Disclaimer: I don't own it. (see chapter 1)
A Saiyan Homecoming
Chapter 2: Untimely Interruptions
The sleek little red airship cut through the stiff morning breeze under the direction of a beefy, dark-haired man, who was returning his grandson home after spending the day with him. Hercule Satan flinched as the sound of Barden's rumbling stomach filled the lavish cockpit of his personal airship.
"Are you hungry again, Barden?" In the past twelve hours the boy had eaten almost everything in sight; and Hercule had been prepared for his coming!
The little boy shrugged, flashing his grandfather an apologetic smile. "Sorry Pops. Gran says I'll be starting my first growth spurt soon."
Hercule pulled his bushy brows together as he let the little ship glide along a particularly fast-flowing airstream he'd found a long time ago. "Your first growth spurt?" Kami forbid Videl have to feed this child all on her own! He'd keep her cooking day and night!
Barden nodded, pulling a small bag from behind him and rummaging through it. "Yeah," he surfaced with a package of particularly flavorless looking candies. "Gran says that neither Dad or Uncle Goten noticeably shot up until they were about 9—when they both grew a few inches, but were still really short." He popped one of the candies into his mouth. "Then they have a really big growth spurt at about 13," he sucked loudly on the candy, "bringing them up to almost their full height."
Hercule frowned, not wanting to comprehend what his son-in-law's alien blood was doing to his grandson. He'd asked about Pan once, and had his ears filled with so many technical terms he couldn't even comprehend the first sentence. Pan had grown up into a fine young woman, as had that other little partial-alien girl; the Briefs girl she hung around with. And years of experience had forced him to admit that his freak of a son-in-law was actually quite normal.
So the former World Champion assumed that his grandson would grow properly, and that Videl would tell him if Barden needed any sort of special treatment.
Hercule liked spending time with Barden; his grandson was the son he'd never had. Of course, he couldn't fill the boy's ears with tales of his great exploits; but there was plenty to do. Like fishing, or testing that new video-game console that everyone was raving about with a few rounds of Monster Mash and Rabid Racing. It had been fun; despite the fact that Hercule lost every game.
"How was the party last night?" He questioned his grandson.
"Fun," Barden slurred from around his third candy. "Uncle Goten and I arm-wrestled; but Gran stopped us before we destroyed anything." He laughed. "Then Aunt Marron decided Uncle Goten ought to mind all the chibis, so we ended up playing a game of ki tag, and Damia blew up Mom's flowerbed!"
Hercule rolled his eyes, thankful that at least his grandson's name was semi-normal. The boy's cousins all had very unusual names. And all of their games seemed to end up with somebody blowing something up, and then the loudmouthed woman yelling at them all. After his first two meetings with Gohan's friends, Hercule only made an appearance when forced. And he'd taken Videl out for a private birthday celebration a few nights ago.
Hercule was surprised when Pan had shown up on his doorstep with her little brother, but had been more than happy to take him for the day. He didn't get to spend nearly enough time with either of his grandkids.
But it was time to get Barden home to Videl; she hadn't answered her phone all day so they could tell her where Barden was. And as lackadaisical as Videl seemed when it came to his training with those abnormal creatures, she worried when Barden was unaccounted for over long periods of time.
He dropped the airship to the flat open space on the lawn in front of his daughter's unimposing home, and Barden scrambled out, heading straight for the front door.
Hercule chuckled and began to climb out of the jet, stopping in surprise when Barden came dashing back across to him, looking pale. "What's wrong, Barden?"
"There's a man," Barden gasped. "In Momma's room! He's big—bigger than you are even—and—his hair! Lots of hair!"
Hercule frowned. "There's a man in your Mother's room?" A man in his precious daughter's room? His scrawny son-in-law was the only man allowed in Videl's room! The nerd-boy rightly worshipped the ground she walked on, and Hercule doubted she'd ever consider another man—the one time he'd tried to set her up on a date after she'd started going out with Gohan she'd put the man in the hospital because he touched her.
So what was a man doing in there now?
"They're making all kinds of noises!"
Hercule's overprotective father mode flared into full force as his brain made the connection between Barden's noises and actions, and how strong a man would have to be to take his daughter by force. He grabbed his cell-phone and called the police, not noticing when his grandson took to the air and headed up the mountain; towards his grandmother's house.
He had barely pocketed his phone when the golden-haired figured of Barden's Uncle appeared over the horizon, towing his mother and his nephew, one in each hand. Goten dropped them when he was above Hercule, and began to approach the house.
Hercule was startled to see the Son woman land as lightly on her feet as if she had stepped out of a car. Barden dropped like a stone, but caught himself just before he fell.
Chichi planted both hands on her hips while staring intently at the master bedroom's window. "Why didn't you do anything," she snapped angrily. "Are you just going to stand down here while some monster does unspeakable things to your daughter?" She cocked her head for a moment and then changed her mind. "No—don't answer that." Hercule closed his mouth and lowered the finger he had raised to point at her. "You may be a lot of talk—but you're not very strong compared to Videl—and anything that could subdue her would take someone with extensive strength and training." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Besides, I'm sure it would make you oh-so-powerful in Barden's eyes if I had to rescue you!"
Hercule snorted. Who was this old hag to talk? She was the one foolish enough to marry an alien, after all. And as for training well; he'd been training his entire life. He could handle one foolish loud-mouthed woman. "Just who do you think you're talking to? I'm Hercule Satan," he boasted loudly, "and I won the 24th and 25th martial arts tournaments. I've been training since I could walk!"
Chichi snorted, and fixed him with a decidedly frosty glare. "So have I." She laughed coldly, sending chills down Hercule's back. "I may not be directly Turtle-trained, Hercule Satan, but I'm no wilting flower when it comes to martial arts. I could kill people by the time you were learning to break boards with your feet!" She shook her head.
"Aunt Bulma says Gran used to be the strongest woman on Earth," Barden piped up, obviously amused at the sight of his domineering grandmother lashing into his grandfather. It wasn't often someone brought Hercule down to size; and it was even rarer that someone talked back to his grandmother. Like any true Saiyan, he was hoping to see actual blows come from this verbal battle. His grandmother wasn't as muscular as Hercule; but she was quick and fast—more than enough to get past his guard. Besides—he'd heard stories about his gran's fighting skills—he wanted to actually see them!
But, perhaps thanks to Dende's timely intervention, the brewing catastrophe on the lawn was interrupted by a woman's scream.
It was followed by a man's roar, and a loud crash.
"Videl?" Hercule bellowed, angered enough to actually consider storming the place.
Beside him, Chichi rummaged in the pockets of her gi and produced a handgun.
Goten appeared at the front door of the house, cheeks the same color as Hercule's jet.
He turned around to look at the three anxious faces awaiting him and managed a sheepish grin. "I'm pretty sure everything's gonna be ok now."
The sound of more struggling and a woman's voice yelling something indecipherable carried from the partially open window, and was cut off with the sound of a loud metallic clank, and running water.
Hercule frowned. "Then what's my daughter still screaming about?" He nearly grabbed the gi of the black-haired man in front of him then remembered that this man could crack his head open as easily as he would an egg and lowered his hand—but just barely.
Chichi, however, had no such reservations. She gave her son the glare that had set the galaxy's strongest warriors quivering in their boots, and made her son immediately recount all his recent misdemeanors and wonder which one she'd discovered. "Goten! Did you take care of it then?"
Goten gave her a lost puppy look, managing to color even more brightly. "Well, mom—there wasn't anything to really take care of…"
"What do you mean there isn't anything to take care of?" Chichi roared in fury. Barden plugged his thumbs in his ears as she continued on. "Some…some…thing is up there doing unspeakable things to your sister and you're not doing anything to stop it?"
Goten lowered his eyes and idly traced circles with one foot. How could he tell his mom what he'd seen? She'd kill him for interrupting! Of course, she'd kill him if he didn't tell her, either…and there really wasn't anywhere he could run. He couldn't hide from his brother. "Um…well Mom," he swallowed.
Two police cars, sirens wailing, appeared at the bottom of the lawn, having been sent from the local precinct. Several heavily armed men in uniforms piled out, rushing towards the gathering on the porch.
"You reported a crime-in-progress, Mister Satan?" The leader asked while he snapped the world's hero a salute.
Hercule nodded, grabbing his one chance at taking charge. "Um yeah—well, I was taking my grandson home, and he said he saw a strange man in his mom's room, and well…his Dad's on sabbatical…and Videl would never cheat on him!" He glanced at his grandson, hoping he had managed to convey things without frightening the boy any further.
"So you're calling to report a rape?" One spindly man dressed in a trenchcoat, and armed with a notepad that he was scribbling in, stepped forward.
"Yeah—that's it!" Hercule agreed.
As one, the men reached for their weapons and prepared to hurtle towards the door.
"Ah, Mom?" Goten questioned, tapping his mother on the shoulder. "There's something you should know…"
"Not now!" She hissed. "Can't you see the detective is busy?"
"Did anyone see the perpetrator?"
"He did!" Hercule pointed to Goten, who was standing between the police and the doorway.
"Sir?" The detective asked in his nasally voice, "can you tell me what you saw?"
"Actually," Goten said, "there's really nothing going on up there for you to be worried about."
"Let us worry about that sir," one of the heavily-armed policemen said stiffly, obviously itching to break down the door and attack the person who was harming Miss Videl. Even now, the police still held a great fondness for her.
The detective literally cornered Goten, having heard his statement. "You mean you've been up there, sir?"
"What does he look like?"
Goten firmed up and shook his head. "There's nothing wrong! I don't know who called you, but Videl is fine."
There was a loud clatter from inside the house—the sound of glass breaking.
The armored policemen had heard enough to disregard the detectives pointless questions, and moved in, trying to shove the muscular man in the orange gi out of the way.
He frowned, crossed his arms over his chest, and stood firm. "You don't want to go in there," he warned. "You'll only get hurt."
"There are 8 of us—with guns—and only one of him," the lead police goon pointed out to Goten. "Let us do our job and just get out of the way!"
With a rueful shrug and a frightened glance at his furious mother, Goten stepped out of the way. If they found themselves ki-blasted into the next dimension it wasn't really his fault—he'd warned them!
The policeman walked forward and lifted his foot to kick the door in. Before it could connect, the door opened, revealing a mussed Son Videl wearing nothing but a bedsheet.
By some miracle, the man managed to kick the doorframe instead of the woman he wanted to save.
Videl took one look at the heavily armed policemen and various family members scattered across her front porch. She pinned Goten with a fierce glare, who only shrugged and stepped back to stand with Barden.
Chichi and Hercule moved as one towards her, asking if she was all right and where the monster was who had hurt her so badly. Goten groaned and tugged Barden out of the way as the others mobbed Videl.
After managing to push them off, the heroine of Satan city tucked her bedsheet tighter around her body and demanded, "Will someone please tell me what's going on down here?"
All of the police had frozen in shock at her appearance, and were very careful to keep their eyes above the top of her rather unorthodox attire.
"We've come to rescue you from your evil attacker!" One young officer cried out, having turned a florid shade of red at the sight of his hero wearing a very thin, pale white sheet that fluttered in the brisk breeze.
Videl lowered her eyebrows in confusion and held the bottom of the sheet closed with one hand. "Who said I needed rescuing?"
"What's going on down here?" A low voice growled from behind her, from where. "Where is he? We're going to have a little chat about other people's privacy."
Videl grinned smugly and pointed at the younger man, who was trying to keep his nephew from attacking the owner of the voice and shaking his head frantically at her. "Using Barden as a living shield in the corner."
Each of the police readied their favorite weapon upon the doorway, the detective motioning to Videl and Goten to draw the man out of the house. Hercule Satan would not be happy if his daughter's house was destroyed in the process of killing that criminal. But then again; perhaps he would: that way his little girl would be living with him again.
"I'm sorry!" Goten protested. "I didn't mean to—really…it's just that Barden said there was some strange man in your room! I didn't think it would be you!"
The man standing in the safety zone behind Videl growled again, and Goten shuddered.
Chichi stared at him in shock, exchanging her handgun for the more familiar frying pan. "Son Goten! What's gotten into you! With the exception of two—maybe three—people you can take anyone on this planet!"
Goten flinched and looked toward the door, and tightened his hold on his nephew. "I'm really sorry guys—I didn't mean it!"
"Didn't mean it doesn't stop it from happening now, does it!" Videl snapped, stepping out onto the porch and getting in Goten's face, sheet billowing in the breeze. "Now will you please tell me why the police are here!"
"Yes," the mysterious voice agreed, "I'd like to know what's going on as well."
The biggest man any of the police had ever seen stepped from the darkness of the house into the light of the front porch, dressed only in a tight pair of gym shorts. His arms and legs were easily as large Hercule's, but this man was all muscle; when he breathed his entire chest rippled. A wild mane of spiky black hair drifted past his calves, giving him the look of a barbarian warrior. The massive sword he held casually in one hand only enforced his dangerous image.
"Kami, he's huge," the detective breathed.
"Saiyaman help us," another pleaded.
The corner of the man-god's thin lips lifted in a smirk, sending chills through all of the officers. But their mission not forgotten, they all raised their weapons.
"Freeze!" The young officer bellowed. "You're under arrest!"
One heavy black eyebrow arched, and the snapping eyes filled with confusion. "May I ask what for?" His voice was quiet, educated—maybe even civil, but the expression he wore on his face was terrifying.
Chichi eeped and went to duck behind the closest man. Then she realized it was Hercule, and was better on her own. "Radditz." She wondered quietly to herself. "How did you get out of hell?"
Goten glanced at his mother, worried by her pale expression. Who was this Radditz person?
"What for?" Hercule bellowed, encouraged by the policemen with guns who would protect him. "You just raped my daughter!"
Videl, who had laid a comforting hand on Barden's shoulder, began to cough. "Dad," she hissed angrily, he didn't rape me!"
Hercule cast a soothing look at his daughter. "Don't deny it, sweat pea. Let your old man take care of this…thing!" He sneered at the unnamed man. "You'll never touch anyone again, you rapist!"
Barden looked up at his Uncle, who was still very red. "Uncle Goten? What's rape?"
Goten nearly went purple. "It's something you should never do," he said firmly, hoping that would satisfy the boy's curiosity.
The man's eyebrows lowered. "Rape?" He repeated blankly. "Me?" He shook his head and crossed the porch to Videl, ignoring the guns still pointed at him.
Iron-hard arms wrapped around her waist, and Videl leaned back into his chest, giving her father a bright smile. "Since when did it become a crime for a man to love his wife," he snarled dangerously.
"His wife?" Everyone else, minus Goten, echoed blankly.
"Gohan?" Chichi gasped, horrified that she hadn't recognized her own son, and even confused him with an evil relative! What kind of mother was she turning out to be?
A quick smile from the man holding Videl sent Chichi reeling, grabbing onto the porch railing for support.
"Dad!" Barden screeched, quickly scaling his father's hair to wrap his arms around his neck. "You came home!"
Gohan winced and detached his son's fingers from his hair with one hand. "Hi, Barry," the boy beamed at the use of his special nickname, "I'm sorry it took so long to get home." He coughed. "Can you let go of my neck for a minute? I can't breathe."
Barden flushed, and dropped back to the floor of the porch. "Sorry Dad."
Gohan massaged his neck with one hand while pulling Videl to him with the other. "That's ok, Barry."
Chichi stared hard at Goten. "Why didn't you tell me your brother was home before the police got here?"
Goten blushed. "Um—well…Gohan and Videl weren't…in any…erm…position…to be disturbed."
Chichi paused. "What?"
She took in Gohan's attire; and Videl's…sheet, and her mind jumped to a very predictable conclusion. "I'm gonna have another grandbaby," she exclaimed, hands clasped together.
Gohan and Videl turned matching shades of red while everyone else sweatdropped. Hercule found himself torn between disgust and anger, but settled for trying to take the attention away from his daughter. She'd skin him once she found out he was the one who summoned the police.
Before he could say anything, however, Gohan, if this mountain of a man was indeed his freakish son-in-law, took charge. "Now that everything has been settled," he began with tightly controlled civility, "it appears that your," he gestured to the police, "presence is not needed." He frowned. "Nor is it wanted, at this particular moment. I've been away from my family for a very long time," his hold on Videl tightened, dark eyes nearly burning holes through the onlooker's heads. "And my wife and I were in the middle of re-aquainting ourselves when we were interrupted."
Goten began to stammer his apologies, but silenced at a look from his older brother. It had been a long time since he'd seen Gohan this angry; and well—his ki was starting to soar. His brother had been training, and Goten wasn't about to try to see its results.
Gohan turned his glare back out at the small, terrified huddle of policemen and Mister Satan, and a rather awestruck Chichi blathering on about a sixth grandchild. Someone had the presience to protect her; not that Gohan would ever hurt his mother—not in a hundred lifetimes. So she stood unconcerned in the middle of the circle, telling anyone who would listen that she wanted a grandson.
Nestled against Gohan's chest, Videl giggled quietly, drawing Barden to her in order to save Gohan's scalp.
Gohan, however, was too involved in delivering his ultimatum to notice Videl's mood. He'd been interrupted, and he wasn't happy about it! If he had any less control these little mortals would be meeting King Enma shortly.
But Gohan was nothing if not controlled, so he settled for merely baring his teeth in a Piccolo-style snarl. "If you value your existence it would be best to get back into your vehicles and go back to your rather insignificant lives and forget this ever happened."
He was met by a crowd of blank-faced stares.
"At the very least, you can get off my lawn!"
The big man casually slung his son up to sit on one shoulder, hefted his sword over the other shoulder, and guided his wife back into the house, kicking the door shut behind him.
Unfortunately, the motion of kicking the door shut had dislodged his impressive mane of hair, leaving it free to be caught by the slamming door.
There was a roar of pain from inside the house, and Videl appeared at the door again, opening it enough to free the black strands. Through the crack the officers could hear a steady string of curses in languages none of them could recognize.
Videl shook her head, and glanced up at the visitors. "Sorry about that; the last few weeks of his sabbatical have been…pretty tense." She frowned at the continuing words from inside, then shook her head. "I'm sorry you had to come all the way out here for nothing, but it would be best if you left."
"No, Dad." She said firmly, cutting off her father's protest. "Not now. I'll call you later tonight." She smiled apologetically at the others, and disappeared back inside the house, leaving them staring at the solid expanse of a closed door.
After a few moments, the shock finally receeded enough that they could move.
"Well," one man murmured as he helped heft the battering ram to carry back to the aircar, "that was different."
"Who'd've thought the Professor could look like that," his companion agreed as they followed their companions.
"That was the Professor?" The kid was shocked. "Miss Videl's Professor?"
"It had to be kid," another officer commented. "Miss Videl won't even so much as look at another man—and she's strong enough to beat 'em all off too—even Saiyaman respected her."
"Saiyaman," the cadet mused, "I wonder what happened to him?"
"Nobody knows—he just kinda disappeared," and like Saiyaman, the sounds of the police disappeared as they gathered up their equipment and returned to headquarters, not quite sure what had happened—but most certainly ready to tell the tale.
Hercule climbed back into his private jet to head back into Satan City, only to find Barden's packet of candy lying in the passenger seat. He considered taking it back to him; but had no intentions of disturbing his son-in-law again. He'd keep it until Barden came to visit again. He shrugged and lifted off.
Inside, Gohan flopped onto the couch, pulling Videl and Barden down with him. Barden giggled, then got up to find something to eat, leaving his parents alone together. Videl straddled her husband's waist and dropped a light kiss on his lips before making herself comfortable. "It's been an interesting day, hasn't it?"
Gohan sighed. "Did I really just threaten a dozen armed police officers in front of my mother?"
Videl laughed and nodded, absently tracing the lines of Gohan's face with her fingers. "I really don't think she noticed that much…she was far too interested in more grandchildren."
Gohan smirked and pulled her closer to him, deftly unwinding the sheet. "Shall we make good on that promise?"
"Gohan!" Videl hissed, struggling half-heartedly, "Barden's in the next room!"
"We can be quiet," he teased gently. "Besides—he's busy feeding his face." He lifted his head slightly and caught her lips in a long kiss, turning all of her bones into jelly.
Kami, she could never get enough of him.
They were interrupted by the sound of breaking glass from the next room, and Barden's shriek of surprise.
Gohan sighed in resignation as Videl pulled away from him and readjusted her sheet. "Honestly," she muttered, "Can't any of you Saiyans make your own food? I'd better go make sure he hasn't set the kitchen on fire," she murmured, hastily disappearing into the kitchen.
Gohan watched her go, admiring the curves that were perfectly accentuated beneath the pale white sheet. He lifted himself up off the couch and headed back towards the bathroom; and a cold shower.
While the water spread over his body, he contemplated his actions. All he'd wanted was to spend a little time alone with his wife; not threaten all the local law-enforcement. At least, he consoled himself, there hadn't been a reporter present. That would have been a disaster.
Outside on the porch, Goten was trying to pry his mother away from the window. "C'mon Mom," he pleaded. "The Dojo opened twenty minutes ago, and Marron's probably worried about us." He sighed as his mother cooed about how cute Videl and Gohan were together. After over twenty years, that was getting very old.
"Mom?" He finally resorted to physically pulling his mother away. "We have to go."
As they shot off into the distance, Chichi finally categorized her son's new appearance, and wasn't happy. "Your brother needs a haircut," she told Goten seriously. "Of all the people to try to resemble—he chose Radditz! Even Piccolo's better than him!"
Not too far away, a recently reincarnated Namek heard his name. So Gohan had come back too? He'd have to visit him. But first he needed to speak to Dende to see exactly how he'd been brought back to life this time.
"Mom," Goten questioned, confused. "Who's Radditz?"
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