Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but Stephenie Meyers does. I do own Melvin and the story idea.

Summary: What starts out as your average hunting trip for Edward, takes a 360 turn into the Twilight Zone when he meets Melvin. One drunken talking vampire, one drunken talking moose, some reindeer and Santa, just your average evening in Forks.

This story I donated to the Toys for Tots compilation, but I will be adding to it and it will now be broken into chapters.

Moose on the Loose

Chapter 1 – Meeting the Moose


I knew I needed to hunt, but had been putting it off for days. I just didn't want to leave Bella's side. We were cuddling on her bed when I felt her fingers lightly tracing under my eyes. I was busted.

"Edward, when was the last time you fed? The circles under your eyes are very dark, as are your eyes sweetheart. I know that's not all lust in them," she grinned at me and I moved to kiss her fingers.

"It's been a bit, but I'm okay, really I am." Yeah, she was going to see right through that lie.

"No you're not. I don't want you starving yourself because of me. Why don't you ask Em and Jazz to go with you?"

"They just hunted a few days ago. I'll just go by myself and be back shortly." I leaned in and placed a searing kiss on her lips that left her breathless and me with some rising issues in my pants. Will I ever learn? Nope and don't care to.


I got up to leave, and discreetly adjusted myself, when Bella shot up out of the bed. She ran over to the window blocking my exit which confused me.


"I just thought I'd see you to the…er…door…window and give you a proper goodbye." She looped her arms around my neck and pressed herself against me. I tried to control myself, but that was pretty much a lost cause as I wrapped my arms tightly around her pulling her closer and crashing my lips against hers. She wriggled against me and I decided, ahh, what the hell only a few more weeks until the wedding, she has to know that I desire her.

I pulled back when I knew she needed to breathe, "That was one heck of a goodbye. I think I'd like that all the time." And hell if that wasn't the truth.

"Careful what you wish for, now get going so you can come back to bed with me," she waggled her eyebrows at me and I might have moaned.

I turned to leave out the window, when I felt her smack my ass, "Fuck," I yelped out in surprise and I heard her intake of breath with a very low, "wow sexy." Hmm, need to remember that.

She's going to be the death of me I swear. I quickly got myself out of there so I could get back to bed with my Bella as soon as possible. I smiled at that thought. I headed up into the eastward mountains figuring on getting something big so I didn't have to hunt again so soon.

I came across some deer which I had two for an appetizer. As I headed further up, I came across a large moose. I saw his eyes which look slightly glazed, weird; I guess he must be old. Didn't think moose got cataracts, huh, bet Carlisle be interested in that. Either way, I knew I had a great entrée laid out right before me. Now if I only can find a mountain lion for dessert, life would be sweet.

I stalked him in order to get the best vantage point. He didn't seem to be moving much, guess he really is old, so this is going to be merciful for him rather than suffer from who knows what before going to the great beyond. I quickly lined myself up and went in for the kill. I dropped him fast and easily, taking every drop of his life essence he had to offer. It was by far the most delicious moose I've ever had and I've had lots of moose when we lived in Alaska.

After burying the body, I began to search for a second entrée. I started running and had to slow down a bit, it was almost as if I felt dizzy. That can't be, it's impossible for a vampire to get dizzy.

I started thinking that Emmett would find this very funny and then I started giggling which turned into an all out laugh-fest which I had to sit myself down against a tree. I was trying to compose myself when I heard a voice.

"Pssfst, hey youse over dare."

"Whov's that? Where are youse?" I was starting to feel really good; I feel like dancin', dancin' 'cause I'm a dancin' machine. I hate that song why am I singing it in my head. I started laughing again.

"Melvin'zzz my name? Who'd youse?"

"I'm fl-Edward. Where dar you? Where was that voice coming from?"

"Up here in the tree? Thinks ya can help me down."

"How'd you get up there?"

"Long story."

"Okay, I'll just get up now. Hey can you give me a fl-hand, I can't seem to get up?"

"I would, but kinda stuck here Fl-Edward?"

"So now that wezze stufk here, howse ya tell me the story?"

"Well me and Harold were out ya know, just us guys. Emma is going to cut my balls off for this shit," I giggled at him.

"Whoze Emma?"

"That'd be my wife. You gotta wife?"

"No, nope, no wife, but a fiancée, soon be my wife. She's real pretty, eyes that are like pools of the finest chocolatte, beautiful long silky brown hair that I love running my fingers through. Yeah, I'd like to run my fingers all over her. I flove her so muuccch, my Bella."

"She's gonna have your balls."

"Naw, but I wouldn't mind if she fondled them some. Wonder if she'd want to suck on them. Yeah, I'd really like that, my cock too, yeah definitely that."

"You're lucky then. Emma hates Harold; he's always getting me into trouble. I should know better than to go out with him."

"Sounds like my brother Fl-Emmett. He always is doing weird shit and BIG trouble. Buttt he's a fun good guy and you'd never know it by looking at him; he's built like mountain, and do anything to protect his family. My odter bro Jasper nice guy, smart, likes to go along with Emmett sometimes, but always there if you'd need him. I flove them tons. So how'd you get up there?"

"I don't really know. One minute I was eating a ton of apples and the next I'm here in the tree. Maybe one of Santa's reindeer did this."

"You know Santa's reindeer? WOW?"

"Yeah, good friends with Blitzen, he's really cool. Some of the other's are stuck up hoity-toity, know-it-alls. I'm better than you; I'm a star because I'm on the Santa's team. Pffft, and Rudolf's wife, Clarice what a bitch nothing like the stories say. Rudy is cool, but Clarice has him by the short hairs."

"Hehehe, short hairs. So fl-airs Harold?"

"He wass down east I tink."

"OH, was he like yay big wit ten point antlers. Ifff that's him, I ate e'm, he was finger lickin' goodly de-lish, Seattle fried moose. HAHAAHAAAHHAAHA."

"Ya ate 'em? What's you?"

"I'm vampire; eat amimals, not people, we veggie family…ba-vegetarians."

"Huh, who would have thunk. You eat me?"

"Naaah, I like you. You're my friend, right?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm your friend."

"Well…Meldin…friends don't eat friends…moose are friends not foood."

"Cool Kedward. I like vampires, you're fuuunn. We can hang since Harold is dead and all."

"We can hang, I flove you, you're fun. Soo, you know Santa? Can we sing a Christmas song?"

"Yeah, I know Sssanta, big dude but strong, he can kick anyone's ass, but don't. It's Mrs. Claus you gotta watch out for; she kicked me in ass one time and that shit hurt."

"I wanna sing."

"Me too, anything but that Rudolph song."

"Yeah because he's stuck-up snob."

A/N: Please review and receive a cookie from Santa.

Mina Rivera made a fabulous banner for this story. You can view it at http:/ christmaswishescompilation . blogspot . com/p/teasers .html (remove the spaces)