A/N: I believe this is a drabble! It's 278 words long and I was just pondering how uncomfortable eating a banana in public makes some people as I ate a banana... Anyway, I always say (but never actually put into action) that if you're going to be uncomfortable eating it in public, it's best to make the people watching uncomfortable as well! And so this story was born. I might continue it later with maybe a second related drabble. Maybe.
Harry was just about to knock on the door to the Head's common room when a very distraught Draco ran past him.
"That's it!" the blond yelled. "I've had enough of this! You're trying to drive me insane; always eating VPF's and flaunting them. And your sleepwear! What the hell is that? No normal woman only wears sheer baby doll lingerie with the tiniest pairs of knickers they own every night. I don't care how comfortable it is, it needs to stop!" He disappeared down the hall, still muttering about stupid Mudbloods and VPF's.
Harry walked through the open door, bewildered. "Hermione, what was that about?" he asked warily.
She smirked, reminding Harry uncannily of Draco in one of his more normal moods. "Malfoy's upbringing doesn't allow him to think of me as a human being so when I can make him feel attracted to me, it's pretty much as wrong as fancying a House Elf or a dog to him. It's a game I've been playing recently."
Harry nodded, not at all surprised that Hermione had a bit of a sadistic streak. She wasn't really doing harm, but she could get some revenge for some of the grief he'd caused her over the years.
Hermione actually laughed out loud at that. "Vaguely Phallic Foods."
"Do I even want to know?" asked Harry.
She merely shrugged. "It's nothing horrible, I've just taken to eating things like bananas, sausages, and pickles more often."
"Hermione, that's a little messed up."
"Maybe, but did you see his reaction? It was worth it."
Harry couldn't help but agree. Poor Malfoy had looked about ready to check himself into St. Mungo's.