Forgot my disclaimer earlier.
I don't own Glee or any character mentioned. If I did, all Glee males would love Kurt and worship the very ground he walks on. And then he'd finally pick his one true love after having broken everyone else's heart and soul. And then he'll take Sam shopping.
From Blaine: Sorry Kurt. Can't get there. I'll wait for you after school.
Kurt read the most recent text message from his boyfriend and sighed. This was the third time this week Blaine had been sorry for not making it to a make-out session with Kurt.
Kurt pulled his white captain's hat over his eyes, closing them, and he leaned back against the fence behind him. He had been waiting under the bleachers for the past fifteen minutes. He was probably getting his jacket dirty, but for once, he didn't care.
What was going on with Blaine? It was like he was avoiding being alone with Kurt. He couldn't help but think that Sebastian had something to do with it. Blaine wouldn't cut ties with the Warbler. Kurt had gone as far as to ask for Blaine to do it, but his boyfriend had refused. Blaine's text messages were less personal now, and he never texted "I love you" anymore.
Kurt thought back to the last time Blaine had actually said "I love you" to Kurt. It had been weeks ago. It wasn't even that Kurt was scared that Blaine would cheat on him. He almost couldn't blame him if he did. Sebastian might be a horrid person, but he was undeniably sexy. And he was definitely someone Kurt could see Blaine being attracted to.
It was the fear that Blaine would leave him that kept Kurt up at night. Because then Blaine would be just another person who thought that Kurt wasn't good enough.
Kurt heard the sound of crunching gravel, and he was suddenly alert. This was not the right spot to get caught alone. Even though the bullying hadn't been bad lately, Kurt being alone under the bleachers was like a red flag for some of them.
What Kurt found wasn't a bully coming towards him. He found Sam.
Sam was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket, and the boy looked amazing. He always looked amazing.
Oh, god I don't even believe in. Why is he here? "Hey Sam."
"Kurt." Sam stopped a few feet in front of him.
Closer than Kurt was comfortable with, but also not close enough. Make up your damn mind.
"Can I help you with something?" Kurt adjusted his cap and stood. Why was Sam so damn good looking? It was too distracting.
"So, I heard about the little impromptu performance at lunch." Sam smirked at him.
"Um. Oh. Well, you know how we are. The girls burst into song at the drop of a hat, and since I'm an honorary one, it seemed like a good time to join them." Kurt shrugged.
"Got a problem with it though." Sam inched a little closer.
"W-what problem?" Dammit. Why did he always get so nervous around Sam? It was insane.
"You said that I sounded like a drag." Sam narrowed his eyes at Kurt.
"Oh. How did you know that I said that?"
"I have my sources."
That expression usually meant that Jacob Ben Israel had probably recorded the song and immediately posted it to his blog.
Kurt sighed. Sam wasn't just irritated. He was pissed.
That annoying Perez Hilton wannabe could spread gossip, and unfortunately in this case – fact – quicker than anyone he'd ever seen.
"It's just a song, Sam. It was just a line in the song. You've seen the movie, I'm sure," Kurt took a step forward to move around Sam. "It wasn't even a planned performance. I don't even know how I ended up with that line in the song."
"I don't remember it being a drag when you were underneath me, moaning my name and begging for me to touch you." Sam's voice had dipped lower, gotten quieter, and he was growling at Kurt.
Kurt's breath caught, and he felt a pool of desire inside him. Kurt had intended to leave, but Sam's voice was like a visceral command for him to stay right where he was.
"Sam…" Kurt moaned.
"Yea. Like that. That's exactly what it sounded like," Sam breathed.
"Stop," Kurt said quietly. "You knew…we both knew." He took a deep breath. "We both knew this would have to be over the moment you decided to see Mercedes."
"You left me first." Sam shoved his fists into the pockets of his jeans. "You literally left me first. You weren't just running from Karofsky when you went to Dalton. You were running from me too."
"Sam. I was just an experiment to you," Kurt returned. "You said so yourself. And you had Quinn. You chose Quinn."
"I never called you an experiment, Kurt."
He hadn't denied choosing Quinn though. That thought hurt a bit more than Kurt had expected.
"No, maybe not in so many words, but that's what I was to you."
"You didn't seem to mind the research part of us." Sam looked at Kurt, his gaze dark and bitter.
"That's what you said when I kissed you. Remember?"
Kurt closed his eyes before they could begin tearing. Why was Sam doing this now? Of all the times to have this conversation, why NOW? "I remember."
"I remember that, when you said please, I couldn't figure out if you meant please stop or please kiss me again."
Kurt knew though. He'd been consumed with thoughts about that kiss from Karofsky. He'd wanted a kiss from someone he wanted, and Kurt had wanted Sam so badly. If he were honest with himself, he still wanted Sam. He had definitely meant please kiss me again.
He'd used Sam. It hadn't mattered that Kurt had been attracted to Sam to begin with. The kiss had been a way to wash Karofsky out of Kurt's mind. But because he had made the decision not to out the other jock, he'd neglected to mention that kiss to Sam.
A wave of shame came over him. He'd been hurt that he'd been Sam's experiment, but hadn't he done the very same thing to Sam?
"Why? We need to talk about this, and this is a perfect time."
"Sam, you CHOSE Quinn," Kurt almost shouted. "And yet again, the one person that I wanted more than anyone…" Kurt broke off before he could finish that statement. He was done wanting people who… people he couldn't have.
"You told me to find someone that society deems more acceptable, Kurt."
"That was for that duet competition, and you know it, Sam."
"Yea, I know. But what Finn said got to you, didn't it?"
"If you want to know the truth, then yes. Finn got to me. He convinced me that I was being selfish. That I… never mind. It doesn't matter now."
"Is Blaine more acceptable, Kurt? Because he's gay and not bisexual?" Sam spat out the second question.
"I don't want to talk about him with you. I can't."
"Does he know?"
Kurt sighed and closed his eyes again. He knew what Sam was asking, but he couldn't stop himself from qualifying the question. "Does he know what?"
"Does he know that he wasn't your first?" Sam took another step towards Kurt. "Does he know you weren't just bringing me clothes to the motel? Does he know that the rumor about us last year was true? Does he know that we had sex?" Sam's voice wavered on the last question.
Kurt thought back to that night. They'd done a good job convincing everyone that it had been innocent, but the encounter at the motel had been anything but. Kurt had brought Sam some clothes, but Sam hadn't been alone that night. His parents had taken his younger siblings out with them, and Sam had stayed back at the motel to study. Had Kurt known Sam hadn't been alone, he wouldn't have gone.
Yes, he would have, Kurt admitted to himself. Despite Blaine.
Kurt had known what he was doing. Since Kurt had asked Sam to kiss him, the tension between them had been unbearable. Even developing feelings for Blaine hadn't crushed the need inside him. The complete and utter need he had for Sam Evans. He hadn't gone there with the intent to have sex with Sam, but had he known Sam was alone, he would have.
Kurt met his gaze. "No. He doesn't know that I cheated on him with you. I think he suspects that I have feelings for you though. He overreacted during that fight in the choir room. It was about more than the sexuality of the dancing. And he wouldn't talk to me about it afterwards. " Kurt was glad Sam hadn't even seemed to acknowledge that Kurt had said HAVE feelings, as in present tense.
"The way I look at it, you cheated on ME with HIM. I was there first. I kissed you first, and I know for sure that I fucked you first. You were mine first."
The desire and sheer frustration in Sam's voice tugged at Kurt.
I fucked you first. The crude expression had been accurate. And hearing the words in Sam's husky voice played him. Damn him. He knew Kurt would remember that night, and how Sam's hushed cursing had turned Kurt on and had him begging for Sam to… for him to…
Kurt blinked back tears and forced himself to think clearly.
"Sam, please stop this," Kurt begged. "Sam. You. Chose. Quinn. You let Finn get to you too. You let him convince you that there was something wrong with wanting to be around me. So you chose Quinn. What was I supposed to do? Just pine over you forever while you played out the The Quarterback Loves The Cheerio scenario?"
"No. But you weren't supposed to go run off with Little Mr. Out and Proud."
"Why not? Don't I deserve that? Don't I deserve to have someone who wants me, and only me?" Kurt grimaced inwardly at that question.
He grimaced because he didn't even have someone who only wanted him. He knew Blaine wanted Sebastian, even if he was convinced that his boyfriend wasn't acting on his feelings. Even David Karofsky had moved on from his initial attraction to Kurt. During their last trip to Scandal's, David had been cozy with a guy who seemed very in to him. He'd been happy for David. But Kurt had felt a slight sting.
Finn had never wanted him.
Sam had wanted him. Sam had had him. And then Sam had moved on to someone else.
David had wanted him. David hadn't had him, and then he'd moved on to someone else.
And it was just a matter of time before Blaine figured out that he didn't want only Kurt either.
Because nobody did, and that thought didn't just sting. It burned.
"I was scared, Kurt. And confused."
"I know, Sam. And then when your confusion was over, you chose Quinn."
"You chose Blaine."
"You chose Mercedes. And even though that didn't last long, you're back now. And you have Mercedes again."
"No, I don't."
"But you're trying to get her back. So again. You've made your choice." Kurt tried to step past him.
"What are we doing, Kurt?" Sam grabbed him to stop him from walking away.
"We're doing what we always do. We're moving on," Kurt stared at the hand Sam had placed on his forearm. "We screwed everything up from the very beginning. It's too late to fix it."
"Do you want to fix it?" Sam whispered.
"This feels like a repeat of the discussion we had in New York. I may not be as close to Mercedes as we used to be, but I will not hurt her. When you told me you were attracted to her, you knew how I'd respond. At the time, I thought maybe you said that to push me away."
"Maybe I did. I don't even know, really."
"I will not be selfish. I will not hurt her. I can lose a lot of people in my life, but she's not one of them."
"You were willing to lose me," Sam prodded.
"I never HAD YOU!" Kurt shouted. "I never really….had you, and you can't lose what was never yours to begin with." His burst of anger was gone in a flash. "Please let go." Kurt glanced at the hand still holding his arm.
Sam slowly removed his iron grip from Kurt's arm. As he pulled away, he brushed his fingers against Kurt's.
"Have you listened to yourself in the past few minutes?"
"Of course I have, Sam."
"You are so concerned about hurting Mercedes, but you haven't mentioned one word about hurting Blaine. Don't you find that odd?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." And he didn't know. Maybe Blaine would be better off with Sebastian.
"It sounds to me like you made the wrong choice."
"So did you."
"And that's that, I guess," Sam dipped his hands back into his pockets.
"Yes. That's that." Kurt rubbed his arm where Sam had touched him, and then he stood and adjusted his ensemble. "Are we done here?" Kurt made a move to leave.
"No. One more thing." Sam grabbed Kurt's fingers and pulled him closer.
Kurt sighed. "What?"
"Take it back."
"Take what back?" Kurt looked into his eyes. A shock of blonde hair covered one of Sam's eyes, and Kurt resisted the urge to brush it out of his face.
"What you said. Well sang. Even if you only say it to me, right here and right now. Take it back."
Kurt pressed closer and rested his forehead against Sam's. He'd love nothing more than to kiss him, but he couldn't go back. Not now. There were too many variables in this equation. Mercedes. Blaine.
"You weren't ever a drag, Sam," he whispered.
He allowed Sam to hold on to his hand until their arms were fully extended between them. Kurt met Sam's gaze, and their hands fell apart between them.
The touch of the fingertips is a sexy as it gets, he thought to himself as he walked away from Sam.