A/N: In honor of the woman, who with such boldness and panache, began the genre of the Chuck musical mash-up, creating the instant classic, Chuck vs. the Sound of Music, here is a number from a favorite rock musical of mine, Purple Rain, in this case the titular song. Happy birthday, Quistie64!

I don't own a thing here except maybe the lyrics, and you can blame Frea for getting me to write those.

The stage is dark save for a single onion lamp shining from the back, filtering through a haze of smoke. Up from the floor arises a silhouette. It appears to be a child atop a motorcycle. Spot lights illuminate the figure, an Indian woman ... no ... a man with a Bay City Roller's hair cut and black eyeliner, wearing a purple crushed velvet suit and a white, high-necked tux shirt with white ruffles billowing from the lapels of the jacket. An errant lock of hair lays across his forehead as he fixes his troubled, smokey gaze on the audience. With a flick of his head and an effeminate cry, the lock is displaced. His title of 'the Ster that stirs Jeffster's drink' is well earned. The audience waits with baited breath.

"This song is dedicated to my father, Sunil Manohar Patel."

A chord sounds and the music begins.

o0o

[To the tune of Prince's Purple Rain]

I was never meant to stay here at the Buy More.

Destined for groupies bathed in champagne.

Only wanted just once to leave Mother's basement

A rock star god in pleather chaps I'll shriek this dark refrain

o0o

Hinjew Rain, Hinjew Rain

Hinjew Rain, it's Hebrew unchained

Hinjew Rain, manishevitz cascades

I only want to see you bathing in my Hinjew rain.

(Ew!)

(Go with it, Jeffrey; I'm rolling.)

o0o

I never really got much affection from Mother.

Spin the Wheel of Misfortune again.

You know I could never compete with my brother

So I drink down cosmos by the quart while bitching in quatrain

o0o

Hinjew Rain, Hinjew Rain

[Lester falls to his knees dramatically, searching the heavens]

Hinjew Rain, I suffer in vain

[Tears stream from his eyes]

Hinjew Rain, I bear so much pain

[His head sags from the weight of the world]

I play the tortured artist card so someday I'll get laid.

o0o

Jeff I know, I know, I know times are changing.

Your jellied brain has congealed into something new,

And it's creepy too.

All that fresh air has opened your mind

I think I better close it

Vera's carbon monoxide breath'll welcome you back again.

o0o

Hinjew Rain, Hinjew Rain

Hinjew Rain, the band needs a new name

(Not now, Jeff!)

If you know what I'm talkin' about up here,

Raise your hand. [No one does.]

Hinjew Rain, how 'bout Jeffster Airplane

(Shut up, Jeffrey!)

(Bring it home, Lester)

I only wanted to see you,

(Once more with emotion)

I only wanted to see you,

(How do you want to see them?)

Bathed in my Hinjew Rain.

(Seriously, Lester. Eww!)

[Music continues for another half hour even after everyone has left]