Title: GOING FOR IT
Fic Pairing: Edward/Jasper
Edward and Jasper have been best friends for three years, ever since their first day of college. But does Edward even know who Jasper really is? Could a secret destroy their friendship? Will one night, a lot of beer, and a long-overdue confession keep our boys from going for it? Rated M for lemon slash.
A/N: This was my contribution to the Autism Speaks Compilation. Please enjoy. S. Meyer owns, not I.
"Fuck it! I'm gonna go for it."
Maybe it's the beer talking – god knows, three cans of Bud Light knock me on my pussy ass – but I've had it.
Eric drops the PS3 controller and gasps like a girl. Tyler stops picking lint off his "Roses are #FF0000" t-shirt and snorts. Mike shoves his thick glasses up his nose and smirks.
Jasper just stares.
I feel a blush rising up the back of my neck. I can't understand why I should feel embarrassed under my best friend's gaze, but nonetheless I squirm a bit on the worn cushion of the common-room couch.
"Look, guys," I say, "Emmett offered to get us into this party, and there's no way it'll ever happen again. He has no idea what outcasts we really are around campus, and once he figures it out, we'll never get this chance again. So I say we go for it while we can! Who's with me?"
"We've been at this school for three years," Mike whines, "and none of those jock-heads would give us the time of day. Your cousin shows up for one frakkin' day, and he's already hangin' with the frat guys."
Tyler slaps Mike on the back of his head.
"So? Eddie's right. Let's take advantage of the situation, man. Have you seen the girls that go to these parties? If we get them drunk enough, maybe we can get a little… ya know…"
"You mean, get… laid?" Eric asks in a hushed tone. Like it's the Holy Grail or some shit.
Well, to be honest, it kinda is.
Jasper still hasn't said a word. His ice-blue eyes bore into the side of my face, causing my ears to flush hot. Weird.
"You virgin pussies can stay here and watch chick flicks all night. I'm going to the party."
"Hey!" cries Mike. "I'm not a virgin pussy!"
"Mike, you felt up Jessica Stanley's tits for, like, thirty-six seconds sophomore year. That does not exactly qualify as a v-card stamp."
"Shut up, Tyler!"
"You shut up!"
"Jeez, guys!" I break in. "Cut that shit out. Are you coming or not?"
Tyler cocks an eyebrow and grins smugly.
"Not yet, but give me a drunk co-ed and an hour."
We all groan. Tyler's cockiness completely evaporates outside the confines of our dorm suite, and we all know it. He barely qualifies as a non-virgin, and that's only because his cousin-by-marriage had too much champagne at a wedding last summer and attacked him before passing out in the coatroom.
I push myself up off the couch, none too steady on my feet. I try to ignore the weird vibe still emanating from Jasper and put my plan into action.
"Let's go." I turn to stumble out the door when I feel a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back.
"Are you crazy, man?" Tyler says incredulously, swiping his hand off my arm quickly. "We can't go to a frat party like this." He sweeps his arm around, including all of us in his gesture.
I peer at him, then belatedly follow his arm movements, taking in the rest of the guys.
"Because," he huffs, "We look like fuckin' geeks, that's why not. We have to at least try to look cooler, if that's even possible for some of us." He cocks his head toward Eric, who scowls and hunches his shoulders.
I focus, with some difficulty, on what we're wearing; geeky tees and baggy khakis seem to be the uniform of choice in our little clique.
"I see your point," I say, running my hand through my hair.
"Hair gel would probably be a good idea, too," adds Tyler, giving me a pointed look.
We scatter to our respective rooms. I throw off my nerd clothes and go through my bureau in a slight drunken haze, tossing things around, before I move to my closet. I paw through the meager offerings on the hangers, finally settling on a newer pair of jeans that are just a hair too tight, along with a dark green button-down shirt that I wore on my one and only date in college so far. My mother had gotten it for me, telling me that the color would bring out my eyes. I don't know if it worked, because the girl didn't stick around long enough to tell me. She got an "emergency" phone call from her roommate and ditched me before our main course was served.
At any rate, I don't have anything else that could remotely be considered "cool," so the green shirt will have to do. I grab a comb and a dab of gel, trying to tame my unruly hair, but it ends up looking like I just rolled out of bed, as usual. Giving up, I head into the bathroom to brush my teeth before meeting the guys downstairs again.
Tyler, wearing jeans and a white polo, is pulling Eric's pale yellow shirttail out of his black chinos as I descend the last step.
"Keep the shirt untucked. That's better, man. You're no Brad Pitt, but you don't look too terrible." He turns as he hears me enter the room and gives me an appraising look.
"Nice, Eddie," he says, giving me an approving nod. Eric looks up.
"Wow, Edward, that shirt really brings out your eyes."
"Uh, thanks?" I raise my eyebrows at him, while Tyler pokes him in the chest.
"Don't be sayin' shit like that when we get to the party, man. You sound gay."
Mike appears from his ground-floor room, wearing dark jeans and a blue-and-white striped button-down.
"What sounds gay?" he asks, rolling up his sleeves.
"Eric talkin' about Eddie's eyes." Tyler rolls his own eyes and slicks back his hair, which has been gelled to within an inch of its life. "Are we ready, ladies? Where's Jay?"
Heavy footsteps sound on the stairs, and we all turn to see Jasper saunter down into the room.
I feel the breath leave my body in a whoosh.
Jasper is wearing tight black jeans, a slim-fitting black button-down, and honest-to-god cowboy boots. His normally disheveled blond curls fall neatly over his forehead. This is so different from his usual sloppy appearance that I almost don't recognize him. I've never seen him look so put-together before. Only his piercing blue eyes remain the same.
Those eyes meet mine and, for a second, he appears to freeze. All sound seems to fade as his eyes trail down my body, then back up again, not quite returning to meet my gaze.
In the next instant, it's like nothing happened. Time resumes, and the voices of the other guys rush back into my consciousness.
"Wow, Jay, you look amazing!" Mike's tone is awestruck and envious.
Eric wolf-whistles, earning a jab in the ribs from Tyler.
"Yeah, you'll pass, Jay," Tyler says, not quite pulling off nonchalant understatement.
I say nothing. I have no idea why I can't seem to look away from Jasper. It's like he's a new person, not the same guy I've been hanging out with since freshman orientation three years ago.
He, on the other hand, almost seems to be avoiding my gaze.
"Are we goin', or what?" he drawls, hitching his thumb impatiently toward the front door.
We pile out of the suite into the cool night and walk the four blocks to Fraternity Row. On the way, I text my cousin.
We r coming to party. Meet outside?
My phone buzzes seventeen seconds later.
Didnt thnk u pussies wd show. ;) C u in a few.
As we get closer, the air reverberates with the bass beat of loud house music. My stomach begins to clench, and the effects of the three beers I'd had start to dissipate, taking my confidence with them. Before I can chicken out, though, we're there, and Emmett's huge form is bearing down on us.
"Whoa, there you guys are! I was starting think you were gonna punk out."
We erupt into a chorus of half-hearted "pshaws" and "no way, mans." Emmett grins, wrapping his beefy arm around my shoulders.
"Well, then, let's go in, and I'll introduce you to some people."
It occurs to me that I ought to be insulted by the notion that my visiting cousin would introduce me to people who go to my own school, but I'm too overwhelmed by the situation to work up any ire. I guess the others feel the same, because they follow us into the house without complaint.
Emmett bumps fists with a guy who's well built, if a tad on the short side.
"Guys, this is Ben. He's a Kappa Sig bro. Ben, this is my cousin, Eddie." Ben offers his fist, and I give it a tentative bump. The other guys introduce themselves, and he smiles, taking us all in.
"Well, it's great to meet you guys. Any friend of Emmett's is a friend of mine." He claps Em on the shoulder and receives a manly back-slap in return. The testosterone flows off of them both in rivulets.
Ben directs us toward the kitchen with instructions to "grab a cold one." Emmett leads the way through a veritable sea of co-eds and starts handing out beers.
"This is slightly intimidating," Eric whispers in my ear. Tyler, glued as he is to my back, overhears him and leans even further in toward us.
"Just look casual, like you belong here. And step off when I make my move, dudes."
A snort is the only comment I need to make.
"You watch," he says indignantly. "It's gonna happen for me tonight. I can feel it."
The five of us cluster in a corner of the kitchen, watching the party flow around us. I glance over at Eric. His posture screams "terrified." I realize that Mike is chewing his way around the edge of a red plastic cup, and that my own shoulders are rather hunched. Tyler leans easily back against the counter, but the nervous flicker of his eyes and the tense way he holds his neck give him away.
Jasper, on the other hand, seems cool and collected. He stands at ease, his head high, taking in the scene with what looks like a determined set to his jaw. He looks like… like he's on the prowl. I can't describe it any other way.
When his glacial eyes meet mine, I realize I'm staring at him. I rip my gaze away, flushing.
"Y'all look like a herd of antelope watchin' the lions circle," he says. "Spread out. Mingle a little. Be the lion." He grins.
He has dimples. Funny, I never noticed that before.
The other guys shuffle a few feet apart from one another, reluctant to leave the safety of the pack. Finally, Tyler huffs and stalks out of the kitchen into the crowd. Mike follows. Eric glances at Jasper and me, and then makes his way to the other side of the kitchen.
I don't know why I don't move. Jasper doesn't leave, either. We stand there, shoulder to shoulder, for a long moment. I feel his eyes on me again, and my nerves get the better of me.
"What?" I say in irritation, turning to face him. The weird vibe is back.
"Nothin'," he mumbles, looking down. Then he sets his jaw again and looks back up at me.
"Let's grab a couple more beers and head outside. It's kinda stuffy in here."
Shaking off the weirdness, I nod in agreement and take the cans he hands me. We wend our way through all the bodies until we make it to the front porch. It isn't any less crowded out here, but at least there's fresh air.
Jasper pops the top of one of the cans and pounds half the beer in one gulp. I gape at him as he tips his head back once more and polishes off the rest. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and grins crookedly at me.
"C'mon, Eddie. Catch up."
I'm sure I'll choke if I try to do what he just did, but I open one and chug as much of it as I can anyway. I take longer than he did, but I manage to drink the whole thing in about sixty seconds.
It takes not even double that time for the lightheadedness to hit. I stagger a bit, and Jasper steadies me with a hand under my arm.
"Whoa, man. You alright, there?"
I grin stupidly. My head feels all swirly, and I like it.
"You're such a lightweight, Edward." Jasper smiles to take the sting out of his words. Still, I'm goaded into popping another can. His smile broadens as he follows suit.
Apparently, I am a huggy drunk.
"I love you, man," I slur, wrapping one arm around Jasper in what may or not be a manly way. Beer pwns weirdness.
Jasper, on the other hand, is a moody drunk.
"Sure ya do, Eddie." He pats my hand, then less-than-gently removes it from his shoulder. His expression is pained.
"No, man, serishly." I feel myself nodding. I don't know if I'm actually nodding or if I'm trying to hold my head still while the rest of my body bounces. "Serioush… no, really. It's true. You're my best friend. Ya know? Outta all our friends, I like you the most. I mean, I don't even… don't even really like those other guys. They're kinda… douchey, I mean. But not you, man." I switch to shaking my head, and the change in direction makes me sorta dizzy in a pleasant way.
Jasper snorts, squinting at me skeptically.
"I mean it, Jay. You're the man, ya know? I can, like, tell you anything, and I know I can trust you not to, like, judge me and shit. Ya know?" I go to punch his shoulder. I miss and hit a wooden porch post. Hard.
"Shit, Eddie. You okay?"
I flap my bruised hand like I'm trying to shake it off my wrist. Jasper takes hold of my arm and brings my knuckles up to look at them.
"No blood. Might swell up, though. Wanna get some ice for it?"
"Naw. You should see the other guy." I giggle, feeling the pain fade. Jasper doesn't crack a smile. In fact, he seems downright grim.
"Hey, Jay, I'm fine." I look down and realize that he's still holding my hand.
I look up at him. He's biting his lower lip, and his brow is furrowed. I frown back at him.
"Wha's wrong, man?"
We stare at each other for long seconds. My brain is moving sluggishly, and I think I should say something, so I open my mouth.
I never get to find out what I would have said. Jasper's eyes close as he lets out a frustrated growl.
"I'm the douche, Edward! Me!"
At that moment, about a dozen guys come barreling out the door onto the porch and leap off onto the lawn, where they proceed to wrestle one another to the ground, shouting and laughing. In the process, they knock me off my feet and into Jasper's chest.
He grabs me and steadies me, but doesn't push me to my feet. I peer up at him. The furrow in his brow has deepened, and he won't meet my gaze.
"Jasper," I say, "you're not a douche. Not even close."
Abruptly, he turns and walks away from me, down the porch stairs and onto the front walkway. I stumble after him.
"Jay!" I call. "Jasper, wait!"
He's already fifty feet ahead of me. He stops, but doesn't face me. I catch up to him, out of breath.
"I wanna go back to the suite," he says in a low voice.
He starts walking again. I follow, panting and worried and muddled by all the beer. At the next corner, he slows his pace to let me catch my breath.
We walk all the way back in silence. When we enter the suite, he wordlessly climbs the stairs to the third floor, where his room and mine lie across the hall from each other. I'm right behind him. He slumps into his room and sits on the bed. He doesn't look up when I sit in his desk chair. I don't know what to do or say, so I just sit there, watching him. Just when I start thinking about leaving him alone to stew, he begins to speak.
"Remember freshman year when we met each other at orientation, and you said you liked my t-shirt?"
I nod. I remember that shirt. It had said, "It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo." It was the thing that broke the ice between us, and we'd been friends ever since.
"It wasn't my shirt," Jasper blurts out. "During move-in, I spilled cranapple juice on the button-down I was wearing, and my mom found that old shirt of my cousin's in the trunk of our car. We were late driving up here, and I had to rush out to orientation while my parents unpacked my stuff, so I didn't have time to find a decent shirt and change. I was totally embarrassed to be seen wearing it, but then you noticed it and started talking to me. So I lied. I pretended to be a geek and a gamer, and you guys all accepted me and I just fit. It was like I didn't have to worry about being judged or criticized for who I was."
His word-vomit is making my head spin.
"Jasper, I don't understand. You lied about liking gaming and stuff?"
He buries his face in his hands.
"Yeah." His words are muffled. "Before I came here three years ago, I'd never played D&D or read Lord of the Rings."
I feel my jaw fall open and my eyes widen.
He peeks over his fingers at me, his face red.
"This," he says, with a downward sweep of one hand, "is how I used to dress all the time back home. I was Jasper Whitlock, ladies' man and life of the fuckin' party in Galveston."
I ease myself back in the chair, running my hands through my hair.
"Is this some kind of joke? I don't get it. You've been pretending all this time that you're not cool? Just to hang out with a bunch of geeks?" My stomach is tightening in what I'm pretty sure is anger and maybe a little hurt.
Jasper shakes his head.
"I've always been pretending, even at home. I'm not cool. I'm… I've never wanted to show anyone my real self. I never felt safe enough. Until now."
I narrow my eyes.
"Whaddaya mean, until now? What's changed?"
He slowly raises his eyes to meet mine.
His whisper is so soft, I almost think I misheard him. The way his eyes are searing mine, though, convinces me I didn't.
"When you started talking to me that day," he continues, "you were so… open and trusting. It was really easy to be with you, and I didn't feel like I had to work all that hard to fit in. Then we hooked up with Tyler and the other guys, and it got harder. I had to do a lot of research and catch up on all the nerdtastic stuff you guys talked about all the time. It kinda sucked, actually." The ghost of a smile appears on his lips.
"You were very convincing," I say stiffly. His tiny smile fades.
"Edward, I wasn't trying to trick you or anything. I just really wanted to be someone different than I was at home. Being a badass all the time was exhausting. I wanted to be somebody that didn't have so much social pressure to keep up appearances." His expression turns rueful. "Boy, was I wrong about that. Geeks are more judgmental than anyone."
My brain is still in an alcohol fog, the edges of my vision blurred and prismatic. My emotions are churning. I feel betrayed.
"You were my best friend," I whisper. "I thought I knew you."
He's up like a shot and standing before me, hands hovering in the air in front of him.
"It's still me, Edward. I'm still me. I even learned to love World of Warcraft. For real, I'm not just saying that." His voice drops. "You're still my best friend."
"Yeah," I scoff. "I'm your best friend who doesn't even know who you really are, what you're hiding from everyone."
I stare at him. He looks like he's in agony.
"Just tell me, Jasper."
He takes a long breath and lets it out.
"Okay. I'm… I'm gay."
"That's it?" I say. "You mean, that's your big secret? Jeez, Jasper, did you really think I wouldn't like you just because you're gay?"
He shakes his head.
"There's more?" I ask.
"I think I'm in love with you."
"You think you're in love with me," I repeat slowly.
"How long have you felt this way?"
"Since the first time you talked to me," he says.
"Well," I say, "I guess that explains a lot."
An uncomfortable silence falls over us. I'm feeling so many things at once, I can't separate them into distinct emotions.
"Shit," Jasper splutters, "I've fucked everything up, haven't I?" He takes a step back away from me, dropping his head.
"I…" My mouth opens and closes a couple of times until I can make words come out. "I don't know what to say, Jay. I'm just really… surprised."
"Edward." His expression is pleading now. "I never meant to lie to you. I swear. I did all that stuff because… because I didn't know how else to be close to you."
I scratch the back of my neck.
"Wow," I say.
"Um. Jeez. Well, you must've spent a fortune on a whole new geek wardrobe."
Jasper cracks a smile.
Twenty minutes later, we're sitting on his bed, giggle-snorting.
"You did not wear guyliner!"
"Dude," Jasper gasps, "I was a sophomore in high school. It was, like, my experimental phase."
I snort harder.
"C'mon, man! I only wore that shit for a month. Caught a lot of crap for it, too. Then, summer before junior year, I had a growth spurt. Joined the soccer team that fall and started scorin' with the chicks."
"Jeez, you're athletic, too? I really don't know you at all."
Jasper stops laughing and shoots me a pained look.
"What?" I stop laughing, too. "Too soon to tease?"
"Do you really forgive me for lying to you?"
I think about this for a moment.
"I… forgive you," I say slowly. "But it might take a while to forget. You know? There's just so much that I don't really know about you. It's confusing."
Jasper nods soberly. Well, as soberly as he can, considering we're both pretty buzzed.
"I get it, Edward. And I'm really, truly sorry."
"Jay." I hold up my hand to stop him. "Please stop apologizing, already. You don't have to anymore."
He regards me with unblinking blue eyes.
"Yeah, Edward. I do. I owe you that. That and so much more."
I look down, breaking our stare.
"I just wish things could go back to normal between us," I mumble. "This is so awkward." When he doesn't respond, I look up. His eyes burn into mine.
"Edward," he says softly, "I'm sorry this is uncomfortable for you. But I don't want things to go back to the way they were. I want you to know me, the real me. Everything about me. And I wanna know you…"
"You know me, Jasper."
His lips press together as his eyes briefly close.
"That's—" He falters. "That's not all I want."
He looks back at me, his gaze melting-hot.
"You don't know how hard it's been for me. Being around you all the time, but not being able to be… with you." His breath shudders. "But I'd rather that than nothing at all. I can't lose your friendship, Edward. It means everything to me."
His eyes hold mine. I don't know what I'm thinking. In my head, I hear blue, blue eyes… dimples I never noticed before… lips moving… rosy, plush lips…
Does beer induce auditory hallucinations?
No. No it doesn't.
It lowers inhibitions.
The world rumbles and shifts, and when it resettles a nanosecond later, nothing is the same. I'm not the same.
"I was wrong," I say.
"What?" Jasper's face registers fear.
"I was wrong, Jay. You don't know me."
Rejection joins the fear in his expression.
"'Cause, if I don't really even know me, how could you?"
As his features reform into shock, my hand lifts and strokes his cheek, drawn like a magnet to his skin.
His face moves from shock to uncertainty and… hope? Butterfly wings tickle me from the inside as my pulse starts pounding in my ears.
"Edward, what are you thinkin' right now?"
My mouth moves, words come out. I barely hear them over the rush of my blood.
"Blue eyes, dimples, soft lips—" Before I can say anything else, he falls into me with a groan and presses his mouth against mine.
I've kissed two people before. Bree Tanner when I was six, and Heidi Aventura when I was fifteen. The first was an innocent peck while playing "house." The second was close-mouthed, brief and awkward, and she made me swear afterward never to tell anyone about it.
When Jasper's lips touch mine, I'm electrified. He kisses me gently at first, and then pulls my bottom lip into his mouth. When I feel his tongue run over it, I inhale sharply in surprise and pull back.
His face begins to fall, but before he can say anything, I grab a handful of his honey curls and pull him back to me. Our mouths open to one another, and when his tongue sneaks out to touch mine, I suck it into my mouth. The moan this elicits from him vibrates down my throat and into my groin, making me groan in return.
His hands come up to cradle my face and slip into my hair, tangling in my unruly mop, and it feels so damn good.
We break apart a few seconds later, gasping for air. His hands are still in my hair, while mine have shifted down to grasp his shoulders. He moves his head back far enough to look into my eyes. His are heavy-lidded and dark. I think mine probably are, too.
"Edward," he pants, "are you sure? I mean, I don't want to pressure you into anything you don't want to do."
"Jay, does this feel like I don't want it?" I kiss him again, forcefully, pulling his lower lip between my teeth. He kisses me back with equal force, tugging my hair again. When we come up for air, he pushes me away and stands up.
"Jasper? What's the matter?"
His face is in his hands.
"I can't. If… if this is just because you're drunk or experimentin' or whatever… I can't handle it, Edward. Please don't fuck around with me."
"Jay." I stand and pull his hands away from his eyes. "Honestly, I don't know what's happening. I don't have any experience with this kind of thing. So anything I do at this point is an experiment."
He rolls his eyes.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Listen to me," I say. "I never really thought that much about girls and… well, sex." I feel my face heat up. "I mean, not that I never thought about it, but I just… I was never obsessed with it like Tyler and those guys. You know?"
He nods, and I press on.
"When you kissed me, I felt this, like, lightning bolt or something. I've never felt this way before. Ever. I– I like it."
His lips curve up.
"You do, huh?"
"Yeah. A lot." I look down at our still-joined hands. "I get that you're scared. But I'm just as scared as you are. When you get rejected all the time, it's just easier not to put yourself out there."
"I'd never reject you, Edward." He squeezes my hands, prompting me to meet his gaze. "But you're right. I am scared. I've wanted you for so long, it's hard to believe you could want me now, after three years."
I consider this.
"I'm not gonna deny that the alcohol probably has something to do with it. But, if anything, it's just lowering my inhibitions. What I'm feeling is real."
"What are you feeling?" he whispers.
I don't answer him with words. Instead, I put my hands on his upper arms and push him back toward his bed. When his knees hit the edge, he sits down. I continue to push him back until he's lying down, my body hovering over his.
"Edward," he breathes, and then my mouth covers his.
"Jasper," I say between kisses, "I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Whatever you're doing right now, it's fuckin' amazing." He rolls his hips up into me, and I realize that he's hard. I'm getting hard, too. I tentatively push myself back down into him, and his moan makes me do it again.
"Oh, god, Edward!" His hips seek mine once more, and the friction feels so fucking satisfying and so fucking maddening at the same time. "I've thought about this so much. You have no idea. You kissin' me, you on top of me, you inside me…"
"Shit," I say.
"I shouldn't have said that. Fuck! I'm sorry, Edward. I'm not tryin' to push you or anything. We'll go slow, I promise…"
"Jasper, shut up."
He stares up at me, eyes wide.
"Shit," I repeat, balancing my weight above him on my arms. "I'm a goddamned twenty-one-year-old virgin. It's pathetic. If Tyler can lose his to a cousin in a coat closet, why can't I lose mine to my best friend?"
He's shaking his head before I even finish speaking.
"No. No, that's not how I wanted this—"
"Jasper." I lean down and rest my forehead on his. "I want you to be my first. I trust you. Please, show me how to do this."
He inhales and blows out a long breath.
"I haven't done anything in a long time."
"But you've done it before, right?"
"Was the last time before or after you met me?"
"You really want to talk about this right now?"
"You're right," I say, "I don't want to talk about this."
His smirk broadens as he rolls us over so he's now on top of me. He kisses me, and his mouth moves from my lips down my jaw and throat, caressing places that shoot little fireworks through me.
His fingers release the buttons of my shirt and slide it down my arms. He moves his lips to my chest, and each kiss, each touch of his tongue is a sunburst across my skin. His teeth find my nipple and pull gently, making my back arch as waves of heat break over me.
His own shirt is suddenly gone, and I feel him working my jeans open. His hands graze my erection, and an explosion of heat rocks my whole body.
"Jasper… Jay," I pant. "I'm gonna… I'm gonna come as soon as you touch me. Fuck!"
"Shhh. Just relax, baby." He slowly pulls my jeans and boxers down together, releasing my dick. I lift my hips so that he can get them all the way off. My shoes and socks end up on the floor, too, somehow. I don't care. I'm lost in the feeling of Jasper's hands moving back up my thighs.
He strokes my hips, my stomach, my chest, working up to my shoulders before sweeping his touch back down again. He avoids my groin, giving my erection time to calm down while, at the same time, bringing my anticipation level to a boil. I close my eyes, letting the sensations wash over me.
That's when I feel it. I jump at the wet little tickle on my testicle. Jasper's hands pin me down by my hips, and that's when I realize he's licking my balls. My muscles clench as he takes one completely into his mouth and rolls it around his tongue.
"Ohhhhh, fuuuuuuuck." My dick is throbbing now in time with my racing heartbeat.
He releases the ball in his mouth and gives the other one the same treatment. If my eyes roll any further back in my head, I swear I'll be able to see my brain.
Just as I manage to relax into the feeling of him sucking my balls, his tongue moves to the base of my shaft and licks a long, slow line up to the head. My eyes pop open.
He's looking right at me, his eyes darker than I've ever seen them.
"Jay, I can't—"
"It's okay, Edward. I know this is new for you. I want to make you feel good."
"It feels so good, Jay. God, I had no idea!"
He laughs, and his lips come down on the head of my penis, his tongue flicking around the ridge. I moan and try like hell to keep my eyes open so I can watch him. I don't want to miss a second of this, because I know that's probably how long I'll last.
I actually make it past the one-second mark. It's a good forty-five seconds, in fact, before he moves his mouth down, sucking hard, to take almost all of me in. That's when I lose it. I try to grab his hair and move him off me in time, but he won't budge and I end up coming in his mouth. He continues to suck as my dick spurts, and the feeling is so incredible my brain shuts down. For a small space of infinity, the universe narrows down to just Jasper's mouth on me. I'm nothing but this unwinding spiral of heat and tension, incapable of thought or expression.
When the world widens back to normal, I feel my pulse pounding and my breath heaving. Jasper's face comes into focus, a smirk on his lips, but a softness in his eyes that I've never seen before. Some primitive part of me has broken loose and is pacing back and forth in the cage of my body.
Before he can finish his sentence, I pounce, rolling us over so that I'm on top of him, my weight pinning him to the bed. His shocked expression turns to one of hunger, and he lets out a moan that vibrates down to my spent dick.
"You like that?" Primitive-Me asks. "You like me on top of you, Jay?"
He nods, whimpering.
"Tell me what to do. I wanna make you feel good, too."
Jasper's face clouds.
"Edward, you don't have to—"
I stop his words with my mouth and tongue. He kisses me back just as fiercely. When we break apart, his uncertainty is gone.
"Touch me, Eddie. Please."
Primitive-Me is in no mood to tease. I unbutton his jeans and rip them down past his hips. He's not wearing any underwear.
I reach out my hand and run my palm tentatively across the head of his penis. He's so hard, and my light touch makes him twitch and groan. Encouraged, I grasp his shaft and squeeze, pulling more noises from him. I'm totally turned on by the power I seem to have over him.
"Ungh. More. Please"
His clothes have to go. I pull off his cowboy boots and toss his jeans somewhere over my shoulder. Then I lick my hand and begin to stroke him, feeling him jerk and harden as I increase the friction. I move my other hand down to his balls and gently roll them between my fingertips.
After a few minutes of this, he's breathing hard and shallow. My hand slips down from his balls and caresses his little puckered opening. He gasps.
"I wanna be here, Jay. Tell me what to do."
"Oh, god, Eddie! Pleeeeease!"
"Tell me what to do," I patiently repeat. He can barely focus, and that's my fault, but I'm hardly sorry.
"Lube," he manages through gritted teeth. "Lots of lube… and… condom." He gestures in the direction of his night table. Keeping one hand on his cock, I slide the drawer open and pull out a foil-wrapped condom and a clear bottle of lube, dropping them on the bed beside us. I look back at Jasper.
"You have to… get me ready," he pants. "Lube up your fingers and stretch me."
For a second, I'm simultaneously grossed out and turned on. I mean, he wants me to stick my fingers in his ass. Then again, he wants me to stick my fingers in his ass. The look on his face—and the reaction in my groin—weigh the scale in favor of turned on.
He whines as I take my hand off his cock. I hurriedly snap open the lube and coat three of my fingers. Returning the unlubed hand to his shaft, I press one lubed finger gently into his entrance. Before I know it, I'm knuckle-deep, and Jasper's hips are arching off the bed.
"Yesssss," he hisses.
Oh. My. God.
How the hell will my dick ever fit inside him?
I add another finger, pumping them in and out of him. Jasper's reaction has me semi-hard and gasping for breath.
"Ohhhhhhhhhh," he groans. "Yes! Eddie, I need you. Please."
I feel something rubbing my balls, and realize that it's Jasper's foot. His toes brush the sensitive skin of my sac, moving back to tickle at my own entrance. I jump in surprise, but my dick seems to like it. A lot.
"Are you hard, darlin'?" Jasper rasps. "Are you hard enough to fuck me?"
I'm hard as a rock at this point, and I'm even more worried about fitting inside him. I try to stretch him as much as I can, spreading my fingers wide. I must have hit a good spot, because he lets out a howl.
"Oh, please, Eddie! Please, now! Fuck me now!"
I rip open the condom packet and fumble with the latex until I figure out which side goes on first. Grabbing the lube bottle once more, I nearly empty that sucker over my entire length. Jasper's knees are at his shoulders, his hands holding them up, exposing himself to me. He looks so vulnerable in this position, I can't help but lean over and kiss him.
"Just go slow," he whispers. "You won't hurt me."
I place my cock at his slicked-up entrance and push just enough to squeeze the head inside him. He inhales sharply and I freeze, looking anxiously at his face. His eyes are clenched shut, but within seconds, I feel him relaxing his muscles around me. He opens his eyes and nods.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
I push further in, slowly moving forward until I can't go anymore. I look down to see my hips flush against Jasper's ass.
I'm not a virgin anymore.
I withdraw gently until just my tip remains inside him, then thrust back in with a bit more force. He grunts, and I have to hold back from coming right then and there. He's just so… tight. The way he stretches to accommodate my size feels perfect, like we were meant to be together like this.
His legs wrap around my waist, pulling me into him. I start moving faster, setting a rhythm that I know will push me over the edge too soon. But I can't stop.
His hands are in my hair, pulling me down to his lips for another scorching kiss. All the while, he's making grunts and groans of pleasure. I feel his hand sneak in between us to knead his cock, and I push it out of the way, taking hold of him myself and pumping him furiously. I desperately want to make him come.
The shift in my angle has me hitting that place inside Jasper again that makes him howl.
"Ohhh! Yes, Edward! Right there, right there, right there! Don't stop, please, don't stop!"
I couldn't stop for anything, not a fire alarm, not an explosion, not even my mother walking into the room.
"Jay," I moan, "Please come. Come for me, baby."
Incredibly, he does. I feel his cock jump, and warm, oozy liquid spurts out onto our bellies as he moans long and loud.
I made Jasper come.
I made Jasper come.
That thought shoves me hard over the edge. I let out a growl as I thrust hard and fast, filling the condom. I'm that spiral of heat and tension again, with no control over my body as it takes what it needs.
Jasper's mouth pressing tiny kisses to my cheeks and eyelids brings me back to myself. I wind my fingers in his curls, nuzzling into his neck and placing kiss after kiss there.
"Thank you," I murmur. "Thank you, thank you."
"No, darlin'," he whispers back. "Thank you. I love you, Edward."
Sunlight streams across my closed eyes. A warm body cuddles close against my back.
Jasper stiffens beside me.
"Edward?" I hear his tentative voice tremble.
"Hi, Jay," I reply.
"Do you… I mean, is it…"
I roll over to face him.
"Good morning, baby." I grin and smooth his cheek with my thumb.
The relief on his face is almost comical.
"I wasn't sure if you remembered, or if you would feel the same—"
"Jasper," I interrupt, "How could I possibly forget the most amazing experience of my life?"
His grin outshines mine, if that's even possible. I want to kiss him, but my mouth tastes like stale beer. Plus, I have to pee really badly.
"Give me a minute to brush my teeth and stuff," I tell him, stretching and rolling out of bed. He follows suit.
"I've gotta take a piss somethin' fierce," he says. "Mind sharing the bathroom?"
I shake my head with a smile, ogling his naked body. He ogles me right back.
We sneak out into the hallway, buck naked and giggling, and slam the bathroom door behind us. We take turns peeing and freshening our breath, and he pushes me against the counter for a long, slow kiss.
I have never felt this peaceful, this… happy.
Our stomachs rumble at the same time, causing us to break our kiss and laugh. We run back to our respective rooms and throw on sweatpants and t-shirts, meeting at the stairs to go down to the kitchen together and see what we can dig up for breakfast.
The digital clock on the common-room cable box tells us it's a little after ten in the morning. As we toss some Pop-Tarts into the toaster, Mike comes out of his room, dressed in jeans and a red button-down, looking chipper and whistling.
"'Mornin', guys. I gotta split. I ran into Jessica Stanley at the party last night, and we made a date for brunch this morning." He jauntily exits the suite, leaving Jasper and me staring after him open-mouthed.
A few seconds later, Eric comes stumbling in the front door. His yellow shirt is buttoned wrong, his shirttails hanging haphazardly out of his wrinkled pants. He looks like he slept in his clothes.
"What happened to you, man?" I ask.
"Need… sleep," he mumbles. "All-night fucking. Incredible, but… exhausting."
Once again, Jay and I are left gaping.
"Who the hell were you with all night?" Jasper demands.
"Tanya," says Eric.
"Irina," he continues.
"Something with a 'K'… Katrina! That's it. I knew they rhymed," He finishes.
Apparently, he's conveyed all the information he thinks we need to know. He drags himself up the stairs and disappears into his room.
Jasper shrugs, pulling the Pop-Tarts out of the toaster.
"I guess we weren't the only ones who got lucky last night," he says.
I glance around the suite.
"Where's Tyler, I wonder."
Jasper opens his mouth to respond when we hear a loud smack coming from upstairs. We look at each other.
A muffled "Ohhh, yes! Smack my ass again!" comes floating down the stairs.
I don't realize I've drifted toward the staircase until Jasper comes up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"That's it, Ben! Please, more!" It's clearly Tyler's voice.
"Ben?" Jasper mouths to me. "Kappa Sig Ben?"
I shrug as a deep growl comes from behind Tyler's door.
"I told you, boy. What do you call me?"
"Master! Oh, Master, please! Spank me again!"
"Shut the hell up!" screams Eric from across the hall. "Some of us are trying to sleep!"
Jasper and I grab our Pop-Tarts and hightail it back up to his room.
"Holy shit!" I wheeze through my giggling.
"What the hell did they spike the punch with last night?" he says, bent over with laughter.
We snort and chuckle as we scarf down the Pop-Tarts. Seeing how happy he is, how sunny and warm, makes my heart swell.
Unable to contain myself anymore, I jump him and push him back onto the bed, hovering over him. The look in his eyes matches the heat I feel running through me.
What the hell, Edward. Just go for it.
"Jasper… I love you, too."
A/N: Hope you all liked this - feel free to let me know. Also, I wrote a guest rec for Twislash Unveiled (thanks yet again, Nae!). Visit the blog and check it out, if you so desire: www (dot) twislash (dot) blogspot (dot) com. Don't forget to replace each (dot) with an actual period. In other news, I finally caved and joined Twitter as Angelbethygp. I can't promise that I'll tweet a lot, but when I do tweet, I'll make it worth your while. ;-)