Title: My Mirror Speaks
Rating: Light R this chapter, NC-17 later
Pairing: Chris Colfer/Damian McGinty
Spoilers: noo, not even a little, never happened.
Warnings: RPF, real person fiction. Also underage drinking.
Summary: Chris is comfortable in his world until someone comes along and changes the status quo.
A/N: This fic can be blamed on my hubby for ever suggesting I write it in the first place. Once that evil thought was there I had no way to exorcise it except to write it and that is the true story of how this creature was born. Please don't read this if the idea of Chris and Damian together squicks you out. Just say no.
Chris was used to his life. Not in a bored sort of way, but in a very humble, very busy sort of way. He was used to the odd hours, the hard work, the crazy fans, even the crazier costars. He didn't mind that he was almost always exhausted as he hit the pillow each night, or morning. All of this, this was like living a fantastical dream. It hadn't always been so comfortable. Mainly due to one particularly crazy costar of his.
Darren came on the scene as this amazingly talented, wonderful fresh and open guy. Right away Chris worked to tamp down the warmth that spread through him every time Darren pulled him into a hug or tugged him by the hand. There were a couple of difficult months there when Kurt and Blaine kissed for the first time and began their onscreen romance. It might have stayed difficult for Chris if it weren't for the fact that Darren was just such a great person. He was great about everything and soon they were friends. Good friends.
After he worked all of the blushing, daydreaming, night sweating, angst out of it, they were really great friends. Once or twice Chris thought Darren must know what went on in his head because he would just randomly stop whatever he was doing and shoot Chris a look that held such support and kindness in it that Chris had to wonder. Darren was gentlemen enough to never actually talk about it. So things got comfortable. Things got simple.
Act, dance, sing, write, read, food, rest, repeat. There were an endless stream of parties and events and interviews crammed into all of it, but Chris was so happy, so very focused, that he learned to just take it all in stride. This peace was to be short lived.
For his part, Chris felt he couldn't be blamed at all for his initial reaction to the events which led to his unraveling. After all he'd never had a boyfriend, never actually been kissed out of character, never even had a conversation with a boy he liked that could like him back. Now he had his career and there was not only no time for such things, but there were no viable options. Everyone he met was either a fan that was in love with Kurt or straight. If there had been anyone else that came along Chris wouldn't have noticed anyway because he was too busy. No, it wasn't his fault. This became a sort of mantra for him.
His name was Damian McGinty. They met in a crowd along with the others that hadn't yet met Damian. They shook hands, Chris was polite, but mostly he was just excited to start filming for the day and that was that. Chris wasn't oblivious to Damian's talent or anything, he'd caught a couple of recorded episodes of The Glee Project, and he'd googled Celtic Thunder once, but it just wasn't that important to him. He was used to his life.
The first thing he noticed about Damian that first day was how awkward he was. In almost every way. He reminded Chris a little of himself just getting started on Glee. He thought maybe once Damian settled in he could imagine them being friends. Everyone else seemed to agree and soon things were warming up for all of them. They had no word yet if Damian would be staying past his seven episode arc, but Chris found himself hoping they would give the guy a chance.
Things sort of unraveled from that point. It started with Chris noticing Damian slack jawed and wide eyed just sort of staring at him from across the set. They were filming The First Time. He didn't have any time to mull this over between takes but his eyes flitted back to Damian throughout the day and almost every time Damian was ducking his head or quickly looking away to the point of being ridiculous. He was making Chris self conscious so he had to just ignore him entirely for the rest of the day. These were important scenes for Kurt and he was not going to be distracted right now. Though he did ask Darren if he had anything in his teeth.
The next run in they had was in makeup. Damian was seated next to him and absolutely would not shut up about this sushi restaurant he had discovered. Chris considered his mood might just be sour because he hadn't yet finished his first diet coke of the day and was still groggy, so he just listened as politely as he could and then headed off to set.
After that things just became almost impossible. Damian blushing at him at craft services, Damian asking to run lines (they didn't even have lines that anyone could hear), Damian just everywhere. It might have been cute in any other circumstance but all Chris could focus were the suspicious giggles that now seemed to follow him around set. This was ridiculous.
Thankfully Darren kept the peace and never brought up the fact that Chris basically had a stalker. If he had Chris might have snapped because the whole thing was just not funny. Not even a little.
Chris was having a particularly cranky morning when he finally did snap, just a little, at Damian who was doing that staring thing again. "What?" Chris asked him, his voice just a little louder than he'd expected.
"Uh, nothing, I'm. Nothing. Sorry." Damian stuttered and then flushed bright red from the tips of his ears straight down his neck. Chris sighed.
"No, I'm sorry, I need to try sleeping more often, I hear it's healthy." Chris smiled sort of ruefully at Damian and for his part Damian just smiled back like all had been forgiven. Clearly this was not going to be easy.
After that he threw himself into his work like never before. This worked out in a way because his new and improved work ethic coincided with several particularly rigorous dance numbers and before he knew it season three was almost half done. Christmas was coming up and he even let Lea convince him to go to Naya's Christmas party.
Twenty minutes into the party Chris realized he might have rethought his costume because the feedback he was getting was not at all what he'd expected. Apparently red was most definitely his color, his legs were made for tights, and his makeup made him the prettiest one there. Pretty enough to kiss. Twice. Thanks Mark. He couldn't even begin to think about Damian spilling his drink all over himself. Nope he wasn't going to do it.
Instead he began to focus all his attention on drinking enough to forget it all. This was, as it turned out, a brilliant plan. He took some pictures, laughed with Darren, danced with Lea, and did shots with Naya, and all of his cares were gone.
He came back to himself slowly, and in the middle of a conversation with Damian.
"I've been away from home before, ya know, and I've made lots of great friends, but I can't help but miss em." Damian was leaning on the wall next to him like it was something they did all the time. His voice was a little slower than usual and his accent thicker which made it difficult to follow what he was saying. He was drunk. Chris was all prepared to be shocked or something but then he remembered that he was drunk and gave up on that whole line of thought.
Instead he said, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Damian turned so that his left shoulder was propping him up on the wall and he could face Chris. "What do you do…how do you, how do you cope with it all?" He asked softly.
Chris turned so that he could look at Damian as he spoke. "It was hard at first, real hard, but eventually you just get used to it. You don't stop missing home you just get used to the feeling and then somehow it's much easier." Chris shrugged a little. Damian was so calm right now, and a little sad sure, but it was nice to talk to him without all the potentially bi-curious subtext going on.
"I am looking forward to Christmas." Damian said and then he smiled. His smile was wide and warm and open, and Chris had to look away. So much for the lack of subtext. He shoved it away and smiled back as best he could.
"Me too!" He whispered, and found himself surprised that his voice was so quiet. Chris waited for Damian to say more but the silence just sort of stretched between them and just when Chris thought he needed to say something, anything because this was entirely too awkward, Damian pushed off the wall and practically sprinted away.
Chris stayed where he was for several long minutes before rejoining the party. He looked around a few times to see if he could spot Damian but he was just nowhere to be found. The rest of the party was pretty fun actually and Chris as able to let go of any remaining tension he felt over the Damian incident, which was how he categorized it in his head. Just a small incident and nothing more.
There were no more incidents for a while. Damian even seemed to relax which made Chris relax. He hadn't realized the weight of the worry he'd been carrying around until it was gone, but once he did he was relieved. Maybe it was like what had happened with Darren. Just a crush that passed once you got to know the person. Of course that was assuming that Damian could have a crush on a guy and Chris wasn't entirely convinced of that either. Not that it mattered at all now.
The new year was under way and Chris and Damian had become fast friends. Chris tried extra hard on it because he had some lingering guilt about the way he'd handled things before. Clearly he was not as eloquent as Darren was about everything so being a great friend now was the least he could do.
Being a great friend meant hanging out. Going places, running lines, practicing dance moves, and staying in with chinese and Netflix. They did all of these things and Chris forgot all about their awkward beginnings. Until they were curled up on his sofa watching Steel Magnolias and Chris wasn't crying but he sniffled and then looked over to see if Damian had noticed only to find that Damian was staring at him.
"What?" He asked, this time softly.
Damian shook his head but his face did that all over flushing thing and all Chris could do look back at the television. Then Damian made something of a strangled noise causing Chris to look back once more. Damian was biting his lip now and Chris could see his shoulders trembling. Okay, time to be Darren, all eloquent and cool under pressure. He could do this, he totally could.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly and doing his best to look non threatening. "Because we can, and it would be perfectly alright." He added.
Damian just shook his head again, his eyes going wide at the thought of speech.
"Alright, you don't have to, maybe we should just do something else, this movie is kinda tough to watch in places." Chris offered.
"I…I…I haven't been watching it." Damian responded very quietly. Chris could see his palms fisting in the bottom of his shirt now. Okay.
"Well, can I get you something, like a drink?" Chris asked but then his eyes flitted to Damian's drink there on the coffee table and it as mostly full. Right. So he wasn't that great with eloquent. Clearly. Damian was shaking his head.
"Alright." Chris said, now he was at a loss. Damian's wide blue eyes were still trained on him and he looked like the proverbial deer in headlights. It was making Chris uncomfortable.
Finally Damian spoke up. "I really just want to kiss you I think I need to kiss you please say I can." This was all run together like one really big word and it took a moment for Chris' mind to sort it all out. When he had sorted it all out he felt the air go out of his lungs with a woosh that made him feel a little light headed. He knew something, he'd known, maybe that Damian wanted, something, but they never were going to. That was how to stay sane. Damian was straight. Straightish. Chris wasn't about to let his first kiss be with someone who just wanted to see what it was like to kiss a guy or even with a guy who thought maybe that Chris was pretty enough to pass for a girl. Except. Except that Damian wasn't looking at him like that. He was looking at Chris like a man drowning and reaching for a lifeline. No one looked at him that way. No one close to him anyway.
Chris gave a short nod before he'd made up his mind to do it but there was no going back now because Damian was scooting across the space between them and taking Chris' hand in his own and leaning forward. The first touch of Damian's lips was tentative. Like a question. He didn't come closer to Chris or touch him anywhere else except his hand and his lips. Chris felt a tremor pass down his spine and he sighed, his mouth opening just a tiny bit.
Damian could have used that against him, but he didn't. Instead he just gently rubbed his lips from side to side, sliding them along Chris'. It was so gentle and soft and just so much all at once that Chris surprised himself by reaching over to pull Damian closer. Now Damian was the one sighing and Chris did take that advantage as he slid his tongue just over the edge of Damian's mouth until it met Damian's tongue there and for a moment they just held fast to one another.
Something inside Chris welled up and suddenly there was only this moment, all lips and tongues and teeth and no thought at all for what it would mean tomorrow when they had to get back to work. Damian sank against him and Chris held him close like this was the only thing in the world that mattered.
Finally, still weak kneed and trembling, Chris walked Damian to the door only a few minutes later. Damian seemed to understand that Chris needed some space right now and his own demeanor suggested that he needed some as well. It was late and there was an early call tomorrow anyway, but Damian did lean in and quickly steal a peck before he walked out the door.
Chris sagged against the closed door and tried not to freak out. It was very difficult considering he'd never, ever even thought about kissing Damian. A strangled burst of laughter bubbled out of him as he pushed away from the door. Okay, he'd never thought about it since that first time he had.