Title: Guy Talk
Characters: Blaine, Mike, Puck, Finn; Blaine/Kurt context
Genre: Awkward tiems, angst, oneshotDisclaimer: Glee is not mine, no money is being made
Spoliers: up to S3 E6
Author's note: Written for a prompt in the glee-awk-meme on livejournal.
Word Count: 1300
Summary: The awkward moment when Blaine realized all his McKinley friends made the same assumption about his physical relationship with Kurt.
As they finished up the number, Blaine felt really good about the dance moves he and Mike had come up with. During his time as a Warbler, Blaine hadn't had many opportunities to just let it out and dance like a crazy person. It was always precise or - barring that - good, clean fun. "Hot for Teacher" was a different sort of song altogether - rougher, dirtier, sexier.
"Yeah!" Puck cried, swinging his electric guitar onto his back and holding up his arms for high-fives. "We totally owned that bitch!"
After high-fiving Puck, Mike collapsed onto the couch in the Hummel-Hudson basement, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he said, "Take a break for a bit before we run through it once more? I had an idea about the fifth bar of the chorus."
Finn groaned and Puck rolled his eyes, but nodded, while Blaine sat next to Mike and asked, "What is it? I thought we were pretty awesome!" It was fun, making friends with these guys. Before today, he'd really only felt comfortable around Finn (despite the weird vibe he'd been getting from him since transferring to McKinley), but music was the great equalizer, wasn't it? Puck wasn't as bad as he first appeared and Mike was a really nice guy. Plus, none of them seemed to care that he was gay, unlike all the friends he'd made before coming out in public school.
"Well, see," Mike began, finding his water bottle on the floor and taking a big swig, "Tina really likes seeing me dance, and I figure if we add in a few more pelvic thrusts..." He lifted his eyebrows suggestively, so it was clear exactly how appreciative Tina would be.
Puck laughed and held out his fist for Mike to bump. "Glad I could help out, bro. At least one of us is getting laid."
Behind them, Finn cleared his throat and looked up at the ceiling, the picture of forced nonchalance. This seemed to mean more to Puck than it did to Blaine because Puck cried, "Holy shit, man! Rachel actually put out?"
"Maybe," Finn replied with a half-shrug and a smirk that silently said, "Hell yes!"
"Dude!" Puck cried gleefully. "How was it? Tell me everything. Every nasty detail."
Finn balked, crying, "No! Puck, I'm not going to relive having sex with Rachel just so you have something to jerk off to!"
Mike laughed loudly at the exchange and Blaine couldn't help but join him, especially when Puck begged, "Just tell me what position! Doggy-style?" He mimed the act for a few pelvic thrusts before leaning back against the couch, imaginary hips in his hands. "Cowgirl? Reverse cowgirl?"
"No!" Finn cried, getting up from behind his drums to punch Puck on the arm. "Quit it, Puck!"
"Good," Puck grinned, rubbing his arm. "Reverse cowgirl is so not for beginners. I know this guy who was doing this big chick, right? And she totally broke his dick with reverse cowgirl. Snapped it."
Blaine winced with the rest of the guys, fighting the urge to set a protective hand over his crotch. Wanting to join the conversation, Blaine asked, "You sure that was your friend who got injured having sex with a larger girl? What size was Lauren, again?"
Puck got a little flustered, which made Mike and Finn both break into hysterical laughter. "You broke your dick?" Mike asked loudly.
"What?" Puck cried. "No! I can neither confirm nor deny-" Blaine was laughing so hard he was having trouble breathing, and he was pretty sure Finn was crying legitimate tears. "Shut up! It's better now!" Puck insisted, rounding on Blaine. "At least some of us have had the opportunity to break our junk. How's virginity working out for ya?"
Blaine wanted to be offended, but he was just so amused and so inexplicably at ease that he smirked a little before rolling his eyes to the ceiling and whistling innocently.
"No!" Mike cried in shock, sitting up straighter on the couch, his jaw dropped. "You and Kurt…?"
Taking his cue from Finn, Blaine shrugged and smirked, but kept his mouth shut. He was super excited about the way his relationship with Kurt had been developing, but that didn't mean he wanted to cheapen it by gossiping with Kurt's friends. However, some part of his pride didn't want to be mistaken for a virgin when he wasn't one anymore.
"Dude, is Kurt's ass as tight as it look-?"
"Puck!" Finn cried, cutting him off. "Not cool, man! What are you doing even thinking about…?"
"I dunno," Puck shrugged defensively. "It's been a long couple months and my brain goes to weird places when I ain't getting any."
"Weird places?" Finn cried. "That's beyond weird. That's-" Finn's eyes cut over to Blaine as he stopped talking, like he'd just barely prevented himself from saying something offensive. "Besides, why would Blaine want to tell us about that? It's private, right?"
"Well…" Blaine shrugged, thinking it was private, but also, "it's not like I would know."
A confused look spreading across his face, Puck pointed out, "But you just said that you and Kurt have done it. Unless you're trying to count oral - which is totally against the rules - you're still a virgin."
"I'm not," Blaine insisted, feeling his face heat up a little. "Look, as fun as it is having you guys assume stuff about me, shouldn't we run through the song a couple more times before we do it tomorrow?"
"Okay, sure," Mike said, jumping up from his seat. "Let's add that move, huh?" Mike demonstrated what he wanted and Blaine imitated him, but Mike frowned. "No, not quite. Look, this is a sexy move, right?" Blaine nodded and Mike continued, "So just picture having Kurt in front of you and-" Mike rolled his hips and it dawned on Blaine that Mike made the same assumption that Puck had.
"Kurt's not a girl," Blaine blurted out, taking a deep breath the keep a lid on the awkward anger that made his cheeks heat up.
"I know that," Mike nodded slowly, studying Blaine's face. "I'm sorry, did I...?"
"Oh, my freaking god!" Puck cried, mouth open in shock.
"What?" Finn asked and Mike threw his friend a questioning glance, too.
"Didn't know Hummel had it in him," Puck shrugged. Then he chuckled all of a sudden, "Or vice versa, huh, dude?"
Blaine rolled his eyes and said, "C'mon guys. Let's just get back to rehearsing, alright?" He hated how warm his face felt under his companions' scrutiny and the fact that at least two of them had assumed-
"Wait, really?" Finn asked, just as they were about to start the song. "When you and Kurt ... you're the one ... you know?"
"Why do you all think otherwise?" Blaine cried, starting to get frustrated and embarrassed and thinking maybe he should just leave before he really got pissed off. "Because Kurt is a little more effeminate than I? That has nothing to do with anything!"
Yeah, okay. It was time to go. Grabbing up his jacket, Blaine called over his shoulder, "I'll see you guys later." He wished Kurt was home - in his room just upstairs - because he rely felt like he could use a hug. The homophobia at McKinley was definitely present, but somehow Blaine had expected more from the guys in glee club. Like maybe for once, there wouldn't be this sterotype they would expect him to live up to.