Summary: Kurt and Logan have a debate about Christianity, which ends differently than either of them expects. Teen just to be safe.
Note: This scene is in one episode of the original 1992 X-men animated series and it was so touching to see Kurt try to talk to Wolverine about why he was angry with God…Anyway, it inspired me to do my own little take off it. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own X-men the Animated Series.
Logan was looking for a moment of quiet. Between Rouge bugging him, Scott trying to pick a fight with him, and Gambit chucking cards everywhere for fun, Logan had had enough. He stalked around the institute, looking for somewhere to resign to quietly. The Professor and Hank were having a lively conversation in the living room. Gambit was moving between the kitchen and the main entrance room. Scott seemed to be everywhere at once.
Logan retreated to the back sections of the school, finally stumbling into an empty, quiet room. The room was plain, bare, but it had a window and a couch. On the far side of the room, was a partly open, old, wooden door. It looked dark or dimly lit on the other side, but a quiet, repetitive sound was coming from within. Curious, Logan crossed the room and pushed the door open enough for his head to fit through the opening. The room he looked into was lit only by a row of candles near the back wall. Logan could see he'd stumbled across a tiny chapel, old and gothic-era looking. Didn't know this place had a church in it, Logan thought. More surprising still, Logan spotted a figure near the back of the small room. It was unmistakably Kurt with his dark blue fur, pointed ears, and sweeping tail. His back was away from Logan, and he hadn't heard him come in yet.
Logan pushed the door open some more and walked inside. He came closer and began to understand what Kurt was doing. He was on his knees, clutching the little cross necklace he always wore, and muttering something in German. Curious and slightly confused, Logan took a seat on a pew a few rows away from where Kurt was kneeling.
"What yah doing, kid?" Logan asked in his hoarse voice. He crossed his arms and sat back against the edge of the pew.
Kurt looked up from his thoughts and turned to look at Logan. "Ah, Herr Logan!" he cried, surprised. "Vhat are you doing here?" He seemed to collect himself after a moment, and the shock look left his eyes, leaving them calm and welcoming. His face was passive, cool.
Logan shrugged. "Nothing. Just looking for a moment of peace."
Kurt smiled. "Vell, you've come to ze right place," he said, opening his arm and inviting Logan to sit beside him.
Logan shook his head. "No thanks, elf. I don't pray. Don't believe in God."
Kurt didn't look surprised, but he politely asked, "Vhy not?"
Logan sat forward and rested his arms on his knees. His eyes turned hard, as if he was upset about something. He looked down and shook his head back and forth. "I just don't think there's a God, cause I don't see how God could let men do this"—he extended his adamantium claws—"to other men. If God care about us, or even existed, then why would he let stuff like that happen?" He met Kurt's eyes in a challenging way. He was clearly bitter, and his gaze seemed to say, 'I dare you to give me a decent answer.'
Kurt sat back on his heel. In a way, he understood where Logan was coming from. He too had suffered at the hands of cruel men, and knew how evil people could be. He'd turned away from God before himself. He met Logan's intense stare and said, "I vonce did not believe in God, because I knew zat humans can be zo cruel. I suffered because of SHIELD as well, mein friend. I remember ze tortures…" His eyes turned down as an unpleasant resurfacing of old memories occurred. "But I believe suffering and pain and fear are all God's vay of testing us."
Logan snorted. "I've lived maybe eight times as long as you have, kid. Somehow, after decades of living in hell, the thought that God is 'testing' me doesn't really seem comforting anymore. I used to believe. I did. But years of suffering changed that. It's hard to stay faithful to someone that seems t' be completely ignoring you." The anger dripped from his voice. His eyes were steely and cold. They seemed to stab at Kurt.
Kurt drew back a little at Logan's harshness. He sighed before speaking. "It takes a strong person to get through the toughest situations and still be positive. You have shown that you are very strong, Logan. You're here vith us, trying to help humans and mutants live together. That alone says you haven't lost faith in ze good of people, and that you can still care about others. After vhat you've lived through, its amazing. Don't you ever think about how different you'd be if you'd never been a part of Weapon X?"
Logan growled, "Yeah, I'd have been a helluvah lot happier, for one. And I might have all of my memories. I don't see how you can have faith, elf. I know you've had it bad, almost as bad as me, but I just don't see why you believe in God."
Kurt bit his cheek. He believed because he's always believed. Feeling protected and close to someone he could always talk to was a comforting thought. It made him feel whole. "It's hard sometimes," he admitted. "I mean, I used to wonder vhy I looked like zis"—he motioned to his blue skin and pointed ears—"and vhy mein parents had to be killed, and vhy I ended up living in a tiny cell for a year and a half. But I alvays told myself I could make it through vhatever mess I vas in, and I think that faith kept me alive. And sane." He paused for a moment, letting his own words sink in. "And you feel like I did," he added, addressing Logan again. "You're angry vith God because you feel like he has abandoned you. But he hasn't. God will make you at peace if you let him."
Logan stood up. "You don't know the first damn thing about what I feel," he barked. "Yeah, I've felt abandoned before. And miserable. But I don't need anyone—God or not—to protect me and help me. And I certainly don't need to be lectured about having a hard life from a scrawny, teenaged boy." And with that, he turned on his heels and stormed out of the chapel. Kurt sighed sadly and looked down at the floor. He was still holding his cross pendant. It was cool in his hand. He cannot understand until he let's go of his anger, he thought. I'm sorry, I could not help him.
Rouge was looking for Logan. It was late at night. She'd searched every inch of the mansion and had no idea where he'd gotten to. His bike was in the garage, so he couldn't have gone for a ride…Finally, she found her way to the rear part of the mansion. She found a small room and crossed it. On the other side was a door. She opened it, and to her immense surprise, saw Logan sitting in a small chapel, praying. She gasped to herself, wondered what he was doing, then stopped and smiled. She slowly closed the door and retreated. It didn't matter why he was praying. The point was, he was. She shook her head in disbelief.
Logan was an atheist. He'd said that before. Why was he praying? It didn't make sense, but somehow it seemed right. Logan had been through hell, and he needed all the help he could get. Maybe he'd finally come to love God. Rouge shrugged mentally.
As she went on her way to bed, she passed Kurt in one of the halls. He seemed a little sad. As she passed him, her eyes noted the cross around his neck. She'd seen it before a hundred times. He always wore it. He was a devout Christian, so it made sense. Kurt was Christian... Something suddenly crossed her mind. She smiled at her own realization.
She stopped dead and grabbed Kurt around the chest, pulling him into a gentle hug. Kurt paused and looked down, confused. "Vhat did I do to deserve zis?" he asked, still confused but pleasantly surprised. Rouge wasn't very physical. This was out-of-character for her.
She closed her eyes and smiled. "Can't ah just hug yah cause I want tah?" she asked. Thank you, Kurt. Thank you, honey.
Kurt shrugged. "Um, ja. Sure," he mumbled. What did I do? He thought to himself.
Rouge squeezed him tighter. Somehow, Kurt had gotten Logan to pray, something Logan needed to do but never did. She didn't know how he'd done it, but it really didn't matter. For her, everything was oddly right, and that seemed like reason enough to give someone a hug.
This was really fun to write. Hope everyone liked it! This is the first religious-y thing I've written, so I hope it wasn't too overpowering or anything. R&R.
-The Ember Raven