Let me just introduce myself...my name is Humpty...
Lol, no it isn't. For some reason whenever I think say that, I just think about that song, if some of you know it.
This is my first time publishing here, but not my first time writing a story.
This story was originally something else but has been revived for Hetalia casting and stuff.
Pairings: CanxAmeri (unrequited/one-sided), PrusxCan (unrequited/one-sided), RussxCan (main)
Warnings: Angsty, verbal abuse, possible physical (idk, still working on it), smex!
Summary: Matthew's gaze was always on the guys. He never found girls attractive. When he accidentally confessed his love to one of his classmates, it's the end of the world for him. Now Matthew is in a new school with a new personality. He plans on not repeated what happened to him at his old school. But what happens when one of his new classmates see right through him? Will the past repeat itself or will the past actually come face to face with him?
It was around the summer of my last year in 8th grade, when I "sorted out" my sexual orientation. It was going to be my first year as a freshman. In my middle school years, the teachers liked to talk about bullying and all other things a lot. Kids say they're okay with people who're gay or lesbian, but I think it's a lie. Even I'm not okay with it. I'm gay and I find it repulsive.
After watching porn and staring at pictures of naked women, I knew. I just haven't been aroused by their body. But I haven't watched gay porn either, since I wasn't still comfortable with it myself. I've been doing research and some were quite knowledgeable. So during my freshman year, it wasn't like a burden to keep a secret, but at the same time, it wasn't like I was confident enough to just blurt it out.
I didn't always find it vile. It started when I soon was getting attracted to some of the boys. Gym time, I'd like to think of it as my sanctuary. But I try not to be obvious about it. Freshman year started off good for the first few months, with very good looking guys. But there was someone particular…Alfred. He was the ideal boy. He was nice but sometimes can be annoying, popular and extremely handsome.
As for me, well I could call myself as the "supposed to be a girl" kind of guy. My name is Matthew, so I don't find that very manly. I wasn't athletic, but I had developed a few muscles from doing pushups and situps in my room secretly. Well, I guess I'm okay looking, and I'm pretty smart too.
Also, it was obvious he was attracted to girls. For one, he had secret fans, and there was a rumor going around he was dating someone older. I guessed I belonged to the group of fans, which was the whole class, and some of the older students.
Days after days my crush will turn into like, and so forth. By a few short months of starting high school, I was in total love.
We were acquaintances. He made sure he talked to everyone in class. Many more reasons I like him. One major part I remember is how I confessed to him. We were in class up from lunch, helping our teacher with a few things she called us for. My love was contained for far too long.
"I like you…" It was a slight whisper.
He froze in front of me. The halls were empty and he probably heard me. I realized what I've just done.
I didn't know what else to say. I looked down and kept on walking. My heart pounded so hard, I bet he heard it too. I guess he didn't know what to say either. He didn't respond and acted normal. I tried really hard not to stare at him. I was curious of what he was thinking. Was he confused or disgusted?
I wasn't expecting an answer from him. I didn't want to face him, and I probable knew he didn't want to see me either. So after that, everything was back to normal. He didn't talk to me, and I avoided him. But I guess he decided to answer me…
It was a message on my phone, it was from Alfred and it said to meet him in the school's courtyard. At first I didn't know what to do. After all this time he didn't respond to me. He also set a time. After a lot of thinking, I purposely came a few minutes late.
Another few minutes I waited. In my head I thought of all the things I was going to say to him.
Oh, I was just joking.
I can't say that! Who jokes about liking someone, especially if the confession comes from a guy? I waited a few more minutes. Fed up of waiting and last minute thinking, I decided to leave. But as I stood up, I heard footsteps. Alfred's friend Gilbert came out.
Gilbert crossed his arms. "You know, I would have never expected this. Mostly girls would have a crush on Alfred, but this is the first time I've seen a gay guy like him." He smirked.
"I-I'm not gay!" I immediately rushed these words out nervously. Alfred told Gilbert...but why?
"The awesome me offered to take care of this…problem…for him. He came to me really confused."
He thought of me as a problem? Was Alfred that uncomfortable?
"Well you can already guess his answer is no." Gilbert walked towards me. My stomach felt queasy, I wanted to barf.
He pinched my cheeks.
"Why would a cute guy like you would want Alfred?" He smirked again. I smacked his hands off.
"I'm leaving." I announced. This was bad. I don't want to be here anymore.
But Gilbert yanked me back. "Hold up, hold up. I'm not done talking."
I fell to the grassy ground. He looked down on me. My eyes began to water.
"You wouldn't want me to tell everyone at school would you?" Don't cry, don't cry! I repeated in my head.
"Y-y-you wouldn't!" I stuttered, looking at him angrily. This was getting worse. How can I let this happen! Soon, tears trickled down my face.
"Are you sure about that? There's a reason why I'm here. Alfred was too embarrassed and disgusted to even face you."
He knelt down beside me. "I bet he wants blood." He kept on grinning. I began to breathe deeply.
God, make this a dream!
Would Gilbert hurt me? I've heard of stories where gay people kill themselves from bullying. Would that be me too?
Full bullets of tears began to fall. "Please…don't."
It would've been better if I was looking up at him. He placed his hand on my cheek, whipping the tears away.
"Aww," he cooed, "there's no need to cry. It's not like Alfred told me directly to beat you up. I have my own way of dealing with you." He then again, leered at me. This was my devil.
I was glad when the weekend came after that day. Gilbert...he greedily took the situation and made it into his little game.
He made me do dirty things, horrible things.
That day, I quickly went to my room, not talking to my parents.
"You're gay and you don't even know how to do this…"
I grabbed my pillow and stuffed my face. Stop it, stop remembering! It kept replaying inside my head over and over.
He pulled my hair as he moaned. "Nnhh, there you go….."
There was a rapid knock on my door. Without me answering, the door knob twists open.
"You were home late…" my mother's voice said gently.
"I know…" The door creaked closed and I felt her body next to me. Her hand rubbed my back.
"Did something happen at school?"
"I'm fine Mother, nothing happened. I'm just tired." I lied.
My stomach churned. She patted my back, let out a big sigh, and left my room. My throat tightened.
I wasted no time rushing to my bathroom. I gorged up the white goo he made me swallow. I forced to throw up more, wanting the dread and guilt to go with it too.
I was terrified to go to school now. I thought my worries would only be Alfred, but I have to add Gilbert to the list too.
"You don't want me to tell anyone right?" He repeated, buckling his pants.
I shook my head lightly, tears dripping down my neck. He grabbed my chin forcefully, with a smile on his face.
"Come to me whenever I call you…."
With that, he left. I stayed there for a few minutes and cried. I was petrified. I'm glad Mother and Father didn't notice anything.
"Oh, sorry…" I said, as I bumped into someone.
I turned and to see Alfred. Instantly I blushed. How am I going to avoid him? We practically see each other every day.
"No my fault…" he mumbled and rushed away. I gripped my bag that I was holding.
It made me upset that he was avoiding me. But wasn't I trying to do the same? I went into my classroom, my face was burning hot.
A group of girls blocked the entrance.
"Are you sick? Your face is red." a girl asked me.
"Eww," one of her friends cooed. "If you're sick, try not to get me sick too."
"I'm not sick." I frowned. "It's just hot in here." After chatting a little bit, they let me through.
As I looked around unintentionally, I caught Gilbert staring at me. He smiled and waved casually, as what happened days ago was just nothing.
I looked down and walked to my desk. I sit by the right side of the room, and glad that I sit far away from Gilbert and Alfred.
When I open my desk I see a note. My heart started beating. Is it from Alfred? Thoughts poured into my mind.
If it is him, what would he want to say to me? As if being disgusted by my confession wasn't enough. I felt a pain in my chest. If only I didn't do something stupid. I sat down and slowly took the note, making sure I wasn't caught.
Come by the empty classroom on the 3rd floor after school.
Now my heart pounded my rib cage. Gilbert wants me again? I tried not to look at him. He's probably glancing at me now. I squeeze my eyes, the memories of that day finding its way back into my mind.
No, not now!
I thought. As I opened my eyes, Alfred came inside, followed by our teacher.
"I thought you wouldn't come." He said, leaning on one of the desk.
I didn't say anything. I controlled my breathing. "If you didn't, I would've done something."
I sifted my feet, and gripped the side of my shirt. I looked down. There was a moment of silence.
"Come here…" he commanded.
I looked up and saw he crossed his arms. I hesitated and slowly walked over. He relaxed his arms and I knelt down, undoing his belt.
He grabbed my arm painfully. "Oww," I yelled in pain. He released his grip a little and lifted me up.
"Have you ever had a kiss before?" He asked.
I automatically blushed. "N-no…" I stammered.
He waited for a few seconds. Without warning, he grabbed my neck and placed his lips on me. I pushed him away without thinking. I forgot about our deal! Gilbert grabbed me again, this time putting his tongue inside my mouth.
It felt weird and uncomfortable. He kept on moving and twisting his tongue, I didn't know what to do. This was my first kiss.
I couldn't breathe. I shoved him lightly, so he would get the idea. But my desire to breathe only grew, and I pushed him with more force.
Gilbert gripped my hair tightly. He continued to kiss me roughly, my breathing becoming harsh and hard. Only for a few seconds he would let go, taking a deep breath and then continuing. His tongue rubbed against mine and his hot breath felt uncomfortable. Then he finally, let go.
"Ha, ha…" I wheezed for air. I turned the other way, shutting my eyes. He still had my hair in his hand. There was saliva around my mouth and I wanted to wipe it badly. He leaned in for another kiss, but I only moved far back.
"S-stop this…" I pleaded, my eyes still closed. He pulled harder, and I bit my lips.
I thought he was going to kiss me, or smack me, but Gilbert let go. I opened my eyes and saw him leave the classroom. I panicked as I saw a janitor talk to him.
"You need something in this room?" He asked, annoyed. The janitor had a mop and was cleaning.
"Nah, I was helping him look for something." Gilbert replied. The janitor nodded and Gilbert left.
"You should get out; I'm going to lock the doors." The janitor said to me. I wiped my lips and nodded at him.
I was glad Gilbert hasn't called me for the past few days. But also, I was worried. Why hasn't he called me? Did he break off our deal? I wanted to feel relieved, but my secret might be at stake.
As I entered the school gates, I saw that there were a few students. It was beautiful outside, the wind was peaceful.
Suddenly, the bell rang.
Students rushed inside. I hurried to my class, hopeful that our teacher is late again. As I entered my floor, the hallways were half empty, with a few students just entering their classrooms.
Our teacher was just turning the door lever, and I followed behind her.
"You're late." she said, as she laid her briefcase on her desk. She sipped her coffee. Some of the girls giggle, while the guys sneered.
"I'm sorry." I said, and sauntered to my desk.
As I was walking, I "accidentally" fell. Chairs squeaked against the floors and chatter filled the room.
"Quiet down, quiet down! Are you okay Matthew?" our teacher asked.
"Ah, I'm fine…" I said, picking myself up.
"Oops." A boy said, shrugging. He said it lightly enough for me to hear. He snickered to his friend as I picked my bag up.
Embarrassment filled my face. I continued walking to my desk, and our teacher started with the lesson. I peeked at Gilbert, and when he caught me, he gave me an evil grin.
Gilbert…he couldn't have. He wouldn't. My body started getting hot. He...he told people. I looked at the boy who tripped me and saw he was writing. I wanted to leave the classroom now. My eyes began to water.
No way… I thought.
I cleared my throat and rubbed my eyes. I couldn't focus on class now.
So that's the end! Please review and tell me what you think!