He couldn't run from Seishiro; in fact, as Subaru had discovered, all he was capable of was running toward him, always trailing in his wake. It was easy to find him, in the end; it had been his own fears that kept him from him sooner, not any skill of the sakurazukamori's – after all, as Subaru stood in Seishiro's living room, he was certain that if the sakurazukamori didn't wish to be found, no effort of Subaru's would have brought him here.
He had practiced the words over and over again, what he wanted to say to him. He imagined he would look into those eyes – one of them glass, lost to save him from suffering – and say the words he had run over in his mind for more than a year. I know the other you is in there, somewhere – the kind, gentle one who spent a year with us, who saved me time after time…who told me he loved me. The killer – that might be the real you, but that other part…that doesn't have to be fake. I can't forgive you for killing my sister, but I can't hate you, either. Even now, I wish you had never lost your eye because of me. I wish none of this had happened. I want to do whatever I can, be whatever you need me to be, to bring you – the you who you were – back to me.
But in the end, with Seishiro gazing at him levelly, dispassionately, all he could manage was "I love you."
Seishiro smiled darkly. "I know."
The silence hung between them until Subaru spoke again. "I want – I want to be here –" His words were faltering, unsteady. "I'll do anything," he finished lamely. "I want to help you, Seishiro. I know what you are, and what you do…but you're still capable of love. I know that." His fists clenched; Subaru stared down at the floor, unable to meet his gaze anymore. He expected Seishiro to tell him to leave; he didn't expect Seishiro to kill him, to run him through like he had killed Hokuto – no. He knew his life wasn't worth the time it would take to get the blood out of the carpet.
"And you say you'll do anything?"
Subaru looked up, surprised. "Yes."
"Take off your clothes."
Seishiro watched as shock flashed briefly in Subaru's eyes, followed swiftly by a flush of red across his face and a brave, resigned nod. Subaru began with his gloves; Seishiro smiled with satisfaction at the sight of the pentacles burned into his flesh. His jacket, his shirt, his pants – Subaru stripped each item off silently, folding and stacking them on the floor, before removing his underwear. Naked, he turned to face the older man, his face carefully blank.
"You always were an obedient, kind boy." He moved a single step forward; the movement was enough to make Subaru tense. "Give me your hands."
Subaru held out his hands. Seishiro reached inside his jacket's inner pocket and withdrew a pair of steel handcuffs and this time, he noted to himself, Subaru was not surprised. He was also always a fast learner, he thought.
The hard metal clicked around his wrists, biting into Subaru's flesh. He let his bound hands fall in front of him, his eyes gazing up into Seishiro's.
"Come with me."
The boy nodded, following him silently down the hall, into the bathroom. Seishiro pointed at the tub, and shivering at the feel of cold tile beneath his bare feet, Subaru got in.
"Lie down on your back."
He did as he was told; his blood quickened in his veins as Seishiro peeled off his black jacket and tossed it to the ground. He knelt at the edge of the tub, lifting Subaru's arms up over his head. A hook was drilled into the wall at the edge of the tub; the cuffs clinked onto it. Subaru felt his body stretch out, the skin pulling against his ribs, as he tried to control his breathing, to remain calm. At the other end of the tub, two manacles had likewise been drilled into the tile, higher up. Seishiro reached over and grasped his ankle; Subaru flinched at his touch, embarrassed by the sudden flame the man's fingertips had ignited within him. Seishiro smiled down at him, all pleasantry and business, and drew his left leg up, pulling the manacle around his ankle and drawing the buckle tight against his skin. He repeated the process with the other leg and, complete, stared down at the boy.
Subaru flushed; his heart was slamming against his chest with terror, longing….loathing, too, for having come here and for doing this, uncertainty. He fought for self-control, and in the most calm, composed voice he could managed, with his body immobilized and forcibly restrained, asked, "What do you plan to do to me?"
His heart ached to hear Seishiro laugh, as if it was the past, before everything was wrong. "Why, Subaru-kun," he said, and his pleasant smile didn't leave, "You're in a bathtub. What do you think I plan to do? I'm going to clean you."
He reached over and turned the water on; his body jerked involuntarily as cold water poured onto his genitals, then warmed. He couldn't see what Seishiro was doing; he had turned away to get something from the side of the bathtub.
Water began to rise. Seishiro leaned back over the bath, his shirt sleeves pushed up to the elbows, and reached in. One hand reached behind Subaru's head, lifting it up from the water. Subaru shivered at the touch of his fingertips brushing against the nape of his neck, the way they curled around and held him, pressing into the base of his throat.
"Relax, Subaru-kun." His other hand began scrubbing his body with a sponge, soft at first, then harder until the skin on his chest was a bright, searing pink. His mind was reeling – Seishiro was touching him, and it was all he had ever wanted and feared– but his body was betraying him, flinching as the scrubbing grew more painful against his increasingly sensitive skin.
"Hold your breath, Subaru-kun."
He gasped as Seishiro ran his fingers through his hair, shoving his head under the water, and felt the older man move between his thighs, touching him where no one had ever touched him before. He tried to struggle up for air, but Seishiro's grip pressed the back of his head down against the bottom of the bath. His lungs were burning by the time he felt the man's fingers let go, allowing his head to break the surface.
Gasping, he tried to adjust his eyes; the world was spinning. Seishiro lifted his chin with a single finger; he felt the man chuckle close to his lips, then pull away.
The water was draining from the tub; he watched warily as Seishiro attached a hose that ended in a long, thin nozzle to the end of the spicket and brought it down between his thighs.
"You might find this slightly uncomfortable, Subaru-kun."
"Seishiro-san, I –" His words broke into a cry as something cold invaded him, penetrating him for the first time.
Seishiro leaned down and brushed his cheek, smiling his same cold, empty smile. "That wasn't much – just an inch. If you relax, this will be easier for you."
His body began to shake; Seishiro had turned the water on again, but this time instead of flowing around him, he felt the warmth spread inside and begin to fill him. His courage failed him; he began to struggle as tears filled his eyes.
Seishiro merely watched him, gripping the nozzle. He twisted it and listened to the delicious sound of Subaru's sudden yelp, watched the way his eyes pressed tightly together, tears leaking from the side, as he struggled against it.
"I'm only using a low setting," he explained, bored. "It's not flowing very fast, or hard. In fact, in another minute, it'll be done."
"S-seishiro-san…" Subaru was panting; his lower abdomen had distended slightly. Seishiro laughed at his embarrassment and shame, turning off the water. The nozzle remained pressed inside the boy as he wiped away tears from the side of his face, almost lovingly.
"Is this what you had in mind when you came here, Subaru-kun? Are you happy?"
He tried to speak, but couldn't. Seishiro chuckled and pulled the nozzle out; Subaru gasped and felt water leaking out of him, pouring down his thighs.
"Don't be embarrassed." Subaru felt Seishiro drag his hand down his neck, fingertips sliding down his chest, and press on his abdomen. He groaned and felt the water rush out of him, emptying his insides, cleaning his body inside and out.
Seishiro's hand moved lower; it closed around his member, stroking it playfully.
"Tell me, Subaru-kun, was that the first time you've ever been entered?"
Gasping, he managed a strangled "Y-yes."
Seishiro's thumb moved, rubbing the tip of his shaft, the nail sliding under the fold of the head, watching as it glistened, hardening. He wanted to laugh; Subaru's face had turned a vivid red. The boy was simultaneously bucking into him and struggling to free himself.
Seishiro stroked harder, grabbing the nozzle. He pressed it back inside Subaru, watching as the body strained against it, arching his back in an effort to lift himself away. He pressed in deeper than he had intended to go to punish him, twisting it sharply, unsurprised at the shock and pain on Subaru's face.
The boy came suddenly, his body spasming with the force of it. Subaru's chest rose and fell in gasps. His eyes came up to meet Seishiro's, eyes filled with humiliation.
"You're all clean, Subaru-kun." Seishiro let go of the boy's member and dragged two fingers up through his cum, tracing it on his chest, and lifted away. He held them out to Subaru's lips.
Subaru looked mortified. "Please, don't make me – Seishiro-san, I –"
"Subaru-kun, wasn't our agreement that you would do anything I said?" Gone was the false friendliness; his eyes narrowed with reproach and annoyance. He pressed his fingers through Subaru's lips, delighting in the look of discomfort on the boy's face. He pressed his fingers down against his tongue and felt the warm muscle slide over them as he pushed in deeper. "I could kill you like this, you know." Subaru's eyes looked up at him, pleading silently. "It wouldn't take much – I could block your airways, and you'd suffocate in a few quick minutes."
He pulled his hand away. Subaru gasped, looking up at him, speechless.
"Now, let's do this one more time, for good measure." Seishiro turned the water on again, smiling at the sound of Subaru's whimpers.
When he was done, Seishiro unbuckled the manacles, letting Subaru's legs slide down. He dragged the boy up by his bound hands, noting the way he struggled to stand on shaking feet, pulling him away toward his bedroom.
Subaru stumbled through the door, his body shivering from the cold.
"How many times have you imagined us being here, together, in my room, Subaru-kun?"
Subaru looked resolutely down at the carpet, incapable of words. Seishiro knew him all too well.
A throaty chuckle sounded behind. Two arms turned him around, lifting his face up.
"How many times have you imagined I would kiss you?"
For a moment, he found the courage to look into those dark eyes and still speak. "Often," he whispered.
Seishiro's lips pressed against his; Subaru was startled by the gentleness of it. He had expected violence and cruelty – because that was the real Seishiro – but this fakeness still caused his heart to ache with longing.
Seishiro pulled away and grabbed his cuffed hands. He pulled him forward, over near the side of the bed, where a suspension cable hung from the ceiling.
Subaru obeyed; Seishiro pulled his hands up and attached them to the cable. He could remain kneeling, or he would be forced into painful suspension; his wrists were already raw and bloodied from struggling in the bath.
Seishiro stood before him, undoing his belt. He slipped it around Subaru's neck, looping it through the buckle and pulling on it until Subaru was gazing up at him, unable to breath.
"I like that look on you, Subaru-kun." Seishiro looked down at him. "You look as pathetic as you are."
He let go; the leather fell down as Subaru gasped.
"Do you think I'm going to make you suck my cock now?" Subaru struggled to slow his breathing as Seishiro leaned forward, running his fingers through the boy's hair. Seishiro's waist was right in front of his face, but the man moved, tilting his head back to kiss his neck. "How arrogant of you, to think that you could ever please me."
Subaru felt the man's warmth pull away from him as Seishiro stood and walked away. When he returned carrying something, he moved behind him, kneeling until the fabric of his shirt pressed against the skin on his back.
"And do you think I'm going to fuck you, Subaru-kun? That's what you want – every time I touch you, like this," he slid his hand around Subaru's thighs, caressing his balls, "You yearn for it. I can do anything I want to you, and you'll let me, as long as I'm touching you. That's all you want." He kissed the boy's neck, pulling him tightly to him. "What makes you think I would ever fuck someone as pathetic as you?"
Subaru fought to keep his tears from escaping from the corners of his eyes, and won. Seishiro observed, disappointed.
"Don't move," he instructed, his voice cold again. "What I'm about to do could seriously injure you if you struggle against it. Do you understand me?"
Subaru swallowed and nodded.
He flinched as Seishiro grabbed his cock unceremoniously, pinching the head so that the slit squeezed open. He looked down, watching as the man pressed something the width of a needle, but slightly longer and with a blunted end, through the slit and into the head of his penis. It was attached to a thin white cord that snaked away behind him. Seishiro taped the chord to the base of his penis, then moved to pull a cloth over it.
Subaru shuddered; the inner walls of the soft casing were studded with what felt like small tacks, each a little spike that poked at his flesh. Only the head was exposed.
"Those will only hurt if you're aroused," Seishiro explained. His friendly demeanor had returned; Subaru hated it. At least when Seishiro was cruel, he was honest. "Which brings us to our next step…"
Subaru heard the popping sound of a cap coming off a bottle, then a wet, cooling sensation at his entrance as he was lubricated. Seishiro penetrated him with two fingers, his other hand gripping Subaru's throat.
"Do you like this, Subaru-kun?" He watched, amused, as Subaru gasped with pain. The boy was growing erect, the spikes digging into his soft flesh as blood rushed down to his member.
Subaru winced at the sudden withdrawal. He felt something else pressed against him now, something hard and plastic, and watched the white cord connected to his cock move. He groaned as Seishiro pushed it inside him and heard the small 'click' of the device as it was turned on. It began to vibrate inside him, sending delicate tremors of stimulation to his cock even as the insert vibrated within the head.
"It didn't take you long to forget your manners, did you?" Seishiro rose with apathy, glancing at the boy in distaste. "I have to go to work, Subaru-kun. I'm not sure when I'll be back."
"You c-can't leave me like this, please –"
Seishiro didn't give him a backward glance as he walked out the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.
Seishiro moved behind where the boy knelt. Subaru's body trembled from the effort to remain on his knees; his arms shook, handcuffed above his head, to the suspension cable bolted into the ceiling. His body glistened with sweat, tears, and above his navel, cum.
"What's the matter, Subaru-kun?" He was kneeling behind the boy now, whispering into his ear. Subaru felt his breath on the back of his neck as two strong hands slid around him. "It's only been three hours – I've hardly been gone." Seishiro began to rub one of his nipples between his thumb and forefinger, enjoying the way the boy was melting, losing his composure; his other hand reached below and began to fondle his cock.
"P-please, Seishiro-san, it hurts – ah!"
Seishiro twisted his nipple hard, nails digging into the soft flesh; blood rushed up to the crescent moon cut.
"I'm sure it doesn't hurt as much as you think it does," he offered pleasantly.
It was his tone that hurt the worst; friendly, caring. Subaru's thighs were shaking uncontrollably as he allowed his knees to buckle; he felt the suspension cord hold him up as he slumped, sending a burning ache into his arms and upper back.
Seishiro reached up, slipping his hand around the boy's throat. He titled Subaru's head back gently, staring down into desperate, glazed eyes. "You did well," he conceded.
Subaru looked up into his gaze and thought that it was like the look of appraisal a wolf chasing down its dinner might give, as if to say you did well, to last this long – but your body still tired in the end. You're still prey. Even as he thought it, even as he saw the gleam in Seishiro's eyes, the almost bored look buried in his depths, he still felt his heart tighten; Seishiro had complimented him.
The sakurazukamori reached down between Subaru's thighs, tugging at the cord. Subaru cried out as the vibrator was carelessly yanked out of him. Seishiro's forearms reached around him in what Subaru imagined was an embrace, peeling away the spiked casing from his member, lifting the thin insert out of his urethra. His hands moved again, pulling away, and Subaru heard the faint shkk of a zipper being undone.
His body tensed as Seishiro rested his hands on his thin hips and slid the length of his arousal along his thighs up to the base of his spine. He shuddered as lips nipped at his earlobe from behind.
"Do you feel empty now, Subaru-kun? Do you want something else inside you?"
You're the empty one, he thought desperately as he felt his body pulled upward momentarily as Seishiro unhooked him, then let him go.
Subaru crumpled to the floor.
"I wonder, can you stand?"
He tried to, but it was useless; hours of kneeling, of trembling, had left his legs unwilling to respond. Seishiro turned him over casually with his foot, hoisting him up by his cuffed hands and tossing him onto the bed.
Subaru lay, waiting and helpless, as he watched him take off his clothes. His heart was pounding; Seishiro was naked, his tall broad shoulders completely bare, his body strong and warm. This was the same body he had thought about – thought about in ways that made him blush – but this isn't the same person, he reminded himself as Seishiro came toward the bed, smirking.
He shoved Subaru over onto his stomach, and even as he felt his hips roughly grabbed and pulled toward Seishiro, Subaru shivered at the man's touch; Seishiro was right. His touch was all he had ever wanted, and now he could feel Seishiro's skin against his own…
A soft tongue licked at his entrance; Subaru moaned and squirmed, but nails dug in sharply, holding him in place, as that tongue moved across his soft tissue. Seishiro pulled his hips up and towered over him, one hand gripping his head and pressing it into the bed.
"This will hurt you, Subaru-kun," he purred. "But I don't think you'll mind."
Seishiro pushed through the resisting muscle, forcing the tip inside, and sighed at the intense heat and tightness of the boy. His eyes came down lazily to stare at Subaru's expression; it was a mixture of white, hot pain and flushed, vivid excitement. The boy was beyond words. He pushed in further, feeling Subaru's thin body strain against him even as he brought the very base of his cock to where Subaru began. He reached down and pulled the boy upright, holding him close as he gripped his throat.
Subaru felt a soft tongue slide along his cheek, licking at his tears. His breathing ragged, he cried out in discomfort as Seishiro began to move his hips, thrusting into him.
"You're a lot more sensitive now, hm?" Subaru moaned as Seishiro's free hand reached around his waist, grasping his cock, and began to stroke it with force. "Ask me to make you cum, Subaru-kun," he whispered, caressing his throat. "Beg me to fuck you harder."
"H-harder," he choked out. "Please, Seishiro-san, p-please m-make me cum…"
"No," he jeered. He tightened his grip until Subaru tried to twist away, his throat raw with pain.
Seishiro shoved him down into the bed, pressing the weight of his body on top of him, trapping him beneath his limbs. With reckless abandon, he thrust harder into the boy, letting his anger build until he could feel something wet helping him slide in and out, something that smelled distinctly familiar – blood. It intensified his arousal; every movement elected a new sound from Subaru – a choked cry, a groan, a fleeting gasp of pleasure – until he could feel the boy breaking beneath him, his body going limp like a corpse –
Subaru shuddered as Seishiro came inside him and collapsed on top of him. The weight almost crushed him, but his heart beat faster at the realization of a hidden wish: he could feel all of Seishiro. It was only a brief moment, but fleetingly, he was happy to think that Seishiro lay collapsed, naked and vulnerable, above him…and he allowed Subaru to witness it.
Too soon, the moment was gone. Seishiro rolled over and leaned against the pillows. He reached over to the bedside table and drew out a packet of cigarettes.
A minute later, mismatched eyes observed him coolly through a thin veil of smoke.
"What did you call me?"
Subaru stared back him. His body was stinging, aching; the physical pain was nothing compared to the wounds in his soul.
"Subaru," Seishiro spoke, his voice calm. "Answer my question."
"'Sei-chan.'" His voice was barely audible. "I called you 'Sei-chan.'"
There was a moment of silence as Seishiro took a long, thoughtful drag from his cigarette. "That's what Hokuto used to call me."
Subaru felt his soul cringe. "Yes."
Seishiro put the cigarette out in an ash tray on the table and leaned down. Subaru closed his eyes tightly, bracing for some sort of punishment, and felt two arms pulling him up, close to that broad chest. His head rested in the crook of Seishiro's left arm. He opened his eyes in disbelief, watching as Seishiro leaned down and rummaged for something next to the bed.
"You know, Subaru-kun, I brought something home for you from the clinic."
Seishiro leaned in and pushed the boy down, slipping a collar around his neck. He slipped it through the buckle and adjusted it, admiring how it looked, before pulling him back against his chest, resting. "I was thinking you could be my pet."
Subaru listened to the sound of Seishiro's breathing as it slowed into sleep. He thought of me. Subaru's eyes were wide with disbelief. He wants me to be his pet, he thought. Not quite a person – but also more than just a thing. Content, Subaru closed his eyes and fell asleep, his head rising and falling against the chest of the man he loved.
After all, people could learn to love pets, in time.