Title: Get Over It (Or the One Time Nico di Angelo was Dense)
Author: vala (valinorean)
Series: Percy Jackson & the Olympians/The Heroes of Olympus
Summary: Nico can't get over how stupid his two friends are. He wouldn't be surprised if they kill each other someday, or maybe even start another World War.
Characters: Percy/Jason, Nico POV
Word Count: ~2.6k
Contains: possible spoilers for SoN, slight mature sexual content
Disclaimers: All recognizable characters are created and owned by Rick Riordan and various publishers. This was written for fun, not for profit.
A/N: This is utter crack *shameface* I have no excuse for this, only that I think Nico is adorable when hysterical or flustered. Inspired by those 'Get Over It' shirts at fandomsforfckh8.
Get Over It
(Or the One Time Nico di Angelo was Dense)
Nico still couldn't get over the fact that his two closest friends were idiots. Well, actually he'd known it for quite some time now, but what he couldn't get over was how much of an idiot Percy and Jason were. Honestly, did they really want to start another Demigod Civil War? Or perhaps they were trying for World War III, now that they've decided to include their godly lineage into the mix?
Certifiable idiots, those two.
Because really, what idiot sons of Neptune and Jupiter would think to include both Camp Half-blood and Camp Jupiter in their little altercations?
It started last summer in Camp Half-blood. It was a common enough occurrence to see Jason and Percy hacking it out at the arena every now and then. The campers seemed to love seeing two of their favorite demigod heroes go all out—or demonstrate proper sword fighting techniques, as the children of Ares liked to call it. They really were well matched for each other, with Jason's swift and deadly Roman style of combat versus the agile and unpredictable way Percy's ADHD was dictating his movements.
Now, Percy and Jason hadn't been friends for all that long—at least not as long as Nico and Percy had been. Sure they'd had a life altering experience or twelve together during the last big Quest nearly two years ago, and they'd both been Praetors and Camp Counselors in turn. But you really couldn't disregard the Greek and Roman blood running deep in their veins—or at least the godly parts of their blood—that gave them that instantaneous desire to suddenly stab a monster or two, or even that deep-seated longing to maim or decapitate a person for no apparent reason at all.
Naturally, they both found a way to curb these murderous tendencies they have for each other by means of dueling. It was a good plan, really, as the younger campers were able to learn a thing or two from watching them, and the older ones get to earn a little money on the side by betting on the outcome of each match.
Nico thought they'd been getting along really well until it all changed.
When one particular sparring match turned into a lightning storm and hurricane clash despite the magical barrier that protected the camp against any sort of foul weather, well, you could just imagine what Mr D's face looked like when he stepped out of the Big House to play Pinochle that afternoon. Nico had all but drawn yet another fissure on the camp ground and would have summoned a skeleton army just so the two would let up in their heated battle.
Chiron had not been pleased when he saw the damage in the Arena. And to make matters worse, a considerable chunk of the strawberry field had been affected by their little show of power. Let's just say that Grover had been looking for a way to remove his and Percy's empathy link ever since.
The two did seem contrite enough after the incident, especially after they'd been reprimanded and told they were no longer allowed to use their powers in camp unless there was a real monster attack. Served them right for flaunting their aerokinetic abilities. And much to Nico's smug satisfaction, they didn't show their faces until dinner later that night at the Dining Pavilion.
Percy and Jason's next altercation was by far subtler than the first, and this time it was in Camp Jupiter. Whenever summer vacation ended and most demigods from Camp Half-blood had gone back to the mortal side of their lives, Percy and Jason, along with some of the older campers who had no other mortal commitments, would relocate to Camp Jupiter.
Nico came by one afternoon to visit Hazel only to find wounded demigods lying in the Field of Mars, some rolling around and moaning in pain while others were crawling their way back to the barracks. A considerably brutal Siege game had just concluded. Fortunately, there didn't seem to be any fatal damage, as Nico couldn't sense anyone being on the brink of death.
"What happened here?" Nico asked his sister while disdainfully eyeing one demigod who was clinging pathetically on to one of his leather boots and croaking Take me! I'd rather be in the Underworld than here!
Hazel gave a very out upon sigh. "Percy and Jason happened. You know how those two get."
"But aren't they both supposed to be with the Fifth Cohort?"
"Well, they have this 'great idea'—" Hazel said making quote marks in the air "—to separate teams by their godly lineage, just like in Camp Half-blood."
Nico pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't need any more explanation than that to imagine what had happened to create this much chaos in camp. Those two obviously took their rivalry to the next level and included the other demigods in it.
"And where are they now?"
Hazel gestured towards the general direction of the Baths.
Nico stalked off to the bathhouses intending to give his two friends a good talking to. Because really, haven't they already outgrown these childish games? Though he was by far younger than them, sometimes Nico would question what the mental age of those two really were. Well, technically he was older. But still, they should at least act their age!
It was when Nico neared the pool area that he saw Percy and Jason locked in combat.
Percy had Jason pinned to a tiled wall, their faces flushed and eyes blazing. Percy held the front of Jason's shirt in his fists and Jason was gripping Percy's shoulders tightly but couldn't seem to push the other demigod away. A purple bruise was forming on Percy's upper arm and there was a drop of blood on Jason's lip.
"Oh for—" Nico rolled his eyes in disbelief. Then with a wave of his hand, he willed part of the ground to rise between them, forcibly separating the two. "What in my father's unholy name are you two doing?"
The look of twin horror on Percy and Jason's faces would have been comical if Nico had not been so furious.
"It's not what you're thinking!" Percy blurted out before Nico could say another word in edgewise, all the while backing away and raising his hands in a form of surrender.
Jason pushed off from the wall and wiped the blood from his mouth. Without even acknowledging Nico's presence, he stormed off muttering about idiot sons of the Sea God.
Percy winced then turned to Nico. "It's not what you're thinking, Nico," he said again, calmly and a little too defensively in Nico's opinion.
"I don't get it," Nico said, frustrated. "How could you two still be fighting?"
"I—we…what?" Percy blinked at him.
"I mean, come on, Percy. The Greek and Roman demigods have been at peace for nearly two hundred years," Nico continued with his rant. "You two, of all people, should know how hard it is to achieve that! Did you want another Demigod Civil War?"
"Oh." The crease on Percy's forehead slowly began to disappear. "Yeah, fighting. Um. It's not really serious, you know, just a little hand-to-hand combat practice," Percy continued to babble. "Won't happen again. Promise."
Nico glared at Percy's flimsy excuse. "If you two really want to kill each other, I could just take you to the Underworld, you know. Save everyone the trouble."
Nico walked away, shaking his head in disgust. He still couldn't believe how some people could hold on to ancient grudges that happened thousands of years ago and didn't even concern them. Stupid golden apples, and petty goddesses and…and Trojan horses!
"This has got to be the last straw," Nico breathed disbelievingly two months later.
Flying chariots and automatons littered the Field of Mars where five hundred Greek and Roman demigods and legacies have gathered for what looked to be another Titan invasion. All manner of war machines were being pulled into the field. Flying pegasi, Greek fire, all manner of magical weapons made from Celestial Bronze and Imperial Gold and Jupiter knows what else were being stacked together as campers in orange and purple shirts run to and from the armory and stables.
"Isn't this great?"
A hand clapped Nico's shoulder, followed by a slightly maniacal laughter. Nico slowly turned around and come face to face with a familiar spiky-haired daughter of Zeus.
"Thalia?" Nico said, eyes going wide. Then he noticed the familiar group of youthful demigods behind her. "What are you and the hunters doing here?"
Thalia grinned. "What, you think the biggest demigod war game in the century would be held without Cabin Eight? Jason invited us of course. You know, I used to think my brother is so dull. Guess Percy's influence was good for him."
"What do you mean—?"
But before he could even finish his sentence, another figure loomed before him.
"Tell Percy I forgive him for being a twerp. This is an excellent idea."
It was Clarisse.
Nico blanched. Everyone knew that the moment Clarisse praise Percy for anything would herald of the end of civilization. But Nico could only stare dumbly as Thalia and Clarisse both headed down to the field, chatting excitedly about strategy and methods of decapitation.
It was Annabeth bounding up to him next. She was bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet as if she had just invented something that could decimate half the demigod population on the field. Nico blinked. Maybe she did.
"So which team are you playing for?" she asked excitedly. Then her voice lowered menacingly as she whispered, "you better not play for the Romans or else I will be forced to use my secret weapon on you."
"Great! See you on the field," she said, without even giving Nico a chance to reply. "Thalia! Clarisse! Wait up!"
Nico tried to speak, but no words were coming out of his mouth. It was Frank who finally took pity on him and explained the entire situation.
"Greeks versus Romans free-for-all," Frank gestured to the mass of demigods who, sure enough, were beginning to form into groups. "Dad sanctioned it himself. Said we could do some inter-camp activity in his honor as long as there aren't dead bodies by the end of the game—at least not too much anyway."
Nico frowned. "But—but here? There's no room for that many people here!"
"Actually, we already trimmed the number of players twice," Frank explained. "Percy and Jason both wanted the game on a bigger ground so everyone could have room to maneuver. Jason wanted it in the Labyrinth, but Percy wanted it on the west side of Styx, on the side of the living."
"Styx," Nico repeated blankly. "On the bank of the River Styx. In the Underworld."
"Yup," Frank nodded. "They've been trying to work the logistics out, but neither wanted to concede. They went off to the Senate House to argue I think, but they were taking too long so we decided to just move the games here without telling them. If you ever see them, though, tell them the game's about to begin."
Well that's it then, Nico thought. No demigod son of Jupiter or Neptune would get away with including his realm in this madness. This whole Greek versus Roman rivalry had gone on long enough, and if Percy and Jason couldn't get their shit straight, he would declare World War III against both of them, mortals be damned.
And this time, Pluto's children will win.
Nico angrily marched up to New Rome and into the Senate House, but as soon as he entered the large marble building he went absolutely still. He stood there staring, as if a Hyperborean giant had frozen him on the spot for about five seconds before he was marching out again, red-faced and flushing to the roots of his hair.
What. The fuck. Was that.
Because there, in plain view of anyone—should they choose to enter the Senate House—was Percy, pinned to a thick marble column by Jason, who seemed to be intent on devouring his tongue.
Nico had seen Jason move on to Percy's neck and latched on to quite possibly a very sensitive spot, if Percy's embarrassingly loud moan was anything to go by.
"C'mon Jason," Percy had whispered raggedly. "You can't possibly—oh!—want to hold it at the Labyrinth. It's too—ngh—too dangerous there."
"And I suppose—" Jason had said in between gasps "—you think dipping yourselves in the S-styx—would give you the edge in the game."
Percy had tried to laugh, but it quickly turned into a hiss as Jason bit down on his neck.
Nico couldn't decide whether it was the way Jason had been grinding roughly against Percy with his arms wound around the other demigod's waist and squeezing his ass or the fact that Percy's hands had been stuck inside Jason's open jeans and how the indecent movement of his arms had clearly revealed what he was doing that made Nico want to claw his eyes out of his skull.
And yes, he saw all that in the five seconds he was staring slack-jawed at the pair. And thank Mercury's stinky underwear that he had had the presence of mind to run out immediately or he would have seen more than he cared to. Much much more.
Then Nico saw Reyna walking up the path to the Senate House. "Reyna!" He cried and immediately walked down the stairs intending to head her off. She would not be pleased to know what the two were up to inside.
"Oh, are they in there?" Reyna tapped her foot impatiently craning her head to try and peek inside. "We're about to begin and we're doing it with or without them."
"No don't!" Nico cried and stepped in front of her to block her line of sight. "They—um, I mean—"
Reyna's eyes narrowed and gave him a calculating look. "Oh, you mean they're still not done with that?"
Nico's mind boggled. "You knew about this?"
Reyna snorted. "It's like, I dunno, foreplay or something. I heard they have a deal that whoever wins the games get to top. I'd be pretty annoyed with them—" she tilted her head thoughtfully "—except they really do have the best ideas for the games."
"This—wha—" Nico spluttered. "But haven't they been fighting all this time? And they destroyed the Arena in Camp Half-blood! And I saw them by the bathhouse trying to kill each other! THAT is foreplay?"
"Honestly, Nico. They've been together for the past year," Reyna said impatiently. "Get over it."
Well, then. That definitely cemented their reputation for being World Class Idiots. Because this certainly wasn't what he meant when he said he wanted them to get their shit straight, but he supposed it was much better than them fighting and ending the truce between the Greeks and the Roman demigods.
Nico pouted. World War III would have to wait.