Completely sorry for the late update, fanfiction wouldn't allow me to upload it for a while. Please don't forget to R&R, its okay to be crucial. Tell me what you think? Or have any ideas to also throw in. Thank you. PS: Josh Hutcherson, your just so smocking hot.
I Banished Every Memory
Cold. The word floats around in my mind like a falling feather. That's what I am, how I feel. The coldness took over my body five weeks ago. My right dominant hand has a dried scar in the shape of a tiny mouth, down my wrist shows the scars from it's vicious claws. The bottom of my calf has the longest scar from falling off a tree, the smallest scratches on my face shows how the bark scrapped my face.
It's ironic, because I won. The squirrel only lasted one week. I've been living off of melted ice, crowberries and cold for the past four. When night came, it was always the worst. This night, it's different. When you thought you couldn't get cold enough, the night proved you wrong. My body burned from the night's weapon.
I give up, my body is too numb, so is my heart. I can't feel the tips of my fingers, my emotions won't let me feel either. I don't want to give up. But I can't just survive like this anymore. I have to suck up my pride. I'm not letting Peeta get the best of me. But I will show him that I don't need him.
As I lay my body in the center of the wooded shelter, all my belongings on top of me, I wait. Listening to the wood's wind whistle, to the sudden icicles dropping from tree branches, I wait. Wasting time starring at the broken ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise.
Time is going slow, and I just can't help to think, what has Peeta been doing these past days? Did he bother to search for me? Did he care about my well being? Did he still hate me? I suck in my breath and bite the bottom of my lip. He doesn't matter any more Katniss. No one matters anymore.
My eyes would drift every now and then but the platter noise of the dripping water would wake me up. I couldn't find enough dry wood to create a fire. But I shouldn't have given up so soon. I'm a hunter's daughter after all.
The sun is slowly shining through the crack's of the broken walls, I begin to pack. Peeta should be on getting ready to work, after all bakers need to prepare their pastries in time for the day to please customers.
Leaving the cabin was difficult, not because I'm leaving my independence, but because every bone in my body hurt's from the movements I made.
I struggled going over the fence, but I make it. Thankfully there wasn't much sun yet, I wouldn't dare let anyone see me like this. Close to vulnerable. When I walk I noticed the dragging of my feet, the slowness in my pace, my haggard breathing.
I'm near the entrance of our house and suddenly the door burst open. I immediately hide behind the closest tree, taking a peek.
It's only Peeta. His hair is a mess, his eyes have a dark shadow of bags, sadness is mixed with those blue gems. I watch him scratch his head and stretch, feeling his pocket then closing the door. He walks as if there's nothing waiting for him, twirling his keys around his pointer finger, watching it spin. The only thing he has the power to control.
Once he's out of my sight I run to the back and crawl into the window, I didn't even bother to check if the doors were unlocked.
It felt nice, it felt like heaven just being inside my warm home. My skin started to become sticky, my hands and fingers were covered with cracked skin. I closed my eyes and smiled, absorbing this beautiful heat.
"Kat-Katniss!" my bag quickly slides off my shoulder once I turned around and faced him. His hands reach up to touch my cheek, "it really is you". I swat his hand away from my face instantly giving him an annoyed look. "Don't bother.", my voice sounded raspy, I haven't spoken in so long. His eyes became huge when he caught onto my wrist.
"What happened?". He actually cares for once. "What do you think happened?" I mocked as I picked my bag up and went around him, walking to what used to be our bedroom. "Shouldn't you be on your way to the bakery by now?" I know I wasn't imagining him walk away just a few minutes ago.
"I came back because I left my apron. That's besides the point, I'm staying now." I turn around finding him leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed. What does he want from me?
My eyes squint towards him as I open my drawer. "I'm taking care of you. You obviously don't look okay." he says in a caring way but has a small smirk. I pull out a soft tanned towel and slam the drawer shut, turning then walking toward him. My temper is such a terrible disease.
"Look, I don't need you or anyone else to take of me." I spit out close to his face, passing him walking into our bathroom. I hear his footsteps follow. I turn on the faucet in the bathtub, measuring the temperature heat with my hands.
"Just let me take care of you Katniss, your not okay." his tone changed in to sincerity, I almost believe he's in love with my again. I turn around and strip my pants down, revealing my fresh scars. "Just leave me alone Peeta, I don't need this argument right now."
I stop undressing and look up at his face, he looks taken aback at the ugly designs on my legs. He catches me starring at him, assuming everything is instantly okay. His hand begins to reach for me again and I just back away. "Don't do this Katniss, don't push me away." I shake my head.
I really wish he wasn't here right now. I hands point out the door, "Leave me alone, doesn't that sound familiar?" I snicker at him, putting my hand on his chest and pushing lightly back.
He backs away, "Fine". I just slam the door and undress completely, looking down scanning my own body. It's a bit more pale then normal, but I'm fine with that. I don't need to impress anyone.
I plan to shower slowly not wanting to face Peeta, but the instant the water makes contact with my skin, I groan pretty loud. The liquid burns my cuts, like pure fire. I shake as I bathe my body with soap. Once getting used to the pain, I just stand there. The water spraying my face, not wanting to leave.
The knock on my door woke me up, my moan follows. I fell asleep unintentionally still in my towel. "Umm if your hungry there's food for you in the kitchen", Peeta says while opening the door, his sea eyes grow huge. "Sorry I thought you were already awake, but umm-", I am honestly amused by this, just wanting to watch him squirm a bit more I let my towel fall a little. His eyes immediately fall, scanning the floor, and he continues to get to his point. "Johanna called three days ago, she just wants you to call her back as soon as you can." he scratches the back of his neck. "It sounded pretty important."
Johanna? Seriously? What could she want? I stand up too fast, the towel falling, my hands trembling as I attempted to catch it.
It was too late.
I look up, Peeta has the biggest smirk on his face, but he's looking to the side. I immediately grab the closest thing and aim it next to his face. "Get Out!"
I haven't realized what I've thrown till I heard it crack. I clenched my teeth as I heard him laugh when he closed the door.
My hands ram through the cabinets, randomly picking clothes. I can't believe I just embarrassed myself, how dare he laugh. Peeta, you better be ready. I groan as I quickly braid my hair. Because payback, is a bitch.
I'm on the phone ending the call with Johanna. She still hasn't changed, the gruesome attitude. All she asked was if she could come over. Sadly I had no reason to say no. With the lack of efficiency from the Capitol, trains will be slow. I assume she'll be here by tomorrow.
I haven't left the bedroom since the incident. I have no words to say to him. I just know I hate him. I hate him because he thinks I'm a joke. I hate him because he thinks I'm not capable of taking care of my self. I hate him because he hated me, or hates me.
Deciding to not be lazy I began to clean up the broken item I had thrown at the door. It was a painted picture he had drew inside a beautiful frame. Already recognizing it on the floor, it's of me, but I'm asleep. My hands trace the broken glass above it, picking up piece by piece. I admire the background, the sand, the waters, the trees. It's all breath taking, I can't believe he drew part of the arena so perfectly.
I suck in my breath as a small sharp pain cuts through my palm. Drops of blood soon color the picture. Father did always say, don't ever get distracted.
I continue to carry the glass and make my way out the room, opening the door with my bloody hand. Walking towards the kitchen and throwing the glass in the trash. The cut stings as I wash it, but I'm already used to the pain. I've had worse.
There's pot of warm broth on top of the stove, its smell is so pure, so inviting. I don't want to take anything of what Peeta offered for me, but it's been so long since I've had an official meal. I must keep myself distracted from food.
Walking to the living room, I see Peeta struggle with his prosthetic leg while trying to nap on the couch. Guilt hits my heart. I have to let him have the bed tonight, i'm to blame for that stupid leg.
He gives up and his eye's land on me, "Did you eat? I can make you something else if you'd like". He crosses the side table and walks my direction. He groans looking down at my hand, attempting to touch it. "This is from cleaning up isn't it?"
I back away and turn, I feel like a five year old constantly being watch. "Katniss, stop walking away." he exclaims, his hands reaching my shoulder. "Just this once, let's-" I stop him, cutting him off. "No. We aren't in speaking terms at this moment." I say shoving his shoulder as I pass him to go back into the living room.
"Why? Why can't we talk about this?" you can hear the concern from his throat, but it's not enough to make me feel sorry. I turn to him, crossing my arms. "What is there to talk about Peeta? You hated me, remember? You wanted me to leave. So I did." I smirk. Now he's quiet.
His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Katniss, will you just let me explain?". I sit on the familiar couch, regretting the reason to why I left the room. I instantly lay so Peeta won't sit beside me, desperate to not be near him.
His brain kicked in as he sat on the armrest. "I'm sleeping here tonight, like it or not." I mutter to him. His groans his familiar noise, "You can have the bed, I'll stay here". Somehow this get's me irritated, "I said I'm staying here, no questions asked!"
Peeta suddenly stands and faces me, "For once, why can't you just listen to me? Why can't you just stop being stubborn and let me in Katniss!" As if it were an instinct I stand up to, close to his body that our bodies are touching. Almost shouting, almost defending, the words come out like a memorized line, "Because you weren't there when I needed you most".
Be honest, how was it? Please give me some ideas to throw in. R & R.