The dark blue hue of the protagonist's skin offset his glowing red eyes with diabolical effect. He looked over the chess board with a small smile.

"You've already lost."

His opponent, a human with a slightly larger nose than most, gave him what could be described as a benign smile. "Probably."

"I can determine the psychological strengths and weaknesses of any species ... even any person, just by looking at their artwork. The sublime meanings and nuances, the intimate glances into their souls ..."

"If you confess to a secret fetish for Sister Wendy I'm not going to be responsible for my actions."

"I have conquored whole worlds ..."

"But the important question remains ... do you do parties?"

"Check in seven, and you haven't even started."

"Perhaps I should detail to you ... part of my plan."

"Please do."

"While I engage you directly from the front ..."

"Of course."

"My manservant attacks you from the rear."

The master strategist started to turn around, but something moist and utterly vile was wrapped around his mouth and nose ...


"Baldrick, I hope you hosed down your underwear before you wrapped it around his mouth; I wanted him alive."

"Don't worry Lord B ... see?"

"No I do not. Now, remember the other parts of my cunning plan?"

"I've got his wallet ..."

"Very good. Now we call that Chris Carter fellow, and tell him he's got a new centrepiece for his next movie ..."