Liz leaned over the sink of her hotel room bathroom and with cotton ball in hand, wiped away a large portion of the mascara covering her left eye. Staring down at the black glob that now covered the formerly white cotton, she wondered why she had chosen to wear so much makeup. Well, she knew why, but now hours after first applying the eye goop her reason didn't seem to sound well … sound. If Liz had to dress up for the opening ceremony then she might as well put on her face in hopes that she would run into Michael Phelps. Then he, with his large swimmer arms, would whisk her off to a better life. Yet, the only whisking that had been done was by the wind with her dress. Yes, Michael Phelps had been nearby and ultimately this meant fate had gotten two things right, but in the wrong context.
"Damn you, goddess in the sky!" Liz said as she raised an angry fist towards the bathroom ceiling.
She liked to imagine that Fate was a goddess version of herself dressed as Princess Leia with Astronaut Mike Dexter by her side. In her fantasy world Liz wielded a light saber to protect the castle they shared in the clouds. Feeling a tiny bit silly for scolding her make-believe alter ego, Liz lowered her fist and tried to focus on the removal of makeup once again. Fate was a tricky creature after all, always setting Liz up for failure. Seriously, why on earth did she want to reunite her with the walking disaster that was Wesley Snipes right when Liz was getting to know the very dashing (and as he related to her the also very single) Colin Firth? She involuntary shook her head causing the cotton ball near her eye to come in contact with the lens, "Blerg!" Liz exclaimed before walking out of the bathroom with a hand over her injured eye.
Figures … even the thought of Wesley caused damage. Wandering over to the hotel bed, she sat down and nursed her wound as the sound of the TV murmured in the background. Before entering the bathroom to get ready for bed, Liz had turned on the television and now even with her eyes closed she recognized the banter of two main characters from Chums. Russ and Rebecca, was it? They were the couple that was always breaking up and getting back together. She'd picked that much up from just the few episodes she'd scanned over last night.
"Doesn't the BBC play anything other than this show?" Liz shouted at no one in particular or maybe just a little bit of that was meant to reach the ears of Princess Leia in the sky … everything bad that happened in her life was that bitches fault anyway.
Well, the BBC also aired the sci fi show Doctor Who. That had come on after Chums finally ended the night before. Liz couldn't really find fault with a show about a doctor that traveled through time while wearing a bow tie, but for some reason the other show did bother her. She wasn't sure if her dislike of the popular British sitcom was due to her own true feelings or the fact that she knew it was Wesley's favorite.
We're like Russ and Rebecca on Chums.
Ugh. Why did she even remember Wesley saying that to her during the wedding they attended together? A wedding, she might add, that led to a reception which ended particularly awkward for the both of them. That was probably their most uncomfortable moment together … until this evening happened. The looks on his face after he entered Colin's vehicle and saw her sitting inside: surprise, frustration, sadness, and then determination, reminded Liz of what one might go through during the stages of grief. On a personal level, it was also similar to what she went through each time her mouth reached the end of a fabulously delicious hot dog.
Although, now hot dogs only made her think of her ex Criss and it wasn't a delicacy she could enjoy anymore. Why did she have to fall in love with an organic hot dog street vendor? Now anytime she tried to take a bite of the processed meat her brain would instantly recall the cute way he imitated the sounds of her DVR. Liz could feel herself nearing the tipping point where throwing herself a pity party was the only recourse. No doubt, despite the promise of a date tomorrow night with Colin, she would spend the next few hours examining why her last relationship failed. Thankfully, a knock at the door pulled Liz away from her detrimental train of thought, but not so thankfully it also caused her to jump and consequently poke herself in the eye again.
"Really?" She grumbled, knowing for sure she'd have to wear a patch over her eye tomorrow to hide the swollen mess it most certainly would be.
Besides, who could it be this late in the evening? No one knew she was in this room … not even Colin. He was only aware that she was staying at this hotel, since he had been the one to drop her off. "Who is it?" Liz asked through the closed door.
"It's Wesley Snipes. I need to talk to you." A British accented voice came from the other side of the door.
"What the what?" Liz gaped, "Wesley, what are you doing here and how did you find my room number?"
"Can we please just talk about this after you've opened the door? I'm on my break and only have a bit of time. Besides, some elderly woman is giving me strange looks. I don't like it, Liz. She's making me uncomfortable. Oh, now she's hobbling my way. She knows I'm talking about her. Open up!" He said urgently.
"Good, I hope she comes and gives you a good whack with her cane." Liz responded with a snort.
"This isn't funny." He complained, but then seemed to compose himself, "But, more to the point it's the least you can do after how you initiated our break up."
She couldn't deny that he had the upper hand by mentioning that. Liz had been the one to chicken out and text him about the end of their short relationship. Guilt was the deciding factor, when she eventually swung the door open and said with a sour face, "Make it quick and just so you know I have pepper spray in my robe." (She actually did not).
Wesley quickly entered the room and she closed the door behind him. After turning round to face him, he let out a gasp, "I believe you about the pepper spray. From the looks of it you've already had some fun with it on your eye."
Liz rolled her one good eye, "1 minute before I throw you out."
Wesley grimaced, "Now is that any way to talk to your former Future Husband?" He followed the term Future Husband with air quotation marks.
"50 seconds. Tick, tick, tick." She warned, pointing to the imaginary watch on her wrist.
He raised his hands in clear surrender, "Alright, I'll stick to business."
"5 words or less for why you felt the need to seek me out at this hour." She replied, leaning her back against the closed door.
Wesley lowered one hand, but kept the other raised and curled it into a fist. Then he counted off each word on his fingers, "You shouldn't date Colin. Ha, I only used four words"
"Yes, but you completely ruined it by adding that you had only used 4 words. Don't you see?" This was the Wesley she remembered, always saying the wrong thing.
He gave her a lopsided grin and Liz frowned in disapproval, "Is there a reason I shouldn't date your brother or is this just some childhood rivalry between you two?" She drenched her words with sarcasm.
"I know you are being facetious right now, but that is exactly it, Liz." Wesley nodded enthusiastically, "He's always been one upping me as long as I can remember. Didn't you see how his eyes lit up when he realized you were the Liz Lemon … my Liz Lemon. To him you are no more than my action figure of The Doctor from Doctor Who that he nicked from me when I was 10."
Liz scoffed at his assertion that she was his Liz Lemon, "First off I'm no one's Liz Lemon, especially not yours and secondly … he watches Doctor Who?"
Wesley sent Liz a frustrated look, "As do I and every other breathing human that resides here in Great Britain. It's a really famous show, but that's not the point. You need to focus and take my words to heart. He doesn't want you. He's just trying to take the girl that broke my heart and prove to me that he can have you."
She didn't like the way the conversation was going. Broke his heart? They barely knew each other before their break up. Yes, she would admit to being less than diplomatic when ending their relationship, but there was no way Liz would take the blame for breaking his heart. Feeling this discussion needed to be tackled head on, she walked past Wesley intent on turning off her television, so that the annoying voice of Russ whining over Rebecca would stop giving her a headache. Her company followed suite and then when he saw the television, Liz could hear the smile in his voice as he nearly squealed, "Oh, you're watching Chums?"
"Not anymore." She replied and hit the switch on the remote to silence the TV.
"Awww, but that was a good one. Russ was about to claim it was alright for him to be with another woman, because Rebecca and him were on a sabbatical." Wesley gushed.
Liz ignored him and instead tried to focus on Wesley's confession of a broken heart. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, but also come across as polite as possible. "Look, I'm not trying to be mean when I say this, Wesley, but I did not break your heart. We were barely together for more than a few hours and we only knew each other, because we'd both been drugged at the dentist's office. That is not a relationship and it's certainly not grounds for you to have a broken heart."
As Wesley's face fell into a look of sadness, Liz inwardly groaned.
"Of course, you would say that, because this was always a one-sided relationship." He replied, "I may have been settling with you, but it was a magnificent settle for me. You were the only woman I've ever wanted to settle with, Elizabeth."
His words came out sounding odd, which wasn't unusual for Wesley, but they also were heartfelt and as he cleared the lump out of his throat, Liz wanted to respond with something that might comfort him. Yet, she'd never been one that knew how to handle people when they expressed their emotions. All she could think of was to offer something she knew would cheer him up. "Hey, let's see if Chums is still on." She said, tying to infuse the air with the positive energy only TV could promise.
Wesley shook his head, "I've got to get back to work. I'm sure my break is almost over." He forced a smile, "But, it would behoove you to remember what I said about Colin, Liz. Also it might be good for you to know that he's very racist and I've seen him punch a little blind kitten before."
Then quickly he exited the room, leaving Liz to wonder about their whole exchanged.
"Great, now I'm going to be up all night thinking about this." Liz grumbled to her goddess in the sky.
Fate had screwed her over yet again.