A/N: Love to reviewers and Countess Black

True confession:

I genuinely enjoy writing nearly every voice in the story. The Dark Lord is the exception. Being in his head is uncomfortable at best and horrifying at worst. It's alien.

Five Things Which Vex the Dark Lord Hugely at an Emotional Level, as He Doesn't Understand Them

1) The appeal of kissing. He can't think of anything more revolting than willingly permitting another person to put their saliva on you, except the whole act, which he never indulged in, being above that sort of thing.

2) Rodolphus's evident ability to keep from hitting Bellatrix when she starts moaning about the girl. Really, isn't it tiresome to him? He's much larger than she is, and if not quite as powerful magically, than enough for it to be unlikely she could kill him for it.

3) Why in the world that upstart Bulgarian and his traitor of a wife willingly took on an idiot and a puling infant in return for their silence, when they might have pushed for money or something of actual value.

4) The sentimental attachment so many wizards and witches have for useless animals. Nagini is a tool, and not terribly offensive to him, but the idea of permitting some filthy mongrel or fleabag cat to live with one, feeding it in return for nothing, strikes him as rank sentimentality. Even Snape is afflicted.

5) Draco Malfoy's apparent reluctance to assassinate Arthur Weasley. One would think he'd be grateful for the chance to atone for his treachery in December. Really, raising an army after he'd told not to, what gall. He's very lucky to have this chance to prove himself useful enough to justify keeping about.