Jazz Hands

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Transformers. I should think that rather obvious with my college-induced poverty and all.

Warnings: Slight spoilers for the Transformers movies and the Soul Society Arc, Crackish, Language, Dubious humor

AN: Part four of the Of Mechs and Monsters series.

This one is for Dracoqueen22 since she requested another part.

Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni wasn't sure how, but he knew the damn robot was to blame. Though come to think of it, most of the problems in his life now revolved around that metallic menace.

When the robot wasn't being an annoying presence that sent Yamamoto's blood pressure rocketing by his mere proximity, he was flushing Kurotsuchi down the sewers. Of course, that was in between shoving souls through the gates of hell but right before using his cannon in training sessions. Which was after helping the Karakura kids invade Hueco Mundo yet again, assisting Urahara's demented plans, while somehow still engaging in an on-going tag battle against Shihouin Yoruichi. And did Yamamoto even have to mention those so-called play dates with Zaraki that leveled half the city and surrounding countryside?

That didn't even cover half of it.

Like the near riot after the latest Manliest Man Contest.

Or Kurotsuchi ending up in the drinking water and then Abarai's already occupied shower.

Or the Kuchiki siblings impromptu vacation.

Or the women of Seireitei traversing the city like a giggle pack of lovesick teenagers.

Or the haori Yamamoto was still mysteriously missing, along with several inches of his beard.

Or all the toys Urahara suddenly had in his possession.

Or that thing Soifon now wore on her face that she claimed was a smile.

Or Unohana's new hairstyle; she claimed to like it. But that was beside the point!

The robot was a menace. A monstrous, metallic menace. Who was somehow loved by all of Seireitei, their allies from the living world, and probably Aizen and his traitors, too.

Yamamoto was determined to put a stop to it. Somehow. Some way. Eventually. After their latest crisis. Or maybe the one after that. Or after that one. In the future. When he got to it.

One day!


His fingers tightened around his cane, but Yamamoto forced his hand to relax as he finally acknowledged all the captains and lieutenants in front of him. And now, the damn robot was making him forget himself, too. Even in the middle of yet another crisis.

"We have a situation," Yamamoto stated gruffly then, and his eyes went around the room.

All the gathered captains save Zaraki straightened, while the leader of the eleventh division merely cracked his neck. The lieutenants were more professional, but the robot was glaringly obvious as he stood quietly behind Jyuushiro, even while doing nothing more than tapping his hands together and fiddling with his fingers.

Yamamoto just made himself not look that direction.

"A breach was made an hour ago to the gates of hell," the old man continued, voice dire and full of implications.

That was met by stunned shock. Even Kuchiki seemed flabbergasted, though he hid it well. Zaraki didn't even bother; he just let out a low whistle. Meanwhile, Jyuushiro and Shunsui exchanged a weighted glance with each other and then Unohana. Komamura was quiet but clearly thinking hard. Hitsugaya crossed his arms over his chest, and Soifon's eyes narrowed. The others seemed unsure how to react, but the robot remained seemingly impassive behind his visor. Still flicking his fingers and moving his hands as if almost to music.

"Souls escaped from hell?" Kira finally managed, but it was almost numbly.

The others voiced similar questions. The robot, however, remained silent. Considering almost. Contemplative. One hand near his chin now.

Yamamoto fought not to glare.

"One soul in particular," the old man clarified. "A newcomer there. But a particularly devious and malicious individual. One who cannot be allowed free and must be found and apprehended at all costs. He has already tried to enslave the living world once before; he will undoubtedly do so again."

Now, Yamamoto felt the weight of the robot's blue gaze upon him. He could practically see the wheels turning in that metal head, and he knew that the damn thing had figured it out. A fact that was soon cemented as he clapped a fist into his open palm and then pointed.

"Megs!" the robot half-shouted, half-supplied helpfully.

Yamamoto ignored him. He was the only one.

"You know this criminal?" Kuchiki asked, but his tone was more regretful than disdained.

And didn't that irritate Yamamoto even more that Kuchiki liked damn thing, too.

"Yep. Sure do," the robot said with a cheerful grin and flick of his hand as if this were an everyday occurrence. "He killed me."

That earned him a slew of wide eyes and a sorrowful look from Jyuushiro. Yamamoto just tapped his cane with agitation.

"But I did send him ta hell in the first place," the robot added after a round of sympathy, "so I guess it evens out."

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" Soifon questioned, but her tone was softer than usual. Almost fond.

Yamamoto felt his eyes become slits.

"Probably back to his forces," the robot decided and brought a hand to his chin again. "Serious bad guys, those bots. They undoubtedly helped spring 'im in the first place."

"Living souls freed a dead one?" Komamura asked with obvious astonishment on his furry face.

Down from him, Kurotsuchi seemed almost gleeful at the mere idea, but he wilted and cringed back when the robot glanced his direction.

Which was at least one point in his favor, Yamamoto supposed.

"It wouldn't be the first time with my kind." The robot offered a shrug. "Ya guys haven't even met Prime yet. He supposedly disappears or dies and comes back like every other day. I'm not surprised that Megs found a way ta cheat."

No one seemed sure how to reply to that. Not even Yamamoto. In fact, he felt his own mouth close and then open and then close again.

Eventually though, Jyuushiro coughed and spoke up.

"Jazz, do you think he'll attempt to take over the living world again? There's no telling what his time in hell has done to him mentally. If he's even capable of rational thought anymore."

Shunsui tipped his head back. "He's probably even more dangerous now than he was before."

"Not to mention mad as hell," Hitsugaya muttered under his breath.

There was a snicker the robot didn't even bother to cover up. Yamamoto felt an eyebrow twitch.

Thankfully, Unohana brought them back in line just in time.

"Jazz-fukutaichou, do you have any idea how to stop him?"

The robot considered that before brightening suddenly. He tucked his arms behind him in a way that wasn't suspicious at all. Not at all.


"Oh… I've a few ideas."

Even Jyuushiro gave him a skeptical look.

"Like what?" Shunsui inquired as he stared straight up.

The robot just grinned.

Ever Hopeful,