This is pure crack. I read a fic that had the line, "Gray... you're pants..." and I laughed, showing it to Ver, who then said I should fic it. So of course, I did.

NC-17, crack of epic proportions, Gray/Natsu

Beauty and the Pants

Natsu almost always wore the same thing. It was comfortable and convenient for fighting, which was all Natsu could ask for. Just because he always wore the same thing didn't mean he owned nothing else. He had a few things he wore when he was required to, and he had something he liked to wear at home.

Something might not have been the right term for it, actually. Natsu owned a pair of pants he wore at home - a pair of pants named Gray.

Natsu wasn't sure if these particular pants were enchanted or what, but there was no doubt that Gray was very much alive.

"Finally decided to wear some real pants, eh?" Gray said just as Natsu slipped him on.

"Shut up, and stop freezing my balls, asshole."

It was a tentative friendship at best, but Gray was usually pleasantly cool against his fiery skin, and he hugged in all the right places.

And so, Natsu continued to slip into Gray whenever he came home.

Months went by. Natsu found himself at home much more often than usual, revelling in the feel of the unnaturally cold fabric sliding over his thighs as soon as the door swung shut behind him. Always, Gray was silent until Natsu buttoned him up, and then he would spring to life.

"God, when was the last time you bathed?"

"If you don't shut up, I'll wear you for a week straight." Despite his words, Natsu found himself grinning. He'd grown used to the sound of Gray's voice. It was comforting, somehow, even if sometimes he wished Gray had a face so he could punch him in it.

In all the time that Natsu had owned Gray, he'd never thought to question why he had a talking pair of pants. Magic was something Natsu was accustomed to - after all, not only did he live in a world full of it, the magic of a dragon flowed in his very own veins. A pair of talking pants was a little strange, but not surprising. Still, as time went by, Natsu started to wonder if there was more to Gray than a simple enchantment. Finally, one day when he was lounging comfortably in Gray, he decided to ask.

"Gray, have you always been pants?"

There was silence for a moment, then, "No."

"Seriously?" Natsu said, his eyes wide.

"No, I said it for fun. Of course I'm serious, idiot," said his pants in usual snarky fashion.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked. Besides, it's not like you could break the curse anyway, so why bother?"

"Why not? I bet I could do it!"

Gray made a sound like a snort, though without a nose, Natsu wasn't sure how. "No, you can't."

"Don't underestimate me! I'm a Dragon Slayer!" His fist burst into flames for emphasis.

"Stop that! It's hot, damn it. You can't break the curse with magic like that!"

"Then what do I have to do? I swear I'll do it!"

"Don't go making promises you can't keep, you damn hot head."

"Well, if you'd just tell me already..."

"...Someone has to truly desire to... see me naked." Gray's voice held a slight note of embarressment and Natsu got the impression he'd be crossing his arms and looking away if he could.

"What the hell kind of terms are those?" Natsu roared.

"I had this... habit that someone didn't appreciate, and those were the terms she set. Otherwise I'll be pants forever."

"What do you mean, 'habit'? What kind of habit would make someone give you such a ridiculous curse?"

"This is stupid. You can't break the curse anyway, so who cares?" Gray said, and Natsu thought he just might be sulking.

"I said I'd break it, didn't I? A Fairy Tail mage never goes back on their word!"

"Haven't you been listening? Someone has to want to see me naked. Naked."

"I can hear you just fine. It's hard to listen when you refuse to answer me, you freezing ass piece of fabric."

"I used to unconsciously strip, okay? Are you happy now?"

Natsu's eyes widened. "My pants are perverted!" He declared at the top of his lungs. "Oh God, you've been touching my legs and my ass and my... you're the ultimate pervert!"

"Jesus, stop shouting, you moron. I'm an ice mage. Stripping in the snow was part of my training. I guess it sort of stuck."

"It stuck? You were obviously a pervert at heart!"

"Whatever. At least I'm not a moron like you. Can we drop this now? It's impossible, see?"

"Just because you're a pervert doesn't mean I'm going to go back on my word! Just don't go feeling me up with your perverted fabric."

"I'm not feeling you up, asshole." Gray seemed to drop in temperature a few degrees, and Natsu shivered. "How do you propose we break the curse, then, if you still think you can do it?"

"Cold!" Natsu sparked some of his fire magic and Gray relented in the face of those flames. "Maybe I could get some of the girls at the guild to wear you. Maybe Erza or Cana..."

"No thanks," Gray cut in. "Being worn by you is more than enough. I'm not actually a pervert, you know."

"Yeah right, a stripper that's not perverted."

"Can we get back on topic here?"

"Maybe if I think about seeing you naked really hard, it would break the curse."

"...That's your plan?"

"Hey! I didn't hear you coming up with anything! But, uh, what do you even look like?" Natsu tried to close his eyes and imagine it, but all he saw were pants.

"I can't believe you're actually going to try this. Whatever, I'll play along. I'm about your height, maybe a little taller, I have dark hair and eyes, and I'm fit."

Natsu tried again. The Gray in his mind morphed into pants with hair and eyes. "This isn't working."

"No shit?" Gray quipped.

"I'm doing this for you, you know."

"Yeah, okay. I'll stop."

"Could you give me more details?"

"Like what? I didn't exactly spend a lot of time checking myself out. What else is there to say?"

"Shit. Maybe we can get the mage who cursed you to reverse the spell."

"Fat chance. Not only do I have no idea where to find her, but she's also not the kind of person to change her mind."

"Hmm. Well, I guess we'll just have to find a picture of you, then!"

"Wait, what?" Gray said, but Natsu was already out the door, convinced of his plan.

"Even if you see a picture of me, you have to actually want to see me naked. Am I the only one who sees the flaw here?"

"We'll worry about that when we get to it. Now, where are you from?"

"The Northern Continent."

Natsu took off running.

"Where are you going? The train station is the other way."

"The train? No way! I get motion sick!"

"...Running it is," Gray said, not wanting vomit on himself.

When they finally reached the ocean, Gray said, "You're going to have to take a boat."

"No way. I'll swim!" He said, preparing to wade into the water.

"It's too far, stupid."

So Natsu took a boat, throwing up over the rail the whole way. At least none of it got on Gray.

It took Natsu a ridiculous amount of time to recover. When he finally didn't feel like he'd fall down if he tried to walk, he said, "So, where can we get a picture of you?"

There was a long silence, and then, "Take that path."

Natsu didn't know where Gray was taking him, but that didn't slow him down, especially since all the damn snow was making him shiver, which in turn made Gray cling to him tighter in an effort to warm him. It made Natsu shiver in a different way, and he wondered if that made him a pervert, too.

After hours of trudging through the thick snow, Gray had to ask, "Why are you doing this for me?"

"I told you, a Fairy Tail mage never goes back on his word!" Natsu boasted.

"Yes, I remember. What I mean is, why did you give me your word in the first place? I'm just a pair of pants to you."

"But you're not just a pair of pants," Natsu replied logically.

"Right. But you don't know me."

"I do know you! I just don't know what you look like yet."

"...Nevermind."

When they arrived, Natsu peered at the little cottage in the middle of nowhere. "Is this your house, Ice Pervert?"

"I'm not a pervert! And no. ...It was my master's house."

"Was?"

"She died. Protecting me."

"Sounds like a great master."

"She was," Gray breathed, and Natsu could hear the soft smile in it, mixed with a pain Natsu recognized all too well.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

"I don't know what you're waiting for. It's not like I can move."

Natsu walked through the unlocked door and looked around. It was pretty sparse, but he found a few yellowing pictures in the back room.

Two small children stared back at him. One of them had nearly white hair, so he dismissed him and focused on the darker haired boy. "Is this you?"

"Yeah."

"You're a child?"

"Not anymore, flame for brains. It's an old picture."

Natsu studied it for a moment. Certainly he'd been a good looking kid, if a bit serious, but he was still a kid, making it impossible for Natsu to even try to imagine Gray naked.

"It's impossible."

"You think?" Gray quipped.

"No, I mean, I need a new photo. I can't imagine a kid naked! That's sick!"

"There are no other pictures," Gray said.

"Nowhere?" Natsu asked, shock plain in his voice.

"Nowhere," Gray confirmed. "Let's go back. This was a dumb idea, anyway."

"Giving up already?"

"What else can we do?"

Natsu grinned. "We'll ask Gramps!"

"Gramps?" But Natsu was off again, pictures tucked away in Gray's pocket.

Another vomit-filled boat ride and a long run later, and Natsu was standing in front of Fairy Tail's guild master, Markarov.

"A Pants curse?" Markarov said, his eyes wide.

"That's what I said! So I need to know what this kid looks like grown up so I can break the curse."

"How is that going to help you?"

"Nevermind that, Gramps. Do you know of a way or what?"

"Give me a couple of days." Markarov took the photos from Natsu and looked at them thoughtfully.

"Take your time," Gray added, and Markarov's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"Oh yeah, meet Gray. My pants."

"Hmm," was all Markarov said before setting off.

Three days later, Natsu was lounging in Gray when there was a lock at the door.

"Have you been wearing him all this time?" Markarov asked in disbelief.

"Well, Gray can't talk to me if I don't, so..."

"...I see. Well, you're in luck. I managed to get my hands on a picture of Gray from right before he was cursed."

He handed Natsu an envelope, said, "Good luck," and then he was off.

Natsu closed the door and sat down, turning the envelope over in his hands. "Should I take you off to do this? Or maybe I should stand. I'd hate to have it work and end up sitting on you."

"You still think this will work?"

Natsu flushed slightly. "Of course it will!" He said, his voice defiant.

He stood up and ripped open the envelope. It was now or never, and he pulled out the pictures inside. There were three of them, and Natsu looked at the first one carefully.

It was the photo of a boy, maybe 18 or 19 years old, fully clothed in a thick white coat and pants that looked suspiciously like how Gray looked now. He had dark hair and eyes, much like Gray had said, but what caught Natsu off-guard was the deep expression caught on the boy's handsome features. The coat was left open at the top, hinting at defined collarbones. Natsu swallowed hard.

He flipped to the second picture, which, judging by the background, was taken moments after the first. The boy had lost the jacket and was instead wearing a thin blue button-up shirt that clung to his skin, outlining the well-defined muscles beneath. The bottom of the shirt was splayed open, showing a tiny triangle of smooth skin just above his low-ride pants. His hair was messy, fanning out wildly across his face, shading dark eyes that were lost in thought. Natsu wondered what that face would look like with a smile on it.

"Is that really you?" Natsu murmured, tilting the picture down for Gray to see.

"Yeah. Why? Did you finally decide it's impossible?"

"No..." Natsu said, his mouth so dry he almost choked on the single syllable.

He found himself holding his breath as he flipped to the last picture.

The boy had lost his shirt, and Natsu found himself staring at perfect washboard abs that outlined a lean body that made Natsu even warmer than he already normally was. There was a chain hanging from his back pocket to a belt loop in the front that had been obscured before, and a cross necklace that hung in the center of his chest.

He was gorgeous. Natsu didn't think there was a better looking person in the whole world.

There was just one problem.

"Do you ever smile?"

"When I have something to smile about."

"...Do you? Have something to smile about?"

"I might." Gray replied, and it held the tone of being said with a smirk. Natsu found he really wanted to see it on the face of the boy in the picture.

He was supposed to be thinking about him naked, not about smiles. Natsu let his eyes roam over the boy's chest and stomach, and he felt his stomach flip over. He hadn't really thought about what it would mean to truly desire to see Gray naked, and now that he was, he found he wasn't adverse to the idea. He was ridiculously attractive, but that had never been enough for Natsu in the past. Knowing Gray as he had these past months made the difference - he liked him as a person. He wanted to match that voice to the body he was looking at; to learn his mannerisms and expressions, and he wanted more. Much more.

He looked at the boy in the picture, his eyes tracing the pants that hugged him in all the right places. His pulse began to race, and his own pants tightened - Gray tightened.

Natsu wanted to see Gray naked.

A bright light flashed, and Natsu covered his eyes. When he could see again, he brought he hand away to reveal Gray, whole and grinning at him... and very naked.

"Holy shit, you're naked!" Natsu yelped.

"You wanted to see me naked, so I'm naked," Gray said through a grin, and the part of Natsu's mind that wasn't freaking out thought it looked nice on him.

"I didn't mean right this second! Pervert!" Natsu yelled, and Gray crossed his arms just like Natsu had imagined he would, completely comfortable in his own skin, even after all this time.

"You're only slightly less naked, fiery pervert." Gray looked pointedly at the spot where Pants Gray used to be. Not only was Natsu only wearing his boxers, but if the impressive bulge sticking out of the material was any indication, he was also quite aroused.

Natsu blushed to the roots of his hair, and Gray's smile softened. He reached out and pulled Natsu into a tight embrace. "Thank you," he whispered, his voice uncharacteristically thick with emotion.

"Y-you're welcome," Natsu stammered, slowly bringing his arms up to wrap around Gray's back. Their bare chests were touching - Natsu's open vest left his chest exposed - and his stomach did a little dance.

Gray pulled back first, looking Natsu in the eyes. "You know, this is the first time I've really been able to look at you properly." He let his gaze linger on Natsu's features, and if Natsu could have blushed any harder, he would have. "You're quite the beauty."

"Beauty?" Natsu sputtered, and Gray laughed at him before leaning in to kiss him.

Natsu leaned in to the kiss, moaning when Gray's hand slipped under the fabric of his vest to kneed at the muscles in his back. Gray was cool to the touch, making Natsu shiver as he pressed against Gray with heated skin. Not being one to be idle while others took the lead, Natsu bit at Gray's bottom lip. Gray gasped and Natsu took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Gray's mouth.

Natsu felt a heat pooling in his belly, and he pulled back long enough to growl, "Bed," before stumbling towards the bedroom, clinging to Gray the whole way. Their hands wandered over each other's bodies, Natsu's coming to grasp at Gray's ass and pulling him forward to buck their hips together to gain a frustratingly small amount of friction. Natsu groaned, and Gray deftly removed the fabric seperating their erections and pushed against him, their cocks sliding against each other in a much more satisfactory way.

Natsu went down first with Gray tumbling down to lay on top of him, his mouth wandering down to Natsu's bare chest, bypassing his neck where his scarf was still wrapped tightly. His chilled fingers trailed down Natsu's sides, coming to rest on Natsu's hips, his mouth following slowly as he nipped and kissed his way down his stomach.

Gray engulfed Natsu's erection in one swift motion, and the Dragon Slayer cried out, his back arching to seek more of the cold mouth on his cock. He was so lost in the sensation that he almost didn't notice the finger slick with saliva pressing into him.

"Wh-what are you doing?" He panted, lifting his head to peer at Gray through half-lidded eyes.

"You've been inside of me for months. It's time for me to find out what it's like to be inside of you," he said with a smirk.

"It's not the same thing!"

Gray stilled, hesitation clouding his features. "Do you want me to stop?"

Natsu could feel the slight pressure on his opening and his cock twitched in anticipation. "...No."

A grin blossomed on Gray's face before he dipped his head and took Natsu in his mouth again, massaging him with his tongue as he pushed his finger in to the last knuckle. "Gray..." Natsu moaned, and Gray took that as his cue to start moving his finger in and out, stretching Natsu in preparation for something bigger.

One finger became two, and Natsu's hands fisted in the sheets as he pushed himself towards Gray, taking his fingers deeper inside himself. Gray pulled back and Natsu whimpered. He didn't have to wait long; Gray coated his cock in saliva and crawled up Natsu, claiming his lips in a passionate kiss, pressing into him slowly until he was buried to the hilt, groaning into Natsu's mouth, Natsu's tight heat almost undoing him.

"I could get used to being inside of you," Gray chuckled between shallow breaths.

Natsu growled. "Move already."

Gray was happy to oblige.

They rocked together, Natsu clawing at Gray's back, their lips locked together, tongues twining in a way as intimate as their love-making. Sweat dripped down Natsu's skin, turning to ice when it touched Gray, and Gray wrapped his frosty hand around Natsu's cock, pumping him harshly in time with his thrusts. Then Natsu was throwing his head back with a ragged cry, and Gray jerked as Natsu's muscles pulsated around him, pouring his seed inside of him before collapsing against him with a low groan.

When Gray has caught his breath, he chuckled. "Yeah, definitely could get used to that."

Natsu smirked. "Now it's my turn." In a show of strength, Natsu flipped them over in one smooth move, biting at Gray's neck through a grin. "I think I'm might like wearing you even more now."

Gray laughed. "I guess we'll find out."

So they did. And that's the story of how Natsu's pants became his lover.

The End