Chapter 1: Orda Nary

I spied my mother Orda Nary, a perfectly normal Xanthian peasant lady from the village, sitting by the Kiss-Me River and cried with delight: "I found some bright-eyed deer over by the south bank. Perhaps it'll help me land a man. And the ints are discussing their int elections. And the quick-witted Why Lee appears to be the top candid date."

Mother smiled at me, as she always did when I blahed there: "Dee Vee, you'll make a great – err – aunt. All the tan gents will want you when they see what kind of Dee Vee aunt you are." Right. And that's what I hoped would ocher for me.

Yeah, yeah. I already knew I was not a major character. I'm just Ann When's dyed Grecian who managed to land herself in this story. I've not been afforded the same protection as a major character, but I also haven't had to deal with the dangers. I think I like it this way. Looking back, I think maybe the bright-eyed deer decided to help me out in my quest for a tan gent. Obviously, I needed to find a sunlit beech with curves for that.

Perhaps the shores of the Isle of Cal Cue Less might be a good place to search for such a curved beech. But to do that, I needed a drive-ative boat. So I built myself one, after searching the river bank for the best wood. I undertook my mish yon, and sailed north along the Kiss-Me river in search of such an isle.