Who is Steve? Well I didn't make him up. There are several artists and writers who have portrayed him. Steve is a joke, a fan-made character who worships and idolizes Starscream. Whenever Starscream abuses an eradicon, he's doing it to Steve and Steve doesn't even care. I'm crazy for eradicons so of course I'm smitten with Steve.

Also, I'm abandoning some TF terms in favor of human phrases and anatomy, just because I'm bored and I feel like it. You could say this story was made for my own amusement. It's going to get very dirty. Please enjoy.


Starscream was filthy. Maybe it wasn't obvious to someone else, but he knew it. He could feel the grit stuck in his seams and he could see the film of desert dust on his plating. He stared at the personal wash rack in his quarters. He looked from the shower head to the spray wand to the long stemmed scrubber and the sponge.

Finally his optics settled on the throbbing stub beneath his shoulder where his arm had been this morning. It had been one hell of a day. Starscream finally admitted to himself that he needed to find someone to lend a hand. Maybe there were some maimed mechs out there who could wash themselves with one arm, but fuck them. He wasn't used to it. He couldn't properly wash himself with one arm and he couldn't stay dirty forever. He wouldn't even get into his berth if he were half as grimy as he was now.

He went through the officers in his head, each presenting a different unappealing awkward conversation, not including Soundwave, of course. But he'd snap off his own heels before asking that slagger to get in the wash with him.

There was a knock at the door and Starscream sighed and called out without turning. "Enter."

The door opened and an eradicon stepped in holding a tray with a small cube of bluish-tinted energon. "Commander Starscream, here is your medicinal energon from Officer Knockout. His instructions are for you to notify him if you are still feeling pain tomorrow."

Starscream held out his hand. The eradicon jumped a little from where he stood at the door, realizing he should have come forward to hand it to him. Starscream took the cube from the tray and drank it down. He held the empty cube, still looking at the wash rack as he contemplated his predicament.

The medicinal energon began to work almost right away. The throbbing he had been trying to ignore ebbed into a light ache. Much better. As was expected with most medicinal energons, they came with a side effect or two. This one wasn't bad. There was a tingling of excess energy in his remaining hand, along the edge of his wings and in the tips of his feet and heels. It was nothing. He'd felt more of a buzz from a few sips of high grade.

He suddenly became aware of the eradicon still standing beside him. Starscream snapped. "What are you still doing here?"

"Waiting to dispose of your cube, Commander," the drone said.

"Oh right," Starscream said offhandedly as he dropped the empty cube on the tray. He glared at his wash rack as the eradicon left the room.

It only took one or two more seconds for him to realize his solution had just walked out of the room.

"Wait!" he shouted at the door. He rushed into the hall and looked both ways. The eradicon was gone. "Just wonderful."

He headed down the hall, through two sets of double doors to a narrower strip of hall. This was the eradicons' living area. The strip of halls here were the doors to their personal quarters. This area was comprised of a lighter grey metal and lit with white lights rather than the elegant purple illuminating the main hallways.

As he walked he noticed the continued energy from the medicinal energon, really making the bottoms of his feet and wing tips sensitive. He flexed his hand, trying to rid himself of the feeling.

Starscream continued on, surprised that he hadn't bumped into a single soldier. Finally he heard the sound of conversation and laughing. He stepped through a door and knew from the humidity and steam where he was going. He turned a corner to find the crowded public wash racks.

To be continued.