Title: Sometimes I Wake Up By The Door, Epilogue/3 + Epilogue
Rating: NC-17 for this chapter.
Word Count: 1,629
Spoilers: Nothing here to spoil, never happened.
Summary: Darren looks back over the past six and a half years at the decisions he's made, the mistakes that he can never take back, and the life he's been building. There has been joy and sorrow and love and friendship, but one thing is clear about his life today. He's been living a lie.
Hours later, when the kisses and little touches were no longer enough, Darren and Chris moved to the bedroom. At first neither of them planned the day to go this way. They'd talked about going out for a bite to eat and having coffee at Darren's favorite place. They'd whispered of taking their time of not needing to rush into having sex. Though they'd avoided some of the bigger issues like how they would make this work long distance or if anyone might move. When neither of them actually wanted to leave the apartment and neither of them actually wanted to wait another second for the other, they moved down the hall and fell onto the bed together.
The first time was fast. They tore at each other clothes; Darren's much simpler to get out of because he'd still been in his pajamas. Once they were undressed it was all clumsy hands and kisses that were too rough. They laughed until it was no longer funny, it was just hot, and then when hands and mouths weren't enough anymore Chris climbed over Darren so he could straddle Darren's hips and he leaned down and captured Darren's mouth with his own.
Chris reached beneath and behind himself to carefully reposition Darren's cock so that it stood straight up behind Chris' ass and rubbed along his crack with each roll of his hips. Darren gasped under him and Chris sighed in relief when Darren's hand wrapped tightly around his dick and started to pump in time to the roll of his hips. They didn't bother with much foreplay or teasing now because they needed each other in a way that was more than a little frantic. Chris didn't even let Darren stretch him first, he just promised he could take it and slid the condom down Darren's cock. Then positioned himself so that he could slide Darren inside.
It was over before either of them wanted it to be. Chris never even sat up they just lay holding each other, Chris pinned chest to chest with Darren and their mouths connected though unable to hold a real kiss. In this position Darren had to do the work, lifting his hips and sliding in and out of Chris while they both gasped for air. Soon Darren was warning that he was close and Chris was sobbing that he was about to come and then they did, hard and long and shaking against one another.
Neither of them was anywhere near satisfied, both stayed hard as though they'd not yet done anything. Chris rolled off carefully and pulled Darren so that they lay on their sides facing one another. Darren disposed of his condom and Chris asked for the lube which Darren passed over. Slowly, Chris lifted Darren's topmost leg over his own and slicked his fingers with the lube. They kissed some more but mostly they wanted to see each other, to watch the expressions that flickered on their faces and the need that glowed hot in their eyes.
Chris took time stretching Darren. He was tight, so tight around Chris' fingers and he moaned and trembled with each inch gained. When Chris made it to three fingers he was overwhelmed.
"Wait." Darren whispered; his voice wrecked.
Chris immediately stilled. "I'm so sorry, we can stop, Dare, just relax and I'll-"
Darren interrupted him. "No, just, I was too close. Just hold still for a minute." Darren was close to pleading, so Chris did as he asked and just waited, resting his head against Darren's shoulder.
Darren slowly felt the tension leaving as he came off the edge of his orgasm and before too much longer he needed Chris to move again. "I'm ready." He said in a hushed tone.
Chris began to move his fingers again, carefully pressing one way then the next but Darren stopped him again. "No. I meant I'm ready; for you."
There was some shifting around as Darren handed over another condom and Chris slipped it over his length and then positioned himself at Darren's entrance. Their eyes met again as Chris began to press slowly into Darren.
The sensations were intense for Darren. It felt like it had all those years ago, like the first time, or close to that. Chris had prepared him thoroughly enough that he didn't actually hurt. His muscles fought back some and he struggled to relax, but as Chris slipped past the tight outer ring of muscle Darren let out a puff of air he hadn't known he'd been holding. Slowly but surely he was able to take Chris' cock all the way inside. There, buried deep in him Chris waited, holding himself still and kissing Darren until he felt the tremors in Darren's thighs stop.
"Please?" Darren was already asking when Chris made the decision to move. He pulled out carefully and slid back in, back and forth only a couple of inches at a time, taking care to never hurt Darren.
"Oh god." He practically groaned from the barrage of sensations hitting him with each slow roll of his hips. His hands clutching at Darren's back and hips, his lips pressing to whatever part of Darren he could find.
For Darren everything was full and perfect and morepleasemore. "Fuck, Chris. Fuck me, please." He whimpered.
Chris shivered at his words but did his damnedest to comply. He sped up his thrusts, making them as deep as he could manage in this position, and he pulled Darren's leg up higher on his hip and held on tight, his fingers sinking into Darren's flesh.
Darren cried out, his words, whatever they were, lost among the whimpers and moans being drawn out of the both of them. Time didn't have any meaning here and so Chris didn't know how long this went on, this steady pounding. He was sure Darren would be sorry about it later but he couldn't help but give him everything he asked for.
Eventually, when their bodies were slicked in sweat, their hearts pounded out of time, and neither of them could hold back, they came together crying out against each others mouths.
"I love you." Darren whispered.
"I love you too." Chris answered.
They moved apart only long for Chris to pull out, discard the condom and use his shirt to wipe them up enough that they could be comfortable. They fell asleep twined together and breathing each others breath.
When they woke they both knew it was time for talk. They stayed in bed, not caring yet for showers or food, and the day was still fairly young considering everything that had passed between them. Chris began.
"I have a confession."
Darren quirked an eyebrow at Chris wondering what, after this morning, could still be a secret.
"I was in L.A. last week. I saw you play at the benefit."
Chris looked so guilty and his cheeks pinked up like they used to when he was young. It pulled at Darren's heart. At the same time the reality hit Darren. Chris had seen him, he had heard him. He'd heard the song.
"I know, I should have said something." Chris said softly, clearly interpreting what he was seeing in Darren's eyes.
"You're telling me now." Darren said. "And I'm glad you were there. Honestly, I felt like you were there with me so now that makes sense." He smiled at Chris, and hoped Chris could see that this was alright, everything was wonderful in fact. Chris just squeezed him and smiled softly.
"You were amazing. You brought me to tears. That's why I didn't text you back that night. I was afraid I'd give myself away and I just wasn't ready, not quite yet. When you made your speech about our friendship I knew I had to say something but it couldn't be over the phone."
Darren wanted to tell Chris how very glad he was that Chris had decided to come, but he didn't have all the right words so he just leaned in and kissed Chris softly.
"Now we just need to decide where we go from here." Darren said at last.
"Well, obviously I'm moving to New York." Chris said it like it as the most reasonable thing in the world.
"Don't you think you ought to think about that first, or take some time or something?" Of course Darren wanted him there, but he didn't want him uprooting his whole life without being certain first.
"I have thought about it. I'm living out of a hotel room right now. I need the change of scenery, and you can't move away from your kids, I would never be okay asking you to do that. Plus, we can still make an attempt at taking things slow. I'll get my own place and we can date. Actually leave the apartment dates though, not that I have any problem whatsoever with today, but I think we need the chance to get to know each other again, as more than just friends." Chris seemed so sure of everything he said that Darren couldn't find any real fault in it.
Suddenly Darren was overcome with the whole thing. Chris was here, he was moving to New York, he was Darren's and Darren was his. After everything and all the time that had passed. After all the mistakes and revelations and now, he was getting Chris. He couldn't stop the tears that formed now in his eyes but he didn't actually cry he just pulled Chris close and kissed him senseless.
When he finally pulled back he kept close to Chris, looking deep into his sea colored eyes. "We'll have to be very brave." He said. His voice was low and serious but his eyes crinkled softly in a smile.
"Oh very." Chris agreed.
When the afternoon sun was stretching across the bed they finally got up, showered, and went out for food. They planned and made calls and spent the night making even more promises without words. Promises they were finally both ready to make and finally able to keep.