AN: G'day g'day g'day! (getting a bit of my Australian culture in there as it would seem). Final chapter hey? Sad oh so emotional! Thanks to all the people who favourited it and commented, you are legends and I always get excited about it. As you know, all good things must come to an end. Hope you enjoyed it! I wish i could do some shout outs to my frequant readers but there are a lot to go through
(not meaning to brag or anything...)
(ok just to brag a little) Thumbs up to the readers, you be sexy fine I know it! (sexy fine? Well... ok then let's go with those words of description)
Weddings were all the same in John's opinion. The clichéd blushing bride being marched down the aisle in a white dress, awaiting her betrothed at the altar, the crowd all swooning and cheering when those lines 'you may now kiss the bride' were said by the chuffed priest and of course, the wedding bells sounding as the husband and wife walk arm in arm together, smiling and happy for everyone to see. The wedding that was playing on the small digital screen was anything but. The doctor was curious as to know how, honestly anything, went down on that drunken night, the wedding included.
The scene started completely blank, the crackling sound of laughter radiating from the phone's miniature speakers. The camera spun frantically around as light began to fill in the frame. The camera centred in on a familiar smirking face.
"Alright. It is about…" Anderson checked his watch. "… Midnight now and we are at the Cathedral. Sally, you will never guess what Boob 1 and Boob 2 are going to do next" He laughed into receiver. John grimaced at his newly found nick-name. The camera spun off Anderson's oily face and to the handle of a grand oak door. John watched as Anderson recorded his pale hand reaching out and twisting the nob and then marching through. The camera view was suddenly lit up with the high ceiling and stain glass windows of the ancient British Cathedral.
"John!" His voice bounced around them, echoing along the rows and rows of empty church pews.
"Yeehoo!" Sang a voice at the end of the aisle. The camera jittered as Anderson broke into a run, sprinting down the carpet and up to the man standing unsteadily by the stone altar.
"Johnny. You excited? You pumped for this?" Anderson jeered, poking him. John's drunken eyes looked up into the camera for only a second before dipping back down.
"Sher… Sherlly is going to be my wife" He muttered. He suddenly grasped hold of Anderson's free hand, pulling him closer. "Me and Sherlock. Sherlock and me" A lame grin spread out from ear to ear across John's face as he thought about the words he just slurred. Anderson tried to tug away from the pissed drunk doctor but that only made John's grip tighten further. "You know what Anderson? Since you are pretty much a prick and are going to die alone… I just have this to say…" John looped his arm around the officer, rolling his head lazily. "You never know who you are going to fall for" The camera shook as Anderson squirmed himself free, muttering some lame comeback as he went.
"Excuse me" A rough voice from outside the frame grumbled. The video spun away from John and back to a man with deep wrinkles and silver hair. The vicar adjusted his collar as he strode towards them, an unimpressed look on his face. "I am sure that it would be inappropriate to hold the ceremony when the couple are in this…" he wrinkled his nose "…state"
"I paid you already. Just a quick, I pronounce you husband and husband" Anderson replied in a hushed tone. The priest furrowed his brow, not entirely convinced. Anderson sighed. "Look. Trust me on this. They have been gearing up to get married for a while now and this is how they want it done. Right John?"
John was currently sticking his head in a nearby flower vase, sniffing at the white and pink orchids absently. "Wahh?"
"You want to marry Sherlock, don't you?"
"Our children will be short and smart" Was John's answer.
"And if that is not true love then I don't know what is" Anderson stated. The priest shook his head, giving up on his little protest.
Leave it to Anderson to cheat a priest
The minister stood at the altar, sliding a bible from the table and holding it in his palms. He nodded in Anderson's direction. "Send the other one in"
"Right away Father" Even though Anderson's face wasn't in the frame, it was obvious that he was grinning wildly. The camera swerved around as Anderson trotted over to the large organ by the side of the chapel. He tapped out a few notes on the ancient keys, the sound exploding into the space. That was Sherlock's queue and as usual, he did not fail to make a grand entrance. The double doors launched themselves open, screeching on their hinges as they were blown back.
Sherlock stood in the centre of the arched doorway. The sight was truly priceless. Anderson's laughter joined in on the crashing echo that rang out around them. John knew it wasn't the right moment, and if Sherlock was paying attention to him right now he certainly wouldn't be laughing, but he simply couldn't control the fits of giggles that escaped his lips. The drunken Sherlock in the video stood proud and tall, a bunch of wilted flowers clutched between his palms. Draping over his face was a dark plastic trash bag that was supposed to be acting as a veil. It covered the detective's expression entirely, along with his line of vision. As Sherlock began to march forward down the aisle, the identical trash bag skirt around his waist fluttered gracefully with a gentle swish swish swish.
Anderson's wolf whistle pierced the air. "Going to the chapel and we're, gunnu get ma-a-a-rried!" He sang out. The camera turned to face John and the priest. The Vicar rolled his eyes and let his palm fall to his forehead, letting out an exasperated sigh, unlike the man standing next to him. John's eyes were watering, the small tears glimmering in the light of the overhanging lights.
"He looks… beautiful. Like an…" John wet his lips, sorting through his mind for the right word. "Like an angel"
Sherlock's pace quickened at the sound of John's voice, which was extremely hazardous due to his lack of vision. The consulting detective found himself charging into one of the pews and falling head first into the wooden seat. That only made Anderson double over in laughter, as it was probably the most entertaining thing he had ever witnessed in his life time. Sherlock was back on his feet, after surviving a desperate struggle with the chair. He shoved the veil out of the way proudly, flicking it over his head and making his face finally visible.
"You're okay baby!" John called out. "Just walk it off. Walk it off babe" He encouraged his betrothed. Sherlock completed his march promptly, striding up the steps of the altar to meet John. He took the smaller man's hands in his and let out a long breath.
"What's the matter? Stage fright?" John asked with a giggle.
"No. Churches are strange for me, love" Sherlock stared at the priest intensely like he was studying a lab specimen. "I find it awkward that now there are two Gods in the same room together"
The Vicar gave an almost begging glance to Anderson which was retaliated with a casual wave.
"Just go with it" Anderson whispered out from behind the camera. The priest certainly didn't want to 'just go with it' but he felt he had no choice. Getting it over and done with was his newest priority.
"Beloved, we are gathered here tonight to celebrate the holy matrimony between a…" He checked the note that Anderson had scribbled down in his palm. "Sherlick Holmes and John Wonton?"
"Sherlock Holmes and John Watson" Anderson corrected with a sharp hiss.
"…Sherlock Holmes and John Watson" The Vicar corrected himself. Sherlock and John were too captivated by each other at that moment to truly care. "The bible tells us this, from Proverbs, that 'Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can-'"
"John. You are so… cuddly you know that?" Sherlock interrupted, rocking back and forth on his heels. He leaned down to John's ear and began to mumble away. His words caused John's eyes to widen in shock.
"-find? The righteous man leads a blameless-" The priest continued, his eye brow arching in irritation at Sherlock's mutterings. He did his best to ignore the pair.
"Sherlock… be decent. That part comes after the wedding..." John stammered, a harsh blush flushing out his cheeks. Sherlock giggled in response, nipping at John's ear lobe cheekily.
"-life; blessed are his children after him…" The priest's voice began to tremor furiously.
"I'll have you right here on the Church pews… my sweet John" Sherlock's voice dipped low, hushing seductively in John's ear. The clang of the bible in the priest's hands snapping shut caused both men to flinch.
"WOULD YOU MORONS SHUT UP?" The Vicar exploded, fuming red. Sherlock slouched off John, tossing his veil dramatically. The priest looked like he was about to explode. He snapped over at Anderson. "I don't care how much you pay me. Get these two horny idiots out of my Church before I call the police!"
"With all due respect Father, we are the police" Anderson teased, which was not the best idea. The elderly priest's knuckles were going white as he gripped tighter onto his Bible. "Please, just cut to the chase and we will be out of your hair in no time" The priest looked like he was about to argue and thought against it. They weren't going to leave without making it official, which was for sure. He turned around and slammed his bible on the altar. When spun back, Sherlock had pounced back onto John, his face pressing up against John's neck and little moaning sounds vibrating from him.
As the parish leader, the Father also had to attend many functions and Bible camps held for teenagers. Because of this, he had grown rather skilled in the art of peeling one from another in no time. The snapped his hands out, coiling them into the roots of John's and Sherlock's hair and giving a sharp yank. The two were torn from each other, a string of drool being the only thing left connecting them. John wiped his neck with the back of his sleeve, mopping away the translucent puddle Sherlock's tongue left behind.
"Do either of you buffoons have rings?" The priest growled.
Sherlock and John exchanged looks. John shook his head, a pout spreading out over his lips.
"Naw… I don't think so" The expression on the army doctor's face made it looked like he was about to burst into tears. Sherlock cupped his hands to John's face, his hazy mind whirring for a way to solve the situation.
"I got it!" Sherlock struck a finger in the air.
"Oh joy" The priest muttered sarcastically. John watched with now hopeful eyes as Sherlock slid his fingers through his curly dark locks. His overall production was two crisped onion rings that had nested their way into his hair previously. He held them out on his palm to the priest.
"Will this do?" He asked. The priest stared long and hard at the golden brown fried crisps. He gave a shrug.
"If it gets you out of here…" He muttered darkly. That was good enough for Sherlock. He took John's hand in his.
"I, Sherlock Holmes, take thee, John Watson, to be my lawfully wedded wife" John bit his lip as he grinned. Sherlock slid the greasy snack food up John's ring finger, leaving an oily trail behind. "Forever and forever" He proclaimed. John snatched up the remaining onion ring from Sherlock.
"And I, John Watson" He grasped hold of Sherlock's wrist and forced the ring up his slender finger. "Take thee, Sherlock Holmes, as my own lawfully wedded wife. Until the end of the universe" They both turned expectantly to the priest. He pressed two fingers to his temple and rubbed away a forming headache.
"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife" He said dully. "You may now…" His nose wrinkled. "Kiss the goddam bride" The Vicar stormed off the alter, stalking out of the frame before he had to witness any more of this rubbish.
Sherlock let out an odd high pitched cheer and wrapped his arms around John. He kicked his legs up and fell into his newly wedded husband's arms, stuffing his bouquet of flowers down John's shirt. His kiss was anything but traditional. It resembled more of two rampant teenagers in a darkened movie theatre than a gentle symbol of affection that most wedding kisses were.
"Congratulations Mr Holmes" Sherlock purred breathlessly.
"And as to you, Mr Watson" John held his bride closer as he began to struggle his way down the aisle. The words they were exchanging as they made their way towards the open night were blurred out by Anderson's intense laughter. The final seconds of the video were blurred by his trembling hands. The ended curtly, the screen blanking out into nothing.
John could be mad. He could be embarrassed. He could be scared. Those kinds of reactions would have been more usual but hey, when was anything that ever happened to John usual? He slid the phone into his shirt pocket, grinning to himself. Sherlock was now watching him cautiously from his position on the couch. The question on his mind was written out plain as day in his expression.
John nodded to his partner, his husband, and now that he thought about it, the person he loved.
"That, Sherlock Watson, was my favourite video"