Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. Don't own Phineas and Ferb or its characters. I'm a broke mofo who isn't making money for this. And honestly, who would PAY for it? I know I wouldn't. Especially if I can get badly written porn on the internet for free. Just saying.

QUICK AN: Just wanted to let you know that while this story CAN be read on its own...It was actually written to follow the stories: Evil in a New Way, Evil in a New Way- A Follow Up, and Some Like it Rough. Trust me, it might help things make a little more sense.


The winter snow gently fell all over the city of Danville. Little pieces of heaven fell from the sky, and tickled the eyelashes of the two brothers of the Flynn-Fletcher household. They had been lucky enough to be graced with a snow day. However, unlike most children and teens who would have just sat indoors and numbed their mind with television (very much like what a certain ginger haired girl was doing), they decided to embrace the day.

It hadn't taken long until Candace, their sister, was roped into the day's events; and, then she spent HER off-day busting Phineas and Ferb.

Inside the suburban home, however, was a platypus who was trying to make the most out of his day. Ordinarily he would have spent the hours the children were at school watching soap operas, updating files, or thwarting his nemesis. But with them at home, and being able to pop in at any moment, he couldn't exactly get out the box of tissues and the chips. And it was one of those cold days where he couldn't just hang out in his underground lair for hours. (Platypi were species built for warmer climates, after all, so the cold did not bode well with him.) And as for the thwarting his nemesis...

Things have gotten far too complicated lately. It had been a few months since...well, since they took their hate and loathing to a whole other level. A level that Perry the Platypus wasn't entirely comfortable with. On one hand, they were enemies. It should be black and white. These thoughts, these feelings...they should not be there. And them existing made the agent feel so guilty.

But, on the other hand...

The way they had touched each other, rough hands grabbing flying limbs, the almost peaceful feeling he had after every sexual tussle... It felt so wrong.

It felt so right.

Yet, while they had these escapades, they both seem to have this unknown agreement. This did not change how they worked. Their fun and exploits never seeped into their work hours. At those moments, Doofenshmirtz was doing evil and it was the semi-aquatic agent's mission to thwart him. This wouldn't change; this mustn'tchange.

All the while both of them avoided THE topic they should be discussing...

Perry the Platypus had no time to think about that, however, as he was awoken from his nap. With the beeping of his wrist-communicator, all previous thoughts and notions vanished. He was on duty now. So with a flick of his wrist, the agent slapped a fedora over his brow.

It didn't take long for the platypus to go through one of his many secret entrances, and down into his lair. Major Monogram was already on the screen waiting for him.

"No, Carl. Just...No. Doing the Robocop is nothing like the Hustle. And don't even get me STARTED on the Tootsie Roll. Or the Running Man...Or the Roger Rabbit. These are all different 90's dances. And I'm insulted that you would even confuse them. How old ARE you? Didn't you LIVE through these, or something?"

"It was just a question, sir..."

Needless to say, the milk sweating mammal had no idea what was going on.

"Oh! Good afternoon, Agent P. Sorry for ignoring you, didn't notice ya there. But you have arrived just in time. Doctor Doofensmirtz has been looking up some rather interesting subjects on the internet lately. Sites like 'platypi-are-people-too-dot-com', 'fun-new-ways-to-bound-your-nemesis-dot-com', and 'so-you-want-to-use-tentacles-dot-com'.

"Honestly...I just find it disturbing and beyond confusing. But, I'm pretty sure that any combination of these three can'tbe good. So go out there and stop him from whatever he may or may not be doing."

Perry gave a final salute as he began to run towards the exit of his lair, grabbing his trusty jetpack.

"And don't forget a sweater! We don't need to get more complaints about animal abuse. Agent P? Agent P!

"Siiiigh...he's gone, isn't he?"

"I think so, sir."

"...What DO you think Doofenshmirtz is up to, anyway?"

Silence filled the room as the two tried to ponder the question over. Monogram was right...Whatever the evil scientist was up to, could NOT bode well for Perry the Platypus.


Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated stood proudly over on the other side of town, away from the suburban household. The fedora wearing agent was thankful for his watertight fur, as the snow rushed against his face and body. The building seemed to emit a soft warm glow, as Perry squinted his eyes to see. Turning up the power on his pack, it didn't take long for him to finally reach a suspiciously open window on the side of the building.

Seeing no other way to quickly get out of the cold, the platypus went against his better judgement and flew right in. He discarded his heavy equipment the moment he landed.

Doofenshmirtz was in his parka sipping a hot cup of cocoa, when Perry made his entrance.

"UGH! FINALLY, Perry the Platypus. I had that window open for like, twenty minutes. I figured, ya know, keep it open so you wouldn't break a hole in my wall again. Like LAST week. Might I add that made the whole exchange muuuuch more worse when every part of me was frostbitten? It wasn't fun, Perry the Platypus, I'll tell ya that."

The agent looked on apologetically.

"Meh, whatever. I just thought ahead this time. I knooooow, quite surprising! Wait one moment, would ya, as I go close the window. Sit sit! Have some cocoa. It's still waaaaaaarm~"

Perry looked over in the direction his nemesis was pointing to. On the table was a steaming cup that seemed just as friendly and inviting as Doofenshmirtz was appearing. Hey, it was getting close to Christmas, he could just be in a jolly mood. And the platypus WAS rather cold from his flight through the snow. So, with these in mind, Perry went over to the table to grab the mug with a picture of his face on it.

The moment he did, however, the table seemed to spring to life. The semi-aquatic agent hissed as the drink splashed him in surprise, mildly burning his webbed toes. He didn't have much time to react any other way, however, as the table sprouted out robotic arms that coiled around his wrists, and slammed him hard against the table. His beloved hat was lost in the tussle. Before the platypus could squirm and fight with his feet and tail, clamps came down upon his free limbs.

It was safe to say, Perry was good and trapped.

"Phew! Theeeeere we go, muuuuch better. Now it doesn't feel like winter in here. Okay just let me take off my coooooat. There. Done. Now, Perry the Platypus, as you probably noticed, you're trapped."

Doofenshmirtz gestured to the agent, as he walked closer. He picked up his labcoat as he strolled passed the chair it was sprawled out on. He sighed contently as he put it on, feeling much more like his evil self. Finally, he leaned next to the table, and gloated over his nemesis.

"I mean, yeah, you're obviously trapped. Buuut, you know me, I like to point out the painfully obvious. That, and you look so cuuuute when you're glowering."

Perry glared.

"Yes! Like that there! What you're doing right now, that's exaaaaactly what I mean. Heh. This is fun. You're fun."

Perry continued to glare.

"Aaaanyway, onto my deliciously evil scheme! Oooo, this one is a fun one! You see, Perry the Platypus, for as long as I could remember...My brother Roger- you remember Roger, right? The mayor. I...I don't need to go over that again, do I? I mean, it's been awhile since I've tried to get revenge on him. So you remember him, riiiight? We're good? Good, great!

"As I was saying...For as long as I could remember, Roger has had a fear of Animalia Mollusca Cephalopoda Decapodiformes Teuthida...Oooor commonly known as squids. He doesn't just think they are scary looking, oh no, he has like this EXTREME phobia of them. Which is WEIRD. It's like- dude, why are you so afraid? It's not like you ever got attacked by one. It's so...so...So irrational! Crazy, even. He's a crazy person."

Doofenshmirtz was waffling on again, and Perry couldn't help but roll his eyes. The evil scientist seemed to sense this, as he finally got back on track.

"Right riiiight, I'm rambling. Point is, knowing this weakness of his just BEGGED to be exploited. So with that, I give you juuuust the lil' fella that's going to do my evil bidding. BEHOLD!"

The German scientist pulled the cord hanging next to him, uncovering a large object in the center of the room. It was a large fish tank, holding gallons of water and (even more noticable) a VERY large redish-orange squid.

"Did I say 'little'? Heh. Silly me, I meant 'giant and mutated'. You'd be SURPRISED at the kinds of things you can get off of craigslist. I know Iwas!"

Doofenshmirtz smiled fondly at the creature.

"I named him Nick-inator. I mean, come oooon, he just LOOKS like a Nick. Don't you think, Perry the Platypus? As for the whole 'inator' part...Old habits are just hard to break, okay? Don't judge me!

"Now, what kind of eeeeeevil plot could I have that would involve Roger and a giant mutated super squid, you ask? I'll tell ya, Perry the Platypus. Oh ho hooooo, it's going to be HILARIOUS. I figured, well...I have a giant mutated squid. 'So, Heinz,' I said to myself, 'you just GOT to abuse this somehow.' And that's when it came to me...Use Nick to ring Roger's doorbell, and scare the stimple out of him! Hehehe!

"It's ingenious, riiiight? It's TOTALLY to get back at him for the one time he convinced me to wear invisible pants out in public. He THINKS I forgot about it...but I SO haven't forgotten."

Perry sighed as his foe rambled on and on. It was getting to the time when he was suppose to break free. That was how it went, after all. Get caught, listen to Doofenshmirtz ramble, break out of his trap, fight, destroy/stop plan, and fly away and take in the victory. And as amusing as the ramblings could be, it was time to end it. So the agent began to squirm, trying to see how lose everything was.

...Nothing was lose. Okay, no big. Maybe there was a button somewhere that he could trick the mad doctor into pushing.

Perry looked around himself, but nothing was sticking out. He even tried to see, inside the coiled tubing surrounding his hands bound over his head, if he could reach and somehow activate the laser on his wrist...

He could not. The semi-aquatic mammal began to panic, as he tried to think of a million ideas a minute on how he could escape. Each one quickly getting checked off as he realized that they wouldn't work out. And then, his mind went blank.

Not having a single idea frightened him the most.

Doofenshmirtz seemed ignorant to his plight, however, as he carried on. The scientist's fingers seemed to mindlessly dance and pet the side of his neck and chin, as he continued to ramble. It was a sick feeling that crept onto the platypus' body, as he realized that while he was worried that his nemesis might (accidentally) hurt him...the adrenaline seemed to add a thrill to the situation. His heart beat faster in his small chest, as he just watched Doof go.

Honestly, the agent had stopped hearing words long ago. But what he saw...that evil glint in the older male's eyes, that look of power...It was a familiar territory that he had been growing to enjoy lately.

Add that to these new feelings-how powerless and helpless Perry felt at that moment- he couldn't help but blush as he realized what was going on.

Doofenshmirtz, however, was just as clueless as ever, as he began to walk over to his new friend- preparing to set him free. His fingers hovered over the button, as he waited to be stopped.

He felt idiotic after a few minutes of just staring at it silently.

"Okay, this is getting aaaawkward. Oh Perry the Plaaaaaatypus, have you been paying attention at ALL? I'm about to unleash my mutated squuuuuuid...Nothing, REALLY?"

Heinz looked back over his shoulder, and was honestly still surprised to see his nemesis exactly as he had left him.

"Okay, what's your DEAL, man? Here I have a perfectly good scheme, and you aren't even TRYING to stop me! Come oooon, Perry the Platypus, THWART me!"

The agent really wished he would choose his words better. It was then that the semi-aquatic mammal began to chew the inside of his bill, and couldn't even LOOK at the German anymore. He was doing his best to distract his mind from the perverse path it was traveling.

As sweat began to form on Perry's brow, that was when Doofenshmirtz seemed to notice how labored the platypus' breathing had become. And how red he had gotten so suddenly! Worry formed in the mad doctor's chest.

"Are you okay? You don't LOOK so good."

And yet, something felt oddly familiar from the look on the fedora wearing agents' face. Something he could, yet couldn't place. Frustration? Yes, but also something much more raw. Much more passionate.

"P-Perry the Platypus, are you...?"

Dread flooded the animal as he felt a sexual secret of sorts had him pushed into a corner. He glared, as he waited for the scientist to carry on.

"You are! Oh maaaan, this is hilarious! Heh, Perry the platypus is actually TRAPPED!"

Perry blinked slowly as he realized THAT was all the other male had caught. He smiled sheepishly, as if to say- "Oh heh, yeeeeah...that's what's going on. Yep. Nothing else."

And Doofenshmirtz seemed to believe it, as he gloated over the agent. The scientist smirked triumphantly, as he began stroking the platypus in a teasing manner. Though, he did not fully understand the situation; the evil genius had thought his intentions were a lot more "innocently" devious.

The effect, however, was not.

Perry the platypus gave a threatening growl, a warning for Doofenshmirtz to stop. Or else the line they had worked so hard on keeping in tact would shatter and cease to exist. His glare tighten, as his pulse raced.

The growl seemed to startle the human from his confident demeanor, as recollection dawned on him.

"Perry...are you...?"

Deja vu was never a pleasant experience.

Doofenshmirtz searched the platypus' eyes trying to find his answer; when he didn't find them there, his eyes wandered. And he was startled when he saw a certain part of the agent's anatomy peeking out from its hiding place. A pink tip twitched about, as the mad doctor's eyes widened suddenly.

"You are! You ACTUALLY are! ...Ya knoooow, in hinds sight, this makes a loooot of sense. Oi, I'm such a dingbat sometimes."

The German slapped his forehead, as if to punish himself for what a dummy he had been. He laughed to himself for a moment, before drastically switching gears. Doofenshmirtz smiled wickedly, as he hunched over the table. Each palm placed firmly on either side of the platypus. His breath was close enough to be felt on the agent's bill.

"Sooooo...you're really stuck, huh? No fooling, Perry the Platypus? You're honest to goodness TRAPPED trapped?"

Perry glared sharply back at his taunting captor, his annoyance and frustration already losing the battle with his growing lust. Doof looming over him, inches from his face, WHILE reminding him of his current predicament, wasn't helping. But Perry was an Agent, he had a job to do, and he wasn't going to let things get out of hand now.

The platypus glared up at Doofenshmirtz, struggled to free his limbs once more; not that he thought he could, but to show Doof that he couldn't. The agent's stern eyes shifted to the tubing around his wrists, back to the scientist's eyes, in an obvious 'a little help, here?' manner.

"Aah, so you are! Good. Because I'm preeeeeeetty sure this will be the only time I can get away with THIS!"

Before the platypus could even question what "this" was, he found out; Doofenshmirtz slammed his lips against the semi-aquatic mammal's mouth. Claiming and stealing a kiss that he would never quite be granted to have.

It was an evil victory on his part.

The semi-aquatic mammal's eyes shot open wide and it took a good five seconds to realize what had just happened. The moment that it did, many things happened at once for the germophobic agent. The first reaction was disgust; the feel of his nemesis' moist lips against his bill, of the hot breath on his face, sent shivers of revulsion down his spine, settling into the pit of his stomach in a roiling mass of growing ick. Next was something he hadn't been expecting; being so intimately violated in such a way, when he could do nothing to stop it, sent more shivers down his spine, and these didn't stop at his stomach. He felt his member throb, even worse than before, and knew he wasn't just peeking anymore. This was going in the opposite direction he was trying to steer it, and the unfamiliar feeling of helplessness was renewed.

When a slippery tongue decided to slip into Perry's unsuspecting bill, he made a muffled gagging sound, and his reflexes immediately caused him to bite down hard on the intruding object.

Doofenshmirtz immediately pulled away as he yelped in pain.

"OW! Ah ah, ooooow! That HURT! But, ya know..heh. Com-PLETELY worth it!"

The scientist had his tongue hang out for a moment, making him look a little silly, as he began changing his plan of attack. He decided maybe this time it would be smarter to stay away from something that could easily chop his taste buds off. Doofenshmirtz opted for burring his nose and mouth into the crevice of the agent's neck. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of sweat and lust, as his right hand grabbed onto the platypus' member. It was so small, that it was easily swallowed by the human's palm. He squeezed it playfully, as if testing a ripe tomato at the grocers, before sliding his hand down enough so his thumb touched the tip. His digit swayed from side to side.

Doofenshmirtz muffled into the agent's fur.

"Take THAT and THAT, Perry the Platypus!"

The sudden intense attention to the agent's needy member made him gasp, shudder and emit a low chatter. He tried kicking his back legs and tail, more out of reflex than anything else, but the trap still held firm. He tried desperately not to acknowledge that he was currently arching his back and pressing himself harder into his nemesis' rough hand, while at the same time craning his head and neck away from the strangely erotic nuzzling. He knew one battle had been lost; the job had turned into an unexpected play date, despite his efforts to keep things professional. But what he could not stand, was losing the dominance battle. This was ridiculous; Agent P was NOT someone's-

Was that the trap remote in Doofenshmirtz's labcoat pocket?

A slight smile flickered across the Platypus's bill. If he could only reach it with his teeth...

While his nemesis was in the process of devising a plan, Heinz was lost in his fun. He had to admit, it wasn't often that he felt so much control and power in a situation. And the few times he pulled back to see the expression on the platypus' face...

It didn't take long for his own inator to start throbbing. The scientist licked his lips, as he brought his sticky fingers to his mouth. He deliberately made sure Perry was watching him as he got a quick taste of his prisoner.

"I muuuuust say, Perry the Platypus, I'll always be surprised by how oddly delicious you taste. Not a, ya know, conventional 'delicious'. You don't taste like Oma Doofenshirtz's strudel or like a meaty bratwurst on a hot summer's day...but I'll tell ya, you don't taste bad at ALL!"

After lapping up the juices, his fingers went back towards the oozing little agent. He changed his strokes to something like stroking a kitten's tail. His nails digging into the teal fur, before grazing the sensitive flesh.

Doofenshmirtz chortled as he licked the milk sweating mammal's bill, teasingly.

"Now puuuurr for me, Perry the Platypus. Ooo, no no! Do that cute little chattering noise that you sometimes do. The one where you go...where you go...Oh, I can't do it! But yooou know what I mean."

The scientist really knew which buttons to push on the little platypus. Fingernails lightly scraping over such a tender area was just short of being the right amount of hurt. It was driving Perry insane, and making it hard to focus. He could feel a purr building in his throat, but caught it in time to turn it into an angry growl, as he shook his head 'no'.

"No? What do you mean 'no'? Ah, but I have ways of making you purr, Perry the Platypus!"

Nails dug in a bit harder. That. THAT was the right amount. And to make things worse, Doofenshmirtz had chosen then to continue with his nuzzling.

But fortune smiled upon the squirming agent. As the scientist bent over to nuzzle, his lab coat flew up and over the platypus's small body. The pocket was juuuust about... if he could just stretch his neck a liiittle bit more...

Just as the mere act of concentrating through the attention was beginning to seem an impossible endeavor, Perry's teeth clamped down in a firm hold on the remote. The metal was warm from being against Doof's leg.

Now rose another problem. There he lay, a remote sticking out of his bill... but the button was at the other end of the remote. He began using his tongue to turn it around in his mouth, being careful not to lose his grip on it. He glanced over to his nemesis, to see if he'd noticed anything, but he seemed far too busy to have noticed.

This was taking too long. Perry would never forgive himself if he allowed himself to come while in this situation, and he could feel his peak nearing quickly. He took a chance, threw back his head and let go of the remote. It sailed straight up over the agent's head, flipped a few times, and then landed perfectly back in Perry's bill.

The wrong way again. Perry panicked a bit, sure that little failed stunt must have alerted Doofenshmirtz. He froze. But Doof hadn't noticed. So he tried again.

This time, the remote sailed up... and over, out of sight. Crap.

Or maybe not. The remote happened to land button-down on the floor behind them. Right. That's exactly what he'd meant to do.

There was a single beep, and the coils holding the agent captive let go and receded. Before Doofenshmirtz could even notice what was going on, Perry kicked the man's groping hand away, then took the lapels of his lab coat in both of his tiny fists, using the leverage to yank the scientist toward him, just enough for him to lose his balance, before pushing him back with a force that sent Doof stumbling backwards and onto the floor.

Perry gracefully jumped to his feet on the table, glaring down mischievously at his nemesis. A threatening growl rose up from the platypus's bill, but the smirk that came along with it gave away its true meaning.

A mix of fear and excitement took over him, as Doofenshmirtz gave a weak smile.

"Oh, heh, wow...I maaaaay have forgotten, just a teensy little bit, that I even HAD my remote there...Whoops? Would it help if I said I was sooooorry and it will never happen again? Scouts honor?"

He wasn't sorry; and, if given the chance, he would have taken it all over again and again.

Perry wagged his finger teasingly. He wasn't getting off the hook THAT easily. The animal launched its self off the table with great force, colliding with Doof's chest, knocking him into a laying position with the agent sitting on his chest.

Doof had hit his head on the floor when it happened, and Perry took the lapels of the lab coat in his hands again, and purposely smacked the scientist's head against the floor a second time.

Doof cried out in pain, his head feeling dizzy as he tried to think of what to do...or what to SAY.

Nothing came to mind, but he swung his fist to try and get the upper hand. This lead to Perry dodging it easily, and returning the punch. The scientist hissed as little hands struck his face.

"What is WITH you and trying to break my nose, Perry the platypus? Oooow, man, oooooow!"

Oh yeah. This wasn't a 'thwarting' deal anymore, was it? Perry shrugged and gave a small, sheepish smile, before turning around to face his true adversary for the evening.

The enemy in question stood tall and proud, tenting the man's dark pants. Perry tapped it a few times on the tip with one finger, through the material.

"Oh, what? You're not going to try and break THAT now, are ya?"

Doofenshmirtz was a little surprised that the notion didn't turn him off any. But he quickly shook his head-trying to rid himself of it. He'd rather not have to go through the awkward explanation as he'd have to tell his doctor how THAT happened. No...just no thanks.

Perry glared back over his shoulder. He had half a mind to just leave him there after all of this; he was still mildly upset that Doofenshmirtz had insisted on bringing their... this... into their work hours. But as much as the agent hated to admit it, he was just as turned on as his nemesis was. He turned back to the task at hand, lifting the waistband away from Doof's body with one hand, and reaching in, fishing around with the other.

Soon, Agent P had found what he was looking for, and brought out his prize. It took both hands to completely wrap about it, but with his small hands, that wasn't necessarily saying much. But while small, the platypus was impossibly strong. Wrapping both hands around the shaft, but closer to the top, he gave a tight squeeze and licked the head long and slowly.

The mad doctor's member twitched in pleasure, as his throbbing persisted. Doofenshmirtz licked his lips- his mouth was suddenly too dry for his liking- as his eyes followed the platypus' tongue.

"O-oooooh. That..Well, yeah, That's...that's fiiiine. Go right on AHEAD with thaaaat.(Haaaa, a pun. See seeeee, I'm funny.)"

His ramblings were cut off, as Perry the platypus squeezed his mini-inator twice as forcibly as before.

"Oh riiiight, riiiiight. I keep forgetting that 'no talking' rule. My, ah, bad. I'll shush. This is me shushing. Zip."

Satisfied that Doof really was done rambling, but honestly knowing better, Perry decided to carry on.

Reaching forward and down between the man's legs, he groped around until he found the fleshy sack. Due to his current position, the reaching had the platypus with his belly and face pressed up against the length of Doof's member. Perry used this opportunity to rub his cheek against the tip of it, much like a cat might do.

With both hands, the agent cupped his nemesis' tender sack, and gave it a gentle, but firm, squeeze, before trailing his hands back up the length of the shaft, before picking up speed and rubbing up and down the underside of it, while keeping the top side pressed firmly against his soft, furry chest.

Perspiration formed on Doofenshmirtz's brow, as he shut his eyes tightly. He bite back his moans, as he tried the best not to open his mouth. The villain knew that if even opened it up to breathe, let alone anything else, he'd start waffling on again. Doof was known for rambling on the most normal occasions, but when his nemesis touched him THAT way...

He felt that he just HAD to express it.

"P-Perry the Platypus..."

Doofenshmirtz was shut up instantly, as his back arched from pleasure. Yes, shushing was what he was doing. Gotcha.

Perry grinned in spite of himself. This was the way things were supposed to be. He gave the member one more good pump, before letting go and standing up, his webbed feet planted firmly on the scientist's lower belly.

Now at a more convenient angle due to his small stature, Perry grabbed the shaft again, and opened his bill as far as it would go, taking the whole head and an inch of shaft into his mouth. How he could be okay with this, but not kissing, the secret agent would never know. He tried not to think about it as his tongue went to work rubbing over the sensitive area, and licking and probing the hole with the tip of it.

His eyes closed, as his left hand went to his own member, which was still aching to be touched. He absentmindedly stroked himself as he worked on sucking, licking and rubbing his nemesis.

Doofenshmirtz found himself mumbling curses under his breath, as his breathing became labored. He found himself bucking from the way Perry the platypus' tongue buried itself into his foreskin, flicking back and forth. Doing this, however a reflex and instinctual it might have been, was not the smartest plan. For at that moment, the villain's palms slipped on the slippery material of his lab coat; and, Heinz found his head slamming hard onto the floor once more.

"Greeeeat. Even my body wants to, mmmm, that...that's the spot, Perry the Platypus- Even my body wants to abuse me! I s-sweeeARrrr,aaah. Ja! Das f├╝hlt sich wirkliiiich guuuuut~"

Slipping into sudden German was taken as a sure sign of Heinz's approaching climax, which came as a relief to Perry, who was also dangerously close. The platypus took this time to clamp down with his bill, while sucking steadily as if trying to suck a particularly thick milkshake through a straw. He had to swallow periodically as pre-come continued to pool in his mouth. His own excited juices were spilling over his busy hand, and running down the villain's lower abdomen.

It didn't take very long, with the way the platypus was sucking and slurping his member, before he gave one final thrust into the semi-aquatic agent's mouth. Doofenshmirtz cried out in ecstasy, as he released his load. He took the time to be silent, as he tried to catch his breath.

Seconds after, Doofenshmirtz finally got the purr he'd wanted, although slightly garbled through a bill full of come, as Perry followed suit and fell back onto his rump with exhaustion.

Both of them laid there, taking in the peacefulness and the afterglow. Their chest rose and fell, as they tried to catch their breath. As their breathing starting to become normal, dread dawned upon then as they realized what they had just done. What lines had just been crossed. The silence had a humming of its own, one that could be felt through pulses in the air and on the ground. And it was slowly becoming maddening.

Doofenshmirtz finally couldn't take it anymore, as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Well...this is getting aaaaawkward. Look, maybe we should clean ourselves up a bit. Or Soooomething."

The scientist gestured to their come covered bodies. And as the fog began to clear from Perry the Platypus's mind, a sickening feeling took over him as he realized he was still covered in his own juices. He felt so dirty, so unclean. It was one thing when he was lost in the passion and the fighting, it was another to just sit in a sticky puddle of yourself. Perry stuck out his tongue as he wiped his hands onto the evil genius' lab coat.

"Oh, come ON! Stop it! And YOU'RE suppose to be the mature one, Perry the platypus. Look, I'll just get up and go fetch us some towels. Meanwhile, don't go wiping yourself all over my stuff. Sheeeesh."

Perry smiled sheepishly as the inventor went to his nearest washroom. It gave the agent enough time to realize the marine animal in the tank had been staring at him for some time. He blushed, as he went to pick up his hat. The platypus put it back on his head, using it to shield himself away from the gaze.

He was honestly happy when Doofenshmirtz returned and handed him the cloth to wipe himself. The scientist had already cleaned up and changed into his purple bathrobe. It was obvious he wouldn't be able to continue his scheme for the rest of the day. His mind nor mood no longer in the right evil place.

"Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz finally began after some time, "I think we need to talk."

The aquatic agent wasn't sure he really liked where this was going. Yet he nodded his head, signalling for his nemesis to go on, as his eyes stayed focused on cleaning himself. He was more than satisfyingly clean...but the agent really didn't have the courage to look at the inventor at that moment.

"We've been avoiding this topic for awhile. I know it, YOU know it. And I'm the first one to do aaaaanyting to avoid an awkward conversation. But we DID something big here, Perry the Platypus. It's one thing to cross my deli sandwich with your pickle on personal days...But this is work. This is what we do. You get PAID to punch me in the face repeatedly and to crush my devious spirits. (Whiiiich is kinda messed up, by the way.) Though, even before today, it's been hard to not think about your cute little hands doing things to me, besides giving me bruises and concussions.

Doofenshmirtz rambled on:

"I know, I know, weird that I of all people want to...how you say, question the gift horse's mouth? Meh. Whatever. It's just... I'm not this kinda nemesis. I need to know what we have here...is it serious?"

The agent finally found the strength to look over his shoulder, and found the scientist giving him real emotions. Not over dramatic ramblings, not petty anger. That was the look of a man who had felt real pain in his life. Over and over again. That was the look of a man who's only real relationships were with his daughter and a crime-fighting platypus.

Oh, and Norm.

Which was really pathetic if the milk sweating mammal thought about it.

The platypus locked his gaze, and the older male's hands made wild gestures. As if they were visual aids in his attempt to explain to his foe what he really wanted to say.

"I don't DO flings, Perry the Platypus. Call me an (evil) sap...But I need to know that you care about me. Heck, that you even LIKE me! That I'm not beig abused. (Ya know, in a bad way.) That I'm not being used...

"UGH! I even know this sounds so corny. Look, listen, I care about you. I loathe you, I hate you. I love you, I NEED you. But you're the only person I can call my best friend. You're the only one who's THERE. I don't expect things to change. I don't expect us to go skiiiiping through fields of flowers, holding hands. I don't even think we could do the couple-y things like go out on dates. Don't really want, don't really caaaare. "

Doofenshmirtz slapped his forehead in frustration, almost hating what he was saying. That while it needed to be said, Perry the platypus could just crush his little evil heart at any moment, just like every other person he ever opened up to.

"Buuuut, when I'm with somebody...I'm WITH somebody. I rather know, right now, what we are. I don't WANT to see you as mine, only to find out later I was the only one who felt anything at all. You can continue to puuuunch me in the face, you can continue to thwaaart me at every little scheme. Even the non-evil ones! I...Perry the Platypus, I need to just KNOW, okay?"

The agent just stood there, stunned. While here the platypus had been busy debating his own morality about his attraction for months, there Doof was with his feelings all sorted out and tagged with little inator tags. To him, there was not much to debate. He liked Perry, he was completely okay with attraction towards his enemy. He was just worried about the simplest of things. Perry the platypus couldn't help but snort at this.

Wasn't it obvious?

No, not to him. The obvious was never seen by the dimwitted Doctor Doofenshmirtz.

Perry could easily remember the time he had thought the evil inventor had replaced him. He wasn't sad he was out of a job. Please, in all modesty, he was OWCA's best agent. Major Monogram could have easily got him a new nemesis in the same sector.

He was upset because even back then, he realized Doofenshmirtz wasn't a job to him. Thwarting the scientist had become some of the highlights of Perry the Platypus' day. Being with Heinz let the agent be himself. His snarky and intelligent self.

Perry walked the remaining distance between himself and the mad doctor, and punched him in the side.

"OW! Whaaaat? What does that MEAN? What did *I* do?"

Perry smiled as he then suddenly grabbed Doofenshmirtz left hand and gaze it a squeeze. It was the only way the agent could give his answer to all of his nemesis' questions and trepidation.

Doof looked as confused as ever.

"Sooooo, does that mean you...?"

Semi-aquatic rolled his eyes, before nodding his head.

Doofenshmirtz actually became teary eyed as he suddenly swooped the platypus into his arms for a tight embrace.

"Good. Because I REALLY wasn't looking forward to adding you to my list of awkward backstories, Perry the Platypus.

Boundaries exist for a reason. The are wall of protection, meant to keep you on the right path. But sometimes, much like the Berlin wall of old, they eventually get broken down. And sometimes, what you were fighting all along...

Sometimes they're all you really needed.


Days later, evil laughter could be heard as a certain mad doctor read the newspaper's morning headline:





AN: I feel sorry for Nick the squid. He just saw his new daddy screw a platypus. :(

But seriously, this took longer than it should have. And look at all the bad jokes and needless sap! Snark, why are you so corny and mushy? I do want to say that it's because of my wifey Moonie that this even got finished. While I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, she was great to bounce off of during the actual sex scene. So if you love it, thank HER. If you are now fetching for the brain-bleach...MUHAHAHA! You poor soul, blame her as well.