Disclaimer: I hate these… Not mine…. Blah blah blah blah…. You get the picture.

A/N I wrote this when I was supposed to be working on "Who Said Love Was Easy?" but I have writers block, for that story! Weird I know but this has NO connection to it so read on~! Warning you are about to be another victim of my potty mouth. ;)

Hermione Granger was walking down the halls of Hogwarts. At age 17 she had a perfect body. Everywhere she went the boys went drooling. She had discovered a spell to change her appearance in 6th year and took full advantage of it. But it was not just her looks that have changed it was her attitude. She was dressed in a VERY short, tight, black mini skirt, with a hot-pink thong, very visibly sticking out of it. She was wearing black- strapped, high-heeled sandals and a red midriff halter-top.

As she was strutting down the halls, hips swaying, bubble gum cracking, she turned the corner and almost walked straight into one of her former best friends: Harry Potter.

"Oh hey Harry." She said in a bored girly voice, twirling her gum around her finger and sticking it back in her mouth.

"Hey Hermione?" Harry started.

Hermione let out an exasperated sigh.

"Look Harry, you were a good lay, but what we had is O-V-E-R. You know it was nothing special. I mean even Ron has excepted that." She cut him off before he could finish.

Harry looked taken aback.

"Uh no, I was just gonna tell you that you have toilet paper sticking out of your ass."

"Oh shit, what?!" Hermione squealed.

Harry just continued walking away and Hermione waited until the sound of his sniggers died away before running into the nearest bathroom to remove the paper.

After that task was done. She checked her make up in the mirror.

"OH. MY. GOSH. Is that a wrinkle?!"

At this statement giggling was heard in the stalls, and Parvati and Lavender appeared with grins on their faces.

"Oh, pa pa pa pooooor Whoremione!" Lavender gushed mockingly. "Does the whore have a wrinkle?" Lavender gasped for more affect. "What in the world are we to do Parvati?"

The two girls continued giggling as the exited, ignoring the death glare they were getting from Hermione.

Once outside the doors, Parvati turned to her best friend.

"Good one Lavender."

"Thanks I don't think I did so bad myself." Lavender replied.

"Ever since Hermione turned into WHOREmione, we haven't got any chances to get our men back." Parvati exclaimed getting an evil glint in her eyes.


The doors to the great hall opened. Hermione had not been on the Hogwarts express this year and this worried Harry and Ron immensely, and they strained in their seats to see if it was her, but what they saw walk or strut into the great hall was NOT the Hermione they knew. She was dressed different, walked different and LOOKED, well, good.

Immediately all eyes were on her, male and female, with jaws on the floor.

"Oops sorry bout my like lateness." She said in a California valley girl accent.

"But I totally couldn't find any pants that matched this shirt, and then my lipstick was runny, and I broke a nail looking for my shoes and I barely had time to blow dry my hair…"

"That is quite alright Ms.Granger." Dumbledore exclaimed looking mildly amused by her dramatic entrance.

"Oh alright then." Hermione said walking over to the Gryffindor table her heels making a clack clack clack sound on the marble floor.

When she reached the table she promptly placed her self right in the middle of Harry and Ron. For the rest of the meal, Harry and Ron were too afraid of what might happen if they looked at Hermione to talk to her, not that she was lacking attention.

It seemed that all of a sudden every male member of not only Gryffindor, but even the Slytherins were giving her appreciative looks. And those who were lucky enough to get her attention immediately stared chatting with her.


Ever since then the male portion of the school were currently going to very extreme measures to have her. And so starts our story…

After her little incident in the bathroom Hermione needed to go somewhere where she could be pissed off in peace. It was bad enough that she was having a major bad hair day but now she had to deal with those two.

"Stupid Bitches." She muttered to herself as she turned and ran head long into Draco Malfoy.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Granger the slut." He drawled lazily, totally unaffected by her appearance.

Out of all the males in school Draco Malfoy was the only one that Hermione had failed to seduce. No matter what she looked like, to him, she was still a mudblood, and in this case, a slut.

"Fuck off Malfoy." She snapped.

"No that's your job." He said back. And the sad part was, that he was totally serious.

By this time Hermione was already walking away with her middle finger in the air behind her, as she turned another corner.

Draco just smirked and walked on. The sole reason that Hermione's so called 'charm' had no effect on him is because his heart belonged to another. Now this sounds very unMalfoy like but it was true. Draco Malfoy had fallen for the littlest Weasley who was in fact no so little anymore.

There was just something about her that intrigued him and an accident not too long ago brought out their true feelings for each other. In fact he was just on his way to meeting her when he ran into the school prostitute. Draco Malfoy was all about control and his run in with Hermione just proved it. This was the girl that guys dumped their long time girl friends for.

When Draco reached the wall behind the 12th suit of armor in the hall way, he pointed his want at it and said the password that opened the secret passage…

A/N So what do ya think? Trash it or leave it? The only way to tell me is to review!