Author's Note: This is my 9th episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History. This time, it's Puss In Boots from the Shrek series vs. Jason Voorhees from the Friday The 13th films. I don't own the characters in the rap battle or the ERBOH series themselves. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking:

"KJ, why are your stories so cool?"

Nah, I'm kidding. You're really thinking:

"KJ, Jason Voorhees can't talk! How is he gonna rap if he can't even talk?"

Well, you'll see. I also don't know if Puss In Boots actually speaks Spanish at one point in the Shrek films. If he does/doesn't, tell me.

I'm also including intros to my rap battles.

Oh, and "Como si" is "As if" in Spanish.

Beat: Spanish guitar over loud drums with a remixed version of the Friday The 13th theme.

(A man is seen running through thick woods in a thunder storm, trying to escape something. He then runs into a cave and cowers in the corner, looking out at the opening terrified. Lightning flashes twice before Jason appears.)


"Please, don't kill me!"

(Jason raises his machete to kill the man. As he drops it down, a small sword catches the machete.)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

(Jason looks down the sword, but before he can see the swordsman, he's knocked back.)

Jason Voorhees …

(Jason notices the swordsman wearing a silver skull mask. He notices a laptop near-by and grabs it as the masked warrior talks to the man.)


"Go on, get out of here! I can defeat this person."

(The man gets up and leaves.)


(Jason has loaded a text-to-speech program on the laptop.)


(Via-text to speech) "Who are you?"

(The masked warrior removes his mask to reveal…..)

Puss In Boots!

(Puss throws down his sword.)

(Puss in Boots)

"I challenge you to a rap battle."

(Jason stands up before 'speaking'.)


"Challenge accepted."


(Jason – using a laptop that has text-to-speech software)

I'm Jason Voorhees and I'm everyone's number 1 enemy/

I just slash and gash at my victims, you just let love be your energy.

I'd kill without detection, you wouldn't, considering you're madly hairy/

I'm so scary, If I was my mother, I'd be nick-named Bloody Mary!

I'll be progressing more than Take That, a lot farther and further/

You better pray that my lyrical art doesn't turn to lyrical murder!

I've had 12 movies so far, I'm no happiness or laughter/

Your career ended after that film, Shrek Forever After.

(Puss In Boots)

I'm the furry outlaw that no female human nor cat can resist/

Go ahead. Battle me and prove to yourself you'll lose if you insist.

Kitty's stole my heart so I shall have yours 'cause I've got a head start/

And I don't need to be smart to know you've been given the wrong part.

The movies I've been in have been giving me waves of bank notes/

All your movies do is make people psychological pain like sore throats.

I fight for justice, all you do is just murder and stalk/

In fact, how can you be certain to win, when you can't even talk?

(Jason – using a laptop that has text-to-speech software)

I don't need to talk just to make you scared, my little feline/

Not to mention, your friend Humpty Dumpty almost turned you to crime.

At least I don't play bad music in both my movies' uncut and edits/

Hell, you used Lady Gaga's Americano during your end credits!

I'll rip out innocent people's organs, just to kick-start other people's fears/

Then I'll kill Kitty Softpaws and drink every one of your tears.

I'll finish this off victorious, go home and play with your yarn ball/

For I'll be the one lyrical killer to rule them all!

(Puss In Boots)

Como si! If you think you're cool, you're playing a fool! /

You claim you're rapping when you can't even drool!

I'll be sleeping with my lover Softpaws rather snugly/

You just give people nightmares with your face that's oh so ugly!

I'd be arresting you, but that still wouldn't complete my task/

So just surrender Voorhees and take off that mask.

I'll have you killed with my sword and I wouldn't care/

So, if you'll do me a favour Jason and fear me, if you dare!

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!