The Hyrulian Valhalla Saga
By Queenie Z
'Tis The Season To Be Spiteful
Duo blinked. "Is that - "
" - Ganon?" finished Light, who looked just as confused as his successor.
Brown smirked, clearly pleased with the very crude yet enormous likeness of the Prince of Darkness he had made out of the snow that now covered their heavenly realm. "It is," he said, giving the snowman - or rather, snowpig - a few pats. "Well, guys? What do you think?"
Sky tilted his head. "It's, uh," he stammered, scratching his cheek with a gloved hand, "it's something, all right..."
"I'm not gonna lie," said Engie, placing a hand on his hip, "I don't get it - of all the things you could have made a snow sculpture out of, why Ganon? I mean, isn't he the one who caused the old Hyrule so much trouble?"
"That's putting it lightly, Engie," added Wind, who adjusted his scarf as he gave Brown and his creation an incredulous look.
Brown simply chuckled. "See, I knew you guys were going to ask me that." He knelt down and began packing some snow together into a ball. "I may be the new guy, but even I know that if there's one thing us Heroes despise, it's Ganon in all of his incarnations." He stood again, smoothing out his snowball and grinning excitedly. "So I thought, since one beating from nearly each us clearly wasn't enough - "
"Aha!" cried Time, a mischievous grin of his own forming as he cracked his knuckles, "I see where you're going with this!" He then began to make his own snowball, causing Twilight to frown at him.
"Seriously, Time?" he said with a cocked eyebrow, "You're going along with this?"
Green snickered gleefully as he too made a snowball. "I think Brown's onto something, Twilight!"
"Yeah!" added Mini, who crouched down on the ground in order to make a small arsenal of snowballs, "Think of all the things he put you and your friends through - a couple of snowballs to the face is the least that pig deserves!"
Running backwards away from his sculpture, Brown wound up his arm. "Exactly!" He tossed the ball at the effigy's face, where it landed with a soft crunch. "That was for being hunted down by your thugs my whole life!"
"And this is for the maidens," said Green, tossing his snowball at the sculpture's shoulder, "and all the knights you cursed!"
Almost immediately after Green's snowball landed, Light hurled one of his own, breaking one of the snow Ganon's tusks. "And that one's for my Uncle!"
"And this is for Sis!" cried Wind as he landed a snowball right on its snout.
Time looked down at his snowball in thought. Then, after realizing that his own grievances with the Evil King could not be summed up into a single snowball, he took two more from Mini's stash. "This one's for stealing my childhood and hurting my friends," he hurled one sharply at the sculpture's gut, "this one's for causing Hyrule to be flooded," he threw another at its left arm, "and this one is for laying your filthy hands on my descendent...!" his last shot managed to completely obliterate the beast's right arm, which made the Hero of Time pump his fist victoriously.
Said descendent couldn't help but smirk at the catharsis desecrating Ganon's likeness seemed to bring his fellow Heroes - maybe Brown really was onto something! He grabbed two more snowballs from Mini's ever-growing pile and took out both of the statue's ears. "That's for hurting the kids," he said, "and for everybody in the Twilight Realm!"
Engie turned his snowball over in his hand. "I never had to fight you," he said, rearing up his pitch, "but you kinda look like Malladus, so it still counts!" He grunted as he hurled his snowy projectile at Ganon's chest.
"Me either, but these are for every one of my successors you've caused problems for!" Mini proceeded to throw his pile of snowballs at the effigy, one for each Hero who had to fight the dark beast.
"And these," said Duo, who reached into Mini's stash and also started throwing multiple snowballs with a viciousness that was highly uncharacteristic of him, "are for all of the Princess Zeldas you've kidnapped!"
However, Duo and Mini's onslaught was interrupted by a ferocious battle cry and a blur of metal cutting through the snow Ganon. Its top half crumbled to the ground to reveal Sky, his face contorted into a terrifyingly angry expression, one that stunned his successors into silence. Giving his blade a seasoned twirl, he sheathed it - then grinned triumphantly from ear to ear.
"And that," he said chipperly, "was for Hyrule."
With that, the other Heroes burst into loud and jubilant cheering.