Title: Porcelain Smile
Summary: When she wants to smile, just to stay alive, he knows he's useless, paper-thin, and just as feeble.
Author: Lady Avaritia
There's been a procession of sweet hearts passing through
Some of them left no trace at all
Some left her black and blue.
~The Kills, Damned If She Do
If there is one thing Light Yagami would willingly admit that he does not understand, it's human emotion. He's incapable of processing it, and realizing it, and as good as he is at faking it, he always finds himself utterly flabbergasted when faced with an emotional puzzle he can not understand.
This is partially the root for his annoyance with Misa Amane. As every genius, he hates things he does not understand. And her – he has never been able to figure out. She is too open, too bubbly, too hyper, and too happy, and generally all too emotional. That dreaded word that, for the life of him, he can't make sense of, that thing that has elusively lead him on for the better part of his life, forever out of reach.
And so, when she wants to smile, just to stay alive, he feels useless, paper-thin and just as feeble. Because he doesn't understand. And it annoys him to no end, except his annoyance is shallow and short lived, since he can't really keep it there unless he focuses on it.
He is baffled when she gives him her sun bright smiles, for no toher reason than because she's glad to see him, and he wonders, briefly, if he manages to focus enough, will he be able to at least graze the edge of the specter of feelings that has been denied to him.
If only she knew, with that one smile, she rendered him completely useless, all his intelligence – pointless and completely unhelpful, as he twists his own lips, and feels ridiculously like he's wearing a thick carnival mask.
Light doesn't understand.