A/N: This is just a silly crackfic. I imagine that if the 10th and 11th Doctors met they would get on really well. Maybe too well. The 9th Doctor, on the other hand...probably not. Poor Nine. Also, in case you don't remember, it's mentioned in the show that paradoxes caused by 2 Doctors meeting can blow a hole the size of Belgium in the space-time continuum. Furthermore, the insult "knee-biter" is from one of the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy books ("You're a real jerk, Dent, an absolute knee-biter"). On a note related to HGttG and Arthur Dent: MARTIN FREEMAN (whom I adore) is Bilbo Baggins in the new The Hobbit movie coming out later this year; I just saw the trailer and am so excited. Freeman played Arthur Dent in the Hitchhikers' movie and is currently famous for playing Watson on Sherlock.
…Do I…Do I sound like a nerd? Should I just throw some Batman references in there to solidify my geek status? (Ohmygod, THE DARK KNIGHT RISES! Baaaaaaaaaaane!)…I think I've had too much caffeine.
Anywho, back to the fic. Enjoy, or something.
Belgium and Other Anomalies
Ten lifted a custard-drenched fish-finger to his mouth, then cautiously took a small bite and chewed thoughtfully. "Not half bad," he noted, before swallowing. Eleven scoffed. "Not half bad," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. He slurped his banana daiquiri.
The two Doctors were lounging on the couch in the TARDIS's console room. They were sprawled on opposite ends of the couch, leaning against its worn armrests and letting their long legs stretch out in front of them. Ten's hair was standing up wildly, giving an impression of having just been electrocuted, and was being kept out of his face by his neck-tie, which was wound around his head with a short section dangling down next to his face. Rectangular sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, and he was wearing his regular blue pinstriped suit. Eleven was wearing his normal outfit sans the tweed jacket, which was draped over the console. His bowtie and braces were TARDIS blue, and a bright red fez was resting at a jaunty angle on his head. His hair was looking especially vivacious and fluffy.
Both Doctors were holding banana daiquiris, and between them, sitting on the middle cushion, was a plate of fish-fingers and a bowl of custard. The rest of the console room looked as if it had recently been present at the explosion of a hat factory; a number of top hats were strewn about, a Stetson was dangling off the railing, a wide-brimmed straw hat was upturned near Ten's feet, and a sombrero was hanging on the zigzag plotter.
"I'll have you know," said Eleven, waving his hand at Ten, "that fish fing-"
The TARDIS's front door swung open and both Doctors looked over. A short-haired man in a black leather jacket- the Ninth Doctor- poked his head in and stared at his successors. He blinked in disbelief, frowned, then quickly backed out of the TARDIS, shutting the door behind him. A moment later, the door reopened and Nine peered back in, reaffirming what he had previously seen. Ten waved enthusiastically. Nine's eyes wandered from the two Doctors to the fish-fingers, custard, daiquiris, and hats; and a look of abject horror stole over his face. He shook his head. "Bugger this," he muttered, and left again. The door did not reopen. Ten pouted.
"What a grumpy knee-biter."
Eleven shrugged, unconcerned, then raised his daiquiri glass. "To knee-biters!"
"And to paradoxes!"
"To star whales!"
"And other timey-wimey-"
They gulped down the rest of their daiquiris. Eleven seized a couple fish-fingers, scooped custard on them, and shoved the lot in his mouth. Ten blinked blearily. "I feel like we're missing something. Like it's staring us right in the face...Something big."
"Yeah...well, maybe not big. Belgium is pretty small..."
Two sharp crashes echoed through the console room as the Doctors threw their emptied daiquiri glasses behind them and shot up from the couch, throwing themselves at the console. Eleven's fez tumbled off of head. "How did we get so distracted?" moaned Ten, shoving the sombrero onto the floor. "Wait," cried Eleven. "Wait wait wait wait wait! I remember how to fix this!" He skidded to a stop, whirled in a panicked circle, then resumed running in the exact same direction he'd been going in the first place. Ten saw what his future self was reaching for and threw himself towards it as well.
Together they grasped the lever and pulled. The TARDIS gave a mighty shake and Ten immediately started flickering out of view. "It was nice seeing you again! Good luck!" called Eleven. Ten waved goodbye. "I'll see you later!"
Then he was gone. Eleven looked around at the chaotic mess that was his console room, replaced his fez, and decided to go and find out where squash court #5 had got off to. He'd clean up later.