Chapter Five: Please Groom Me!

A/N: It's safe to say Legolas has won the polls! Now let's have some fun at the elf's expense with my own sense of humor!

Kagome was quite impressed by the males before her. After their initial shock the four had quickly accepted it and moved on muttering something about "After Gandalf coming back, this isn't quite that farfetched…" Either they had accepted on blind faith, or that they were humoring her, is what she reasoned. As long as they did not completely bonkers on her, Kagome was certain she would be fine. Though the ethereal youkai might need to watch his back, least she ravish the devastatingly handsome male in a fit of utter animalistic lust. She was twenty and a virgin; there was enough lust within her to go through a Roman orgy with a harem of youkai males and still come out wanting more. Luckily for Legolas, Kagome had the morals to resist trying to jump his bones…for the moment.

"Alright. Are you ready to leave Lady Kagome?" Kagome pulled herself out of her hormone ridden thoughts at the sound of Gandalf's voice. She blinked at him without comprehension for a moment before saying "How are we going to get down?" "The same way we came up." It could not be any worse than Sesshomaru's faster than light travel, so she shrugged before walking straight off the cliff face. She stood straight with her arms crossed as she felt the laws of gravity and physics cease to function in regards to her. She tilted her head back to find the males gawking at her display. Did they really think the wizard could not catch her? As she touched the ground she gave a happy cheer, not really enjoying the sight of only air beneath her feet. "Yahoo! Back on the ground!" She was oblivious to the fact she had nearly given the object of her, latest, sexual tensions a stroke. Quite the accomplishment when Legolas was immortal. She watched as the quartet came down as one, the same as they had come up, and landed on the ground with a queasy looking Dwarf. 'Note to self. These people will hate elevators if they ever experience them.' She thought. "What were you thinking! By the Valar, were you trying to get yourself killed?" Legolas demanded as he stalked over to the human; in his worry he did not notice how the sexually frustrated human striped and proceeded to ravish him with her greedy eyes.

Aragorn did notice and fought to keep from laughing as the elf clearly tested her self-control; unfortunately for Kagome, he knew Elves deeply believed in celibacy before marriage. Arwen had made that very clear to Aragorn that celibacy meant nothing except perhaps kissing. Hopefully his friend will realize he was dealing with a woman's self control that was steadily crumbling. "Gandalf…Legolas might need a bodyguard at the rate he's testing Kagome." The White Wizard gave a naughty chuckle like a child that had stolen a cookie from the fabled cookie jar. "Legolas can take care of himself Aragorn. And judging by how he is acting, it doesn't seem her attraction is one-sided. If he wishes to jab the starving Balrog in the eye let him." Gimli grumbled. "Blasted Elves. Always get's the pretty females." Gandalf chuckled at him. "I'm sure there's a pretty Dwarven maiden or two waiting for you Gimli." Gimili appeared to blush, but the red beard made it difficult to tell. Legolas finally conquered his panic, and Kagome her lust, letting them make their way to Helm's Deep.

Kagome was frantically asking questions of the males while they walked on. "So let me get this straight. This King wants to personally thank me?" Gandalf nodded sagely, knowing that the pride of Rohan was on the line would insure Theoden's thanks. "He doesn't have any sons or male relations that are marriageable right? And he's married?" Aragorn replied in a somewhat puzzled fashion to what sounded like paranoia. "He's not seeking a wife, but his nephew and heir is of marrying age and is unwed." Legolas frowned at the entire conversation, making Aragorn's and Gandalf's eyes twinkle knowingly. "Why do you ask Kagome?" She gave an awkward laugh as she skirted around a dune. "Males have a history of kidnapping me and then trying to force marriage upon me. A couple has gotten really close too." The three younger males practically quivered in righteous anger, especially a certain smitten elven prince. Gandalf smirked a smirk Kagome had thought only Miroku, and secretly Sesshomaru, were capable of pulling off without looking like a fool. "Tell us more about where you come from Lady Kagome." Legolas pleaded with earnest curiosity, truly wanting to know more about the mysterious woman who was so very alluring.

He did not understand why he felt so desperately attracted to a human who was not even one of the Dunedain, actually he did but he was drinking from De Nile like an elf suffering from extreme dehydration, but Legolas did want to understand more about her. He ignored how his heart nearly stuttered to a halt when she smiled at him, making his friends grin mischievously at him. "My original time period is home to approximately six billion humans." The Fellowship visibly reeled at the staggering numbers. "Humans are the only race to inhabit my world during my time; the other races live in pocket dimensions. When I traveled five hundred years into my past, humans still did live side by side with youkai like Legolas." Gandalf was almost buzzing with excited curiosity. "Is youkai your word for Elves?" Kagome looked taken aback. "Damn. In my world Elves and Dwarves never existed as far as I know. The translation for youkai is demon. They are an immortal race, immune to age and most diseases. They often have royal facial crests that are family specific, along with special abilities that are sometimes passed down. They possess enormous amounts of power, well at least the bipedal ones. The can turn into a variety of demonic megafauna, which are their true forms, and their superior physical makeup has lead to extreme racial prejudice between our two races since they regard humans as 'lesser'. That's why I exist; my soul was created by my Gods to protect humanity by eradicating youkai from existence. I'm considered a traitor to my kind quite often since I like youkai, often better than humans, and refuse to senselessly hate them."

The Fellowship was once more stunned. Were there truly no Elves or Dwarves where she came from? And she was willing to make friends with demons? Legolas was not sure how he felt at being found similar enough to a demon to be mistaken for one. "Why did you think I was a…youkai?" She smirked, paused, and approached the now nervous elf. Kagome lightly stroked a pointed ear with her pointer finger, not knowing just what she was doing to poor Legolas. "You have the same pointed ears and you move with inhuman grace. Add in the fact both races are, apparently, extremely beautiful it's extremely easy to confuse the two." Kagome then resumed walking, not looking back and thus missing Legolas' delayed reaction. The other three fought laughter at Kagome's unknowing cruelty. The races of Middle Earth, also known as Arda, did not touch a elf's ears for a very good reason.

Kagome had assumed the startling similarities between the two races extended to the reactions of an ear rub. Canine youkai found it a bonding experience between packmates, or mates, that helped build lasting bonds with the loving and innocent pleasure that came from grooming. Kagome, Sango, and Miroku had almost completely adopted the canine youkai mentality about such things by the time Sesshomaru had joined with them. Kagome, being the alpha female, had groomed everyone with no exceptions. Grooming included hair brushing, cuddling, ear rubs for youkai, and when the pack bonds felt shaky everyone would bathe together. The bathing together had been a problem for the humans at first, due to modesty issues and the fact Miroku was an unrepentant pervert, but Kagome solved the issue by bringing swimming suits from her time.

Those who roamed Middle Earth could tell Kagome exactly what she had assumed wrong. Like youkai, Elves also had sensitive ears that stimulated pleasure receptors when stroked. The difference was for Elves it was anything other than innocent pleasure; usually only courting or bonded couples ever touched one another's extremely sensitive ears. Kagome walked on completely oblivious to the fact the object of her lust was flushed, shivering, and out of breath. Which meant luckily, or unluckily depending on whom you asked, Legolas would not be jumped. Aragorn and Gandalf snickered at the poor elven male's state, while Gimli looked gleeful at his humiliation, which made Legolas even more mortified. Aragorn teasen his old friend ruthlessly in revenge for the teasing he and Arwen had endured from the blonde. "Looks like you caught yourself quite the spitfire Legolas. Too bad she has no idea what she just did huh?" He asked of the now furiously blushing elf that crossed his arms in a huff. "Aragorn…should I tell Elrond about the most intriguing thing I saw while in Rivendell?" Aragorn flushed too and gave a growl. Gandalf laughed at the elf in denial, it was obvious he had found his destined one in the odd human woman who hummed a raunchy ditty in front of them. "Legolas…she's getting away." Gandalf pointed out, watching with amusement as the elf scrambled to catch up with his lively human.

Silently he wondered 'Kagome mentioned something about time travel…Could Kagome be immortal? Surely a mortal could not traverse the timeline…' Gandalf focused back on reality as they approached Helm's Deep. He smiled as he heard snatches of Legolas' and Kagome's conversation float back to him on the wind. He felt lighter than he had since the quest began, feeling happiness and amusement at Legolas' predicament. Legolas was currently more amusing than two elven females in a bitter social feud. Life was good.