A/N: Two stories in that many days! You could say either I love you, or I have no life. To tell the truth, it's both. Set a year after "Then". Characters belong to CBS, unfortunately.
Within My Heart
The last year being married to Spence was amazing. He was sweet, gentle and kind about moving in with Henry and me. Henry was so enthralled to have 'his daddy' living with him. We hadn't seen or heard from Will for nearly two years and Henry was nearing six, so he probably didn't remember Will at all. Spence was there for Kindergarten graduation, for tee ball tryouts and Henry's Christmas pageant. Spence was more a daddy than Will ever was. So I was good with telling Spence he was really going to be a daddy. Like for real. But when to tell him was going to be hard. I really wanted to tell him in front of the team so Morgan or Hotch could catch him when he faints, because I know he's going to.
This morning, I'm lying in bed, relishing in the weekdays that we've been getting off lately. It happened, really, when Em and Hotch had Blythe McKenzie a year ago, as well as our wedding, and Morgan and Pen's wedding not long after ours. Having both a one- year-old and a eight-year-old was a handful for the two newlyweds. I knew that feeling. I knew that Pen wanted a baby soon but Morgan wasn't quite ready for that step. He'd rather 'stick to practicing' as he put it. I hope Pen soon puts him in his place. They need some happiness in their lives. Morgan, however, was stubborn and didn't want a child brought into the world while we were fighting bad guys and traveling all the time. That is a true statement but a stubborn one. Pen needs to hurry up with that baby, and soon!
I could hear sounds emulating from the kitchen. Spence was making Henry waffles and Henry was telling Spence about what he was doing in first grade this week. The bus would arrive soon and take my son to school, and Spence would come back to bed and we'd cuddle for an hour, before I had to get up and flee to the bathroom. Spence had been worried about me lately, that I was contracting something worse than just a bug. I had contracted something more than a bug, but I didn't want to tell him about it just yet. Maybe today was the day to tell him. We go to work tomorrow, as we have every other Monday off and the week we don't have Monday off, we have Friday off; always a three day weekend, no matter what. Strauss was giving us some much needed time away from gruesome crime scenes, nut job unsubs and grieving family members.
I heard the bus pulling up our street. "Hurry up, dork, the bus is coming." I heard Spence say to Henry. He always had called Henry 'dork.' It's his little pet name for him. "I am hurrying, Daddy! And I'm no dork, you're a dork!" Henry shouted loudly. Then I heard giggles, and protests for Daddy to stop it. The bus honked outside our door. "Good bye, Daddy. I love you." Henry shouted, as he raced out the door. "I love you too, Dweeb." Spence shouted back, changing the 'dork' to 'dweeb' since Henry wasn't a dork. "Daddy!" Henry shouted in frustration as he boarded the bus. He waved out the window at Spence from his seat. The bus pulled away, and I went back to bed, making it look like I hadn't heard the exchange. Spence closed the front door, locked it and turned out the kitchen light. I heard his graceful looping footsteps walking towards the bedroom door.
I closed my eyes and feigned sleep. Spence quietly opened the door and chuckled. "Jayje, I know you're awake."
"Damn you profilers." I said, turning onto my back, and sat up against my mountain of pillows. Spence glided himself in next to me, sitting up against his pillows. I scooted next to him and curled around him.
"Jayje, you're a profiler too, you know," he chuckled at me. "So you're really damning yourself."
"You've been a profiler for twelve years. I've been one for two years. So yes, I might be damning myself but I'm damning you more, Spence."
"That's not nice to do to your husband, Mrs. Reid," he said, slapping me lightly on the hip.
"That wasn't nice to do to your wife, Dr. Reid."
"What can I say, I'm not a nice husband," he chuckled.
I smiled up at him. "Yes you are. You gave me one of the best gifts in the world."
He looked confused. "What gift is that, may I ask?"
"This one." I took his left hand and guided it around my hip, under my night shirt and over my midriff. "'Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord, and fruit of the womb is his reward.' Psalms 127:3. Congratulations, Doc. You're gonna be a Daddy." His face was like stone; his expression stricken. "Spence, you okay?"
"You're pregnant, JJ?" He asked exasperatedly. He took his hand away from over my stomach and leapt from the bed.
"Spence, what is it?" I sat up hurriedly and tried to get out of the bed to him.
"You can't have my baby, Jennifer! Get rid of it, now!" he all but shouted at me.
My hands flew to my torso Get rid of our baby? What it the world was he talking about? "Spence, what has gotten into you?"
"That baby is going to end up like me, a freak of nature. And I'm not going to subject it to that harsh reality if I can help it. We can't have a baby together, Jennifer. We can't. get rid of it," he spat at me, striding through the bedroom door, slamming it closed.
My mouth hung open. I was completely dumbstruck that my loving husband just told me to get rid of our baby. My baby, his baby. Our baby. How could he be so unfeeling about this innocent child within me? "Baby, it's not your fault. Mommy loves you very much, and Daddy does too. He's just confused right now, sweetheart. Mommy will straighten him out." I said to my baby, who couldn't hear me yet.
I sped out the door to confront my husband.
She couldn't be serious. She actually thought she was going to keep this baby? She can't. my mother is schizophrenic, I have Asperger's syndrome, I was picked on relentlessly in school. I'm not going to subject this innocent child to be like that, when it's older. I can't even say he or she. That would make me attached. I'm not being cold, I'm saving this innocent baby from a life of horror and hatred of a horrible life ahead of it.
"Spence! We need to talk about this!"
I turned to the raging blond. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm not going to subject this child, this innocent child, to a life of ugliness and stupid. My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic and it's genetically passed. Could you handle and schizophrenic child, an autistic child; a child like me?"
"Reid, I love this baby, whether or not he or she is schitz, autistic or like you. I want a baby like you, Spencer. That's why I married you. I love you with all of your baggage. I love that about you. Spence, please understand that I want this baby."
What she said made my heart soar. She wanted a child like me. "JJ, it's not going to be easy, raising a child like me."
"There are tests we can take to know ahead of time if he or she is like you or not. So we can make the right move, but I'm not getting rid of our baby. Not in a million years."
Spence came towards me. He wrapped his lanky arms around my waist. "I spoke out of turn to you. I am glad you and I are having a baby. Really, I am. I'm sorry, Jayje." Spence lowered his forehead to my forehead. I looked up into his Hazel eyes and saw that he really was glad we were having a baby. "How far are you, do you know?"
"Ten weeks yesterday."
"Two and a half months already? We need to prepare. What do we tell Henry?"
"Henry? What do we tell the team," JJ laughed.
"Oh, yeah. The team. Henry's first to know though, right?"
"Of course he's the first to know." She took my hand and led me to the sofa. "I have something to show you." She rooted through her purse and pulled out her wallet. She handed a black and white photograph to me. "That's our baby," she said with awe.
The picture was grainy and blurry but I could definitely make out a baby. I could see fingers and a leg and a profile of the head. "She's beautiful, Jayje."
"She," Jayje asked raising an eyebrow.
"I always pictured my first as a girl, when I pictured having a child, that is." I blushed because I had always pictured having babies, I just never thought I'd have one.
"I wouldn't mind a girl but, I'd be happy with either," she said matter of fact.
I remembered when Jayje had Henry and how amazing of a boy he was. "I wouldn't mind either as well. I just always pictured a girl."
The rest of the day passed slowly, awaiting Henry's arrival. Jayje and I had planned how we were going to tell him this afternoon. Finally, after hours of waiting, Henry's bus pulled up in front of the house. I waited at the end of the walk for Henry. The bus pulled up to the stop and Henry ran into my arms. "Oh, you're getting so big, Dork." I ruffled his hair as he smiled mischievously at me.
"Are you ready to see Mommy," I asked, anticipating our news.
"Mommy," he shouted loudly.
"She has a BIG surprise for you, son. We both do."
Henry turned his head towards me. "You have a surprise?"
"Yes." I took his hand and walked with him to the door. I let go and opened the door for the little boy. I could handle having another one; a baby that is. Henry raced into the house and hugged Jayje around the waist. I cringed because he had a tendency to hug too tight.
"Mommy, Daddy said that you have a surprise for me?" he asked anticipating the news.
"We do. Mommy and Daddy have some good news for you." I knelt down next to Jayje and looked at Henry. Jayje grasped my hand and spoke.
"Henry, how would you like to be a big brother?"
His eyes grew to the size of saucers. "I'd love to be a big brother!"
"Well," I finished. "In six and a half months, you will be," I smiled at him.
"Yay!" he shouted and hugged us both around the neck. "What am I going to big brothering to?"
"We don't know yet, Sweetie. But when we know, you'll know." Jayje was smiling and crying.
Henry tilted his head looking at Jayje. "Mommy, don't cry. I'm happy I'm gonna be a big brother!"
"I'm happy I'm going to be a mommy again."
Henry leapt into my arms. "And Daddy's gonna be a daddy again. Don't forget about Daddy."
I furrowed my eyebrows to Jayje, feigning anger. "Yeah. Don't forget about Daddy."
We all fell into a fit of giggles, and my hand found JJ's hand and we shared a secret look. We were going to have a baby. Something I didn't really want this morning, but the idea, and the being, wormed its way within my heart.