and her girlfriend. Instead she'd compartmentalized her feelings for each of them, tried in vain to live two lives. And then the two lives converged and became reality and she had no idea how to behave. All that she'd wanted for so long was coming to pass, Nadia was conscious and by her side, and yet she felt that she was leaving part of herself behind with Bo.
"What are you thinking about?" Nadia's voice broke into her thoughts, making her shift quickly in her seat.
"You," Lauren said, hating herself a little for the lie. She could feel Nadia's eyes on her face and she smiled, looking over at her. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm good honey. You can stop worrying about me you know," Nadia replied, putting her hand on Lauren's knee. She was aware that Lauren still couldn't quite believe her recovery. She'd run dozens of tests on her already, trying to make sure that her good health wasn't some sort of a trick.
"I know," Lauren said. "So, are you nervous? Do you want to run over any of it again?"
Nadia waved her hand. "I got it. How about you, are you going to be alright?"
Lauren shrugged in response. All that was left to do was just to let things play out and tell her the made-up recovery story. She'd been lying so long that seeing Nadia's mother in person didn't seem like that big of a deal. When Nadia had fallen into what she'd thought was her coma and Lauren had been in the process of entering the surreal world of the fae, she had fabricated a story for Nadia's mom. The lie was infused with enough truth to make it easy to tell. She just told Susan that Nadia had been in an accident and had sustained a head injury, and that she was in an induced coma.
It had always been a source of great sadness for Nadia that she'd never had much in the way of family, and that her mother was agoraphobic. It was a circumstance that Lauren felt guiltily thankful for all of the time. Susan had barely left the house since Nadia had been a teenager so there was no way that she'd go to Africa, or even travel across the country to the city where the Ash's compound lay. Lauren had told her that Nadia was in a state-of-the-art facility – she hadn't been lying about that. Now she was finally bringing her home to what was left of her family, if only for a little while.
Lauren felt emotionally drained by the time she lay in bed. There had been a lot of crying from all of them. Susan's reaction had been similar to her own. She could not stop looking at Nadia as though just watching her breathe in and out constituted a miracle. Lauren suspected that Susan had also undergone the same journey that she had. The initial hope that Nadia would get better quickly, then the dimming expectation over months and years. And as with her own, Susan's memories of Nadia had probably settled into the past as she started the long and doubly painful process of grieving for someone that was still alive.
Lauren had been overcome with seeing Susan. She hadn't allowed herself to think about how much she missed her. They'd been so close for a time. Lauren had always felt so much empathy for Susan and the kind of life she must lead, being inside all of the time and in the grip of so much fear. Despite it all Susan was a warm and loving parent - Lauren often thought bitterly that she treated Lauren better than her own parents did.
"I wish we could stay for more than a couple of weeks," Lauren said, rubbing Nadia's arm. They were lying on the bed facing one another.
"Me too," Nadia agreed. She leaned forward and they kissed, warm and sweet. For a moment Lauren felt like she was watching the scene from outside as Nadia tried to deepen the kiss. She pulled backwards slightly. It took her a moment for Nadia to realize that she wasn't responding and Lauren felt a twist of annoyance, pulling back further until Nadia's eyes snapped open to look at her.
"Are you okay?" Nadia said softly.
"Sure. I'm just tired. Long drive," Lauren explained, trying to smile reassuringly and feeling like she was going to cry again under the strain. It was so confusing – why did she feel like she was cheating on Bo? They had never even been together, not properly. Surely this feeling had to go away once she'd readjusted to having Nadia in her life again. It was just that Bo's kisses had always driven her so crazy that it was impossible to not compare.
It's normal that I don't feel that way when Nadia kisses me, we've kissed a thousand times over the years. Lauren felt like rationalizations had been flowing through her mind constantly the last few days. And then she would argue with herself. But Nadia never made me feel like that, even when we first met. Nobody ever has. She was growing tired of the conversation in her head – the fighting with her emotions – but who else could she talk to? There was nobody who could understand, all of her friends had been left behind. She wouldn't have been able to tell them everything anyway.
"You're starting to worry me," Nadia said, laying her head on Lauren's chest and nestling into her side.
Lauren stiffened defensively. "What do you mean by that?"
"We used to be so good at talking. I just don't understand what's going on in that head of yours," Nadia said gently, tapping Lauren's temple with her fingertip.
There was a long pause as Lauren stared at the ceiling. "Just give me some time sweetie. I know this is hard for both of us, and I'm sorry if I've been . . . distant."
"It's okay. Are you worried about going back?" Nadia asked.
"Yep, I am. Let's talk about it tomorrow though, I promise. I really am tired," Lauren ran her fingers through Nadia's hair, her hand dropping as she drifted off.
The sensations were so real. Bo's soft skin in her palms, Bo kissing her hungrily, the two of them never getting close enough. Bo's tongue in her mouth, and the answering jolt in her stomach. She could feel Bo's weight on her, pressing her down, hip against hip. Gentle friction growing more insistent as they ground against one another. She could see Bo's eyes looking at her like they always did, heat in her gaze, her breath hot and fast.