5 Ways to Annoy Alice Cullen.
1) Tell her that if she was 2 inches shorter, she would be a legal midget.
"Bella, please. If you think of me as a brother you will do this for me," Emmett practically begged Bella on his knees. Edward was sitting in an armchair with one of his ear buds in shaking his head. Alice won't be happy about this, Edward thought.
"Fine," Bella sighed giving up. She could never really resist the puppy dog look Emmett gave her. He was just a teddy bear… a big 200 pound teddy bear… with dimples.
"Yes!" Emmett fist pumped the air as Alice walked down the stairs.
Bella took a deep breath and walked over to Alice. Alice looked at her curiously. No doubt that Alice was uh… too busy to see a vision of what Bella was going to say. "Alice, did you know that if you were two inches shorter you would legally be a midget? I mean that is so cool! You would probably be the biggest midget of all!" Emmett and Edward were trying to hold back their laughter as the rest of the Cullens came down confused by seeing two hysterical men and one fuming pixie. "I mean, they would probably worship the ground you walk on… Ooooo! You would be their goddess! You would―" she was cut off by the enraged scream of a ticked off little… midget.
Edward ran and grabbed Bella right before Alice lunged at her. Edward took off running with a screaming Alice behind them giving chase in 4 inch heels.
2) Ask Alice what you are going to do the next day.
"Alice, what am I doing tomorrow?" Bella asked Alice.
"I don't know, Bella. I didn't see any future of you yet," Alice sighed. This had been the sixth time in two minutes she asked that.
"Alice… do you see me marrying Jacob?" Bella asked her.
Alice whipped her head around. "WHAT?"
"I asked, 'Do you see me marrying Jacob?'"
"Why would you ask such a question?"
"Uh, maybe I am curious to see if I will marry Jacob."
Alice sighed heavily. "Bella, I see you marrying Edward. Besides, you know I can't see you when your with that mutt."
Bella stared at nothing for a minute before a smile overtook her face. "Do you see Jacob marrying in the future?"
"Bella, will you just SHUT UP?" Alice shouted at Bella, getting more ticked off by the second.
"Not until you tell me if Jacob will marry in the future," Bella shouted back. She hung around with Alice and Edward enough not to be scared easily by their shouting.
"Bella! I. Can't. See. That. Dogs. Future," Alice said through gritted teeth.
Bella just smiled. "Then I guess I won't shut up."
Alice shifted her weight so she was sitting directly in front of the coffee table and started to bang her head on the table. Baby sitting Bella was worse than I thought… Edward better get me a second Porsche… maybe red this time… or BLACK with a blue stripe!
3) Tell her that there is a sale at the mall and then while she is shopping, burn all her clothes.
"Alice!" Bella screamed as she ran down the stairs. Everyone looked up shocked. "Alice, I thought I would tell you that there is this HUGE sale at the mall today!" Everyone looked at her weirdly. "What… all my clothes probably reek of werewolf so I thought I would be nice and get rid of the stench and also let Alice have the opportunity for another shopping trip… with out me so Alice, you get to pick out all the clothes."
Alice's eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. "What am I still doing here for?" She ran upstairs and grabbed her purse and ran out the door.
Bella skipped back up the steps and went to Alice's room. When she got to Alice's room, she picked up all the clothes she could carry and threw them out the window. She did that until all of Alice's clothes were out of her closet and in the backyard.
Bella got six curious looks as she skipped down the stairs with a lighter in her pocket. She brought it out when she got to the pile and started to burn them. Before they were lit for 5 seconds, Alice came running back. She tried to get to the clothes, but Jasper held her back.
"No, Alice! They're not worth it!" Jasper yelled at his wife.
Alice fell to her knees as she watched them burn and started to cry. "But they were so young!
4) Put bleach in her shampoo.
When Alice was… er… busy, Bella decided to take advantage of Alice's lack of sight at least one more time. She ran to her bathroom and grabbed her shampoo. She quickly ran to Emmett's room where he promised he would help with any prank she came up with. When she told him what she was going to do, he beamed at her and quickly agreed. He left for three seconds and was back with a bottle of bleach in the other. Bella and Emmett were both curious to see what she would look like as a blond.
They quickly mixed the bleach so it blended in perfectly. They also added some liquid scents so it would help cover up the odor. Bella ran back to Alice and Jasper's bathroom just in time so she wouldn't run into Alice there. Bella was in her bathroom so much that it was hard to discern when she was in there. Bella walked down the stairs with Emmett, both of them grinning like the fools they are, and saw Edward shaking his head with a smile on his face.
After twenty minutes however, they heard an earsplitting scream coming from Alice's bathroom. She ran down the stairs with a horrified look on her face. She looked straight at Bella, her face seething. She started to stalk towards her when Edward grabbed her and ran with a beach blonde Alice hot on their tale.
"Edward! How can you stay with that sadistic girl?" Alice screamed even though she loved Bella.
Bella yelled back at Alice. "You look good blond, Al.
5) Tell her that she is Professor Trelawney.
Bella and the Cullens were all sitting around the flat screen TV watching "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban." They got to the part where Professor Trelawney said that Harry had the Grim when Bella spoke up.
"Alice, your like our version of Professor Trelawney. You both see the future and make outrageous predictions," All the Cullens ―with the exception of Alice― were trying their best not to laugh. "You probably say you saw me dead like Professor Trelawney said she saw Harry dying. Oooo! You guys even dress and talk the same!" At that point, the Cullens couldn't take it any longer and started to laugh hysterically while Alice fumed.
For the rest of the movie, Alice glared at the TV and plotted ways to kill Professor Trelawney.