Me: Lets begin the apocalypse!
Pulsar: Very positive isn't he?
Artemis: Wow, Percy's dead.
Dionysus: It's terrible!
Me: How did he get in here?
Dionysus: There's a thing called doors...and flashing.
Me: Well anyway, this is Dionysus the idiot commonly known as Idioto not-Divinchi!
Artemis: Don't you have enough enemies already?
Disclaimer: I do not own for the twenty-second time this story, PJO, HoO, or awesome explosives!
So Jackson is dead, a true shame I suppose. Poseidon and Hades were fool's to protect them, its time to unleash the full power of the true gods. Golden armor merged onto my skin and a single blade was slung across my back.
Lets get killin' as old man Jenkins says!
Immortality comes at a price, and a costly one. Delta, Quake, and Tornado were prisoners, Pulsar was probably blowing off steam, and Quasar was fighting against nightmare creatures, horribly evil.
And Perseus Jackson has finally fallen while Antrilineal has returned, the world has turned upside down, I think its time I found the root of this problem.
Time to light it up like the fourth of July in U.S of A.
I raced into the inner walls of Halley's comet only to find a blade at my neck. I looked up to see the glaring features of Hermes.
I raised an eyebrow "Hola Senor Hermes!"
"Shut it Uncle. We know what you and Poseidon have done. You have disrupted the balance of time. Father wants you returned. We are losing the war against Kronos because of the crazy idea the six of you came up with. And you have failed anyway. Perseus Allen Jackson has fallen to a foes blade!" Hermes spat.
I grimaced "Well then we're screwed anyway. Now all we have to do is go down in style." I then tried to slip by but Hermes repositioned his blade, barring my entrance.
Hermes sneered "Is that the best you can do Uncle. I see time in this world has made you weak."
I growled "I'll show you weak!" Armor as black as night merged over my skin. A helm of pure power and darkness appeared upon my head. A glowing sword appeared in my right hand.
I charged, and with that the deadly dance of death began!
As I struck down the final enemy I turned and surveyed the hunters, returning to my Greek form. Most hunters were standing shocked, a few had tears in their eyes. Artemis looked devastated, shaking her head and muttering like she was insane. Thalia was much, much, much worse.
Her hair was messed up, her eyes were red, tears were flowing freely. Sobs of her pain and loss cut the air. She, like Artemis, was shaking her head in disbelief.
Tears soon fell from my eyes. I had lost my favorite son. I collapsed on the ground and sobbed like Thalia. And slowly my features changed.
I was in shock. Perseus Jackson was dead. One of the few men I actually respected, was dead. My lieutenant was past distraught, most of my hunters were shocked. And Quasar, wait...what was going on!
A light sea-green glow was encasing Quasar, and soon he began to change, he grew till he looked about thirty. He grew a stubbly beard and his eyes changed to sea-green.
I gaped as I watched Quasar morph into Poseidon.
"Quasar?" I asked.
Quasar/Poseidon raised his head "Yes." he asked, his voice was much deeper.
"Why do you look like Poseidon?" I asked. Most of my hunters snapped out of they're stupor at that. Thalia was still in her own world of mourning.
Quasar's head snapped his head down to his body. "Sh*t!" he cursed. Suddenly his twin swords merged into a trident and flew at him. He caught with practiced ease. "It's unwinding. The spell. This is really, really bad."
I frowned "What are you talking about?"
He looked up and I saw his eye colour flickering from indigo to sea-green. "You have known me by at least five different identity's. It's time you learnt the final one." He stood up to raised the trident. The earth shook and the sea roared. "I AM POSEIDON! LORD OF THE SEA'S!"
I stared blankly at him, obviously not comprehending what he was saying. But before anyone could say anything a voice thundered "Poseidon!" followed by another voice which said "Whoa sis, that's you!"
We all turned to see Apollo and...me?
This was WEIRD!
"Come on ugly." I taunted. Hermes growled and swung his blade. I deflected it and pushed against him, sending the god of thieves stumbling.
"You've got to be able to do better than that." I laughed. He turned to glare at me, but flinched at my helmet.
To give an update about everything. The thing is Kronos was about to win the first Titan War. In an attempt not to sacrifice one of our own we traveled back in time to find Percy Jackson. You see Percy Jackson is, in a word AFLIPPINASSKICKINGBADMANTINGWITHSUPERAWESOMEBADMANTINGPOWERSTHATMAKESUPERSTINKYASSHOLETITANSPISSTHEMSELVES. Told you I could sum it up in a word.
I blocked Hermes thrust only to have my uppercut parried. I needed to reach the console and unleash the AHML (Ass Hole of Multiple Levels) and destroy the evil that was slowly taking over the world.
Summoning a pig, I chucked it at Hermes and charged into the control room screaming "I AM ZEE BADMANTING MUDDAS!"
So while Hermes was getting raped by a pig with twelve peni (plural of p**is) I hit the big red button that had written out in big letters. Hades under no circumstances SHOULD YOU HIT THE BUTTON! So of course I hit it.
"LOL!" I screamed.
Then Hermes yelled "You SPAZTARD!"
I then pulled out a gun in the shape of a penis and yelled "EAT SPERM!" I pulled on the trigger balls and white lasers were sent flying at Hermes.
I then continued to run into a wall.
Luckily I had a self destruct button. The only problem: SPIDER-PIG HAD EATEN IT!"
So I grabbed Hermes hand, stuck it up Spider-Pig's butt, waited till Hermes said, "What did you feed him!", pulled the hand out, and then used Hermes fingers to push the button.
"Well," I said "Now that we've solved the issue on whether or not Hermes likes getting raped by a pig. WE HAVE A PERCY JACKSON TO BRING BACK AND TURN HIM INTO AFLIPPINASSKICKINGBADMANTINGWITHSUPERAWESOMEBADMANTINGPOWERSTHATMAKESUPERSTINKYASSHOLETITANSPISSTHEMSELVES."
Spider-Pig nodded and turned into Bat-Pig, because Bat-Pig was cooler than Spider-Pig.
And with that we headed back to Earth.
Still Pulsar's Pov
When we landed where Percy Jackson was killed we saw Thalia blubbering to Artemis, Artemis blubbering to the Hunters, the Hunters blubbering to the other Artemis, the other Artemis blubbering to Apollo, Apollo blubbering to Poseidon, Poseidon blubbering to the evil dudes, and the evil dudes eating ostrich pe**s.
I realized we needed a leader to lead us when the other Olympians from past and present arrived along with the hostages and the enemy army from the past.
So I sent up a flare which summoned the mightiest warriors of the age. Two minutes later hundreds upon thousands of warriors appeared. They separated into the four units of the pig army. Bat-Pig went to the the Bat-Pigs while Iron, Super, and Spider-Pig all led their units.
Hobo-Pig, their leader, united the pigs under a sign which said "NEW PIG DEMOCRACY NEEDED. ALL PIGS JOIN YOUR RACE IN BATTLE AGAINST ALL WHO HAVE EATEN PORK: SO ATTACK!"
The Titans and Pigs had the greatest fight in history. It was so BADMANTING that I had to join in. So I united the Olympians that weren't blubbering under the greatest weapon of all. The Titan ranks fell under the might of my pe**s shaped gun. The white lasers obliterated. The Olympians of the past charged after them through the time portal. Hobo-Pig ordered the Spider and Super-Pigs to follow and help them. The other pigs dispersed.
Then, because I was Hades the BADMANTING I used the dead evil demons souls to restore a glowing image of Percy. Then Bat-Pig found his body and we restored him back to life. Then I gave Percy and Thalia BADMANTING powers which made them immortal and even more BADMANTING then me! (Actually not really, but close.)
Then I grabbed a blubbering Quasar and took him through the portal saying goodbye through the methods of my middle finger.
Then the portal closed and all normality in the present resumed.
Third Person Pov
Thalia stopped crying when she noticed Percy was kneeling there looking exhausted. She couldn't believe it. She threw herself into his arms. She smashed her lips against his. He was alive. And he was hers.
TIME SKIP 2 WEEKS!
The wedding held was grand. Zeus had gone all out. Olympus was decorated with images of lightning bolts smashing against the tides. Everyone attended. Well almost everyone.
Since returning to the Past the old Olympians attempted to rebuild the Earth with the aid of the new Pigocratic government. United under president Hobo-Pig.
They all sent there congrats except for Pulsar who sent a card that, when opened, released a string a compressed pig s**t.
Annabeth attempted to enter with Jacob but got thrown out by a strange monkey called Rafiki that was a very good public speaker. His speech was this: "Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh ArrghArrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh Arrgh." It was a very moving and heartfelt speech.
10 months later the happy couple were gifted with twins. Jason Pulsar Jackson was born seven seconds after Zoe Quasar Jackson.
Me: And so that my dear friends concludes the story. We had our twists, we had our turns, but Bat-Pig saved us all. To Percy and Thalia congrats. To Artemis thank you. To me rellie thanks. To Annabeth, die soon. To the baboons, you are all BADMANTING. To Dragonfire YOLO SWAG. To Inferno, Delta, Quake, and Tornado, it was fun. To Quasar and Zodiac, stay cool. To Pulsar, Badassness is a gift and a curse, use it wisely. To Dionysus, stay s**tfaced. To Fabina and Peddie, don't split you fools. To the hunters, gracias for your company. To you, the audience, I hoped you enjoyed it, stay on top of life, be cool, stay in school, and don't put your hands up Pigs butts. Thank you and Goodbye!