STORY TITLE: Kill Myself

AUTHOR: Tinyteffers

RATING: Mature

PARINGS: Gibbs/DiNozzo, McGee/Abby

WARNING: This story talks in depth on the topic of suicide and all the different things that go along with that story topic.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anybody from the NCIS TV show. Any other characters I take responsibility for since they are my original characters.

SUMMERY: A split second decision changes Tony DiNozzo's life forever. Will his Lover of 6 months stick by him for the long hall, or is this the end?

AUTHOR NOTE: Just to add a bit to the story, I want everybody to know that this story is very important to me because Tony's story follows real life experiences from my own life.

Kill Myself ::: Chapter 1

Tony stood in the bathroom listening to the shower running as he looked at the tiny red pills in the bubble packs. He turned to make sure the door was locked before he began popping all Forty-Eight pills into his mouth. Once he was done he looked at the distorted face in the bathroom mirror. 'It'll all be over soon'. He thought to himself as he got into the shower.

As he soaped his body his mind began to race in relationship to what he had just done. 'Jethro is going to kill me if he knew what was going on. What is the point of the pills then' he let out a rather sadistic laugh.

He and Leroy Jethro Gibbs have been officially dating now for six months. They originally had kept both their houses and took turns at which house they would spend the night. After about five months the couple was sick of living out of two different drawers and decided it was time to move in together. So on their five-month anniversary Tony moved into Gibbs' house

Sighing Tony turned off the water and stood in the shower for a good five minutes before he stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel off the rod. As he wrapped it around his waist he looked at himself in the mirror once again and tried to hold back the tears he felt fighting to run down his cheeks.

It had been about a month since he had begun seeing people's faces distorted. First it started out in dreams and then moved to normal every day living. He would see them with their skin peeling off and had bright red eyes. To himself he would describe them as 'Zombies'. But that wasn't the only thing that looked bloody. Every bit of running water was blood red and metallic tasting. He had made sure to have a surplus of bottled water around the house and at work so he didn't have to deal with running water except for taking a shower.

Tony had almost told Gibbs about what he was seeing, but knew they would make him go through lots of psychological testing to make sure he was fit for duty. There was no way in hell Tony was going to allow that to happen. So for now Tony decided to ignore it.

Now a month later it was becoming too much for him to bear. As he stood there he could feel his body reacting differently to the over the counter medicine. This was it, should he go to the basement and tell Gibbs what happened or should he let the medicine take its course.

Standing there, feeling his heart pounding in his chest, he knew what he had to do.

Not even bothering to get dressed in more then just the towel around his waist, Tony headed down the stairs to the main floor and then down the stairs to the basement where he could always find Gibbs making something. Right now Gibbs was building a handmade baby cradle for the newest addition to the McGee family. Abby was pregnant with their first child, due in late February.

Hearing some noise over the archaic TV set, Gibbs looked up and saw Tony standing at the top of the steps. "You okay?" He asked his younger lover. "Why are you just in a towel? It's early January and snowing outside."

Tony didn't respond in words but instead he walked down the steps and over to Gibbs. Still without speaking, he held up the silver bubble packs that once held the forty-eight bright red pills.

Gibbs looked at the packs and then at Tony. "You have a cold and ran out of medicine?" He questioned, finding it odd that his normally overly dramatic and overly talkative boyfriend was completely silent. That is until he said five words that would always be stuck in Gibbs mind forever.

"I took all of these," Tony said softly, glancing at the empty pill packs.

Now Gibbs was really confused, why in God's name would Tony do something like that? Was it a mistake or did he do it on purpose?

"Why?" he simply asked even though his interviewing and interrogation classes always said 'don't ask why'. The problem is when it comes to a loved one you often don't give a rats ass about any kind of training.

Tony was quiet for a second before he answered the question. Taking a deep breath he was completely honest. "I want to die."

Those words made Gibbs feel like throwing up. He had noticed Tony acting a bit odd over the last few months but NEVER saw this coming.

"You took all these pills because you want to die?"

Tony nodded his head and looked down at the floor.

"Well 'I' don't want you to die so since I now know we are going to get you some kind of help." Gibbs said, putting down his tools and headed to the stairs. "If you don't follow then I am really going to question your love for me."

That was something Tony NEVER wanted Gibbs to think. He would ALWAYS love Gibbs. Taking a deep breath, he followed Gibbs upstairs, not sure what was going to happen next.

Once both men were upstairs Gibbs grabbed the phone and phonebook from the kitchen. After flipping around a bit he found what he was looking for. He shoved the phonebook towards Tony and handed him the cordless phone. When he saw the confused look on Tony's face he elaborated. "Call poison control and see what they think we should do." He said pointing out the number on the page.

Tony got a pout on his face. "Can't you call for me?"

Gibbs shook his head. "No you did this, you call."

Groaning, Tony turned on the phone and dialed the poison control number laid out in front of him.

"Poison control how can I help you?" came a comforting sounding female voice.

Tony cleared his throat before talking. "Umm Yeah hi, um I was told to call you guys 'cause I took a bunch of cold medicine. Um my name is Tony DiNozzo."

"Did you mean to take the medicine or was it an accident?" The woman asked.

"On purpose." Was all Tony said.

"Well Mr. DiNozzo, how many and what kind of medicine did you take.

"I told you it was cold medicine and I took close to 50 of them." Tony said getting frustrated with the woman,

"Sir, I need to know what kind of pills. It makes a difference in what instructions I give you."

Tony looked over at Gibbs. "What are those?" He felt pretty stupid not knowing what kind of medicine he actually took.

"Sudafed," Gibbs answered.

"I took almost 50 Sudafed Pills." Tony told the woman at poison control.

"Okay Mr. DiNozzo, there can be many complications with an overdose like this. I need you to call 911 or have somebody take you to the closest hospital. Do you know where the closest hospital is?"

"I believe D.C. General is the closest. It's like 5 minutes from my house."

"Okay do you have a ride there or do you want me to get 911 on the line?"

The sound of an ambulance ride did not sound like fun. "My boyfriend can drive me,"

Gibbs was already putting on his winter coat as Tony finished up his phone call.

Tony hung up the phone and relayed the information from poison control to Gibbs. "I need to go to the hospital ASAP." He told his lover

"Gibbs nodded, "Go get dressed and we will go."

Tony didn't say anything just went upstairs to their bedroom and changed into a pair of matching sweat pants and sweat shirt. He almost didn't worry about underwear but then thought about the horror of being in a hospital gown without underwear on. Once he was dressed he went back downstairs and over to Gibbs. "I'm Ready."

"Let's go then." Gibbs said going into Boss mode out of fear of what was happening with Tony.

As they drove the short distance to the hospital both men were silent, neither sure what to say.

In the ER of D.C. General Tony was rushed back for vitals and out of some miracle they allowed Gibbs to be back with Tony.

Tony watched his vitals in shock the pills hand made his blood pressure and heart rate go sky high. 'Crap I really could have killed myself' He thought as they led him back to a hospital room that was different from a normal hospital room. It was basically empty besides a small hospital bed and a bit of hospital equipment.

They got Tony stripped to a hospital gown and stickers were placed everywhere so a technician could do an EKG on his heart.

Once that was finished they hooked Tony up to an IV and a heart monitor. The whole process was a whirlwind of activities. Quite frankly the whole thing was making him dizzy. After the medical doctor checked on him he was told to wait for a social worker to come see him.

That was something Tony hated the most. He hated any type of person that wanted in his head. That could be a social worker, a psychiatrist, psychologist and maybe even a psychic even though he found them kind of interesting.

When left alone the en were still quiet for a whole five minutes.

"Gibbs." Tony whispered looking at his boyfriend.

Gibbs didn't look like he wanted to say anything but he did. "Tony what is going on? Why would you do something like this? Why didn't you tell me you felt this way?"

Tony looked away in embarrassment and sighed. "I didn't want to bug you with my problems. I'm a federal agent I'm supposed to be tough," He said as he watched and listened to the beeping of his still fast heart rate on the monitor.

"If you weren't on camera I would totally slap you right now." Gibbs said honestly. But instead was running his hand through Tony's brown hair. Part of him was jealous. HE had already been graying when he was Tony's age. But not Tony nope he had a full head of beautiful light brown hair.

"I'm already," Tony answered softly. He hated to know he gave Gibbs any sort of pain.

Gibbs stopped his stroking hand and used it to turn Tony's face in his direction. "Never apologize DiNozzo. We will get through this just like everything else we've stumbled across.

Hearing Gibbs' words relaxed Tony a lot and it was evident on how fast his heart was racing. "I love you," he whispered

Gibbs learned over and pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead. "I love you too so you better not leave me."