AA/N: Tajeri Lynn the Extremo Luchadore got tired, so he has created "Crash and Burn 24/7" as a miniseries to be determined by none other than the fans! All characters are from "Jackie Chan Adventures" which is owned by Kids WB, Sony Television, and the Chan Man.
To all the amigos who took their time to vote and read, muchos gracias!
Shall we take to the stratosphere, then?
Crash and Burn 24/7
Chapter 1: "Bound and Gagged"
The summer was finally here.
Here in San Francisco.
But it wasn't going to be a vacation, as it used to be when he was a kid.
No, not as long as his employer was having troubles…
"Whatever do you mean that I'm bankrupt?!"
"It's no joke, Big V. We got into your Swiss bank account, and all we saw in it was a tiny zero," Finn motioned a neat little ring with his thumb and index fingers.
"Are you blaspheming me?"
"Honest, Valmont," came up the voice of the burlier, blue-haired Enforcer. "If we ever stole from your account, it's just to get those-what do you call those little cakes again? Twinkie-winkies? OOF!" Finn and Chow irritatingly rammed their elbows simultaneously to the breadbasket of their naïve accomplice in crime.
"And for how long did you get those twinkie-winkies, hmm? Maybe…a full decade?!"
"Uh…" Chow stammered, "the point, Valmont, is, uh, we believe someone actually stole from the account. And it wasn't us."
"Not us," added Ratso
"Yeah, we're just guilty on a minor offense," assured Finn with a smile.
"I believe you," said Valmont with his fingers on his chin.
"Whoa, you do?" Finn's eyes bulged.
"Yes. All I have to do now is fire you for not having identified the perpetrator!"
"Psst, Master Foo," a sweat-drenched Finn whispered to the deadly Black Tiger. "A little elp-Hay to the poor olks-fay?"
"If that's what you call Pig Latin, then you make pigs cry."
"Come on, Hak. Just this once. Valmont's not trusting us on anything."
"Once? ONCE? There is only one thing that Valmont has done that has never happened once."
"Okay, fine! We'll pay you extra. It's not like WE'RE the ones broke here."
"$500. And NOT Monopoly money."
Hak Foo pushed Finn out of the way. "Forgive me for siding with these slippery weasels, master, but they do speak the truth. I have reason to believe that Section 13 managed to sneak into your account to constrict the power of the Dark Hand."
"It did? Oof!" Ratso got discounts on more elbows.
Hak solemnly continued. "You DID allow Tohru as one of our Enforcers, didn't you? He would have had plenty of know-how of the Dark Hand's operations. It would be logical that we, having not hunted him down, are starting to face the full brunt of his betrayal."
"All of a sudden, you have reminded me of Tohru…" Valmont replied. He put two thoughtful fingers supporting his chin. "…Very well, Hak Foo. Perhaps it is time that Tohru be out of the picture. And while you are it, do find yourselves a bank and come back with a proper sum, with emphasis on proper. I am not going to settle with twinkie money. Carry on, now, I've got to make an urgent call."
Valmont motioned away from the direct sights of the Enforcers, assuming they were on their way to redeem themselves. He headed over to the phone located on his gold-embroidered desk, and pulled up the receiver to dial up some numbers. He tapped nonchalantly on the desk with a hand, and then his face was in a rare state of alert.
"Mother, please! I need a $100,000 loan on the table!….No! For goodness sake, that was a long time ago…Yes, I am still a bad guy…. 'Goodness sake' is a figure of speech, can you not comprehend that!? No. NO. NO! I got stuck on the pool and I almost got castra- No, it is not happening again!"
"Creepy," Finn ad-libbed. "Come on, gents, before we end up becoming Valmont's historians."
"By the way, Finn, what was Big V talking about?"
"Ratso, are you single?"
"Do you want to remain that way?"
"Then get a dictionary. I'm not belting out the definition."
The Enforcers stared long and hard at the crowd of cars zipping past them. This was more fun than what they were supposed to do.
"So where should we start?" Chow queried, the orange-shaded cynic that he was. "We can't just waltz over to the Chan residence to whup Tohru. That guy's beaten us up whether he's turned a new leaf or not. How must we take care of him?"
"Nothing to worry about now, Chow," Finn complacently pushed his hands into his pockets. "If there's one thing Big V wants more than ever, it's the dough, and that, to say the least, is what we ought to get."
"Finn," said Hak Foo.
"The 500 dollars?"
"Um, that'll have to be an I.O.U., thank you very much. Um, listen, Foo, right now, I've got a plan. If Valmont's yearning to see those big Ss pop before his eyes again, it may take him a week to reconstruct. I know that because it's not the first time it's happened to him after all."
"When was the first time?" Ratso asked, scratching his messy head of hair.
"When he messed up with Daily Martini."
"Oh, right…She still around?"
"I don't know. Fact is, Valmont'll be so busy that he won't mind not seeing us return by then. So…we can have something of a vacation! Who said we needed to rob the local bank to get the dough?"
"Um, Valmont?" Ratso replied.
"That one's rhetorical! Alright, I'll correct myself. Who said Valmont HAD to know that we actually robbed the local bank?"
"Oh! Good point."
"But what about Tohru?" asked Hak Foo. "I was the one who had to stand up for you by making that lie. If Valmont knows we didn't prey him, he would consider me no less than you weaklings!"
"Chill, Foo, chill. We'll think of something by the end of the week. Can't you get that vacation spirit yet?"
"Animals shouldn't take vacations."
"You're an animal, Foo?" asked Ratso.
"Humans ARE ANIMALS!" roared Hak Foo, the veins ready to explode off his noggin.
"One final question," said Chow. "How can we take a vacation? None of us are allowed to drive at this time."
"Whoa, none of us?" Finn began to think hard.
"Yeah," Chow began counting his fingers. "I've got a DUI, Ratso hit a store, Hak Foo doesn't know how to drive, and you-"
"Stop!" Finn shut his partner-in-crime's mouth, chuckling nervously. "Don't speak about it. Hurts my street rep….Heeeey, look sharp. I've got the solution coming right in front of us." He began eagerly waving his hand.
A taxi stopped right before him and the rest of the Enforcers. Best of all, there were four vacant seats available.
"Let's hop in!" Finn encouraged the Enforcers.
"We…are going to be in a taxi cab?" Chow complained. "What better way for the cops to get us than by being taxi passengers! Remember the cab back at Las Vegas? We got arrested because the driver got drunk, and the police thought we were giving him a good time."
"We weren't giving him a good time," Ratso willingly corrected. "That nice, lonely girl in the corner was. Wonder what game was, though."
"WE KNOW THAT!" Chow and Finn yelled simultaneously.
"You passengers don't seem very sharp. Need a lift here?" the voice of the apparently female cab driver was heard.
"Yeh, miss," Finn said as he took some dough, "We'd like to go to-Hey, I know you! You're Daily Martini!"
"Oh, that's typical," Chow said. "Of all the jobs she could have, Daily Martini's a taxicab driver!"
"The name is Martin-dale, Martindale, not Daily Martini," said the sleek driver in irritance.
"I knew they weren't saying your last name right, Porsche," said Ratso generously and quietly.
"And to you, my first name is Portia!"
"Lemme guess," Finn teased. "You couldn't find Karma in your home country. Not enough Sutras to go around?"
"It was a waste of time," Portia groaned regrettably. "Nothing there was the same as San Francisco, and nobody was the same as the rest of you guys."
"Hey, that's flattering avenue there," Finn replied. "But, um, uh, we're going to LV, and since you've had lots o' problems, why don't you just take us there? Trust me, Valmont is not in the mood to meet anybody right now."
"Yeah," Ratso said, "Last I remember, Finn didn't want us to be Valmont's historians so we could get married."
"HUH?" Portia asked.
"Oof!" Ratso held his chest as Finn's elbow once again greeted it.
"Um, don't mind him. Ratso's not good at collecting words," Finn said.
"I see. Just as he had always been," Portia smiled. "Alright, I'll take you there….But you are going to commit crimes, aren't you?"
"Hey, Lady Justice is just too busy for everyone in LV, right, gents?"
"Lady Justice," Ratso frowned. "…Does she happen to have another name?"
"Ratso, how did Valmont ever hire you?"
To Be Continued……
SPECIAL NOTICE; I have a little idea somewhat inspired by a Digimon fanfic writer. The idea is that the chapters following this installment will be determined by a new writer for every chapter. It's what you can call an author crossover series, and I know there are many fine authors out there who could contribute to this fic. What do you say? Is it a fun concept? Anybody interested? Just drop a line and let me know. Afterwards, I'll post rules as to how to enter the fic into the series. This is a risky venture, but as far as I'm concerned, NO ONE in FFN has actually done this!
WHAT'S GOING ON: To all of you fanfic authors (or those people wanting to write), the Extremo Luchadore has written the first chapter of "Crash and Burn Every 24 Hours", but now he wants YOU to write the next few installments of the series! That means this fic could contain the various viewpoints from many of the Enforcers fans out there in FFN.
To have a chance to write a chapter, post your ideas for the next chapter on the reviews, and within days, I'll choose who gets to write it and post the result via e-mail. The winning person will write the chapter, and from there on, the next person will write a follow-up, but remember, the follow-up MUST FOLLOW whatever major developments the characters are having, if any.
Here are other rules:
1.) Any coupling to the fic is fine.
2.) You can insert original characters, even yourself into the fic. But with respect to the creativity of the other authors, the characters should only remain for the chapter you plan to write.
3.) The key characters must be the Enforcers and Portia, but Valmont can be placed in cameos too.
4.) Any of the other JCA characters can appear, too.
5.) Tajeri Lynn the Extremo Luchadore will play editor and decide where the stories should be placed.
6.) Do NOT make a chapter that spans beyond a day! This is not a 7-chapter mini-series, and I know you authors out there ought to have stories that can span somewhere between a minute to an hour.
7.) All chapters will contain your chosen title and your FFN name, or the name you desire.
8.) Some of you may have the opportunity to write more than one chapter.
9.) Oh, yeah. The submission could be either e-mail or an attachment to it.
That said, I hope you amigos will have a fine time with this series!