Part Sixty Four.
"From childhood's hour I have not been as others were. I have not seen as others saw. I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone. And all I loved, I loved alone." ~Edgar Allan Poe
A/N- Please read the authors note at the end of the chapter when you're done reading. XO -Sage
Addison stood in the living room of her heaven; she blinked her teary eyes and looked around, her eyes stopping on the large floor to ceiling windows.
It was pouring rain outside; the rain was coming down so hard she couldn't even see the skyline view.
Her heaven had been feeling cold since she started to feel Castiel pulling away from her, but now her heaven was so cold she could see her breath.
Nothing had ever changed so drastically in her heaven before, it was always night outside and always a crystal clear.
Since she wasn't human anymore, but still had an intact soul certain things fluctuated in her heaven by how she felt.
Sitting down on her couch she wrapped her blanket around her and finally let all of the tears go that she had been holding back.
The worst possible thing that could happen to her had come true; Castiel was dead. She thought back to when he had explained that with them being mates, if one died the other probably wouldn't be able to go on.
Laying down on her side she wondered if she'd die and how it would happen. She had always believed that it was possible to die from heartache, and she wondered if she'd just slip away into death from being so heartbroken.
~(2 weeks later)~
Addison laid the hairdryer down on the edge of the sink in her bathroom.
She stared at her reflection in the mirror, she had honestly expected to drift away into death but it didn't happen.
Not being human she didn't need to eat or sleep, so the days just blended into the nights and it was all one long painful nightmare for her.
She had changed into a pair of red denim shorts and an off the shoulders white shirt.
Appearing in her grandmother's living room she walked into the kitchen where she saw her grandmother Rose looking in her refrigerator.
"Hi grandma." Addison said, her voice weak and a little hoarse as she spoke.
Spinning around Rose looked at her wide eyed.
"Oh Addy, thank god!" Rose exclaimed as she rushed over and hugged her.
Addison stood still in her grandmother's embrace.
"I'm so happy you're okay." Rose said as she stood back and looked at her.
Addison didn't respond.
"Well, psychically okay at least. I'm glad you're alive." Rose corrected.
"I don't feel alive." Addison admitted.
Rose frowned and led her over to the table.
Sitting down across from her Addison said "Cas is…" Her voice trailed off.
"I know, honey." Rose said, nodding her head eyes sad as she looked at her.
"How do you know?" Addison questioned.
"You left your phone here and a Bobby Singer called." Rose explained.
"Oh." Addison said, her voice so soft Rose almost didn't hear her.
"He said neither he nor Dean has heard a peep out of you since it all happened. They're worried about you." Rose continued.
"I haven't felt like talking to anyone and it's raining in my heaven." Addison finally said as she looked down to the wooden table top.
Rose bit the inside of her cheek and glanced around the kitchen with a slight look of confusion.
The room stayed silent until Rose said, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Addison let out a low, dry laugh.
"What's there to talk about? Cas screwed up bad and I tried to stop him, he didn't listen and it ultimately killed him. Now I'm going to be alone for eternity… I gave up everything to stay with him and now I have nothing to look forward to but misery until the end of time or until something kills me. And then what happens? More pain? I don't know where I'll even be going…" Addison admitted.
Rose was silent as she swallowed hard and fought back her own tears.
"I screwed up too… the minute the angels didn't need me anymore I should have ran as far away from him as I could get. I was so stupid to give up my human life for this…" Addison continued.
"I wish I could change things for you, but I can't." Rose finally said, her voice cracked as she spoke.
"Addy look, you've been through so much and you've lost close to everything… and you're so young. I don't understand how the whole angel-mate thing entirely works, but I understand the pain of losing him is more devastating than anything humans feel. So I won't pretend to sit here and know what you're going through." Rose began to say.
Addison looked up at her, but stayed quiet.
"He loved you as much as you loved him, and I know he wouldn't just want you to give up. You can't just roll over and die, Addy." Rose said to her.
"I'm still alive aren't I?" Addison questioned.
"There is more than just one way to die. Even if you're physically still breathing, it doesn't mean that you're really alive." Rose argued.
"What do you think I should do, grandma? Go get a house somewhere, start school or get a job? What happens in 10 year when I haven't aged one bit, I'll pack up and move… It won't do me any good to make friends because they will just die too." Addison said, tears falling down her cheeks.
"You have to find yourself a reason to get out of bed in the morning, figuratively. You need something to live for, a reason to keep fighting." Rose said.
Addison nodded, but didn't seem to respond much to her words.
"I was shopping the other day and I found this, it made me think of you." Rose said as she slid a small, but long dark purple velvet box to her.
Addison slowly opened it and looked inside; it was a white gold chain necklace with a diamond studded heart pendant hanging from it. There was a halo on top of the heart, and angel wings out to both sides of the pendant.
Shutting the jewelry case Addison looked up at her grandmother.
"I lost the angel I loved, so you buy me a heart necklace with wings and a halo?" Addison asked a slightly blank look on her face.
Sighing Rose said, "Yes, I did. Because you have to remember that he brought a lot more than just pain into your life."
"I guess it's not quite as morbid of a gift as it seemed then." Addison breathed out before she said, "It's beautiful… thank you."
~(2 months later)~
Rose sat at the kitchen table eating her breakfast; she glanced up to the plate of food in front of the empty seat across from her.
Every day when Rose cooked she made a plate for Addison in case she felt like coming out of her room and eating something.
It had been 2 months since Addison had come there; she'd only left her bedroom to shower.
Hearing footsteps enter the kitchen Rose smiled and breathed a small sigh of relief.
"Oh Addy, I'm glad you…" Her voice trailed off as she looked up and saw her granddaughter.
Addison opened the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of orange juice.
Rose's eyes widened as she looked at the hot pink short-shorts and tight black V-neck shirt her granddaughter was wearing.
Looking down Rose saw she was wearing a pair of black high heels.
"Good morning, grandma." Addison greeted as she returned the bottle back to the refrigerator and sat down at the table with her.
"You're hair… it's… black." Rose said.
"It's dark brown and I like it." Addison replied.
"You, uh… you don't really look like yourself." Rose said, watching her closely.
"I made some changes." Addison said looking down to her painted black nails.
"Those shorts are a little… short." Rose continued.
"I like them." Addison replied.
"And your shirt… showing off some cleavage, huh?" Rose continued, her hazel eyes looked to the angel wing heart necklace hanging from her granddaughters neck.
Addison looked down.
"You're a little old fashioned, grandma." Addison said nodding.
"I don't understand… why the change in your appearance?" rose asked after a long silence.
"I always wanted to darken my hair before." Addison reminded her.
"But you never did…" Rose responded.
"Because the old Addison didn't have the balls to do it… and I'd never have had the balls to wear an outfit like this. But things are different now, I'm not the same Addison and there is no use in pretending I am." Addison remarked, her dark eyeliner traced eyes meeting her grandmothers.
"So you're trying to create a new identity?" Rose asked trying to understand.
"This is who I am." Addison argued.
Rose looked down to her plate of food not sure what to say.
"Well, I don't agree with the clothes and your natural hair is a beautiful color and I don't know why you'd want to change that. But I guess this beats you lying in bed for months on end." Rose said.
"Well, I need to get going." Addison said.
"Where are you going?" Rose asked her.
"Heaven, and then Hell." She answered honestly, before porting herself from the kitchen.
~(Later that day)~
"I wondered if you were still alive." Crowley said as he walked into the study of his house.
Addison was sitting in the chair behind his desk with her legs propped up on it.
He glanced at her black high heels.
"You should have known I'd turn up sooner or later, we do have some business to discuss." Addison said as she removed her legs from the desk and stood up.
He watched her, his eyes trailing over her body as she walked around and leaned against the front of the desk, facing him.
"What's with the new look?" He questioned.
"Fashion isn't what I came here to talk about, Crowley." She said, her voice flat as she spoke.
"It suits you." He said, his eyes trailing over her body again before he smiled smugly at her.
"You're going to work for me." Addison stated.
"Pardon?" He asked confused.
"It's simple. You can keep your post as King of Hell and work for me, or I'll kill you and find someone else to take your spot." She said bluntly.
"And I'd accept this offer why?" He asked, amused at her.
"You accepted it for Cas." She answered.
"Because, he swallowed up enough power to make him God." Crowley reminded her.
"Don't be stupid, Crowley. You're lucky I'm even here offering you this deal, I could have easily already killed you." She pointed out.
Sighing heavily he said, "Addison, we have been over this time and time again… I always win. You're headstrong, yes. But you're not as powerful as me."
"I am." She said, smirking at him.
"Addison…" He started to say, but she cut him off.
"I am capable of kicking your ass and it won't take much for you to provoke me to do it." She threatened.
Growing angry at her talking down to him, he tried to use his powers on her.
She looked at him slowly cocking her head to the side and continuing to watch him.
"Don't strain yourself." She teased.
"What's going on?" He asked, confused as to why she wasn't affected.
"I'm much, much stronger than you. I just finished Cas' mission of cleaning house in heaven. I just took out 175 angels and I've still got plenty of juice to kill you too." she said.
"This is impossible." He stated.
"Let's see… you were a tailor who sold your soul for a bigger penis hundreds of years ago and now you're the King of Hell. I'd say nothings impossible." She said.
"I think I liked the old you better." Crowley retorted.
She rolled her eyes.
"I am not going to work for you. I don't work for anyone, I'm the King of Hell." He said, his voice full of authority.
"I will kill you." Addison said.
"Look, I'm not sure if losing Castiel cracked your psyche or if you've just gone mad. Either way, I'm not going to play your games. I'm not working for you, and I'm giving you the opportunity to leave now, before I kill you." Crowley said his voice low as he spoke.
Addison's jaw tensed in anger at him.
"Did I offend you? Well good, maybe you'll get the hell out of my house!" He yelled.
"Is that any way to talk to your boss?" She asked, cocking her head to the side.
"You're delusional… you are not my boss." He said, taking a step towards her angrily.
In an instant she used her power to bring him down to the floor, coughing up blood in excruciating pain.
After a while she stopped and he slowly rose to his feet.
"This isn't right… you shouldn't be this strong." He said, wiping the blood from his lips.
"So about that deal…" she began to say but he cut her off.
"Does doing all of this make you feel better now that you've lost Cas? He's dead, gone forever and you're never going to get him back." Crowley growled, trying to hurt her with his words since she was blocking his powers.
Using her powers she pinned him against the wall, with one hand on his throat and she drew her angel blade and slowly started to push it into his stomach.
He yelled in pain and tried to move, but she used her powers to hold him still.
"The only reason Cas considered opening Purgatory was because of you. You are lucky I didn't kill you the moment I saw you… so don't you ever talk about him to me again." She yelled pushing the blade in further.
He groaned in more pain but didn't respond.
"Are we clear?" Addison growled her face only inches away from his as she pushed the blade in even deeper.
"Fine." He finally growled.
"This was a new suit." He snapped as she moved and let him go.
Her breathing was still labored from anger.
"Fine Addison, I will work for you. After all, what other choice do I have?" He growled.
"At least tell me this though, how did you get so strong?" He asked, clearly still angered at her.
"Stood to close to Cas when he opened the door." She admitted to him.
"Purgatory souls? That's why you're this strong?" He asked, a look of shock on his face.
"Well that explains it." Crowley said as he crossed the room and took a drink from his glass.
"Explains what?" She asked, following him.
"This new you… there's clearly a darkness in you that you didn't have before." He pointed out.
"That's not true." She denied his logic.
"Isn't it? Think about what kind of souls you took in… dark souls, now they're inside of you and you've changed." He said.
"I am doing what I need to do to survive this. I need a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and right now that reason is me cleaning up the mess that Castiel left behind; starting with taking over heaven and having you run hell under my command." She explained to him.
"You've taken over heaven?" He asked her, as he sat his glass down on an end table.
"I'm in the process." She said, nodding.
"Great, no one should have any reason to worry with you controlling both heaven and hell… not like it has the fate of the world hanging in the balance." Crowley retorted.
"Be thankful for my kindness, Crowley. After all you've done, it's far more than you deserve." She said, her light green eyes narrowed.
His eyes narrowed as he stared back at her.
Looking around the room she said, "Nice house, I like it."
Before he could respond she said.
"I'm keeping it, you need to find somewhere else to live." Her eyes serious as she spoke to him.
"You're joking…" He said, his voice had gravel in it as he spoke.
"Hardly… now get out of my house." She said, the corners of her lips turning up into a smug smile.
"Being an angels mate… weren't you supposed to die when he did?" Crowley questioned angrily, unable to hide how she'd gotten under his skin.
"Oh come on, Crowley. You really didn't take me for the kind of girl who falls apart over a guy, did you?" She asked him, her eyes dark and her voice low as she spoke.
There was a somber bitterness to her tone as she spoke. The truth was she didn't fall apart as much as resent the feeling that her life had been stolen from her.
Every decision the past few years had been made with Castiel in mind, and now that he was gone; really gone, she'd never felt more lost.
She considered that maybe teaming up with Crowley was a bad idea, but then again what other choice did she have?
Help Sam and Dean in their efforts to rid the world of leviathan? That would be a temporary distraction from her pain; an attempt to cover the open wounds in her soul with a band-aid. And now when she looked at them all she could see was their humanity, their morality and the fact that one day, she'd lose them too.
But really, how long could that last? How long until the next time something was threatening the entire fate of the world? Months, years… maybe hundred of years. What would she do then, lay her life on the line to try and save a steadily dying planet and a human race full of hate and greed only to have her efforts dashed by the next big bad?
No, she thought to herself. She wasn't born or destined for that, not raised to be a hunter or anything extraordinary. She was born in a hospital on Main St, in a small Indiana town. And by some cruel twist of dim fate, she now stood toe to toe with the King of Hell in some polluted pissing contest for control of the only two places that would exist eternally; Heaven and Hell.
This was her life now. A power struggle against Crowley and trying to clean up the vast devastation and chaos Cas had left behind in Heaven, the place was entirely in shambles.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she realized Crowley was still in the room. "I said, I'm taking this house. Go find another one… I won't ask you again." Her tone was cold and dismissive as she spoke down to him.
Seeing her patience was wearing thin and knowing that she was now stronger than him, he didn't have a choice but to abide by her orders. For now at least, but he wasn't going to give up. No, he was Crowley after all and he'd do what it took to survive. But he certainly wasn't going to exist under her thumb for years to come. He didn't have a plan yet, but he'd eventually figure out a way to over throw her.
Slowly crossing the room, he picked up the crystal glass from the top of the fire place and stared down to the amber liquid inside as he gently moved the glass to swirl the scotch before taking a drink.
"This place was built for royalty, not the mundane likes of you."
She raised her eyebrows and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she started to threaten him again, but he didn't let her get a word in.
"You want this house, fine. Take it. But we both know it's not what you really want. Because this house, even with all it's exquisite detail won't ever be your home. The truth is, Addison… you'll never have what you truly desire." He said as he walked closer to her.
"Poor Addison…" He taunted, smugly as he saw her cross her arms over her chest in irritation.
"Even I know who and what I am. But you… you don't belong anywhere. No matter how powerful you grow, you're not an angel. All the cynicism and darkness in the world won't turn you into a demon. Nor will all your tears and heartache make you human again."
Her glittery pink lips now hung slightly open as she tried think of a witty comeback, something to sting him as much as his words were hurting her.
"Now that Cas is gone and you're stuck with the gift of immortality, and the persistently painful curse of still having your soul… you'll never fit in anywhere. Even with all your power, I don't envy you." He continued as he held the edge of the glass against his bottom lip, before slowly taking another small drink. Savoring the complex heat on his tongue from the scotch.
"Is that so?" She asked, her voice strong even though she was barely breathing.
Nodding he stepped even closer until their faces were only inches apart, as he lowered the hand with his glass to his side.
"Having your soul and immortality is the perfect recipe for agony. I don't envy you because you're going to have your heart broken again and again, until the end of time. That's the cruelest fate of all…" Crowley said as he leaned in so close she could feel his breath on her face, as the citrus notes and heat from his favorite scotch tickled her nose, intertwined with his smooth, unforgiving accent. The combination made the words that much more taxing.
She swallowed hard and he leaned forward, lightly pressing his body against hers as he sat his glass down with a small clank on the desk behind her.
Her heart was either beating rapidly in her chest, or shattering into a thousand pieces; it was impossible to tell in the retributive silence of the room.
Leaning back he stared at her as her eyes slowly searched his face, desperately yearning for a sign of his bluff. But there wasn't one.
Taking a step back and without another word to her, he disappeared from the room.
Her eyes lingered on the spot he'd been standing a few moments longer, before she walked behind the desk.
Letting out a heavy, almost mournful sigh she picked up the glass of scotch and leaned back in the plush chair, propping her legs up as she brought the glass to her own lips and drank down the rest of it's contents in one swallow.
She thought of what he'd said, then examined the now empty glass as she spoke out loud to the empty room.
"Maybe, or maybe my punishment is that I dream of angels but I live with demons…"
A/N- I owe a great big thank you to everyone who has read this story! Over 640 reviews, 300 followers and over 240 favorites; that's so amazing to me. It's been an incredible experience to share Addison's story with you.
I'd been so apprehensive about writing a Castiel/OFC story at the beginning, but you were all so welcoming and full of support that I kept going with it. ^_^
My original plan was to further this story on into season 7,8,9 and possibly even 10. (We got renewed for another season in case you didn't know! :) I had so many plans for Addison!
But it seems like almost all interest in this story has faded away and as much as I hate it, it's taken a toll on my writing for this one. It just doesn't feel the same. But for those of you who stuck with me and are still fans of this story, I wanted to give you some sort of ending to the story and not just leave it a completely unfinished story. I'm sorry if it's not the ending you hoped for, it's not the one I had in mind either.
As much as I'd love to keep this story going; sadly all things must come to an end. So, this will be the last chapter of She Talks to Angels.
But who knows, maybe it's just the last chapter of this part of Addison's story. If there's enough interest in seeing what all I'd had planned for Addison, then I'd certainty be open to doing a sequel to this story.
For anyone who has stuck with me through all 64 crazy chapters, I owe you my deepest gratitude. Addison was always one of my absolute favorite characters to write, and I always felt that she and Castiel shared an epic love and it was a pleasure to write and share it with you.
Thank you so much, it's been a hell of a run. Full of fear, love and joy and even some tears.
"It is not known precisely where angels dwell – whether in the air, the void or the planets. It has not been God's pleasure that we should be informed of their abode." - Voltaire