A/N: I don't own Hogan's Heroes, and I don't get paid for this; it is truly a labor of love.

For konarciq, who wanted to hear more about Karl.

Missing scenes from "D-Day at Stalag 13"; a few lines of dialogue from the episode are included. There is also a fleeting reference to another episode...extra credit if you can guess which one.

So, Major, you wish to hear the story of my visit to Stalag 13?

I must warn you, it is a long story...and a rather bizarre one, to be sure. But, if you insist...


I had called a meeting of the German Army General Staff to discuss the impending invasion. And I had good reason to do so. We all knew that vast amounts of men and matériel had been arriving in England from America for months; obviously a major invasion of Fortress Europe was planned for the near future.

However, due to the rather contradictory intelligence we had received, we had no idea of just where, or exactly when, the invasion would take place. My purpose in calling the meeting was to lay out for the General Staff just how we would deal with the news when the invasion occurred.

And it was imperative that my orders would be followed when this happened.

Lilli knew of the meeting, of course, although I had not confided in her the details of my plans for dealing with the invasion. She wanted to accompany me to the meeting, and although I was a little doubtful about this, it was true that there was no safer place in Germany to be.

You see, the meeting was to take place at Stalag 13, the most secure location in all of Germany.

My Lilli...it was true that I wanted her with me, for I relied on her support and advice; she was beautiful, charming, and a perfect hostess, but she also possessed a rather formidable intelligence.

These were not the reasons why I had asked her to marry me, however. It was her warm and caring nature that made her irresistible to a lonely widower like myself, and her smile stole my heart; I am only human, after all. Three years ago, when she consented to be my wife, I counted myself the most fortunate of men. And despite the turmoil of the times we lived in, we were very happy together.

But the current situation created a strain for both of us. Although she had insisted on accompanying me, Lilli was distant and withdrawn on the motor trip from Berlin to Hammelburg. And for my part, I was very worried about what I had to do in dealing with the impending invasion, and what that would mean for Lilli. For myself, I had no fears. But to put Lilli at risk...that was a different matter entirely.

Between my guilt and anxiety, and her preoccupation, it was a very silent trip indeed.

When we arrived at the prisoner of war camp, we were greeted by the camp Kommandant, a rather idiotic person by the name of Colonel Klink. He was undeniably kind, however, and put himself out to make Lilli and myself comfortable, even turning over his own private quarters for our use.

Lilli and I got settled into Klink's quarters, but I had to excuse myself almost immediately, as the General Staff was waiting for me.

"I'll be back soon, Lilli," I said apologetically.

"Goodbye, Karl," she said in a cold tone, not looking at me.

I was puzzled and a little hurt over her behavior, but I couldn't take the time to talk it over with her at that point. I allowed Klink to usher me into his office, where von Katz, Bruner, and the others were gathered at a conference table.

It didn't take long for me to realize that these men would be putty in my hands when the invasion took place. Satisfied that things were going as planned, I dismissed the group for lunch.

And then, at lunchtime, as I was pondering how to ask Lilli what was troubling her, I received an unpleasant shock. She told me of a rumor that Herr Hitler was planning to replace me with an incompetent colonel as Chief of Staff. To add insult to injury, the particular incompetent colonel mentioned in the rumor was our host, Colonel Wilhelm Klink.

Well, this was devastating news indeed. I had to maintain control of the General Staff or all would be lost...

Lilli sensed my disquiet and offered to call a contact in Berlin to see if she could verify the rumor. I thanked her, my heart warmed by her obvious concern, and leaving my lunch untouched, I went back to Klink's office.

A few minutes later, I received a phone call from Lilli. She said the rumor was rife in Berlin...Klink was indeed to be my replacement. As I replaced the receiver, I tried to maintain my composure and return to the meeting as though nothing had happened, but it was soon apparent that the members of the General Staff had heard the rumor as well.

"My sincerest sympathy, General von Scheider," said Bruner, shaking his head sadly.

I was pleased to see the staff offer me their full support, though, and I was hopeful the situation could be salvaged; after all, it was only a rumor. But then a Gestapo major, followed closely by a fluttering Klink, burst into the office unannounced.

I tried to throw the Major out, but he was obdurate, insisting that he answered only to Hitler. And then one of the prisoners, an American colonel, burst in as well.

Major Lindenfelder eyed the new arrival with distaste, and told Klink that by allowing this prisoner out of his barracks, Klink had achieved a perfect inefficiency rating, and thus was the ideal candidate for the new Chief of Staff.

When I protested this absurd situation, Lindenfelder walked up to the conference table, and had the temerity to ask Bruner and von Katz if they were in agreement with me.

The two miserable worms immediately backed down and said they would go along with Hitler's choice of new Chief of Staff.

I was appalled, but I waited until Lindenfelder, Klink, and the American colonel left the office before I decided how to handle this disastrous turn of events.


In Klink's quarters, I had Lilli ply the staff members with schnapps while I used all the persuasive arguments at my disposal to convince them that we needed to stand together for the good of Germany, and ignore Hitler's latest ridiculous order.

It took a few minutes, but I was confident they were now ranged back on my side. When we returned to Klink's office, I pulled down the wall map of the Continent and prepared to go over my plans for the Wehrmacht response to the Allied invasion.

And then...

I was rudely interrupted by a phone call from Berchtesgaden...der Führer himself. I grimly handed off the phone to the hovering Klink, and watched as the fool groveled to Hitler, assuring der Führer that he would follow his orders exactly. He handed the phone back to me, and as I listened to the familiar, hated voice, I foresaw the destruction of all my plans.

Meanwhile, Lilli came into the office and paused in the doorway, looking at me anxiously.

"Did you hear me, von Scheider?" Hitler's voice grated in my ear. "You will succeed Klink as Kommandant of Stalag 13!"

"Ja, mein Führer." It is difficult to describe the thoughts that went through my mind at that point. I had made a promise to General Stauffen, and to keep that promise, I had a role to play when the Allied invasion took place. And if I were unable to play that role...

As I gazed at Lilli, and then looked at the idiotically beaming Klink, it suddenly hit me. My intention to deliberately bungle the Wehrmacht response to the invasion would certainly be considered treasonable, and for that reason I had agonized over my role, fearing Lilli would be dragged into the ensuing investigation.

But now...here was Klink, eager to take on the job of Chief of Staff. I almost laughed; it couldn't have turned out better! He would bungle the job very effectively for me, without my head being on the block for the whole fiasco. And Lilli would be safe.

We would ride out the war together, she and I, at Stalag 13. If Stauffen's plan worked, the war would be over soon. If not...we would hold on as best we could, certainly safe from Allied bombing, at least. And I would be a just Kommandant, and adhere strictly to the Geneva Convention, so the liberating forces would deal fairly with us when the time came.

Klink was a fool, indeed, to wish to be Chief of Staff instead.

As all of these things went through my mind, I was almost lightheaded with relief. "Ja, mein Führer, I heard you," I said into the phone. "And I just want to say...thank you. Thank you, mein Führer."

At that, Lilli gave me one last look and went out. I had no idea what was going through her mind, and my immediate reaction was to go to her and explain what had just happened. I took my leave of Klink and the General Staff, who were all discussing my sudden demotion, and I left the office.


Hours later, I had still not located Lilli. Bewilderment turned to anxiety, which gave way to panic. Meanwhile, Klink and the General Staff were celebrating Klink's promotion with champagne.

As I came back to Klink's quarters, still seeking Lilli, Klink approached me in extreme agitation, his celebration forgotten.

"Oh, General von Scheider! The Allies are invading, what shall I do?"

So the invasion was on, and Klink was reacting exactly as I expected...with total incompetence. And predictably, the General Staff was equally at a loss.

As the gaggle of idiots were discussing how to assign the Panzer divisions, I informed Klink that only Hitler could authorize movement of the Panzers. When he begged me to contact Hitler myself, I reminded him that I had been relieved of my duties as Chief of Staff.

And I knew Klink would never be able to reach Hitler at this time of night. The invasion would proceed unimpeded by Wehrmacht reinforcements. The plan was working out perfectly.

But where was Lilli?


After Klink and the others left, I searched Klink's quarters again. The only thing missing, other than Lilli herself, was her small suitcase. Foolishly, I opened closet doors, looked behind the curtains, and even peered under the bed. Distraught, I went back into the parlor.

And then something struck me behind my left ear, and I went down, blackness descending on me like a curtain.


I woke to a thundering headache, and a feeling of total disorientation. As I opened my eyes I realized I was lying on a cot, in a dim, low-ceilinged room that smelled of damp earth.

I suppressed a groan as I pushed myself up on one elbow, closing my eyes as the room spun crazily around me.

"Take it easy, General."

I cautiously opened my eyes again. I recognized that voice...and now I saw who it belonged to. Standing just a few feet away was the American colonel I had seen in Klink's office.

"What is going on?" I muttered. And then I remembered my last thought before I had been struck down.

"Lilli! Where is she?" I glared at the Colonel accusingly. "What have you done with her?"

The Colonel managed to look offended. "She's fine, General."

"Where is she?" I demanded.

"On her way to England, sir."

"England..." At least that meant she was safe...didn't it? But what he said made no sense to me.

"Here, let me help you sit up." The Colonel assisted me to sit on the edge of the cot, while I fought off a wave of nausea.

"I don't understand," I said.

The American looked at me searchingly. "Well, I gotta say I don't understand either."

I was in no condition to play guessing games. "What do you mean?"

He pulled up a stool and sat down facing me, so he could look me in the eye. "Look, General, your reaction to your assignment as Kommandant of Stalag 13 wasn't exactly what we expected."

I didn't even ask how he happened to know about my reaction; I just smiled grimly. "No? It was a relief, actually. My demotion means I cannot be held responsible for mismanaging the initial response to the Allied invasion...that honor goes to Colonel Klink."

The Colonel stared at me. "Mismanaging?"

I looked around at my surroundings. "I seem to be your prisoner, Colonel...?"


"Colonel Hogan. And as your prisoner, I have no compunction in telling you this: my job was to delay sending reinforcements to the areas of the Allied landings for as long as possible."

The Colonel looked totally at a loss. "But why would you do that?"

I sighed. "The war is lost...we have known it, at least some of us have known it, ever since the battle of Kursk. And the wolves are howling on our eastern flank. The only way to avoid complete annihilation by the Russian forces is to allow the presence of the western Allies on the Continent. And, while we conduct an orderly retreat, hopefully we can negotiate a separate peace."

Hogan smiled slightly. "Ever hear of the term 'unconditional surrender', General?"

I shrugged. "If Hitler were no longer in power, perhaps that would not be necessary."

"So you have a plan to achieve this?"

I shook my head, and then wished I hadn't. "I haven't, but there is a plan, yes. My old friend Rommel hinted at it, and referred me to General Stauffen, who told me what my role would be. What the rest of the plan is, though, I don't know; it is General Stauffen's scheme."

"And Frau von Scheider? She knows nothing of this, does she?"

I looked at the American and was unable to conceal the sense of guilt I felt. "I hoped by leaving her in ignorance of my intentions, she would be safe from Hitler's rage when he discovered what I had done. But, of course, that was no guarantee..."

Hogan nodded, and then said, unexpectedly, " 'I could not love thee, dear, so much...' "

" 'Loved I not honor more,' " I finished the quotation for him, and then sighed again. "Yes, Colonel. I was prepared to do what I had to do."

"Honor is not solely a male prerogative, General."

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

Hogan folded his arms and gave me a half-smile. "Your wife has been working toward the same goal as you. Too bad you couldn't have compared notes."

I blinked. "I don't understand."

"Frau von Scheider is an Allied agent."

This was a stunning revelation, of course, and I had difficulty assimilating it at first. And yet it explained a great deal...

I stammered, "Then Lilli has been...for all this time..."

"Working to rid the world of Hitler, and to end the war. Sound familiar, General?" He paused, and then said gently, "She loves you, you know."

"I know." Of this, I had no doubt. Lilli loved me, just as I loved her, and always would, no matter what the circumstances. "Then she truly is safe. That is the important thing."

Hogan smiled. "I hoped you would look at it that way. Now, as for you..."

"I suppose this means I shall not be Kommandant of Stalag 13, after all."

"You never were, General. That was a hoax, engineered for the sole purpose of putting Klink in charge of the German response to the Allied invasion."

I sighed. Nothing could surprise me now. "So what do you intend to do with me?"

Hogan gave me a quizzical look. "We really have no choice, do we?"


And that is how I became a prisoner of war, Major.

Hogan and his men contrived to spirit me out of camp using my own staff car, and with one of the prisoners, a British corporal named Newkirk, disguised as my wife. He made a remarkably ugly woman, though, so he was heavily veiled, of course.

We abandoned the car a few miles from camp and set off a charge, which made it appear as if Lilli and I had perished in an Allied bombing attack.

Afterwards, Newkirk escorted me to the coast, where I was taken aboard a Royal Navy sub, and here I am.

Cooperate? Have I not been cooperating? Oh, I see. Yes, of course; anything I can do to help rid the world of Hitler, I will do. You will have my full cooperation.

I pray for a swift end to the war, and to the senseless violence; but I fear for my country, and for all the innocents caught up in this conflict. You can understand that, I suppose.

And most of all, I fear for my wife. Colonel Hogan assured me she was safely on her way to England, but...

Yes, Major? Would I like to receive a visitor? A visitor, here? Are such things allowed? Well, why not...

Lilli! My Lilli...