The Hyrulian Valhalla Saga
By Queenie Z

Link Bigalow: Hyrulian Gigolo

"Well, go on, Green," said Mini, grabbing his successor by the shoulders and shoving him towards Time, "ask him!"

Time blinked, turning from the shield he was busy polishing and toward the other two Heroes. "Mm? Ask me what?"

"I — " Green suddenly turned red and clammed up; something that was highly uncharacteristic of the boy, who was typically shameless with his thoughts and feelings. He looked back at Mini.

"Don't be like that," chuckled the elder Link, "ask him!"

Green gulped. Then, with a deep breath, he bowed deeply. "Please let me become your apprentice!"

"Eh?" Time tilted his head. "I thought you practiced with Mini, but if you can grab your sword I could — "

"No, no, not in swordplay," interrupted Mini with a bright laugh, "he wants to become your apprentice in charming girls."

"Mini!" growled Green through gritted teeth.

Time held out a hand incredulously. "Wait, wait, wait, hold on… you want me to teach you how to charm girls? Am I hearing you correctly?"

The flustered Hero sighed and rolled his eyes. "Come on, Time, if anybody could show me how to do it, it's you! Mini told me all about how girls would flock to you when you were alive!"

With a gulp, Time, covered his mouth and chin with his hand and turned slightly pink. "Well, I, uh — "

"He said you used to be the most handsome man in Hyrule! Everyone either wanted you or wanted to be you!" Green held his fists in front of him and pleaded, "Come on, Time, you have to tell me how you did it…!"

Time's eyes darted to Mini. "What kind of things have you been telling him, Mini? I hope you weren't trying to paint me as some kind of philanderer…"

"Not a philanderer, per se," replied Mini with a grin, "but you've got to admit, you did break a lot of hearts, what with Saria and Zelda and Malon and Ruto - heck, even Nabooru thought you were cute!"

"H-How was I supposed to know they felt that way about me!?" said Time defensively, "I mean, aside from Ruto…"

"And let's not forget those longing stares you shared with Sheik," Mini continued. "I'm telling you, Time, your charm surpasses even the boundaries of age and gender…!"

"Wait, I thought Sheik was Zelda," said Green.

"He didn't know that at the time, now, did he?"

Time groaned and rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "Okay, okay, I get the point. But, in all honesty," he lowered his hand and frowned slightly, "I couldn't tell you why I had so many admirers. It's not like I was trying or anything; I was just being myself."

Green thought about this for a moment. "So, you're saying that all I have to do is be myself?"

"That's not what I — "

"Thanks, Time!" His eyes began to shimmer in excitement, "I knew I could count on you!" He turned and ran off, muttering something about how he was going to become the 'Hero of Ladies'. Time watched him leave in bewilderment, then shot another unamused look at Mini.

"This was all your idea, wasn't it?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Mini shrugged. "I tried telling him that he didn't need to do anything special," he explained, "but he wouldn't believe me. Guess he just needed to hear it from you."

Time's frown turned into a small smile at Mini's explanation. "He has nothing to worry about in the first place," he said. "He is a Hero, after all - that kind of charm just comes with the territory, I think."

"Spoken like a true stud," laughed Mini, reaching up to give Time a few friendly slaps on the back.

The Hero of Time turned bright red and glared at his smaller elder. "Don't ever call me that again," he grumbled.