Did You Think This Through?
By: TriplePirouette aka 3Pirouette
Post The Recombination Hypothesis 5.13, references The Ornithophobia Diffusion
and People's Choice Awards opening
Rating: pg-13 for language
Word Count: 967
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Fix-it for the end of 5.13 The Recombination Hypothesis. Because no self-respecting woman who has learned a guy was with her JUST for the sex (and who has already rebuffed his friends with benefits offers) would go out on another date with him.
Author's Notes: I'm not big on writing Leonard, but this had to be done. I have a LOT of opinions on where the show has been headed and the lack of real characterizations. Here's a fix-it for those of you that can't believe they're really doing this.
Thank you to Trippy41 for the beta!
Distribution:ff. net, my AO3, and my LJ... anywhere else, please ask first :)
Feedback PLEASE at: triplepirouettephile hotmail. Com I love anything constructive! Blatant flames, however, will be disregarded and used to roast s'mores...
"Have you thought this through?" She asked, praying that he would turn around and leave her and the girls to play with her new juicer.
"Yes, and I think we should go anyway." He was clutching the mail like a life line. Past him, she could see Sheldon in the hall, playing with a cut out of someone. She smiled slightly while mentally sending Leonard the message to turn around and leave. He didn't. All eyes were on her.
"No, Leonard." She kept it soft, a small smile, just a touch of the timber that her mom's voice used to take on when she was doing something for Penny's own good, but everyone's attention snapped to her an in awkward way, even Sheldon's.
"N- No?" He's surprised. Actually surprised.
She sighed and stepped toward him, putting the plastic pitcher on the table as she walked past. "Listen to what you just said, sweetie. 'Anyway.' You said 'Anyway.' Even in your own mind you know that it's a bad idea."
His head tilted right and left, his eyes shifted as he tried to find the words. They finally came out slightly quieter than normal. "Well, only when we talk."
Penny's taken aback by his words. "Only when we talk? Leonard, what else are we gonna do on a date? Talk, have dinner. Even on our non-date as friends we ended up fighting." She could feel the eyes on her, three pairs carefully studying what was going on. In a way, it's nice that she won't have to try to explain it all to Amy and Bernadette after it's over- they'll have seen it.
"Even a bad date can end...nicely." He's proud of himself. He's proud of the way the innuendo drips from his lips and the way his eyes twinkle behind his smudged glasses.
Penny's chin jutted out and all of a sudden she felt like punching someone, but fidgeting would do. "Sex?" He was still smug, twisting his head back and forth and lifting his chin like a bad imitation of the Jersey Shore guys. "You think it'll end in sex."
"We're still attracted to one another. We'll ALWAYS have feelings for one another..." Why, she wondered, did he finally have to have confidence in this particular area?
The frustration bubbled up in her. "No!" Penny nearly shouted. "First you keep trying to hint at friends with benefits and then this? Didn't you listen to anything I said that night? It's not right that you did EVERYTHING in our relationship just for sex. You didn't like any of the movies I picked or places we went or even my friends. You just endured all of it to sleep with me. All of it. Do you know how that makes me feel? Like I'm being used, Leonard. I know I haven't always picked guys that have appreciated me in the past, but I thought you were better than that. I thought you were making an honest effort to understand my world like I was making one to understand yours. I even asked Sheldon to teach me about physics so I could understand what you did. But none of that mattered, did it? It was all about the ass for you, wasn't it?" Her fists balled at her sides, her breathing heavy. "Stop all the self-pity about being a 'normal' guy, Leonard- because I have news for you: you are a normal guy. A normal jerk just like the rest of them, just with a job that uses bigger numbers."
She could feel the tension in the room. He stared at her. He started, "But we'll always-"
Penny shook her head, her lips pressed together. "No. We won't 'always' anything. You want sex? Hookers aren't that hard to find around here." The fight drained from her. She took a deep breath. "Just when we were getting back to being friends you have to do this." Penny shook her head and looked at the floor. "For someone so smart- I would have thought you'd have actually listened to what I was saying- that you would have learned something." She stepped back into her apartment, grabbing the door. "Goodbye Leonard."
She closed it, leaning against it and fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Bernadette and Amy tried not to stare, but they couldn't help it. Amy fidgeted with the piece of plastic in her hands. "Bestie, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. You're right. It's surprising that Leonard has not learned his lesson."
She couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, Amy."
Amy looked up, placing the piece back in the box. "Consequently, I was wondering if you'd like to trade. Sheldon has absolutely no desire to engage in sexual relations, and Mama finds herself in need of some sugar. Shall I approach Sheldon about the necessary paperwork?"
Penny was on the verge of crying, but instead she laughed. She laughed so hard she slid down the door to sit. She imagined them pouring over one of Sheldon's contracts, signing in triplicate and then "switching" with a few rubber stamps and hand shakes. Baffled, Amy and Bernadette just watched her with concern, which she found even more hilarious. Right now, a sexless Sheldon who was straightforward and honest with her sounded a million times better than a hidden-motives Leonard.
"Sure, Amy," she replied, only really half joking if she was honest with herself. "Why not?" She stood and pulled the juicer base out of the box. "Come on, let's take some penis-shaped vegetables and juice the shit out of them."
Bernadette was right behind her with the instruction booklet. "Now you're talking."