"What did you just say?"
He was completely shocked and surprised. So was I. I couldn't believe I actually said that. And then I said it again.
"Jake, I need you to fuck me."
I don't know what I was thinking. Or even if I was thinking at all. Or when it was exactly that I stopped thinking. Lord knows I wasn't being rational. But I was being driven past rationality these days. I was being driven crazy.
Sam had hurt me. That was common knowledge. But the day I phased for the first time and was brought into this new world of werewolves was the day that Sam was forced back into my life. I could deal with the heart break. But I couldn't live with it. Not making sense? Let me clarify. I can handle the fact that Sam cheated on me. Then left me. For my cousin. Maybe one day I could have gotten on with my life and even learned to tolerate them. Maybe even like them again. No, that's a bit far fetched it would be a cold day in hell before liked one of them again. But I could deal with it as long as they stayed away from me. I can't live with it. Being forced into this new life with Sam as my Alpha. Being tied to him. Having constant access to his thoughts while he always let his mind wander to my home wrecking bitch of a cousin. It hurts. And there are no words that I could sit here and spew out to you that could even help you to understand a fraction of how I feel. Nobody knows what this is like. Except Jacob.
When I wasn't haunted by Sam and Emily, I was bombarded by thoughts of the leech chaser. Stupid ass Bella Swan: the ache in Jacob's heart. If I wasn't dealing with my own sorrow, I had Sam's guilt, and Jacob's pain crashing down on me too. I just can't get away.
But that's not what brought me here now. Jake and I had something in common today. We each hit our breaking points. I phased earlier. The guys chose to hang at my house today and they're all so insufferable, making wise-cracks and putting me at the butt of their jokes. Paul in particular pushed one of my many buttons. He's not exactly known to be considerate of anyone else's feelings. He made me so mad I had to phase. So I left the house and ran. Once I phased I was instantly greeted with the conversation Sam was replaying in his mind that he had with Emily earlier. There was talk of a wedding, and eternal commitment, and babies. The conversation seemed all too familiar as I remembered having one just like it with Sam myself. And as I reflected on once upon a time it interfered with Sam's thoughts of happily ever after.
Oh God, Leah. I didn't know you were phased. I'm sorry. We wanted to tell you, but not like this. Sam's voice entered my mind.
There's nothing to apologize for. I'm fine. I'll just go.
Lee Lee, wait.
Please don't call me that.
Look, don't go. There's something we wanted to ask you.
Emily and I still love you. Very much. That will never change. And we hope you still care for us too. I know we must make it hard for you every day. But you've got to know we care about you so much.
That doesn't sound like much of a question. I tried to seem indifferent although his every word stuck to my heart like pins. It was painful.
Well we wanted to ask you to be apart of our wedding. And even more, Emily wants you to be her maid of honor.
And that's when I was swallowed by the waves of a whole new heartbreak. Wave 1: They were actually getting married. Wave 2: They wanted me to witness it. Wave 3: They wanted me to be apart of it. Wave 4: I realized that neither of them could have ever given a damn about me to begin with.
You're kidding right? I responded flatly.
Please don't be this way. Emily misses you so much it's hurting her. It would kill her if you turned her down. She just wants to be close to you again. We both do. I would love to have your support on our big day.
It would kill her? Sam I don't even think you know the shit that you're spewing into my mind right now. I don't see how I'm supposed to know how much you care about me. You cheated on me with my cousin and now you want me to stand next to the two of you and watch you vow your life to her? You already promised to love me for the rest of my life. You already promised to stick by me, no matter what. And now you wan't me to stand in the middle of it having it confirmed before me that none of anything you ever promised me meant shit to you. No Sam, I can't do that. How could you even ask me for something like that. I'm sorry if it will kill her. Consider it payback. She killed me a long time ago and you pissed on the remains.
Lee Lee don't -
I said don't call me that. That nick name is for those who love me. I'm out of here. And with that I phased. I couldn't even dress myself after. I just cried like an idiot. I swore that Sam wasn't worth my tears and there I was just pouring them out in his honor. Pathetic, Leah. So I cried myself to sleep on the forest floor and when I woke up It was nearly sunset. I internally cursed myself for letting Sam do this to me. There I was in the middle of the forest. Crying. Alone. Sore. Naked. I spend each and every day trying to prove to the world that I am stronger than this. And this is how I ended up. Weak.
But even that alone wasn't what brought me where I am. After I woke up I decided to get back home and shower all this shit away. Sam, Emily, weddings, heartbreaks, and forest dirt. I would wash it all down the drain. But as soon as I phased I was thrown into the whirlwind that was Jacob Black's mind. It was all too much for him. He kissed Bella earlier today and she punched him. Furthermore she told him that she's always gonna love her leech. She never felt a thing for him and she wasn't ever going to. He's hurting. I can feel it. He's devastated and heartbroken. Not at all different from me. And I guess now that I gave you a recap I can say that this was more than likely the point in time where I stopped thinking and chose to go the insane route.
Before I knew it I was showered, dressed, and watching Jake beat the shit out of his punching bag that hung in his garage. I came here to talk. To see if we could make each other feel better. Bur watching him go at it the way he was. With his shirt off and muscles rippling. The sweat was gleaming on his skin. His back faced me. And damn did he have a sexy back. Everything about him right now was letting me know that Jake was no longer one of my brother's little friends, but he was a man now. And it's been so long since I've had a man. I mean he was enraged and completely pulverizing that punching bag. No boxing gloves necessary. I felt my body grow warmer than natural and soon after I began to moisten at the thought of his savage hands on me. That's when he smelled me.
He stopped attacking the bag and sniffed the air around him.
"Leah, is that you?" he called out.
"Aw man, ya caught me," I tried to start playfully as I crossed the threshold into his garage.
"What are you doing here?" He demanded clearly not in the mood for jokes.
I didn't really know the best way to say it. So, figuring I had nothing to lose, I kind of just let it out.
"I need you to fuck me."
There was a short pause.
"What did you just say?"
"Jake, I need you to fuck me."
I read the confusion all over his face. He didn't know what to say or how to say it. So he told me to get out.
"I don't know what game you're playing, but leave me out of it."
"I'm not going anywhere until you give me what I need."
"Are you really at my house demanding that I have sex with you? I'm not gonna do it. Get the fuck out!" He grabbed me roughly by the arms and tried to make me move toward the door. The force of his hands on me made me pool at the center. He smelled it again.
"Why do you smell like that?" He asked. He released me as my scent was clearly affecting him. At the end of the day we're all a bunch of hormone challenged animals. He wouldn't be able to fight his animal instinct for much longer.
"I smell like this because I'm a woman."
"You've always been a woman. Your scent is different now," he pushed.
That's when it dawned on me that Jacob Black was still a virgin. He didn't know what a woman in heat smelled like. That turned me on even further. I would be the one to take his innocence.
"I smell like this because you've got me horny. And I need you now."
He gulped hard.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked in a more defeated tone.
"Because you're a man now. And you need to stop chasing silly little girls when you've got a real woman at your disposal. What if I told you I could make you forget all about little Bella Swan?"
I nodded my head.
"And you can help me deal with this Sam situation. We both win"
His face flushed with sudden anger.
"That's why you're here. You don't want me. You want Sam. You're not gonna use me to fulfill some sick fantasy you've got for him. Hell no! Go find one of the other guys."
He made to go back to attack his punching bag. But this time it was my hands on him forcing him not to move.
"After you've smelled me, do you honestly think you could handle me taking this to another man? Think about what you just told me to do. What if I just went over to see Paul or Jared. Right now. Feeling the way I'm feeling. Can you stomach the thought of either of them with their hands all over me? What about both of them at the same time?"
I was on a roll here. I knew more about the male wolf psyche than our rightful Alpha. He knew everything I said was true. The alpha male in him could never let another man have me now that he's had my scent and he knows that he caused this in me.
His face tensed with a new rage. I was his alone to possess. He would kill the next man who touched me. I could read all of this in his eyes. Sam was the same way.
I stayed quiet the next few moments to give him some time to process his own thoughts.
"Would it really help me forget about Bella?" he asked sadly.
"Baby when I'm done with you, you'll never want another girl again." And that's when I kissed him. I took him by the neck and pulled him into a searing kiss. He didn't resist me. He couldn't. He just stood there and let me kiss him.
"Follow your instincts." I said as I placed his large, rough hands on my hips and continued to kiss him. He pulled me closer so that my body pressed into his hard on and he groaned softly at the contact. He pulled away from our kiss to take a second to breathe.
"I've never done this before," he stated shyly.
His cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
I smiled at him.
"Take me to your bedroom, Alpha."
"I'm not Alpha," he said dumbly.
"Not yet. But I'll make one out of you."
That's when he took my hand and led me to his room.
One of my first real attempts at writing citrus. Some hot stuff coming up. I'll update more if I get good feedback. You be nice to me. and I'll be nice to you. *wink wink*