You know the disclaimer drill :)
"John, seriously, you're pissed."
John Watson drunkenly shook his head, from where he was lying on the floor, "Noooo, 'mnot."
His former army pal laughed as he hauled him back onto his chair, "Yes, you are. Come on, lets get you home."
"Mmmm, don' wannnaaa..."
"Where do you even live?"
John's face contorted in confusion, "Ah... Ahhh dunno."
Sighing, he tried again, "Okay, so, do you want me to call someone?"
At this, John's face split into a wide, relatively wonky, grin, "Yeah!" He cheered, "Sheeeeerrrrly!"
He dug John's phone out of the man's pocket, "Well," he said, flicking through his contacts, "There's no 'Sheeeeerrrrly'. Or 'Shirly' for that matter."
"Yea', there isssssssssss," John said sloppily, "Sherrrrly's allllways there!"
"There's a 'Sherlock'."
"YEAH!" John shouted, startling half the bar, "Dat's mah Sherrrrly!"
"Right, okay then," He pressed the green call button and held the phone to his ear.
"Not quite, I'm John's friend, Sergeant Jones."
"John is, for lack of a better word, pissed."
"Is he alright?"
"Oh, yeah, he's fine. Oh, hold on. John! Stop singing to that man's hat, and give it back! Sorry, anyway, he seems to have forgotten where he lives, and I wouldn't trust him to get a cab when he's like this."
"So, I was wondering if you could come fetch him."
"Where are you?"
"The pub at the end of Walkland Terrace."
"Oh, that's not too far. Good. I'll be there soon."
He hung up, "On his way!"
John, who was currently hugging a chair and proclaiming his love to it looked at him and smiled, "Yayyyyyyyyyyy!" He said, "Mah Sherrrly! Hehehe!" He hiccuped, and giggled, "Ooo! Tha's funneh!" He hiccuped again and fell to the floor, "Hehehehehe..."
After couple of minutes of hiccuping/giggling John looked blearily towards the door as a tall, thin man walked in.
"SHERRRRRRRRRRRLY!" John yelled happily.
"Ah," The man said, "I see what you mean by pissed. Hello, John."
"Haaiiiyah Sherrrly!" John scrunched his face up in a smile, "Wha're youuu doin' here?"
"I've been asked to take you home," Sherlock turned to Sergeant Jones.
"Hi," he said.
"Hello," Sherlock said, "How's he been?"
Jones laughed, "Like a child high on sugar. He's proposed to that chair at least five times in the last ten minutes."
"Hellllooooo Sherrrrrly!" John said again, hugging Sherlock's leg, "Wha' arrre you doin' here?"
Sherlock looked startled for a moment before shaking his head, "Come on you," he said, trying to pull John off his leg, "Get off."
"Nooooooo!" John said, "I dun' wannnna..."
Sherlock sighed, hauling John too his feet and letting him lean against his shoulder, "Let's get you home. I set the microwave on full, and I do not want those eyeballs exploding again."
At the Sergeants startled look, Sherlock smiled, "Experiment. Thanks for calling. I'll make sure he gets home safely."
The Sergeant nodded his thanks, "Okay. Bye John."
"Buhhhhbaiiiii!" John giggled.
Shaking his head again, Sherlock half carried John out of the pub and to the awaiting taxi outside.
"Baker street please."
The cabbie nodded and drove them home.
Sherlock heaved John up the stairs and into the flat.
"Right," He said, "First thing's first," he directed John to the sofa, "Stay there while I check on the microwave."
"Okaii, Sherrrly!" John slumped down on the sofa, "buh, I wanna watch tewwe."
Sherlock laughed, "Oh, no. You're not watching television. I'm checking on the microwave and then you're going straight to bed."
"Buh Sherrrrly! I wanna-"
"No," Sherlock said firmly, "Straight to bed."
"Fine," John huffed, before slumping further into the sofa and beginning to sing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'.
"Oh my, owwwwwwww..." John moaned as he woke up the following morning, head pounding.
He looked around, Okay, right room. He glanced at his body, clad in pajamas, right clothes...
The door creaked open, "Ah, you're awake," Sherlock smiled as he entered, "How are you feeling?"
John groaned, "Terrible. What happened?"
Sherlock's brow rose, "You went out drinking."
"I know that," John said, "I mean what did I do this time?"
John nodded slightly, "Last time I, apparently, yelled a door for walking into me, hugged a random stranger, asked said stranger if he was my mother and licked a guys' shoe."
Sherlock grimaced, "Well... You sang to a mans' hat, proposed to a chair about five times, hugged my leg and refused to let go, threw a cushion at the wall for talking too loud, kissed my skull and named the smiley face on the wall 'Diego'."
John groaned, "Really?"
Sherlock nodded, "That's most of it."
"Most of it?" John yelped.
Sherlock shrugged, "You also stroked the curtain and called it 'honey'. And I believe there's now a moustache drawn on the back of the union jack cushion."
"Oh, my God... Please tell me that's all."
Sherlock thought for a moment, "I think so... Oh! Wait. You also called Lestrade and told him how much you loved him and couldn't wait to see him again."
John's eyes widened, "Crap."
"I should warn you that he probably recorded it."
"Oh, and apparently my name is 'Sherrrrrrly!' not 'Sherlock'."
John covered his face with his hands, "Oh God."
Boredom normally creates good wall shooting time, but this time, it was writing :)