Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or "My Last Breath".
Note: A one-shot to tide you over until the next chapter of "Hallelujah". Review.
"Hey, honey," Blaine whispered as he knocked on Kurt's door. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired," Kurt admitted. "Blaine…sweetheart…we need to talk."
Blaine blanched. Kurt looked awfully pale, and this news couldn't be very good. Ever since Kurt had been diagnosed with brain cancer a year and a half ago, they had been through a journey that Blaine could only describe as a carousel that had spun out of control. He knew that Kurt was slowly dying; that even though there was a tumor that had been removed a year ago, there was still significant damage to Kurt's brain and to his health in general. Still, Blaine had stuck by him every moment, holding Kurt when he was sick from chemotherapy, keeping a vigil by his side post-surgery, and working two jobs to help pay for Kurt's medical bills. Now, looking at Kurt's pale, tired face, he had the sinking feeling that the doctor had been in that morning, and the prognosis was grim.
"Okay," he murmured, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Kurt. Kurt reached over and took Blaine's hand gently, smiling wanly.
"I love you," he said after a moment. "And you know I do." Blaine nodded. "But I saw the doctor today, and…I'm going to be very honest with you, darling…he thinks I won't last the end of the week."
Blaine sucked in a breath; though he tried to be prepared for news like this at any given moment, it still rattled him. "Okay," he said finally. "Well, then I'll stay with you until…" He couldn't bring himself to say until you're gone.
"I'm not afraid, you know," Kurt said. "Of dying. I'm just afraid of what'll happen to you after I'm gone. I don't want you to be alone for the rest of your life."
"I won't be," Blaine stroked Kurt's hand. "I can't promise I'll find another One True Love, but I'll find another love."
"That's all I want for you," Kurt whispered. "I just want you to be happy."
"Is that your…" Blaine gulped "dying wish?"
"Yes," Kurt said after a moment's pause.
"So…how many days do I have left with you?" Blaine found the strength to ask.
"Two, maybe three," Kurt admitted. "Maybe even tonight."
Carole and Burt knocked on the door. "Son, may we come in?"
"Of course, Dad," Kurt smiled. "Blaine, dear, may I have some time alone with my parents?"
"Anything," Blaine leaned over to kiss Kurt on the forehead before bowing out of the room. He was able to make it to the elevator before he burst into tears. A kind woman who stepped in behind him handed him a tissue.
"Bad news?" She asked.
"My fiancé only has a few days left," Blaine sniffled.
"I'm so sorry," she patted his shoulder sympathetically. "My daughter has a month, but we're still praying for a miracle."
"Oh," Blaine shuddered, not being able to imagine what it's like for a parent to lose a child to this horrid disease. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"There's still time for a miracle," she shrugged as they reached the ground floor.
Yes, Blaine thought. But I stopped praying a long time ago. He shuffled on home; no point in waiting around the hospital while Kurt's father and stepmother had some time alone with each other. Numb, he made calls to close friends of theirs, the ones he knew Kurt would want to say goodbye to. Finn had called earlier saying he'd be in around suppertime with Rachel, but Blaine knew to call Mercedes, Artie, and Tina as well.
Kurt would miss the winter the most. His mother had always called him her little "snow prince". It was his favorite season, the world fragile and covered in white all the time.
Kurt lay back against his pillows and sighed. His parents were going out to dinner before coming back to stay with him. Tina had stopped by for a little while to say her final goodbyes and had left in tears. Kurt always had had a fondness for the goth-girl, and would miss her when he was gone, as she had always stuck by his side. Artie had come in right after she'd left. It was hard for Kurt to think of what to say to him, as he and Artie had been good friends since their elementary school days and had "survived" high school together. Eventually the words came to him, and he remembered to thank Artie for being there for him and reminded him to go get Tina back, who had just suffered a horrid breakup with Mike, knowing he still had feelings for her. Kurt was dreading having to say goodbye to Rachel, Finn, and Mercedes.
"Hey," Rachel smiled softly as she came in with Finn. "We brought you something."
"Oh?" Kurt asked, mildly amused. "What is it?"
"This," Finn came in, carrying a laptop and popping a DVD into the disk drive. "I know you were too sick to come to the wedding and you hated that you weren't able to be there for your stepbrother and sister-in-law, but…well, we just got the DVD and…we wanted you to see it…before you go."
Kurt swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "Finn…"
"Just watch it," Finn pressed the play button. Rachel cried softly as she drank in not only her wedding, but her brother-in-law's reaction watching it, so sweet and happy.
"You looked beautiful, Rachel," Kurt said honestly. "So beautiful…
"Thanks," she whispered.
"I know you wanted to be my Best Man," Finn said. "And trust me, there was no one else I wanted to be there next to me other than you, but…you were just so sick…"
"It's not your fault, though," Rachel rushed on. "No one saw it coming."
"But we've decided on what we're naming our first child," Finn continued.
"Oh?" Kurt asked, still watching the ceremony on the laptop. "Barbra?"
"No," Rachel said. "We're naming him Kurt."
Kurt looked up. "Really? Oh…oh, you don't have to…"
"I want to," Finn said, eyes welling with tears. "I always wanted a brother, and though I'll admit at the time you weren't my ideal choice, you've taught me so much. I really regret now not being nicer to you in our first few years of high school. You're just so brave and strong. Not just from this cancer ordeal, but also from constantly being put down because of your sexuality. If I were in your position…Kurt, I probably would've killed myself. But you…you were never afraid to be who you are." He choked back an uncharacteristic sob, and Rachel by this point was full-on sobbing. "I love you, Kurt. I never really told you that, but I love you, and I'll miss you so much when you're gone."
"I love you, too, Finn," Kurt murmured through his tears. "Thanks for being…the best big brother…a guy could ever ask for." He sniffled. "And Rachel…what can I even say to you? Naturally, I hated you in high school for being too darn talented and obnoxious, but we were still friends. And I love you, and all that you do on- and offstage."
"Oh, Kurt!" Rachel embraced him, soaking his night-shirt with tears.
"Rae," he rubbed her back weakly.
But still you wake and know the truth: no one's there…
Blaine awakened, gasping and panting for breath. Looking over next to him, he was reminded that Kurt wasn't there in bed with him; that he was in the hospital, slowly but surely dying. Blaine had wanted to stay the night, in case Kurt passed away, but Kurt insisted that Blaine go home and get a good night's sleep, that Rachel and Finn's visit had brought him new strength and perhaps another day's time. Still, Blaine could almost feel the weight of Kurt lying next to him, could nearly hear Kurt's breathing and see the rise and fall of his chest. If he rolled over, he knew he would be able to smell Kurt's scent still embedded in the pillows. He had hoped his dreams could take him somewhere else, somewhere where Kurt wasn't so he could escape for a moment or two. He loved Kurt, and would in a heartbeat take his place if he could, but at the same time, Blaine felt as if Kurt had taken over his mind, body, and soul, that everything he lived and breathed was Kurt, and in his dreams was the only time he could escape from the boy's haunting eyes. Still, he wanted to spend every last moment he could with Kurt, and he had half a mind to go visit him in the hospital, but decided not to fight off the nurses again for a middle-of-the-night visit. He knew Kurt had been overwhelmed that day anyway, with having to say goodbye to his closest friends and sister-in-law, not to mention his stepbrother. Blaine couldn't imagine being in such a position and wondered how Kurt could stand it.
Eventually, Blaine was able to fall back asleep, waking up around noontime. Carole or Burt promised they'd call when they thought the end was near, and Blaine was on edge while waiting for the phone to ring, both hoping it wouldn't be soon and dreading that it would be. Digging through Kurt's closet looking for something he thought he'd misplaced there, he came across a box he hadn't seen before. Curiously, he picked it up and opened the lid, peering inside and rifling through its contents. There wasn't much, just a few odds-and-ends: photographs from Glee club, buttons, a film strip taken from one of those mall photobooths of Kurt and Mercedes in their teen years, and a folded note. Blaine opened the note and saw unfamiliar handwriting. Scanning it, he found that it was something that Kurt's mother had written for her son that was given to him on his sixteenth birthday, saying that she was proud of him and would always be with him. Blaine teared up as he read the words that were penned from mother to son before her own untimely death, the words of unconditional love. He gasped when he saw towards the end that she had been aware that Kurt was gay, even though he never got to tell her, and that no matter what, she would always accept him. The ringing of the phone snapped his attention away, and he slowly headed for it, afraid. "Hello?"
He didn't want Kurt to be afraid of dying. Kurt claimed he wasn't, but Blaine knew deep down, he probably was, and just didn't want to scare Blaine or worry him.
"I think it's time," Kurt whispered into the phone.
"I'll be right there," Blaine said. Shaking, he managed to jam his shoes on his feet and to grab his car keys on the way out the door. He was barely able to drive himself to the hospital as he saw the setting sun and knew it was the last sunset Kurt would ever see. How in the world was he going to be able to sit there and watch the man he loved more than anyone else die, to inhale and exhale his last breath, to see the long and hard fight finally leave his body, leaving him at peace. Everything seemed to be moving slow-motion around Blaine, from the other cars on the streets to the elevator that would take him up to the oncology ward. After what seemed like years, he reached Kurt's room.
"I'm here," he said quietly.
"He's barely hanging on," Carole murmured. "You got here just in time, honey."
"I'm so sorry," he shook his head. "This must be so much harder for you than it is for me. To me, it's my fiancé. But to you and Burt, it's your son."
"He's all I have left of his mother," Burt said somberly. "Right down to his eyes…her eyes were that color. I hate that he had to succumb to the same fate as she did. It's like God is testing me or something." He sighed. "He's only twenty-two…it's too soon to be losing my son…"
"He'll be with his mother," Blaine reminded him. "I mean, I know Kurt doesn't believe in Heaven, but he'll be with her in spirit, anyway."
"And he won't be suffering," Carole wiped her eyes. "That's what matters."
"Blaine?" Kurt stirred. "Is that you?"
"It's me, yes," Blaine sat next to him. "I'm here, honey."
"Good," Kurt said. "Because I was waiting…for you."
"Oh, Kurt," Blaine sobbed. "No, baby…I'm not worth that…"
"You were worth everything," Kurt murmured. "And you saved me, appearing like…an angel…when I needed you…an angel sent by my mother to save my life…"
"I love you," Blaine said in a rush. "And I always will."
Kurt reached weakly for Blaine's hand. "I love you, too." He took in a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. Tears streamed down Blaine's face as he held onto Kurt's hand, watching Kurt's breathing slow and feeling his pulse weaken until Kurt's chest was still for several long moments, and he was gone, the fight leaving his body in a beautiful and chilling moment that lingered with Blaine for years to come.