Haah! I wrote a story. Even though I am supposed to be studying for my NEWT-equivalent exams.

For those of you who have read Quidditch and Rose Pancakes, you will find that this has a similar writing style as there were a few requests that i turn it into a sort of 'series'. Well, it's not a continuation, but it's an alternative.

Have fun, yo.

Oh and: I do not Harry Potter or any of the characters, places or objects or any other world referenced here. I just own the plot and strange ramblings. (Yay!)


I stare determinedly at my copy of Death Omens: What to Do When You Know the Worst Is Coming.


'If you see the reflection of a candle upon a wall facing north,' read the book. 'you are in grave danger and must contact a skilled healer to expunge your soul of evil influences-'


A hand grabs the book by its spine and flings it bodily across the room. I gape at the moron sitting across from me, debating whether I can afford to lose precious seconds hexing him into oblivion.

"What in the name of Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim is wrong with you, Potter?" I snap, accio-ing the abused book before Madam Pince can spot school property being defiled. Luckily she's quite busy at the moment with Filch, the ancient caretaker.

"Ohh, Argus," her voice carries to our table. "You shouldn't have, you naughty boy!" she purrs, flicking a blushing Filch on the nose with a feather-duster.

Al and I gag simultaneously and look away, shuddering.

"Rose, why are you reading that blasted book? You're going to start seeing nonexistent omens everywhere and then I'll have to owl James and the both of us will have to hold an intervention and tie you to a chair again like that time in fourth year when you tried to steal Lysander Scamander's underpants-"

I shush him and look around shiftily. A few seventh years are glaring in our direction but no one seems to have overheard. "Will you," I grab Death Omens, "shut the bloody hell up!" I smack Albus bodily across the face with the 400 page book, breathing furiously. "I was under the influence of a love potion! And guess who gave it to me? Oh yeah, your best buddy."

Albus who is massaging his head tenderly, adjusts his spectacles and glares at me. "Who, may I remind you, up until 23 hours ago was your best friend as well?"

"Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy was never my best friend!" I huff immaturely and snap open the book in my hands, glaring blankly at the pages.

"Right," Al drawls, sounding infuriatingly like the blond bastard who I will hate forever and ever and- "And that's why you burst into tears that time in second year when he said your hair looked like carrots and that he was allergic to carrots and was therefore, allergic to you?"

Dammit. I thought he'd forgotten about that.

"The past is dead, Potter." I say imperiously, invoking the power of last-name calling. "Leave its mangled corpse where it lays instead of dragging it up every time you open your mouth."

I force myself to focus on the words of the text in my hands. '…spirit-guides are often ghouls who bored with their state of limbo seek to wreak havoc upon gullible witches and wizards. If your spirit guide makes vague sucking noise every few seconds, you are probably going to die.'

I mean, I can't believe he did that! I can't believe Scorpius actually did that! This is what happens when you invest your faith in someone who is not in possession of a little something called tact. Or a brain.

I always knew he was a dumbarse. Can't believe he told everyone I-

"Well, hello children."

I rearrange my features into the scariest glare known to wizardkind and look up slowly, like that man in those muggle films grandpa is always watching. "Malfoy," I say icily. "Leave."

The hopeful grin on his face falters for a second- and then turns into a smarmy one.

"Now, now, Rose. You can't still be mad at me. I mean, it's been a whole day and-"

But at this point, I lose it completely and fling the poor book in my hands at his infuriating face. He ducks and it flies over his head, hitting Argus Filch right on the 'noggin.


Okay. I'm in trouble now.

Maybe I can just discreetly slip out and-

"ROSE WEASLEY!" screeches an enraged Madam Pince. "DETENTION!"


I cannot believe this! I simply cannot believe this!

I tell this to the portrait next to me. "Unbelievable, this is!" I declare, pounding my fist into my palm to emphasise my point.

"Atrocious!" he agrees, lolling about on top of his horse. "You must fight these curs, my dear girl! That spattergoit of yours ought to scare them away! Not to mention, that red beast atop your head."

He looks utterly fascinated by me, as if I've only just escaped from St. Mungo's, broken into Hogwarts and am now demanding they free the Crumple Horned Scorkack before I kill everyone within a ten-mile radius.

"It's just not fair," I say, shaking my head sadly. "She more or less threw me out of the library and just tittered at Al and Malfoy! I mean, can you believe that? Isn't it just-"


Sir Cadogan and I spin around and I nearly fall over. Sir Cadogan does fall over.

But I manage to keep my balance. Which is highly fortunate because who else, other than Scorp- Malfoy, would be idiotic enough to follow me when I'm in one of my rages? I mean, it's not like I need to trip in front of the bloke again. One time is more than enough, especially considering he told everyone that I-

"Rose," he says. "Are you even listening to me?"


"Yes," I say automatically. "No," I amend. "No I am not. You do not deserve to be listened to, you-you-"

"Filthy mongrel?" suggests Sir Cadogan helpfully.

"Yes!" I say. "You do not deserve to be listened to, you filthy mongrel!"

Ouch. Okay that's a bit harsh. I feel slightly guilty now.

Scorpius, on the other hand, raises his eyebrows coolly, not looking offended in the slightest. "Come now, Rose," he says, tone placating, as if I'm a vicious hippogriff. Or, you know, an escapee from the mental ward up at good ol' St. Mungo's. "This is childish. Surely, being mature sixteen year olds, we can get past this silly behavior and forgive and forget, eh?"

"You," I say, planting one hand on my hip and pointing accusingly at him with the other, "are full of shit. What you did was the most immature thing I have seen since, uhh, since Al set fire to Jiminy Davies' eyebrows because he laughed at him when he fell into the gravy bowl during dinner!"

"That was last week," Scorpius points out.

"So what!" I snap hotly, feeling myself flush.

Dammit! Why is everything I say so stupid? I may be book-smart but that's about as far as it goes. Thanks Dad, you've managed to corrupt even the infallible Granger Genius Gene.

Okay, okay, why is Scorpius walking towards me now?

"Stop walking!" I threaten, holding up a finger warningly. Where the hell did I put my wand?

Not that I'd attack him. Probably...

Oh, who am I kidding, if I had my wand, he'd be a heap of jelly on the floor by now.

"Rose," Scorpius puts his hands on my shoulders and I'm so startled by this that I jump straight out of his grasp, stumble over my own feet, and fall over backwards with all the grace of a ninety-nine year old ballerina.

I spring up instantly, pushing my skirt down and glare at him. He looks like he's trying really hard not to laugh.

"Not. A. Word." I hiss, jabbing him in the chest.

"I wasn't-"


"I was just-"


"Rose, really-"

"Dobby's aunt!" I say desperately. Why won't he shut up before I go and say something really stupid?

"I've already seen-"

"Firenze's dreamy blue eyes!" I blurt out.

Like that. Just like that.

Scorpius falls silent, blinking at me a little bemusedly. It's a little funny actually…never seen him look quite so hapless before. Ooh, but there was that time that- okay, shutting up. No trips down memory lane. Absolutely not. Nuh uh. Not for this witch.


I clap a hand over his mouth in desperation and shove him into the wall. "Shut up! For the love of Merlin, shut up! Tell me you saw nothing!"

He mumbles something into my hand and I realize how awkward this is of me. I mean, I have the bloke pinned to a wall with my hands over his incredibly soft li-

Okay. Time to go.


I am hiding in the girl's dormitory.

He knows the password to Gryffindor Tower unfortunately. Goodness knows what I was thinking, telling it to him in the first place. Probably something along the lines of 'Oh, hey! Scorpius Malfoy, my best and also most attractive friend, is so absolutely trustworthy that if I ever, say, trip in front of him and expose my underwear, surely the last thing he will ever do is tell Peeves the Poltergeist that my panties have a picture of Snape on them.'

Yup, that's exactly what I was thinking. Foolish, foolish child. So very naïve.

And okay, the only reason I was even wearing those was because I was running late in the morning and they were just lying there right on top of the pile and hello, I only own them because Dominique gave them to me as a gag. It's not as if I have a thing for dead potions-masters. I mean, he's my cousin's namesake!


I pull my bed hangings closer together, paranoid that Scorpius will somehow magically drop in through the roof or something.

But I'm just being ridiculous. I mean, the roof? Really, Rose? Really?

He'd have to be like that girl in that movie about mutants or something. The one who keeps falling through floors and stuff. Haah, that'd be so ridic-


I clamp a hand over my mouth, still screaming as my bed hangings are ripped apart, revealing the outline of an imposing figure, surely here to stab me to death….

"Rose! Shut up!" the figure whispers harshly, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me a little.

"Scorpius?" I say incredulously. "How'd you get through the roof?"

"The-what? I don't know what you're talking about. Listen, we need to talk."

"How'd you get in here?" I demand, nervously pulling my comforter up to my chin. "It's illegal! What kind of rule-breaking, girl-molesting prefect are you anyway?"

He sits down on the edge of my bed and I scoot away. Not to make room for him or anything. Just to get away from him. Because he's all, you know, all repulsive. And stuff. Not attractive at all.

"Please!" He says, rolling his eyes. Even though it's too dark for me to see his eyes, technically. Still I can tell that he's doing it. "Scorpius Malfoy doesn't molest girls. Girls molest Scorpius Malfoy."

"Git," I mutter audibly.

He ignores this.

"Listen, I didn't mean to tell Peeves about your Snapanties alright? It just happened."

"Stop calling them Snapanties!"

This is what everyone has been calling my underwear recently. I am 'The Snapanty Girl' and it's all thanks to this blithering idiot in front of me.

"Right," he mutters. "Sorry. As I was saying-"

"How'd you get in here?" I demand suspiciously.

I spring out of bed and move around the edge, looking for my wand.

It must have been something really devious. I mean, boys have been trying to get into girl's dormitories since like, the Dark Ages. He must have had to use some sort of spell on the staircase or something. Or maybe he really did slither in through the walls. Probably the Intangibility Potion, takes about an year to-

"Broomstick," Scorpius says idly. "I flew in through the window."


"I knew that," I say, trying to sound indifferent. "You know, broomsticks, whatever."

I finally find my wand, tucked into Most Potente Potions. Forgot I'd been using it as a bookmark…

"Look, Rose," he tries again. "I'm trying to be mature about this, I really am. I didn't mean to tell Peeves about your Sn- uhm, your knickers. I was just telling Al and he happened to overhear."

"You were telling Al?"

Oh Merlin, I am so scandalized right now.

I round on him, wand still in my hand.

Scorpius laughs nervously. "Al? Did I say Al? I meant, Mal. Like, Malfoy. That's me," he clarifies.


"Anyway, so what I'm trying to say is, you know, sorry. For being a git."

Wow. He apologized. That almost never happens. Last time he apologized after pulling a prank was like, in third year and only because I punched him in the face.

But then, being Scorpius, he goes on to add, "Not that I did it on purpose…" under his breath.

"Urgh! Take your broomstick and your half-arsed apology and leave, Scorp! I have stuff to do. I don't have time to deal with you and your stupid fan-club all laughing at me because they're all like 'ohh, but did you flash Scorpius, Snapanties? Because he so would never see your knickers anytime else!'"

Scorpius chokes out a laugh and turns it into a cough, but I catch it anyway. "They said that?"

"Yes," I glower at him. Did they say that? Hell, yeah. There's a bunch of Scorpius-obsessed females running around in Hogwarts, I am ashamed to say. They keep giggling at him and Al from between bookshelves and from behind cauldrons and all that. It's irritating to say the least.

"Well, you can tell them…they shouldn't bet on it."

"I-what?" I say, confused. What on earth is he blabbering on about now? Shouldn't bet on it? Who's betting? The only one who bets around here is Lucinda Bagman and she's insufferable. Always like 'la la money money money goblins yay!'

And bet on what? What is Scorp-

"Eep!" I squeak and drop my wand when I feel his fingers suddenly tipping my chin up. When did he get up? And what is he doing? I know he's not doing what I hope he's doing because that never happens. Trust me, I know, because this sort of thing has happened before. Not the chin-tipping, that's a new one. Physical contact, you know. Hugs and stuff.


Oh my God, he's so close I can actually feel his breath and it's all warm and doesn't smell terrible at all unlike Tom Finnigan's.

"What are you do-"

His lips brush against mine and I squeak again. It's like…oh Merlin, this is not supposed to be happening, is it? I mean, okay, so I may have fantasized about it once or twice….maybe a few dozen times…but that's only because I spend so much time with him, that's all. I mean, it's perfectly normal to entertain depraved thoughts about your fit male best friend, right? Right?

But then he steps back and the rush of cold air is like a slap. I hadn't even realized how warm he was.


"I-sorry," He says, sounding flustered. "I didn't mean to- I know you don't-Sorry."

Oh God, he's leaving.

He probably thinks I'm insane. Or maybe he's insane. Aargh, is this even happening? Or am I dreaming again? Because this has actually happened a couple of times in dreams. But that's nothing because I once had a dream about the giant squid where-

Woah, woah, waitaminute, he's picking up his broom and walking towards the window now and if I don't stop him then everything will be awkward forever and I will never get to kiss him! Ever!

In fact, this thought is so very terrifying, that I am emboldened by it to do something incredibly stupid.

"Oi! Scorp!" I yell, chucking my wand at the back of his head where it bounces off, emitting golden sparks and thankfully not setting fire to anything (especially him.) If I damage his hair, there will be consequences. And they will not be pretty.

"What the-"

I leap forward (No, seriously, I leapt. What is wrong with me!) and grab his shoulder, spinning him around.

And then I yank him downwards by his tie and I kiss him.

And clichéd though it may be, my wand isn't the only thing capable of producing golden sparks.

Merlin, I love being stupid.


"SCORPIUS HYPERION MALFOY! I cannot believe you gave me Sirius Black Knickers for Christmas!"

"They're limited edition!"



Okay, well, hope you liked that.

And if you did, leave a comment, yeah? I love hearing from all you hunks of awesomeness. No, seriously. I do. I really really do.

Later, alligator.