Twilight Stands on it's own.
The wind blew fiercely around me trying to pull me backward but I trudged on through the fallen leaves on the ground pulling my jacket around me tightly to keep out the chill. The field looked beautiful with the fallen leaves and their different colors, I've always loved the fall season and fall colors it was a close second to summer my number one favorite season.
I looked around seeing workers raking up the leaves and some people visiting different sites, besides the beautiful leaves the headstones stood out grey white and black marble slabs embedded in the ground. I've never had much experience with graveyards and every loved one I knew of that died all was cremated but I had to come here to this grave site. It was something I felt was a rule of my life, every year on the eve of Halloween I would come here and pay my respects.
If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be here six feet under and he would be here, no matter what my thoughts always tend to go back to him and my involvement in the reason he left. It was hard to come here every year but tomorrow would be excruciating and no matter how I prepared myself it would hit me hard. It took many months of therapy for me to get where I'm at today, for me to be able to come here and feel anything other than guilt. Guilt that has ruled my life, I wasn't over it no but it has gotten easier.
I arrive at the grave spot approaching it slowly feeling the tears pool in my eyes, it was no different but I pushed on until I was standing in front of the big white stone that haunted me every day, I sat on the ground just staring in silence as always. I put new flowers on the head brushing away the leaves before seeing the words engraved in the stone, they would be engraved there forever a reminder to her that she was lucky to be alive.
She just sat until the sky changed colors and the sun was getting ready to set and her legs felt numb, she sighed before getting up and brushing off her clothes, she took one last look before whispering a heartfelt apology and turning back around. There was no words she could say to change the way things were so she always whispered apologies, she meant it from the bottom of her heart. If she could change the past then this would be the first thing she changed.
She went home to the house she shared with Charlie thinking she would take a nap before cooking dinner, she didn't think he would be home yet but there he was sprawled out on the couch with the TV still on fast asleep. She smiled at the content look on his face before covering him with a blanket, she begin to walk towards the steps but stopped when she saw formal envelope sitting on the table.
She never got letters except from her mother but she never sent any like this, peaked with curiosity she picked up the envelope it was addressed to her. She opened it and her heart beat fast as she read on, this was supposed to be a happy occasion with family and friends so why were they inviting her? It's been four years at least since anyone contacted her least of all inviting her to a wedding.
She was happy despite the situation that Rosalie and Emmett were getting married; she was just confused and slightly hurt. Confused to as why they wanted her there and hurt that this was the first time they acknowledged her, she wanted to go and forget the past but she couldn't forget and she couldn't be sure of their intentions. But she couldn't pretend that this was the reason of her indecision, she knew he would be there and she wasn't sure she could handle that. She put the envelope back making the decision to forget about it, it was for the best.