Ha ha! It is me again! Hello all my fellow yaoi fans! If you are looking for a really long smutty one-shot (aren't we all?) than this is the story for you!

Author's Babble: Anyways, the title is somewhat deceiving, and as you get past the first…no wait, second smut scene (XD) then you will probably get the wrong idea. So the inspiration for this story was really weird, but I was talking to my sister 'cause she was askin' me all this stuff about sex 'cause I'm older and she's in health class right now (Ew!). She was talking about how gross sex is and how gross it is that people do it in random or strange places and I got to thinking 'Hey! That totally sounds like something Allen or Kanda would do! I should totally write that', with a few modifications of course. So here that story is. And though my precious little sister has no idea she fed my yaoi ideas and created this story (thank god for that or I would be dead right about now), I still thank you Beanie!

Summary: Kanda asks something of Allen that Allen finds gross and unsanitary. Will he do it? Of course he will!

Rating: Ho ho ho…you can probably guess. M. :D Rated for language, lots of smut and Kanda being OOC *gasp!*

Word Count: roughly 5.2k

DISCLAIMER: I don't own D. Gray-Man in any way, but ooooh…I so wish I did!...


It was a bright and very beautiful day at the Black Order Headquarters. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, clouds were drifting and trees swayed gently in the soft breeze. It wasn't that hot out; it was only seventy-five degrees, a perfect temperature for sunbathing or reading a book outside.

But unfortunately, all of this beauty was lost on the four Exorcists who managed to drag themselves along the underground river and not fall over unconscious from lack of sleep on the entryway. Allen, Kanda, Timothy and Krory stood there, looking up at the 30 step stairwell like it was five miles long. They all gave a sigh and slowly ascended the stairs, ignoring the cheerful Komui there to greet them. Well, most of them ignored him; Kanda pointed his sword at the man's throat and threatened if he didn't shut the hell up he would 'rip out his fucking tongue and nail it to a fucking door'.

Kanda dragged himself to his room, sheathing his sword. What he needed was a shower right about now. And food and sleep, but shower first, otherwise he would have to do it when he was 'busy' with the Moyashi.

As the boiling hot water streamed down his reddening skin, Kanda let out a sigh as he felt his tense muscles unwinding. Almost as good as one of the massages the Moyashi would give him from time to time, when the sprout claimed he was too tense from training or what not. Allen had always had a problem with his excessive and borderline obsessed behavior when it came to training or meditating, or fighting when they were in battle. Though Allen had confessed how 'awfully sexy' it was when Kanda did this, fiddling with Kanda's fingers when he admitted it.

Those fingers were suddenly sliding down his chest seductively, going dangerously low toward his private areas then back up again, teasingly. He opened his eyes, but nobody was there; it was just his mind playing tricks on him from the fatigue.

But he could still imagine those hands ghosting over his back, knowing exactly where to press and rub. Allen was very good at rubbing things…

Kanda's tired body protested as he got himself all worked up, and soon his penis was standing at attention. Although he really wasn't in the mood, especially since he had just gotten back from that horrible, boring mission, he couldn't help but reach down and start stroking himself. Picturing Allen between his legs, Kanda's fingers were replaced by his lover's and entranced him in a leisurely pace of sinful pleasure.

He imagined that plush, soft mouth enveloping his member, going up and down, that skillful tongue coating his cock with the honey of Allen's mouth. Allen would hum, and the vibrations would harden his flesh even more, send goose bumps across his skin. His stomach would clench in anticipation as Allen sucked on the head of his penis and then he would come into that mouth he loved so much.

The rather arousing, explicit image in Kanda's mind made his stomach clench for real, and he stroked harder and faster, pretending the water from the hot shower was Allen's feverish mouth. He came hard into his hand and gradually stopped stroking as his member softened.

Opening his eyes, his legs gave out and he slid down the shower wall, groaning. This wasn't the first time Kanda had imagined his Beansprout doing those things to him. They were, one would say…friends with 'benefits'. Or fuck buddies. Whichever worked.

Yes, Allen and him had had sex, though not right away like hormone driven teens or something. It had begun just as an accidental kiss. When Kanda realized this calmed him down, released some of his stress, he asked Allen to keep kissing him and it had become a regular thing. Odd to say the least, but regular.

Then, after a while, things had gotten more heated more easily. Kissing turned to making out, holding turned to groping, standing turned to lying on top of one another and stealing kisses turned to running to one of their rooms for long term privacy.

Pretty soon, before either of them realized it, they were in a relationship together and neither wanted to stop. It had bothered Allen that they were both men and were doing that, seeing as he believed in all the Holy Father crap the Order told them, who they served, blah, blah, blah.

But Kanda had taken it on to himself to protect, defend and love the Moyashi, even though it went against the rules of his ice block heart. Allen had given himself up to him, and he was going to try to do the same. Even if it was in his own special way, a.k.a acting only a microscopic, tiny bit nicer to him when they were around others.

And now, Kanda had his sleeping pants on, day dreaming of the start of his first real relationship with somebody. Who cares if that somebody happened to be the person he had once hated the most?

"Gah," he sighed and turned over, whipping the sheets over his head and falling asleep seconds later, pretending the pillow in his arms was a certain silver haired boy.


Jerry handed Kanda his daily breakfast of hot soba and fish cakes, his favorite meal. He saw no point in ordering anything less than perfect when he could choose whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Sitting down at his usual table, he waited a few minutes until Lavi, Lenalee and Allen all walked into the cafeteria together, right on time. They always came at 7 am, give or take a few minutes. He himself had woken up at 5 to go train in the gym, lifting weights after practicing some sword routines with his precious Mugen.

Locking eyes with his lover, he watched the silver haired boy until they all sat down at their usual table, which, thanks to Allen, was one all four of them now shared. Allen glanced at him for a few seconds before digging in, and Lavi shared a look with Lenalee. Kanda guessed they had figured out the relationship he and Allen had, but they didn't voice it.

"How'd the mission go you guys? You all looked bushed when you got back; Krory looked like he would topple over any second!" Lavi asked in his usual annoying, too-enthusiastic voice.

"It was a pain. Those were 6 days of my life I will never get back; I could have been doing far more important things!" Kanda growled, while sliding his foot silently across the floor under the table. He knew it was risky, what with all the potential witnesses around, but he wanted his Moyashi right about now. Allen gave him a disparaging look as he felt the foot on his leg.

"Huh. Well at least we know there isn't Innocence there! Negative results are still results!" Lavi gave his signature dopey grin.

"You act like it's some bloody experiment! Kanda's right, it was a waste of time we could have spent doing other things, like actually focusing on the Noah or uping our synchronization levels!" Allen complained.

Kanda watched the two bicker back and forth, quietly eating his soba. Him and Lenalee were usually the ones who did that; just sit by idly while the other two fought over something trivial and stupid. If it wasn't him and Allen fighting, it was Lavi and Allen. When he finished, he sat there for about 3 minutes until he decided he was going to have his way today; meaning he was going to have his way with the beansprout.

"Allen, hurry up and finish, I need to talk to you," he said bluntly as he was walking away. They others stared when Kanda used his actual name, instead of Moyashi, and when Allen caught his meaning and blushed, he started shoveling food into his mouth like it was his last supper. Lavi and Lenalee laughed and whispered to each other. Bastards; they knew and they were just snickering about it. Well, as long as they didn't tell anybody…

Kanda was halfway down the long main hallway, when he heard loud footsteps running up behind him.

"So what's up?" Allen asked when he finally caught up. He was slightly flushed for eating so fast then running to catch up to him. Kanda yanked his hand up, spun the teen around and pressed him against the wall, hungrily devouring Allen's mouth.

Allen gasped and tried to gently push away his aggressive lover.

"Kanda! We're in the hallway! W-what if somebody…somebody sees us?"

"I don't give a damn whether or not somebody sees us. I want you right now, I don't care where it is," the samurai growled back.

Allen gave grunt of frustration before looking around and tugging his lover further down the hallway, until they came to the public men's bathrooms.

Since all the apartments had their own shower, toilet and sink now, these bathrooms weren't used very much except for when somebody wanted to relax in the natural spring at the back. It trickled in from the outside and was steaming hot, so it was very relaxing.

"We should be safe here." When Allen started stripping next to the pool side, Kanda gave him a funny look; they hadn't done it in water yet. Allen slipped into the pool and hissed as the hot water covered his skin. Sliding next to him and immediately reattaching to their mouths, Kanda pulled the smaller Exorcist onto his lap, moaning as he felt the slight arousal of his partner.

As they got used to the temperature of the water, and as their tongues slid against each other, both of them started to rub their growing erections together. Kanda slipped his fingers under the water eagerly, pressing them between Allen's cheeks.

"Wait, Kanda…don't…" Allen whispered as he sucked on Kanda's ear and teasingly stroked Kanda's member.

"Why not? That's what we came in here for."

"Well, I want to take it slow. This is supposed to be relaxing." He said, then kissed Kanda's neck. "The steam," a kiss under his jaw. "All the time we want," and kiss on his cheek. "In a place no one will find us," he whispered in Kanda's ear then kissed him passionately on the lips again.

"I suppose…that could be nice…" Kanda mumbled, too distracted by Allen's surprisingly enjoyable slow pace to really care. He was relaxing more and more with each kiss and each stroke of the soft hand on his dick. "Fuck," he growled as he bucked his hips. Allen chuckled; he always did find Kanda's incessant cursing rather funny.

"How the hell and I supposed to take it slow when you're doing that!" he hissed. Allen now had his hand wrapped around Kanda's pulsing shaft, going up and down, with his thumb twirling on the head.

"Fine," Allen smirked and slowed down, completely letting go of Kanda and continuing to kiss his lips, his face and his neck. Kanda reached down and touched Allen's erection and got a gasp.

"Kanda!" Kanda just smirked and started pleasuring the boy in turn. Allen's short breaths turned to lengthy moans when he got going and he was soon on the verge of coming. As if to get even with his partner, he grabbed Kanda's member and began pumping vigorously, running his hands over Kanda's sizeable penis as if he were rubbing oil on his back for a massage.

Kanda came first, pressing his twirling thumb harder on the Moyashi's head to make him come quicker, which he did. They leaned against each other, foreheads pressed together until they gained back their breath, which was hard to do in the steamy room.

"Now can I do it?" Kanda asked as he grabbed both their members and started jerking them off again to get them hard enough to have sex, like he originally planned.

"Hell yes," Allen moaned and went into an aroused fit; kissing Kanda hard and pressing himself flush against the elder's body, rubbing himself shamelessly onto Kanda to get them harder faster. Kanda moaned and stopped Allen before they both came again, though he wouldn't complain if they had another orgasm before the main act.

Kanda quickly prepared Allen, not being as gentle as he could have, and shoved himself up into that warm heat he longed to surround his aching cock. Allen moaned in both discomfort and pleasure; it had been so long since they had been able to be together like this, and even longer since they had taken the time to pleasure each other before hand.

"Sorry," Kanda kissed away Allen's discomfort, waiting until he was more accustomed to the intrusion before lifting the boy's hips up and slamming himself into his lover as he slid back down, hissing at the intense pleasure. His cock was so warm and was throbbing erratically like his heart, like it always did when they were having sex, fucking, making love, whatever. He didn't care, because it was insanely amazing for both parties and that was what mattered in these moments.

"Fuck," he cursed and started thrusting faster and harder, making Allen scream in ecstasy as his prostate was hit over and over. Luckily, the hallway was hardly traveled and the bath was hardly used, so no one heard them. This was turning out to be a very promising location.

"Ughn…" Allen moaned and Kanda reached in between them to once again stroke both of their members in the quick heat of their passion, pushing them to the unbearable edge until they both collapsed, one against the pool wall and the other again his partner. Their seed mixed with the soothing water that was thankfully in a constant cycle and would flow out quickly.

Kanda looked up at his flushed beansprout and kissed him softly. The first time was always the quickie, the tension release they both usually needed. The second time was passion filled love-making he liked the most, though he didn't appear to.

"We…we should go. Before anybody comes in…"

"And before we get all wrinkly," Kanda added.

"Right," Allen laughed. They slipped out of the steamy water and dried off using the towels that were still freshly supplied, even during the disuse of the bathroom.

Looking around the corridor to make sure nobody saw them, they ran out toward Kanda's room, hand in hand, and continued their sexcapades. And by the time they were back to earth after their post-love making bliss, they looked at the clock to see that two hours had slipped away.

While their urges still weren't completely satisfied, they had to part ways to avoid suspicion.

But as Allen was walking away, looking back once to give Kanda one of his rare genuine smiles, Kanda realized he never wanted his Moyashi to leave, that he would always want more of him. He thought back to the night before, in the shower after he returned from their mission together. He bit his lip in anticipation for what he would convince the Moyashi to do later . And to suppress his laugh when he saw Allen was holding back a limp.


It was later that night that Kanda put his plan into action. He was well aware of his now acknowledged yearnings he had for his lover and he was fairly certain, if not a bit overconfident, that Shortstack felt the same way. He certainly wasn't satisfied in that way yet, not by a long short, even though they had passionate, hot sex for around two-and-a-half hours that morning.

He spied the Moyashi in the cafeteria in the far corner, on his 5th tray of 'snack food' and reading a book. Trying to be as stealthy and quiet as possible, Kanda snuck up behind him and sat on the bench next to him, instead of his usual place across from him.

This in and of itself raised the eyebrows of the Finders that were looking, and made Allen freeze, his shoulders hunching in the 'O God, I don't want to be seen right now' kind of way.

"Hey," Kanda said, a hint of lust and intrigue in his voice. Allen looked over at him, surprise in his eyes, as he had thought Kanda was coming to yell at him for eating after dinner.


"You make it sound like a question," Kanda smirked and reached over to grab a lime shrimp off of Allen's tray and popped it in his mouth a little slower than usual. He looked down to Allen's lap and had to repress the grin that threatened to split his face. Oh yeah, he was doing this right.

"So…u-uh…what are you doing here? I t-thought you would be training or in bed." Kanda heard Allen's gulp.

"Well, I decided I've had enough training for today," he said in the most casual, normal-of-him voice he could muster. "I…couldn't sleep. There were some very interesting things on my mind…"

Allen's eyes widened as Kanda trailed his hand along his leg and up his side, thankful that they were in the corner table so those watching hopefully wouldn't see. Kanda's casual tone and intimate touches were getting to him. Was Kanda implying what he thought he was?


"Um…what do you mean?" Allen gulped.

"Well…I was wondering if we could continue where we left off earlier today," he said in a suggestive tone. "If you're done here," he added seductively. However stoic he seemed at any given time, he was still sexy as hell in Allen's eyes and many others too. Now that he was trying…good God Allen was on the verge of jumping him there and then.

"Uh, y-yeah I'm done. Um, just let me clean up a little," he rushed to pile his trays together, awing everybody as he jumped up and threw the rest of his food away in the trash and hurriedly shoving the trays to Jerry. He looked around and saw Kanda just turning the corner into the corridor. Allen's jaw dropped when Kanda winked at him, then smirked.

He had to jog to catch and to keep up. Kanda led them to his room and the moment they entered, Allen slammed the door shut, grabbed Kanda and smashed their lips together. He immediately grinded his arousal against the ravenette's hips, moaning as he continued to get wound up. He let out a groan of disapproval when Kanda pushed him away.

"What are you doing?" he asked. In answer, he gently led Allen to the bed, laid on top of him and passionately started kissing him again. Allen was startled by how gentle Kanda was being; that was very uncharacteristic…

They grinded against each other and kissed for a few minutes, before Kanda started unbuttoning Allen's shirt and undressing him. Allen did the same and soon they were both naked before each other.

Kanda drank in the sight of his naked Moyashi, laid out like a buffet just for him. He started at Allen's ear and kissed and sucked his way down until he was hovering above Allen's straining cock, breathing hotly on the tip. He licked his thigh and his lover twitched and moaned, bucking his hips up in a desperate attempt to get his erection some attention.

But Kanda refused and kissed his way back up, stopping twice to play with Allen's nipples in his mouth.

"Do you want it?" he breathed in the Beansprout's ear, grabbing his ass and squeezing.

"Yes. Please Kanda, stop teasing me. I want you now,"



"In where?" Kanda smirked as Allen's face turned slightly annoyed.

"Inside me. Please Kanda, fuck me."

"You want me to fuck you, do you?"


"Then I want something in return," Kanda said mysteriously.

"Anything!" Allen was looking more eager by the second. Then Kanda pulled away and laid on his back, resting up on his elbows, cock standing straight at attention. "Anything but that," Allen whined when he was let go.

"Suck." Allen looked confused as he stared at Kanda.

"Suck? What do you mean?" Kanda got back up and roughly pulled the Moyashi so their faces were only inches apart.

"Suck me off," he whispered sultrily, then licked the saliva from the corner of Allen's mouth. A beet red color enveloped Allen's face as he realized what his lover meant and he gasped.


"If you want me to screw you, then suck me off first."

"But…but that's so gross!"

"Gross? It's less 'intimate' then sex is. It's kind of the same thing, only my dick will be in your mouth instead of your ass," he smirked evilly at Allen's appalled face at his language. "What?"

"Kanda…" Allen whined.

"Fine then. No sex for a month," Kanda threatened.


"You heard me." Allen hesitated.

"But…it just seems so…weird and messy. And unsanitary," he made a face at the thought.

"Allen," Kanda said then kissed him. "Trust me, it's better than sex in some ways. You always say you want to please me yourself. This is that chance. It will be you pleasing me, your actions, not your body," he said sweetly. Allen chewed on his lip as he pondered this.

"But I don't know how…" his said distraughtly.

"You'll know if you're doing it right. I'll tell you if you do something wrong," Kanda promised. Resolve shined in Allen's eyes and he pushed Kanda back down and stared at his lover's erection, chewing his lower lip in arousal now, a new hunger in his eyes. Kanda grinned; that was a good sign.

Slowly Allen lowered himself so he was on propped up on his elbows above Kanda's shaft, and hesitated as he looked at Kanda as he raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth in anticipation.

Kanda's head fell back as he felt Allen's hot mouth envelope his member. This was so much better than the shower. Allen slid down then back up, stopping when Kanda bucked too fast and waited for him to get control.

Disapproval covered Kanda's face when Allen took his mouth off of him, but his eyes rolled back into his head and his eyelids fluttering when Allen poised his tongue at the base of his cock then slowly and torturously dragged his tongue up to the head, then sucked and repeated.

Kanda was in heaven. This was so different then sex; sex was a natural act, granted it was usually between a male and female, but this was more personal, more intimate. His hands fisted in the sheets of his bed as the Moyashi leisurely licked and teased, up, down, all over his dick. It was awesome.

He heard a moan that didn't come from him and looked down to see Allen's eyes closed and his own hands grabbing the sheets. He was getting into it and the more he got into it, the faster his movements were and the pleasure intensified tenfold.

Allen was actually enjoying this. Not only did he feel good because he himself, instead of his body, was pleasuring his boyfriend, but because it came naturally to him now. And it turned Kanda into a pile of pathetically moaning and thrusting mush; Allen was in control now, and he loved it.

Just to tease his lover, in revenge to the teasing Kanda had done to him, he gripping the base and pulled back, releasing Kanda from his wet mouth. Kanda looked down at him and glared at the white haired teen's sadistic smile. Oh God.

"Don't you dare tease me," he warned.

"Oh, I'll show you teasing," Allen replied and licked the tip of Kanda's penis, watching it jump in appreciation as Kanda took in a short breath. He smiled then did it again. Kanda moaned and his head fell back, so Allen took the very tip into his mouth and began sucking, quietly telling Kanda to come. But the hand gripping the base tightened and wouldn't allow it. A grunt of frustration reached Allen's ears and he hummed in satisfaction, stimulating Kanda so stars shown in his eyes, but he still couldn't come.

Allen descended back down until his nose was pressed against Kanda's groin and swallowed. Kanda moaned as he felt Allen's throat constrict and move against his cock as he swallowed.

Allen moved back up, raking his teeth lightly over the reddened flesh in his mouth. He found that the more he paid attention to the tip of Kanda's penis, the more moans and thrusts he got.

Deciding to tease the man even more, he pulled back, almost releasing Kanda from his mouth again, and this time probing the head of his lover's cock, tonguing the slit. This seemed to be the most sensitive area for Kanda and he grunted and thrust. He continued to bob his head up and down the hardened member all the while twirling his tongue around the head.

"Please," Kanda gasped as he was denied orgasm again. Allen looked up, surprised, and let go of the cock.

"What?" he asked, astonished.

"Please, just…let me come already!" he hissed. Allen smiled and put his mouth back on the throbbing organ in front of him. Kanda started thrusting in and out of his mouth, and Allen let him, letting him bring himself over the edge.

With a loud shout, Kanda released and Allen let out a sound of shock as a warm liquid filled his mouth. He tried to swallow it all, but some got out and dribbled down his chin. Kanda continued thrusting, but he slowed down as his orgasm ended.

Allen released him from his mouth while Kanda just lay there, sated and breathing heavily.

"Wow," he breathed.

"Haven't you ever gotten a blowjob before?" Allen asked.

"Of course not. I told you, you are the first person I've ever been with."

"I find that hard to believe, for a first timer to be so amazing at sex," Allen said dryly, shrugging his shoulders. Then he froze, realizing what he just said and watched the wolfish grin spread across Kanda's face. Ego Inflation Alert!

"Is that so," Kanda asked and sat up, moving toward him like a stealthy cat.


"Hm…" Kanda breathed and tugged on Allen's ear with his teeth. Suddenly he shoved Allen onto his back and straddled his waist. He grinded his hips against Allen's, eliciting a moan from the boy. He bent down and licked his own semen off of Allen's mouth. Then he moved sideways until he was at his lover's ear again.

"My turn."


Ending Author's Babble: Meh he he…what'd ya think? I know I might have dragged it out a bit, but I tend to do that with most of my one-shots/two-shots. This is only a one-shot by the way. I know the ending was kinda crappy, but I suck at endings, even in my English essays. I hope you enjoyed it! Please tell me what you think, I want to know how I'm doing on my yaoi stories!

By the way, this is most likely the last yaoi story I will write (well, that's a lie I'm writing one right now, but it's going to be like at least 20 chapters long). I'd love to write more one, two or three-shots, but I've gone through all the pairing that I like so far and I don't want to be writing like 5 stories for each pairing, that would be weird. I'll post the last chapter to my three shot Things Left Unsaid, but that'll be the last of the D. Gray-man yaoi stories. I might write more if I find another anime pairing that I like, but I don't have much time for that anymore, what with school and family and all, so I probably won't.

The long yaoi story I'm writing is a Final Fantasy 7 fanfic, a Clack fic (CloudxZack) so if you like the pairing or think you might, check it out when I post the first chapter! :D It'll be in the 'Games' section.

-cally (^o^)