A/N I've been updating like everything lately. Split Personality's being updated finally Bitches! -Composes self- Anyway, enjoy, I do realize that it's been so long, I had to reread my own story just to remember what happened and what I planned to happen. It's been a while –sweatdrop-
PM to Be BETA, before I go look for one myself lol :3
II: I'm supposed to choose?
"Na-Natsuki…" I mumbled as we made it into private. I can't hurt him… I can't hurt him! What do I do? What…
"What's wrong Syo, everyone's all serious. Is something a matter? Are you hurt?! Are you moving?!" Natsuki began listing possible problems. I grabbed his shoulders to stop him.
"No, it's none of that!" I have to tell him the truth! It's the only way… it won't hurt him… not for very long at least.
"I..I.." I mumbled. I shook my head and pushed myself up onto my toes and gave Natsuki a kiss on the lips. I pulled away, dropping back onto the ground slowly, my hands on Natsuki's chest. I just looked at my hands, not able to look at him.
"You like me? That way…" Natsuki said. I nodded.
"Iloveyou." I said, fast and quiet.
"What my precious cutie?" He asked, getting all giddy.
"I love you…" I repeated. He practically died there. It's just… intolerable sometimes.. But sometimes, it's nice. Like we he cares for me, but then Satsuki is a side of him I love too. Maybe a side I love more, I think so.
"C-can I see you without your glasses?" I asked. Natsuki gave me a confused, caught off guard look but nodded and slowly took his glasses off.
"S-Satsuki?" I asked. The person in front of me just looked at me.
"Syo, remember its Natsuki? Are you so flustered your slurring your words?" he asked. I froze in shock.
Satsuki? Where is Satsuki? Where is the person I fell in love with? His body is still here, but there's a different him still in it? Where's the him I fell for, the him I'm in true love with? This him, Natsuki, it's a different love… I can't describe it, but it's not the same. I put my arms on his chest.
"Yeah, that's it, slurring my words." I told him, hiding my tears in his sweater. "You have beautiful eyes."
Is he angry with me? Why didn't he come out…
I should be happy. Natsuki can be who he is without having to be constantly watched. He can be Natsuki all the time, without accidently becoming someone else. I'm sure it must be weird for him to just black out when he becomes Satsuki. This is for the better, for Natsuki.
If it's for the better why do I feel so empty? Did I just expect Satsuki to understand and be happy for me? He's not that type of person! Of course he got jealous and angry, he'll never show himself to me anymore. I won't get to see the person I love anymore, emotionally. He's right there, physically, but not mentally.
I just kissed Natsuki again. I'm sure I'll see the parts of Natsuki that I love more… maybe, I can love all of them. Natsuki and Satsuki, wherever he is, together. Maybe he'll come back if I do.
"Where do you want to go to eat?" Natsuki's question spurred me from my thoughts. I looked around. How did I end up in town? Have I just been walking around with Natsuki the whole time while I thought…
"Well, I guess that new sushi place would be nice…" I said. Natsuki smiled at me.
"Of course." Was his only reply as we walked to the sushi place. His glasses are back on and he's completely and utterly Natsuki. Its takes so much effort not to throw his glasses away and pray that Satsuki comes out.
This must be how he feels when he has to be Natsuki again, and he wasn't able to be with me, that was until he started hating me.
"I love sushi." I said, putting a smile on.
"I'm happy you do, because now two people love you."
I stopped mid-bite for that. I looked at the table, seeing the glasses set there gently.
I quickly swallowed.
"Satsuki? Y-you…" I looked at him. This was obviously Satsuki. By the way he carries himself.
"I had to think, I needed that time. I love you so much, but Natsuki does too. And he's the real owner of this body." Satsuki said. "You can't be in love with me, it's not right."
I just looked at Satsuki and shook my head. "But it feels right, I felt empty when I thought you were angry at me."
"You thought I was angry at you?" Satsuki asked. I nodded.
"While Natsuki may not be aware of what you do, you know what he does, you see it. I thought you were angry at me for telling Natsuki that stuff, that you wanted nothing to do with me." I said. "That you hated me."
"I could never hate you, I'm part of Natsuki and he loves every part of you." Satsuki said.
"That's the problem. I don't love every part of Natsuki. I love a lot of it, but I love the Satsuki part the most!" I shouted at him, ignoring the momentary looks from other costumers. I sat back down exasperated.
"I just want to be with the one I love, and not just his body." I said.
"Well, as a part of Natsuki, I'm still there when he's himself, he just doesn't show me. He doesn't show his more aggressive side." Satsuki said, giving me what I think is a smirk.
"Just get him to be himself, as him, I can tell you that the cute-obsessed way he acts is an important part of him, but he acts like it defines him. If you can help him with that, I'm sure you'll like him better." Satsuki told me. I wiped away tears.
"My love is telling me how to fall in love with someone else…" I said between sobs. "I don't know."
"You have to, for us, for Natsuki, Mostly for you." Satsuki said. "Now wipe away all the tears, so I'll put the glasses back on."
"Wait, not yet." I said. I stood up and walked over to Satsuki. I leaned forward to the sitting man and kissed him, some of my tears rubbing onto him.
"I love you."
"I love you too, but you have to love him." He replied.
"I'm loving him by loving you." I told him. "I don't want to change."
"Is… is that how you really feel?" Satsuki asked. I gave him a confused look.
"Wait, that didn't sound like you Satsuki…"
"It's Na-Natsuki… y-you really need to stop slurring y-your words… s-Syo."
Did... did I make Natsuki cry?