Gloria: *walks into the room* Hey guys, look what I found on the Internet. They're funny quotes.

Celeste: Let's hear them.

My clone did it!

Monica: Well, she did.

Adam: In your case, yes, she did.

I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.

Andrew: *heads toward kitchen*

Tess: Where are you going?

Andrew: The voices told me to eat.

If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Sam: I'm not going to go there.

Rafael: I agree.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Celeste: Dictionary?

All: *sigh*

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Monica: Purple!

Andrew: Rainbow!

Rafael: Rainbow?

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Tess: *concentrates* Nope, I don't believe in it.

Sam: *raises hand* Yes you do!

All: *laugh*

What part of my brilliance don't you understand?

Rafael: Yeah!

All: None!

I have PMS and a gun, did you say something?

*guys inch away from the girls*

Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?

Adam: 53.02557823…

Monica: Adam!

Adam: What?

Monica: *shakes head*

When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

Tess: Yes!

Celeste: No!

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

Andrew: Yep!

All: *stare*

Write your questions down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me.

Monica: *holds out hands* Well?

All: *snicker*

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Celeste: Good idea.

Adam: Can we try it?

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a t-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Sam: True.

Andrew: People always have bigger problems.

Out of my mind, be back in 5 minutes.

Tess: You know Gloria…

Gloria: Don't even go there.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?!

Rafael: I did! Me!

Monica: Okay…

4 out of 5 voices say call in sick.

Celeste: *picks up phone*

Sam: *laughs*

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Gloria: Ouch!

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Tess: Well, I could.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Monica: That, I do.

Rafael: We know.

Monica: Hey!

…The answer is…uh, what was the question?

Adam: That's me.

Celeste: Yep!

Do not disturb. I am already quite disturbed, thank you.

Andrew: Monica…

Monica: Be quiet, Andrew!

Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully?"

Sam: Huh?

Gloria: *points at Sam* Proof.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Tess: Human!

All: *sigh*

Karaoke is Japanese for tone deaf.

All: *points at Monica*

Monica: Hey!

Not now, I'm too busy having an argument with my rice crispies.

Adam: I think I did that once.

Monica: Doesn't surprise me.

Celeste: Me neither.

Adam: *pouts*

You know, I'm naked under these clothes.

Men: *look at the women*

Women: *inch away from men*

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Tess: Yes.

Sam: No.

Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.

Gloria: Yep.

How can I miss you if you don't go away?

All: *exchange glances*

There are three kinds of people; those who can count, and those who can't.

Andrew: But that makes four.

Monica: Oh brother!

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Celeste: Possibly.

Adam: Yes, there is no meat in it.

Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling?

Sam: Missing?

Tess: Exactly.

I'm sorry, do I look like I was listening?

Rafael: Did you say something?

Adam: Huh?

Did you know I'm invisible? Only when no one's around though.

Andrew: Am I invisible?

Celeste: No.

I'm blonde, what's your excuse?

All: *look at Celeste*

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

All: *looks at Andrew and Adam*

Adam and Andrew: What?

Normal people worry me.

Tess: Don't worry, none of us are normal.

Gloria: Including you?

Tess: …

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Rafael: They land on their side.

Celeste: Ugh!

Insanity is just anger put to good use!

All: Yes!

I'm 98% beautiful and 2% crazy…or is it the other way around?

Women: 98% beautiful!

Men: Other way around!

It's not easy being me…but it sure is funny watching people try.

Andrew: Like Monica's clone.

Monica: *throws hands in air*

Scientists say one out of every four people is crazy. Check three friends, if they're okay, you're it.

Gloria: *looks at Andrew, Adam, and Monica* I'm fine.

Andrew, Adam, and Monica: Hey!

Stop looking at me that way…you're scaring me!

Celeste: Oh yeah!

All: Hey! *glares at Celeste*

Help! I've started talking and I can't stop!

All: *stares at Adam*

Adam: You know…

Monica: See?

Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh.

Gloria: *looks at Sam*

Sam: Not one word, Gloria.

In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.

Monica: Nope.

Tess: None.

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

Rafael: Yes they do.

Celeste: Sheesh.

I don't need your attitude; I got one of my own.

Monica: Well, I do.

Adam: We know, Monica, we know.

Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight; you can have it when I'm done.

Sam: Yes, when I'm done.

Andrew: Ok, you're done. My turn!

Never fight with an ugly person…they have nothing to lose.

Gloria: Last time I fight with Tess.

Tess: *glares at Gloria*

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Rafael: Yeah, never underestimate us!

My I.Q. test came back negative.

Monica: You know…

Andrew: If it's anything about me, can you keep silent? *smiles* Ok, what were you going to say?

Monica: …

Ociffer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!

Sam: Um…

Gloria: Exactly.

There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree for instance.

Women: Amen!

I may not always be right, but I'm NEVER wrong!

Celeste: Well…

Adam: Celeste!

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! Hate me because…well…Okay! Hate me because I'm beautiful.

Women: *smile*

Men: Oh brother!

I know I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it scares me.

Rafael: I know.

I'm not weird…I'm gifted.

Tess: That's one way of putting it.

I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, then I realized…oh yeah! Suicide is a crime.

Gloria: Oh yeah! I did forget.

Sam: *smacks forehead*

Well, if I called the wrong number, why'd you answer?

Celeste: Never could figure that out.

I'm an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight.

Monica: I don't have horns!

Andrew: Maybe that's why you never had your halo on straight.

Monica: *pouts*

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

Rafael: That's my golden rule.

Gloria: We know.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Adam: Yes.

Tess: I believe it.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Celeste: I'll walk by again.

Sam: *laughs*

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Andrew: That's wrong.

Monica: Very.

God created men first, 'cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece.

Women: Oh yeah!

Men: No!

It's better to let someone think you are an idiot, than to open your mouth and prove it.

Gloria: Yeah! Take a lesson Rafael.

Rafael: Gloria…be quiet.

Everybody's entitled to be stupid, but your abusing the privilege.

All: *looks at Andrew*

Andrew: What?

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Women: *frown*

Men: I give up!

Gloria: Ok, that's all. I ran out of quotes.

All: *walk away laughing*