Author's Note: Hehe, the title rhymes. (And yes, I'll admit that I totally did that on purpose. XD)

So, basically, the premise of this fic is that Jade decides to take advantage of Robbie as she struggles to get over her feelings for Beck.

Hope you enjoy this steamy little oneshot. ;) Jade and Robbie, such an unlikely pairing…but then again, opposites do attract…

Disclaimer: Victorious © Dan Schneider


Robbie Shapiro is not a brave kid. He knows it, his friends know it, hell, even his own mother knows it. It's literally one of the most pathetic things in the whole entire world, but that's another point entirely.

The only reason it's worth even mentioning is because, being that pretty much everyone knows that Robbie is such a coward, that of course includes Jade West. Now, normally, she would never even bother to give that socially awkward ventriloquist the time of day. In fact, normally, she would just insult him on whatever struck her at the time, be it his tacky choice of clothing, or his disgusting habits, or the plain and simple fact that he was just a total weirdo.

Mostly, however, she would just flat out ignore him whenever he tried to talk to her.

Only recently had Jade West taken a sudden and very unexpected interest in Robbie Shapiro. And by recently, that meant just this morning, when Jade first witnessed a certain ex of hers driving into the school parking lot with a huge cocky grin on his face, sporting a five-foot-something blonde haired little tramp in his passenger's seat.

And immediately, the comments and speculations had begun.

"Hey, dude, check it out! Who's that smoking hot girl sitting in Beck Oliver's car?"

"I don't know, but she is fine. She must go to Northridge."

"Ugh, a hot guy like Beck would be with a beautiful girl like that."

"Oh my God, don't tell me Beck has a new girlfriend already! I was totally planning on flirting with him a little bit and maybe getting him to ask me out!"

"Wow, I wonder if his ex-girlfriend knows about this yet. She's gonna be so pissed."

Oh, she knew. Of course she knew. The skinny little blonde slut had practically flaunted Beck to every single person they came across as she walked with him up to the school. Her slender arms were strewn across his body like twine, coiled around his chest so tightly and possessively, as if he was now her property all of a goddamn sudden. The blonde whore had laughed at something he'd said and stealthily moved closer to him, such a cheap flirting tactic.

Little skank. Honestly, who the fuck did she think she was, hanging all over her ex-boyfriend like that, especially when they'd just broken up barely even two weeks ago? Better yet, who did Beck think he was already hitting on some random slutty chick and showing her off to the entire school as if she were a shiny new convertible?

Well, it didn't really matter all that much. And why was that, you may ask?

Because two could play at that game.

There was just one slight problem, though, and that was that Jade hadn't exactly been in the practice of the field of flirting for quite some time now, pretty much ever since the day she started dating Beck. So, being that she was a little rusty, it was going to make her mission a little more difficult.

But then again, this was Jade. She knew she was hot. She knew guys wanted to, for lack of a more elegant term, fuck her senseless, because she was "the scary goth chick" who was clearly into some pretty kinky stuff, especially since they all knew that she always kept a pair of scissors on her "strictly for pleasure purposes." In fact, in these past two years that she'd been with Beck, she always knew in the back of her mind that, if she really wanted to, she could've dumped him and basically hooked up with any guy in their grade, with the exception of a few gross ones who she'd never touch even if her life depended on it.

Sinjin, for example, was on that list. For one thing, the kid's hair looked like a dead poodle, and for another, he usually smelled like old meat or dirty socks. Not only that, but he was also just so fucking weird. Like borderline sociopath weird, the kind of socially inept kid who grew up to become one of those lonely old men who wore robes that didn't fit them right and talked to themselves in public because they were crazy.

And, up until just this morning, Robbie had also been on that list. Now, unlike Sinjin, Robbie wasn't as disgustingly unappealing to look at. He was pretty tall, which was always a plus, and he also had a decent head of hair. Soft and bushy. Jade liked that. She wondered if it felt as soft as it looked.

Now, don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't like she found Robbie attractive or anything. She didn't. It was just that, considering all the other trash that roamed the hallways of Hollywood Arts, Robbie was her best option at the time.

Not to mention, he also just so happened to be the first person she came across after she saw Beck and his little blonde skunkbag in the parking lot this morning. After witnessing their public display of bullshit, Jade had chucked her full cup of scalding hot coffee at a cluster of sophomores who had unfortunately been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They'd been standing there near Jade the whole time, drooling over Beck's new dog like disgusting little dogs themselves. One of them had made a lewd comment, to which all the others voiced their agreement, which then resulted in all them receiving a large helping of hot coffee being thrown at their chests and splattering all over their pants. They all screamed, and Jade smiled. She didn't care. They deserved it for acting like such horny pigs.

She then proceeded to storm through the main doors of Hollywood Arts, mumbling obscenities to herself and glaring at anyone who dared to look her way. She walked up to her locker, resisting the overwhelming urge to rip a pair of scissors off of it and just heave them at someone, anyone, and it was then, as she began to open it and absentmindedly grab her books, that she spotted Robbie from the corner of her eye.

He was sitting on the steps with Rex in his lap as he talked to a couple of their good friends, Andre and Cat. Jade could faintly hear Cat giggling in that ditzy way of hers after Rex made some kind of sarcastic remark.

Rex. That was another factor about Robbie Shapiro that made him so unappealing. When Jade first met Robbie back in freshmen year, she remembered how he started to introduce himself to the class, when Rex suddenly interrupted him, which of course people thought was some kind of comedy bit he was doing. Jade, of course, thought it was stupid, but she couldn't help but initially think that it was somewhat creative.

That is, until she realized that Robbie carried Rex with him literally everywhere he went, and that he talked to him as though he were a living, breathing human being instead of just a fucking puppet. Jade had even flat-out asked Robbie what the hell was up with the puppet, which resulted in Rex getting all offended and starting to go off on her, which then resulted in Jade grabbing Rex by the head, pulling out a pair of scissors and threatening to cut off his hair if he didn't shut the fuck up.

Rex never liked Jade all that much after that little incident. He stopped hitting on her all the time. Of course, Jade didn't care. She had Beck at the time, after all. Not to mention, she'd always found it creepy that a wooden dummy would always make suggestive remarks towards her, especially since, when it came down to it, Robbie was the one coming up with all that stuff.

But now, things were different. Now, Jade was single. And single Jade meant that she was on the prowl, even more so now, since Beck was clearly moving on from her by dating brainless whores. Of course, being that Jade was single and looking, that meant that she had to not only turn up her sex appeal, but actually put her rusty flirting moves back into action.

And for Jade West, there were only two important steps she used in order to seduce a guy:

1. Look

2. Kill

Now, obviously, the second step wasn't meant to be taken literally. If that were the case, Beck Oliver would've been dead a very long time ago. The second step really meant more to go in for the kill, but Jade much preferred to think of herself as a killer animal, like a lion or a tiger, and that she was on the hunt, stalking her prey, preparing to pounce and attack.

And, in this case, her new prey was Robbie Shapiro.

Jade finally slammed her locker door shut, smacking her dark red coated lips together and tossing her jet black hair behind her shoulder. With her black nails unconsciously digging into the black leather strap of her bag, Jade turned and started heading towards her friends, who were still hanging out by the main hallway staircase. She walked right up to them and stopped, a hand on her hip, waiting for someone to acknowledge her.

Unfortunately, Cat was the first one to notice her. The perky redhead held up her hand and gave a small wave as she cheerfully greeted, "Hi, Jade!"

Robbie finally looked up at her then, and when he did, Jade did only three things. First, she lifted an eyebrow, seamlessly upward and back down again. Then, she smirked, not in a cruel or bitchy kind of way, the way she usually did, but instead in a much more special kind of way, one that was purposely sly and seductive.

And finally, she simply turned around and walked away.

And that was it. She didn't turn back around. She didn't say a single word. She didn't even slow down to try to hear if Cat or Andre or Robbie (or Rex) had said anything after that.

Because she knew she didn't need to. That was the beauty of it. She'd made her impact: subtle, yet lasting. She knew that Robbie would now be thinking about her for the rest of the day, wondering just what the hell she'd done that for and what it meant. This was exactly what she needed from him in order for her to move on to her second and final step in catching her prey.

Eventually, the first period bell rang, and everyone quickly dispersed from the hallways and shuffled into their respective classrooms. It was Monday, which meant that Jade, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Tori and, of course, Beck all had their always eventful acting class with Sikowitz. Jade was certainly looking forward to it today, and no, that wasn't sarcasm.

She walked into the classroom and plopped herself down in a seat on the far right of the room, near the wall, because she knew that Robbie usually sat on the far left, near the window, and she wanted to have a clear view of him so that she could observe him. She kept her eyes on the door, watching as her random classmates piled into the room. She watched as Andre and Cat walked in, but Robbie wasn't with them. She furrowed her eyebrows slightly, wondering what was taking him so long, when at that moment, Beck walked in.

And the indifferent look on Jade's face momentarily flashed with a number of emotions: anger, disgust, anger, a little aggravation, and did she mention ANGER?

He gave her a fleeting glance; a calm, cool and collected look that came off as a bit smug to her.

And then, just like that, the moment passed, and Beck walked over to Cat and Andre, smiling and greeting them casually. Jade rolled her eyes in disgust. What a dick. Of course he wouldn't even bother to acknowledge her. Why should he? Then again, if he had, she would've just ignored him, or maybe commented on the whereabouts of that little blonde hussy he'd driven into school with this morning.

"Good morrow, students!" Sikowitz said out of nowhere.

Jade turned her head forward to see their psychotic teacher standing on that little stage, grinning widely at everyone.

"Now, let's see," he said as he began to scan the room. "Hmm, where's Tori this fine day?"

"Oh!" Cat said, raising her hand. "I know! She's in Fresno visiting her sick grandmother!"

"I thought her grandmother was dead," Andre commented with a puzzled look on his face.

"Ah, the good always die young," Sikowitz said in a sorrowful tone, shaking his head, before he snapped up and became cheerful again. "Who else are we missing? What about Robbie?"

"Oh, uh, Robbie said he'd be running a little late," Andre said. "He's in the bathroom…y'know…taking care of business."

"Ah," Sikowitz commented. "All right then. Well, let us begin with a new exercise that—"

"Hey," Jade said suddenly, cutting Sikowitz off. "May I be excused?"

"Uh, well, certainly," Sikowitz said, somewhat taken aback, "but—"

"Awesome, thanks," Jade said as she abruptly stood up, slinging her bag back over her shoulder. She walked over to the door and flung it open without even bothering to look back at anyone, despite knowing that most likely everyone was staring at her. She scoffed, smiling to herself. Like she even gave a shit what anyone thought.

She walked through the deserted hallway, keeping her eyes open for a certain bushy haired teenager. Her instincts told her that he definitely wasn't hiding in the bathroom as Andre had suggested. All she had to do was actually find him…

Then the fun could begin.

"Robbie?" Jade called as she walked past all the lockers. "I know you're around here somewhere, Shapiro."

She suddenly heard a noise then, a low creaking sound, like the sound of a door being carefully pushed open. She immediately stopped when she heard it, and she didn't move at all as she tried to listen intently for the noise again. But after a few seconds went by with nothing happening, she got bored with just standing there and resumed walking again.

But she didn't get very far before she heard the noise again, and finally, she stopped and whipped herself around entirely. She watched as the door to the janitor's closet was forcibly pulled closed, and a wry grin spread across her face as she walked right up to the janitor's closet and flung it open.

"Ah!" Robbie squeaked in that extremely high-pitched girly way of his.

"I told ya she'd hear you!" Rex snapped at the visibly scared and shaking Robbie. "What'd I tell you, Rob? You shoulda just kept it cool, man. But I guess that's impossible for a spazzy boy like you."

"Hey!" Robbie said, clearly offended.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Rex said sarcastically, before he corrected himself. "Spazzy girl."

"Rex!" Robbie whined, and Jade simply smiled, taking a moment to close the door. The click of the lock must've startled Robbie again, because he immediately flinched and finally made eye contact with Jade. "Um, w-why'd you close the door?"

But Jade decided to ignore his question and instead ask a question of her own.

"Why were you hiding in here, Robbie?" she asked calmly.

"I-I wasn't hiding!" Robbie stammered, straightening his back up to try to seem like he wasn't completely scared shitless right now. "I was just…uh…" He started looking around the small janitor's closet, when his eyes landed on a mop, and he hastily reached for it and grabbed it. "I was looking for this mop! Now, if you excuse me, I'm just gonna go out into the hallway and start cleaning."

But Jade didn't budge. Her smirk only widened. She was really amused at this point; Robbie really was a spazzy little girl. It was kind of cute, she had to admit, though obviously in a really awkward, nerdy kind of way.

"Okay," Jade said, the smirk still playing across her lips as she began to walk towards him. "I'll let you leave." She stopped when she was a mere several inches away from him; it was perfect because he'd backed himself into a corner, so now, there was nowhere for him to run, unless he wanted to go through her first. She took her bag and threw it on the floor, where it smacked heavily with a thump. She grinned when Robbie jumped at the sound.

"U-Uh, so, could you please move out of the way then?" Robbie asked politely, which Jade somehow found even more amusing at a time like this.

She began to lean towards him; his back was completely pressed against the wall now, and his eyes were wide behind those shiny glasses of his.

"Were you trying to avoid me, Robbie?" Jade asked in a low, sultry voice, despite knowing fully well what the answer was.

"N-No," he mumbled weakly, his eyes somewhat unfocused now, gazing a little lower than her eyes, probably at her lips, or maybe even her chest.

"Aww, come on, man!" Rex suddenly shouted in Robbie's arms, and Jade could distinctly see Robbie's lips moving in a very subtle, almost invisible motion as the puppet added, "Just grow a pair and kiss her already!"

Jade's smirk momentarily broke out into a genuine grin. She liked this sudden burst of confidence in Robbie, even if it was only coming from the stupid puppet.

"Yes, Robbie," she said, slowly bringing her mouth closer to his in a dangerously tempting manner. "Listen to Rex."

Robbie swallowed, still trembling, though not as much now. His eyes flickered down to Rex, then back up at Jade, who just stood there, waiting, although she had to admit that this little game between them was growing very old very fast.

Which was why Jade simply decided to make the move herself, so she closed the small space between them by crushing her lips against Robbie's. She felt him immediately tense up, his lips tight and motionless against her own. She could feel the hard wooden face of Rex pressing into her chest, digging uncomfortably and distracting her, so she pulled away from Robbie for a moment, giving him a moment to compose himself. She let out a short, harsh breath, focusing her gaze on Robbie, who looked like he was about to start hyperventilating or something.

"Give me this," Jade spat, grabbing Rex from Robbie, who probably only gave him up because he was barely thinking clearly. She looked at the shaggy haired dummy and grimaced at it, before turning around and stuffing him head-first into her bag. She grinned as she turned her attention back to Robbie. "We don't need him watching."

And with that, her lips were on Robbie's once more. Luckily, this time, he gave her more of a response by clumsily wrapping his lanky arms around her waist. He even started moving his lips against hers, slowly, although it was pretty damn obvious that he had no idea what the hell he was doing here.

But that was okay. Jade liked a challenge.

Deciding to heat things up a little bit, Jade brought up her hands, sliding one of them around Robbie's neck, while the other slid into his hair, fingers tangling into his soft curly locks. She listened as Robbie let out a quiet moan that vibrated against her lips, causing her to grin surreptitiously against his mouth.

Never in her wildest dreams did Jade ever think she'd be making out in a closet with Robbie Shapiro, but she had to admit that, even though he was clearly inexperienced at all of this, he wasn't the worst kisser in the world. In fact, his style was kind of nice: slow, deep; his lips were surprisingly softer and fuller than Beck's, and Jade had to admit that she liked that a lot.

She eventually pulled away from him with a heavy smack of their lips tearing apart, her own eyes half-lidded and completely lust-driven.

"You enjoying yourself?" Jade asked, smirking conceitedly.

Robbie just breathed heavily in and out, his jaw slack, his eyes still wide. He looked like he was having trouble thinking properly, as though he couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"You don't do this kind of stuff very often, do you, Robbie?" Jade asked, but Robbie was still mute.

Finally, Jade just sighed and leaned forward, re-attaching her lips to Robbie's. She wasn't used to this at all; that is, basically being in total control of situations like these. Whenever she and Beck had fooled around, Beck had always known what he was doing. He always knew just the right places to touch her, too. He knew all the things she liked: biting her lip, shoving her up against a wall. He knew she liked it rough, and in return, Jade had known everything he liked: stroking, nipping, caressing…

Robbie, on the other hand, was a blank slate. She'd have to figure out just what exactly she should do to him; she was just hoping that she wouldn't have to do all the work and that he'd eventually start getting the hang of all this.

She eventually brought her hands back up, slinking both of them around Robbie's neck this time. She deepened the kiss by beginning to open her mouth wider, hoping that Robbie would get the hint and follow suit, which he surprisingly did, though gradually. And then, as the kissing grew more passionate, Jade felt Robbie's tongue unexpectedly brush against her own. It was fast and clumsy, as if accidental, but the contact caused Jade to let out a loud moan, urging Robbie to do it again.

And then, Jade was pressing her body closer to Robbie's so that her hips were pressed against him. She slowly started grinding against him, rolling her hips back and forth, and he let out a shaky moan as his hands came up to press against her back.

"Mmm, Robbie," Jade whispered throatily against his mouth. "Touch me."

And Robbie did as he was told like a good boy. He moved one of his hands to Jade's chest and cupped one of her breasts through her black shirt.

"S-Soft," Robbie weakly commented.

"Mmm-hmm," Jade moaned lustfully, and then she pulled away from him, taking both of his hands and finally leading him away from the wall. She began to unfasten his belt, causing Robbie to squirm and try to back away from her again.

"W-Wait, I don't like taking my pants off in front of people!" Robbie protested. "It makes me uncomforta—ohh!"

He was silenced as Jade slid her hand down his pants, smirking seductively as she did so. She squeezed the hard bulge that was forming inside his boxers before she removed her hand to begin unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans.

"Spongebob underpants?" Jade scoffed, unable to help herself. "What are you, eight?"

"Hey, I like Spongebob!" Robbie said defensively. "He lives in a pineapple under the—"

"Shut the fuck up," Jade hissed, grabbing him by the face and planting an extremely wet and heavy kiss on him. He froze, but reciprocated the kiss, and by the time Jade slowly pulled away from him, he was much calmer, a lovesick look on his face. Jade smiled at him, a bit darkly, but that was just her nature. Her eyes flickered down to Robbie's obnoxiously bright yellow boxers, and she was briefly reminded why the color yellow was on her long list of things she hated, but she tried her best to ignore it as she slowly lowered herself to her knees.

"Wha…wait…" Robbie said, nothing but confusion in his voice as he asked, "What are you doing?"

"This," Jade said, and before Robbie could stop her, she grabbed the waistband of his boxers and yanked them down in one quick motion.

"Jade!" Robbie squeaked, but Jade merely smirked as she eyed his length. Not bad. Not bad at all.

"Yeah, you're Jewish all right," was all she said before she leaned forward, taking him into her mouth. She felt Robbie twitch and heard him shriek again, but this time he tried his best to control himself as he sucked in a breath and shuddered.

When he finally stopped moving, Jade started moving her head up and down. She had a very distinct style when it came to oral sex; she knew how much Beck had always enjoyed it from her, and while most girls thought it was disgusting, Jade actually enjoyed doing it. Something about having total control over a guy and knowing that she was the one providing them with all the pleasure made her feel extremely powerful.

She started picking up her pace, and the more Robbie made little sounds and moans, the more it encouraged Jade to bob her head faster. She hallowed out her cheeks as she moved back up his length, where she stopped for a moment to swirl her tongue around his head, before sliding her mouth back down his shaft. She could tell he was getting close by the sound of his sporadic breathing, and since he was almost on the edge of release, she decided to have a little more fun herself.

She pulled off of him with a soft pop, and he looked down, eyes wide, looking like he wanted to cry out in pain.

"You want me to finish?" she asked.

Robbie vigorously nodded his head.

"Y-Yes, please," he said breathily.

Jade smirked again. How cute. Still so polite.

"Tell me how pretty I am," she demanded.

"Y-You're," Robbie said, licking his lips and swallowing. "You're pretty."

"How pretty?" she asked.

"P-Prettier than…oh, God," he groaned, trying to control himself. "Prettier than any other girl I've ever met."

"Damn right I am," Jade said, finally leaning in and enclosing her mouth around his throbbing hardness once more. She closed her eyes and began sucking on him, her saliva slickening his shaft as she moved up, then down, then up, then down, faster, faster, harder, faster—

"Nynngh!" Robbie choked out like some kind of diseased giraffe, before finally reaching his climax. He shuddered, hard, and Jade felt him twitch inside her mouth as he exploded. She kept bobbing her head, though, and she didn't stop until he was finished. When he was, she drew back, swallowing, a lazy smirk spreading across her face as she helped Robbie pull his boxers and pants back up, before she finally stood up herself.

"Well," she said, exhaling heavily. She wiped the corner of her mouth with her index finger. "I'm gonna go now."

Robbie was still struggling to calm down his heavy panting; his cheeks were flushed and his hair was a mess. Jade smiled at the sight of him, before she carefully reached up and took his face in her hands. She gave him one last kiss on the lips, slow, calming, nowhere near as passionate as the ones from earlier.

"Let's do this again sometime," she said as she pulled away, their faces still close together. "Like, say, tomorrow?"

"O-Okay," was all Robbie managed to get out, before Jade let go of him and picked up her bag.

"Oh. Here," she said as she took Rex out and handed him back to the still disoriented Robbie.

"Whoooaaaa," Rex said in a hoarse-sounding voice. "Dang, Rob! Congrats, man! You finally got some! I didn't see nothin', but from what I heard, it sounded hot!"

Jade smirked, reaching up and ruffling Robbie's messy hair, because she just couldn't help herself. She started to head for the door then, when she stopped and turned around to look at Robbie one last time.

"Maybe next time you'll get even luckier and I'll take my pants off," she said as her departing words.

With that, she opened the door and walked out of the janitor's closet, leaving Robbie behind. A small smile traced across her lips as she walked back into the hallway, and she couldn't help but think that she could definitely get used to this.


Author's Note: I just have to share with you guys that this was originally supposed to be an angst fic. How it went from angst to humor is totally beyond me. XD I guess a character like Robbie just doesn't lend himself to angst.

By the way, I didn't think the reason behind Beck and Jade's breakup was all that important for the plot of the story, which is why I didn't bother getting into it. (Or, you can just think of this fic as taking place after The Worst Couple, even though I wrote this before it aired, haha.)

Well, anyway, that was my attempt at Jabbie (or Rade, whichever name you prefer to call this pairing, haha.) What did you think?